A/N obligatory disclaimer that Loki's not in this one. it's another Christmas gift for my friend and it's just Wanda and Natasha being all lovey-dovey and also having a very stupid cat.
Paprika is a cat.
Paprika happens to have the two best owners in the history of cat owners ever.
That pretty much means she can do whatever she wants.
It's morning now. Paprika doesn't know what time it is – she can't exactly read a clock – but it must be morning. She can feel it in her bones that it's morning time. This is what she's been waiting for. This is her moment. She's prepared all night for this.
She stands up from where she's been snuggled against Natasha's legs, reaches her arms out super duper far to stretch her back, and then climbs up her owner. She's lucky this morning: Natasha and Wanda are spooning, which makes it her job very easy. She walks up Big Spoon Natasha's legs, and, once she reaches her hips, she walks across both her stomach and Wanda's to reach the coveted position of littlest spoon. She will admit, snuggling up against Little Spoon Wanda's chest is very comfortable, but that's not what she's here for. No, she's on a mission, and she can't get sidetracked by... very... comfortable... snuggles...
Snap out of it, Paprika!
She walks up to Wanda's face, and then, because she loves her owners so, so much, she walks across Wanda's face. Wanda groans, so she must be doing something right. Then, because Natasha's face is right there (this is why she loves when they spoon), Paprika walks across her face next.
"Stop it," Natasha mumbles.
It's working!
Paprika steps back onto her, this time from behind, and positions herself carefully on her owner's side. She gently presses her front paws against her owner's ribs, slowly and carefully, and her claws poke out with each step. It's not enough to hurt her. She'd never want to hurt her owner. She just wants...
She wants.
She just wants.
Natasha shifts around uncomfortably, as though trying to shake Paprika off, but she would never try to shake Paprika off! She loves Paprika! She does this every morning. Paprika thinks it's a sign of love. So, to show that the love is reciprocated, she keeps doing it.
Natasha groans and unburies her arm from her blanket to push Paprika away. Her eyes are closed, though. She must be doing it in her sleep. She would never try to push Paprika away! She loves Paprika! She's just sleep-pushing. She does this a lot.
Paprika climbs across both her owners, standing precariously on Wanda's shoulder. She carefully lifts her front paw, and, when she's sure she's not going to fall, she taps it against Wanda's forehead. That doesn't get a reaction. She reaches her paw a little further, and this time, she hits Wanda's nose. That's the human way of showing affection, right? It must be. They do it to Paprika all the time.
Wanda moans quietly. She must know that Paprika's here! She must show her owner more love now that her owner knows she's here! She reaches over and taps her again, this time over the eyelid. Wake up! she's saying. I'm right here!
Wanda just covers her face with her blanket.
What's this about? She can't do this. It's loving time! Is she still asleep? She must be still asleep. That's the only explanation that Paprika can think of for why she would do this – why she does this every morning. She's still sleeping.
Paprika can fix this!
Paprika taps her head through the blanket. "Meow!"
Nothing.
That's annoying.
Paprika taps her again. "Meow?" She taps her a few more times for good measure. "Meow!"
"Paprika, shut up," Natasha mumbles.
Paprika just meows again. She curls up where she stands, lying halfway on Wanda's covered face. Her disappointment forgotten, she purrs contentedly and closes her eyes.
So maybe it's not morning enough.
That's okay. They can start their day together later.
~~~
"Pappy!" Wanda calls from the kitchen. "Pappy, Pappy, Pappy!"
Paprika runs circles around her, rubbing against her legs desperately as she waits for her gift.
"Someone's excited," Natasha remarks, watching the cat with an amused smile.
That someone is Paprika! Paprika knows this! Paprika is very excited!
Wanda puts her foot bowl down on the floor. "Eat!"
Paprika wastes no time in following those instructions. She runs up to the bowl and shoves her face in it, lapping up the food in front of her. Is this chicken? This tastes like chicken. There's definitely something chicken-flavored in here. She loves chicken.
"Now, what do we want for breakfast?" Natasha asks her girlfriend.
"Hm..." Wanda thinks for a few moments. "Do we have any leftover pancakes?"
"You ate those yesterday, remember?" Natasha says. "If you want pancakes, you're gonna have to do it the hard way."
Wanda frowns dramatically. "I need to make them?"
Natasha nods, an exaggerated look of sympathy on her face. "You need to make them."
Wanda walks up to her girlfriend and rests her chin on her shoulder. "Or," she says, "I could use my secret weapon."
"Oh, yeah?" Natasha cocks an eyebrow. "And what's that?"
