A/N: Warning mention of violence and rape
One Month Later
Elenora's Point of View
Nothing, I feel empty inside. All I want to do is be alone, but I can't, not with the voices in my head telling me it's all my fault. If I wasn't driving that day she would still be alive. Collin, Ryan and Maeve would still have their mother. All I can hear in my head is everyone saying it's my fault, they are telling the truth. If I wasn't here the Russians wouldn't have gotten to us, to Mom.
I hear the door to the bedroom but I don't have the energy to turn around to see who it is. I can never be alone, because if it isn't my thought bothering me, it one of them. Ever since I was rescued a few days ago they have been stopping in my room periodically trying to get leave my room, to eat, or even to open the blinds. I don't know why the bother with me, I'm a murderer, I killed their family. I feel the bed dip as someone sits down.
"Come on kiddo you have to get out of bed today. Please only for an hour. You'll regret it if you don't come with us to say our final good byes" Seamus says trying to comfort me. He's petting my hair like he did when I was younger as way to comfort me when I had a panic attack. I don't know how he still considers me a daughter, I don't know why I was even invited to Mom- Cathleen's funeral, it's my fault she's dead. In captivity I held out hope that she would be alive, waiting for me when I got home, I shouldn't have done that. I remember the day I returned, thinking my torture was finally over, just to find out she was dead
***
I was sitting in my dark prison cells, the darkness was the only thing I've known for the past month. I can barely move and everything hurts, you barely see my skin with all the blood that covers me. Every time I hear footsteps pass outside my room, I shake, scared that someone is going to enter, and everyday they do. They haven't come today so all I can do is wait here and anticipate. I suddenly hear gun shots off in the distance, I hope those are the Irish, but I can't know for sure, I have to prepare for the worst.
I wait minutes, and no one is here, I think all the guards have left to join the fight. That's all I have heard for the last few minutes, is the constant rain of gunfire. Suddenly the door is yanked open, I cower in fear expecting it to be one of the Russians, but instead it is Collin. He looks at me and a look of guilt flashes over his faces, as he pauses. He then moves to pull his jacket off his shoulders to give me a shred of decency.
"Shh, you're okay" he says to me as he hesitantly pulls me into a hug. I couldn't do anything besides cry, as he held me, cry for all the shit that has happened in the last month.
"Come on. Let's get out of here" he says as he starts to run with me down the hallway, I don't remember much, I blacked out the fighting. The next thing I vividly remember is when we got to the van, where I saw Ryan and Dad for the first time in a month. They both hugged me, as we started to drive away.
"We're we able to get Alexi?" Collin asks, sounding hopeful.
Dad looks at me with pity, before hesitantly answering his question, "No he must have gotten word and left before we arrived. I'm sorry kiddo, we will get him, make him pay for what he did to you and your mother"
Hearing my mother mentioned, I perked up. "Is mom a-at h-home, d-did s-she sur-survive?" I ask already knowing the answer, but still holding on to that last sliver of hope.
"No, I'm sorry by the time we got to the wreck, had already past" Collin says as he grabs my hand trying to offer comfort but it doesn't do anything, "but she's now in a better place"
That's when I broke down, I don't want her to be gone, I want her to be with me.
***
After Seamus leaves my room, I force myself to get ready for her funeral, I have to go, they waited for me to get back to hold it. The least I can do is go and apologize. After I put my black dress on and my shoes, I go to check myself in the mirror, before I see that it is covered, another reminder that she is dead. I walk down the stairs, the conversation everyone is having stops. As they all wait for me to take a seat at the table. As soon as I do make comes and hugs me, sitting on my lap. I don't deserve her love, but she doesn't understand how badly I messed up her life.
"So you're going to the funeral, Elenora?" Ryan asks with no emotion in his voice. He doesn't want me there, he didn't call me by the special nickname only he uses. He hates me, they all do. I don't have the energy to talk so all I do is nod.
"We will be leaving here in half an hour, first you need to eat" Dad says as he starts to pile food onto my plate. I hesitantly pick up my fork and shovel some food into my mouth. It tastes bland, nothing like her cooking. I think back to all the family meals we have had in this room, they will no longer be the same. As I think about that, I start to feel sick, but I eat the rest of my food. As soon as I finish I start to leave, I can't be in this room. A little hand grabs mine and I look down to see Maeve, with tears in her eyes.
