Shaun And Lea: Made for each other

We are having a baby!

San José

Three days ago

If there is a more terrifying feeling in a woman's life than when she finds out she is pregnant, I doubt it.
First, the shock of imagining that there is a person growing inside you. But this is an almost unreal, almost fantastical feeling. Then the shocks of concrete, palpable reality. The changes in your life, in your body. Nothing will be the same as before! And the size of it all is frightening!

"When? Why? What if?"

My brain was tracing the timeline of the months that followed after my decision to move back in with Shaun.
We had always been very responsible about our sexual routine, especially Shaun. Always cautious with condoms, insisting that I go to the gynecologist regularly.
I made it clear to him that I would not use other means of contraception than condoms. And Shaun accepted my decision because he knew the side effects that I was surely avoiding.
All contraceptive methods have a failure rate, and some can cause long-term fertility problems. I support you if you don't want to use them.
But maybe we forgot one day.
Shower baths! Yes, maybe on one of those occasions we were reckless.

All these questions flashed by. Sitting on the toilet, holding a pregnancy test, my distant eyes forgot for a moment what they were actually facing.
And the truth was there, two vertical pink lines crossing the transparent plastic.
Images of past, present and future came together in a single story created in the same second that the colors opened and began to represent the reality in front of me.
As a dramatic climax could not be missing, this one came with torrents of tears that I could not contain.

>>>

"When did you find out?"
"Two days ago." Remember the morning of the cyber attacks I asked you not to wait for me because I didn't feel well?"
"Yes, I remember. I offered you the medicine and you said that you had already taken it, but that you needed some time to feel better. "
"That's right. What happened was that I woke up that day feeling nauseous and everything, even the smell of your pancakes made me want to throw up."
"That's why you rejected the sandwich I brought for lunch, claiming you weren't hungry. "
"Yeah, my stomach only accepted energy drinks and two cereal bars.
But until then I hadn't suspected anything, I don't know. I think that the adrenaline of those hours allowed me to forget the nausea because only after all that tense time with the hackers and the winch of my car had passed did I finally get a full night's sleep.
But the next day, guess what? More nausea. I thought it might have been something I had eaten, but then I realized that my menstrual cycle for the month was late and this already set me off. At first I thought it was crazy in my head, but before leaving for work I went to the pharmacy and bought a pregnancy test."

" Why didn't you tell me anything? We could have gone to the hospital clinic for an examination."

"I did that, Shaun. But alone. Sorry, I was so nervous at the time. You were already gone and I supposed I wouldn't know how to react if you were here at the time. It wasn't fun! I couldn't stop crying."
"Did you take the exam?"
"Yes, as soon as I got to the hospital I went to the clinic.
With everything that happened next I didn't have the courage to check the results until a day later.
"Is that why you were crying in the bathroom when you came back from poker night with Dr. Glassman?"
"Yes."

A silence stretched on for a few minutes. Shaun and I sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the situation in which we were involved.
Shaun, pulling me close to him, wrapped an arm around me, held my hand, and said:
" We're going to have a baby, Lea."

I felt my heart warm, a relief to confirm what he already knew and expected from the man I love.
However, the still lingering fear had not taken away the doubts I had about myself and my ability to bear and care for a human being.
" I think we can have a baby yes, Shaun. But is now the right time? I don't know if I could handle something that big."

Shaun turned to look at me, a little confused.
"Don't you think we'd be good parents?"
"You do, you'd be a great dad. Loving, caring... I'm sure you would be an amazing father. But what about me, Shaun? Am I capable? Will I have the responsibility to raise a human being? Also, are we able to provide the support that a child needs? Will we be able to manage our finances so that she and her future will lack nothing? What about you? You will finish your residency in two years.
"We can open a savings account and start depositing now. We will also make a health insurance plan to baby and a spreadsheet for all the expenses we will have and if we make some adjustments and savings"
"Shaun"_ interrupted_"we can't decide now. We need to think more. There are so many things to consider, it's a decision that will change our lives completely. My life especially. We're talking about my time, my career. My body. What about you? How will this affect your career? You have a lot to ponder."

Shaun squeezed my hand a little tighter.

"All right, Lea. I agree that we need to think about it and I'll support whatever decision you make."

"Okay." I took his hand, rested my head on his shoulder, and together we sat in silence for long minutes, in unconditional mutual support, each answering our own inner calls.

"I need to check your pressure._ Shaun said almost in a whisper_ Blood pressure during pregnancy needs to be monitored."

"You're very thoughtful and responsible."

Shaun went away, came back with his little bag. He opened it, took out the device, stretched my arm, felt the pulse, adjusted the cuff, and with the greatest promptness and concentration performed the measurement.

"Your blood pressure is normal. Nothing to worry about_ He said as he put the device back in his bag."

"Good! And thank you for your attention, Doctor!"

"You're welcome."

"I pulled his face and kissed him."

"I think I need a shower."

"Okay. I'll fix us something to eat."

"Don't worry about me, Shaun! I'm not hungry."

"Okay. But you need to eat."

"A milk and cookies? Is that okay?"

"Okay. I think I'll have some too."

"But you can help me take a shower first. I'm exhausted and it wouldn't hurt to have an extra hand."

"Do you want to have sex in the shower?"

"Not.  This time I want us to take a nice bath and have a back rub. Do you think you can do it?"

"Yes, I think I can. And if it'll help you feel better, it'll make me feel better too."

"Thanks, Shaun!"

In the small stall of the bathroom, the water temperature properly adjusted and the soft touches between us, Shaun and I took off our clothes and got rid of the tensions of the last few days for a few minutes.