Wanda moves her face closer to her girlfriend's, her chin staying carefully on her shoulder. "I could look at you like this until you break down and make me pancakes."
Natasha just stares at her.
And Wanda stares back.
So Natasha keeps staring.
And Wanda keeps staring back.
Until finally, Natasha sighs, overly dramatic in her tone. "I'll make some pancakes."
Wanda picks her chin up off her girlfriend's shoulder, beaming. "I knew it would work."
"You're lucky I love you." Natasha kisses her girlfriend's cheek, and then she sets about making pancakes.
Paprika keeps eating her food as Natasha gathers what she needs. She likes this. She likes that she can eat and watch what her two favorite people ever are doing. Do all cats have this luxury? Probably not, she reasons. Not all cats have two favorite people as favoriteable as her two favorite people.
Natasha's in the middle of mixing in the dry ingredients and the milk when Wanda hugs her from behind, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend's waist. Natasha stops what she's doing and looks back at her girlfriend, and Wanda just smiles. When it becomes clear that Wanda has no intention to move, Natasha continues mixing everything as though she weren't even there.
Paprika's intrigued. She's never seen them make pancakes before.
Actually, that's not true. They do this all the time.
But this time is different! There are different things to explore! She must know what's going on! Surely it's different than the last time they made pancakes!
So Paprika jumps up on the counter and makes her way over to the bowl of batter. Natasha's still hard at work with her stirring, and that fancy little mixing machine is so cool. Paprika wants to see the fancy little mixing machine! She walks across the–
"Paprika, no!" Wanda immediately drops her hold on Natasha in favor of picking up the cat. She holds her close to her chest, and Paprika can hear her heart pounding. "Do not walk on the hot griddle!"
But nothing Paprika stepped on was hot. She's sure if she'd kept walking, that big, black thing in front of her wouldn't have been hot, either. She can't say she understands what the fuss is about, but she can't complain about being held by her owner.
Natasha shakes her head to herself. "Stupid cat."
"But she's our stupid cat," Wanda reminds her.
"Well, I'm not stupid," Natasha says, "so she must get it from you."
Wanda gasps. "Natasha!"
Natasha just laughs. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding!"
Wanda kisses Paprika's head. "You didn't get your stupid from me," she assures the kitten. "You got it from Clint Barton."
This time, it's Natasha's turn to be offended. "She got it from who?"
"Well, if it wasn't you," Wanda says, "and it wasn't me, it must be someone else. And who else spends the most time with our cat?"
"I'm telling Clint you said that," Natasha says teasingly. "He's gonna be so mad."
"He will know I'm right," Wanda says. "And he will be happy to have contributed to our cat's personality."
Paprika puts her paws over Wanda's shoulder, and Wanda carefully supports her butt in her palm, the other one gently supporting her back. It's very nice of her to do that. It makes it easier for Paprika to rub her face against her owner's cheek, and being able to do that makes Paprika purr.
"Aww," Wanda coos. "I love you, too!" She rubs her own face against the cat's, and Paprika purrs louder.
Natasha shakes her head to herself. "Stupid cat."
"You love her," Wanda reminds her.
Natasha sighs dramatically. "Maybe she does get the stupid from me."
~~~
Wanda and Natasha are watching television.
Paprika does not understand television.
Naturally, this means she must watch it with them.
Natasha is sitting with her legs on the coffee table, and Wanda's curled up next to her, her head resting on her girlfriend's shoulder. They look very comfortable. Paprika would like to be comfortable.
She hops up on the couch, and Wanda excitedly pats the cushion by her side. Paprika could sit there. She would fit very well there. She'd even have a little spot against the pillow if she wanted to rest her head, or if she wants to keep her back warm.
But Natasha's sitting on the couch, too.
And Natasha's lap is looking very lappy.
Hmm...
Paprika walks over Wanda's legs and over to her other owner. She steps onto Natasha's lap, then turns to look at her. Natasha glances down at her, then looks back to the TV. Maybe she didn't see that there's a cat in her lap. Paprika knows how to fix this.
Paprika slowly lifts a paw and taps it against Nathasha's chest. This earns another glance, this time with a small smile on her face, but then Natasha's attention turns elsewhere again. Paprika must remedy this. She taps her owner again. This time, Natasha doesn't even look at her. That's not supposed to happen.
Paprika keeps her paw on Natasha's chest, then lifts the other one, tapping her with that paw instead. She's seated fairly comfortably on her butt and her hind legs. This actually isn't too bad. She could just rest her kitty forearms against Natasha's stomach, and then maybe shift a little bit here and there, and...
Her eyes begin to close.
This is too comfortable.