"Please don't leave me too, please she begs" I sit back down, I try to be strong, like she told me to do before she died. I can keep it up, I can be with her family, at least until the funeral passes.
They carry on with their conversation as I sit there, I don't listen, I just sit, staring at the wall.
"Elenora" Dad says, snapping me out of my thoughts. "It's time to go, come one" I stand up and walk out to the car with everyone else. Dad is driving, while Collin is sitting next to him in the passenger seat, I take the window seat in the back to look at the world I couldn't see in the last month, while Ryan sits next to me and Maeve sits on the other side.
When we leave I notice there is a security car in front and behind us, on the ride there. Why couldn't they have been there before?
***
We finally arrive at the ceremony, as we all climb out of the car. As we go to sake our seats down at the front, getting stopped on the way several times with people offering their condolences.
After the a few minutes, the ceremony starts, but I don't listen to the ceremony, I don't want her to be gone. I only snap out of my thoughts when Ryan taps on my shoulder to ask me a question.
"We are about to start the readings from the Bible, do you want to read" I shake my head, in Catholicism the priest asks all family members to read a passage, but I don't deserve that honor nor do I think if I open my mouth words will come out. He nods his head and whispers something to Seamus.
The rest of the family steps up and reads something, even little Maeve who dad is holding. But I can't bring myself to. After their speeches, the close family all walks outside to bury her. It's where all the Walshes are buried.
The casket is lowered, and each family member picks up a shovel and throws dirt on. When it's my turn, Dad hesitantly looks at me, thinking I won't, but I take the shovel out of his hand, I need to do this. As I poor the dirt on her coffin I quietly mumble, "I'm sorry Mamma"
The rest of the ceremony continues as we say our final goodbyes before we walk away to head back to the house. As we start to walk, Ryan pull me to the side to say something to me in private.
"I'm worried about you Nora. I don't want you to go back to the house and hide away again. Maybe a change of scenery would be good, maybe see new people. Meet up with Luke, he might be a good excuse to get out of the house. Go with guards, and I will cover for you with Dad" he says encouraging me. I have been silent all week, almost all month, but what he just said me loose it.
"Go see Luke?" I ask Ryan with rage in my voice. He gives me a shocked expression that I finally talked. "How do you think the Russians knew who to target, where I was going to be, how to avoid being caught by the Irish for a month! It was Luke! I brought him into my Life and he betrayed me! It's all my fault Mom is dead, I did that! All because I let my emotions be the best of me. All because I was hung up on some stupid boy! I scream, I let all my anger out. I thought back to when I first saw the he betrayed me.
Everyone is looking at me in shock, I don't know what to do, so I run and hide.
***
I wake up with a headache, confused on where I am, until it hits me, I've been kidnapped. I frantically try to stand up, but I can't, I tired to a chair and can't move.
"Don't try to move doll, you won't be able to escape." A voice says with a thick Russian accent. He steps out from behind me, and then I recognize him, Alexi, leader of the Russian mafia. I start to panic even more than before, my breathing becoming even more erratic. He leans forward his mouth close my ear, and his touching mine.
"Your struggles only turn me on" he says before licking my ear, making me shudder. He only laughs and starts to rub his fingers up and down my thigh.
"I can see why Luke likes you" he says. My brows furrow in confusion, and he takes not of this standing up, and snaps his finger signaling something to his men. Out of the darkness comes Luke. No this can't be happening, was all he ever said just to get me here"
"Luke's my son" and all my worst fears about him are confirmed. Thinking about our last encounter it makes more sense now, he was trying to warn me, maybe he can help me. I'm snapped out of my thoughts when Alexi starts to talk again.
"I'm going to have my fun with you" he says as he start to take off his belt. I look over at Luke pleading him to help me, but he just stands there.
He stood there the entire time with regret on his face, but he never helped. The entire rest of the month, as I was tortured and raped, he just stood there and watched.
***
Why must all these things happen to me? I ask, just how I have asked time and time again. There's no rhyme or reason, I just always seem to loose.