This isn't supposed to be a sleepy moment. This is supposed to be a community bonding activity. Her owners love to snuggle on the couch and watch TV together. Paprika wants to do that, too. She's going to do that. She's not going to let anything stop her.
But her eyes could use a little rest. Not a sleep, of course. A little rest. She's not going to fall asleep. She's just going to rest. She'll bounce back in a few minutes. She just wants to rest her eyes, just a little bit.
"She looks so comfy," Wanda remarks.
"Of course she does," Natasha says matter-of-factly. "I am the best pillow a cat could ask for."
"She's not really using you as a pillow," Wanda remarks. "Her head's not even on you."
"There are other types of pillows, Wanda," Natasha says with joking condescension. "Maybe she's using me as a body pillow."
Wanda laughs quietly. "I'm sorry. I'm sure that's what she's doing."
Paprika doesn't know what a body pillow is.
She doesn't really have time to figure it out.
The world slowly begins to fade away, and, as she drifts out of consciousness, all that goes through her head is how much she loves her owners.
~~~
Paprika wakes up alone.
She's fairly sure that's illegal. She'll have to consult a lawyer.
She stretches her arms out in front of her, arching her back. She lets out a content whine. That feels much better.
And now, it's time to find her owners.
She trots through the house, keeping a careful ear out for their voices. She hasn't made it very far when she hears them, and she wastes no time in running after them. She finds them in the kitchen, both sitting at the table with a laptop in front of them.
Paprika is ecstatic.
"Ope, intruder alert," Natasha says teasingly.
That's Paprika. She's the intruder. She's very proud of that.
"Cat sighting?" Clint's voice asks through the computer.
Hmm.
Last time she checked, she was fairly certain that Clint Barton was not a computer. She should investigate this.
She hops up on the kitchen table, and it puts a smile on Wanda's face that makes Paprika very happy. She likes making her owners happy. It's a cycle of happiness.
But that's not why she's up here. She walks up to the laptop, and, sure enough, Clint Barton is the computer. (Is on the computer? She's not quite sure how this works.) He smiles, too, when he sees her, and he gives her a little wave.
"Hi, Pap," Clint greets her.
Paprika watches his hand move back and forth with complete and utter fascination. Slowly, she takes a step onto the keyboard. Another step, and her face is mere inches from it. Clint just watches, a look of amusement on his face that only grows when Paprika sits down.
"Did you say Paprika?" Lila bounds into view in the background, and she wastes no time in making her way to the screen. "Paprika!"
Paprika just sits there, content. She has her people now — even if some of them are only inside this computer.
"Paprika?" It's Yelena who pokes her head into view next. "I want to see Paprika." She turns her head away and cups her mouth with her hands. "Kate Bishop! Clint is talking to Paprika!" She rushes to get screen and kneels down by Clint's side.
Natasha scoffs. "What are we, chopped liver?"
"Nobody cares about you, Natasha," Yelena says, rolling her eyes. "I am here for the cat."
"You know that you can visit her whenever you want," Wanda reminds her. "We don't live very far away."
Kate appears then, and she wastes no time in getting to the computer screen, leaning down awkwardly from behind Yelena. "Hi, Wanda! Hi, Natasha!"
"I said Paprika!" Yelena says as though she was annoyed. "We are here for Paprika, not..." She gestures vaguely to the screen. "Them." She makes a face of exaggerated disgust.
Kate scoffs. "You're so mean!"
"I know," Yelena says with a smile. "But you love me anyway."
Kate rolls her eyes good-naturedly. "Uh-huh. Yeah, sure."
They start to bicker, which Paprika would gladly listen to except that Lila is now moving her hand around, and it's fascinating. She can't take her eyes off of it. Her face follows the movement eagerly, growing more excited with every jerk of her arm. Lila giggles, which usually makes Paprika happy, but right now, she doesn't care about the giggle.
She just.
Cares.
About.
That hand.
Paprika launches herself at the screen, paws outstretched to grab Lila's hand. The entire laptop falls over instead. Amidst the outcry of her owners, Paprika lands awkwardly both on the monitor and the keyboard.
The screen goes dark.
Oops.
"Paprika!" Wanda exclaims, picking the cat up and holding her to her chest. "Don't do that!"
"I swear, if she broke the computer..." Natasha mutters under her breath. All three of them know that she has no threat to follow that with. She loves Paprika too much to be that upset.
Fortunately, after holding the power button down, letting go, and trying again, the computer does start up again, so it remains unbroken, despite Paprika's worst efforts.
Paprika waits until the computer is back on, then sits back down on the keyboard. The laptop is warm. She likes warm things.
"Buddy, you gotta move," Natasha tells her, amused.
Paprika does not move.
"I can't even see the screen, Paps," Natasha says. "Come on. Go sit in Wanda's lap."
Paprika lies down on the keyboard, content. Her tummy's warm now. She likes when her tummy is warm. It feels very nice.
"Well," Natasha says, "that's... marginally better."
Wanda reaches over and scratches the top of Paprika's head, and she purrs contentedly. This is nice. This is very nice. She could stay here all day.
~~~
It's bedtime.
That means it's time to jump off the walls!
She runs around the room, pouncing on anything that moves (and a lot of things that don't). Wanda and Natasha don't pay her too much mind. They're too busy getting ready for bed, and Paprika wouldn't dare disrupt that. Once they're in bed, she gets to bite their feet! She loves biting their feet!
Wanda had been perfectly content to get in pajamas on her own, but Natasha has a different idea. Clearly, putting on clothes is a group effort, and Natasha would like to offer her assistance. She sneaks up from behind and wraps her arms around her girlfriend's bare waist, her head resting on Wanda's shoulder.
Wanda smiles. "Hi."
Natasha smiles back. "Hi."
"How are you?"
"I'm good. How are you?"
"I'm great." Wanda kisses her girlfriend's cheek.
It's only then that Paprika spots the shirt that Wanda's holding. It waves slightly in the air, and Paprika's attention is piqued. She takes off running, and, at the last second, she jumps up and grabs Wanda's shirt with her claws. Wanda yelps and drops the shirt, and Natasha has to let her go because she's laughing so hard.
"I was not expecting that!" Wanda squeals.
"That's what makes it so funny," Natasha says through her laughter.
Paprika picks the shirt up in her mouth and tries to run away with it. It doesn't work very well. She's so much smaller than the shirt that she just keeps stepping on it, which only serves to frustrate her more.
"I was gonna wear that," Wanda says, and her amusement seems much more prominent than her disappointment.
Paprika's too annoyed by this immovable shirt to try to play with it, so she leaves it on the floor and goes back to running around. She jumps up on the bureau, where she walks through the open pajama drawer. They never leave these drawers open. They must have done it specifically for her!
Or not, because as Wanda puts her shirt on, Natasha picks the cat up and puts her on the floor. Before Paprika can respond, Natasha closes the pajama drawer.
Natasha shakes her head to herself. "This cat is gonna be the death of me."
So maybe that won't work. That's okay. Paprika can find something else to do. She jumps up on top of the dresser, and, looking down at it, she can see that one of the top drawers is just a little bit open. That's all she needs.
She steps down into it and pushes against the back of the dresser, opening it another inch or so before she gives up. This must be a junk drawer. There's a lot of stupid little stuff in here.
There's a pencil. That looks yummy. She picks it up in her mouth, which is great! Now she feels like she's accomplished something! And then, a few moments later, she puts it back down because it's boring.
Natasha crawls into bed, and, without a word spoken between them, Wanda does the same, curling up under her girlfriend's arm and using her chest as a pillow.
"Paprika, c'mere," Wanda coos.
Paprika does not.
She bats around some of the little things in the drawer. She rolls the pencil around. She swats at the little black box. She picks the USB drive up in her mouth, then drops it back down. She doesn't know what she's doing; she just knows that she's having fun.
She might get a little carried away, because she accidentally hits the little black box out of the drawer. Immediately, she jumps out after it. This is going to be so much more fun to play with on the floor. It's a much bigger playing field.
"What was that?" Natasha asks, craning her neck to look.
"I don't know; probably something she shouldn't be playing with."
"Well, obviously," Natasha says. "She never plays with anything she's supposed to."
Wanda crawls out of bed, and Paprika runs up to her excitedly. She latches on to Wanda's calf, and when the claws sink in, Wanda instinctively flicks her away.
"Oh, baby, I am so sorry!" Wanda gushes. She crouches down on the floor and holds her hand out. "I am so, so sorry, Pappy! Are you okay?"
Paprika is absolutely fine, so she doesn't really care. She just runs back to the little box. She wants to play with it some more.
Wanda picks it up from between her paws. "What do you have, Paps?"
When Natasha catches sight of it, she bolts upright in bed. She launches herself to the end of the bed and grabs the box before Wanda can get a good look at it. "Nothing!" she says quickly. "It's nothing." She closes her hand around it, hiding it from view.
Wanda furrows her brows. "What is it?"
"It's nothing," Natasha assures her. "Here, I'll take it—" She begins to crawl out of bed as though she's going to leave, but Wanda stops her.
"Nat, babe, what is it?" Wanda asks. "What was she playing with?"
"Something stupid," Natasha says. "Don't even worry about it."
"Wait," Wanda says slowly, "that wasn't..." She grabs her girlfriend's wrist with one hand, and with the other, she pulls the box out of her hand. She doesn't open it, but it seems she doesn't have to. "Is this...?"
Natasha grimaces. "Maybe?"
Wanda's eyes go wide. "Nat!"
"You weren't supposed to see it!" Natasha says. "It was supposed to be a secret! I wasn't going to ask — I mean, I was, but not right now. I just thought, you know, you never know what's gonna happen, right? And then maybe we would have plans where it felt like... But I didn't want to spring anything on you. I was gonna test the waters first; I didn't want—"
"Nat, shut up." Wanda grabs her by the shirt and pulls her in, pressing their lips together. Needless to say, Natasha obliges.
Paprika doesn't really know what's happening, but she does know that Natasha's pants have little dangly strings on them, and she's rather fond of strings. She jumps up, claws extended to keep her footing, and tries to grab the string in her mouth. Natasha cries out — more in surprise than pain — and pushes Wanda away, and Paprika only lets go when her owner falls backwards onto the bed.
Damn.
Well, she'll get those strings next time.
Wanda sits down on the edge of the bed, and Natasha pushes herself up, too. Paprika lies down on the floor, looking up at them expectantly.
Wanda toys at the break in the box with her finger. "Can I open it?"
Natasha hesitates. "This isn't how I pictured..."
"I can put it back, if you want," Wanda offers. "I can pretend I never saw it. I know nothing."
Natasha gives her a small, awkward smile. "If you want to."
"No, I absolutely want to open it," Wanda says, "and the fact that I haven't yet is a testament to how much I love you."
Natasha's smile grows a little more genuine at that. "Here, can I...?" She holds her hand out, and Wanda gives her the box back.
Natasha slides off the bed and drops to one knee next to the cat. "I want to do this right," she says. "Or, you know, as right as I can." She shoots Paprika a dirty look, and Wanda giggles. Turning her attention back to her girlfriend, she pops the top of the box open. "Wanda Maximoff, will you marry me?"
Wanda covers her mouth with her hands, tears welling up in her eyes. "Yes!" she squeals. "Yes, yes, yes!" She reaches down and pulls her girlfriend — her fianceé — up, and Natasha lands on top of her, both lying down on the mattress. Wanda gives her another kiss, this time even longer than before.
Finally, Natasha rolls off of her, and they both sit up, stupidly big smiles on their faces. "You know," she says, "I've spent months worrying about the little speech I was going to give when I proposed, and I didn't even have to give one."
"You don't need a persuasive essay to convince me to marry you," Wanda tells her. "I would've said 'yes' even if you proposed without a ring."
"Speaking of..." Natasha carefully removes the ring from the box. "Gimme your hand."
Wanda obliges, and Natasha gently slips the ring on her finger.
"This is beautiful," Wanda breathes, gazing down at it in wonder.
"Do you really like it?" Natasha asks. "I wasn't sure — I mean, I know it's a little unorthodox, and I can get you a normal diamond one if you want, but—"
"It's perfect," Wanda assures her. She taps the gem inside her ring. "What is this? Is it a ruby?"
"Mm-hmm," Natasha hums. "It felt like something you'd like. You know, red magic; red hair; red jackets you stole from your future wife."
Wanda giggles at that.
"And these are diamonds," Natasha adds, tapping the small jewels that accentuate the band. "So it's still a diamond ring. It's just... It's a you diamond ring."
Wanda pulls her into an awkward seated hug. "I love you," she murmurs. "Did you know that?"
"I had an idea," Natasha murmurs back.
"I really, really love you."
"I really, really love you, too."
It's quiet for a few moments, but it's a comfortable quiet. Even Paprika can tell this is a moment she shouldn't disturb, so she lies still as she watches. She can feel the love and the warmth radiating from them. It's not directed towards her, but it makes her heart happy anyway.
"I don't know how I'm supposed to go to sleep now," Wanda says.
"We could always... not sleep?"
"Mm," Wanda hums. "I like that idea."
Paprika hops up on the bed and squeezes her way onto their laps, sprawled out between the two of them. That puts an end to their hug, only because they think it's so funny. Wanda gently pets the top of the cat's head, and Paprika purrs softly.
"I can't believe we're getting married," Wanda says.
"Believe it." Natasha kisses her cheek. "We're already the best couple of all time. Now we just need to make it official."
"As far as I'm concerned," Wanda says, "it's been official all along. There's never been a love like ours."
Natasha smiles. "And I wouldn't have it any other way."