damiano promised me he would stop smoking so i promised him i would help him, i wanted to help him but seeing him go through withdrawal made me want to die.
"PLEASE!" he was shaking, sobbing at the kitchen table with his head in his hands,
"dami.. you know i wish i could help you but one leads to two, two leads to three.. you know how it goes.." i wiped away my own tears, i hated seeing him like this..
"PLEASE! PLEASE JUST ONE CIGARETTE!" he looked at me his eyes a puffy, eyeliner stained mess.
"dami.." my voice broke and i stopped holding back the tears i could, letting all of them flood my cheeks,
"it's so hard.." he whispered..
i collapsed down to the floor, sliding my back down the kitchen cabinets..
"i know dami.. i know.."
***
i woke up cradling damiano in my arms, after the meltdown last night i just wanted to hold him and protect him..
"goodmorning.." i sighed and kissed his temples, he had big bags under his eyes and his eyes were glossy..
"morning.." he hummed i rubbed my hands on his stomach, something i used to do when we were teenagers to calm him down when he would have nightmares.. he used to have god awful nightmares.
"did you get any sleep last night?" i saw his heavy eyelids starting to close, "no but hopefully you'll get some now," i giggled and continued rubbing his stomach.
***
i was talking with Victoria outside when I smelled the familiar smell of cigarettes..
"that better be thomas.." i said standing up and following the smell, sure enough it led to thomas,
"oh thank god it's just you thommy.. i was worried damiano had relapsed.."
"merda!" i heard the familiar voice of my boyfriend of 6 years,
"what happened?" thomas called out around the corner to where damiano was hiding on the other side of the fence.
"burned my hand god damnit," he said walking out from around the fence to where me, victoria, and thomas were standing
i looked at his already blistering hand, he was till holding the burning cig, i threw it out of his hand and stomped on it before grabbing his wrist and dragging him into the house, all while not saying a word.
i turned on the tap and quickly put my finger under the running water, not hot but not cold, perfect for a burn. i gestured to the water to which damiano promptly stuck his hand under the water, i saw him slightly relax at it's touch and i crouched down to get the first aid kit from underneath the sink.
"i'm sorry" he mumbled as i stood back up and turned off the tap, i dried off his hand and lightly wrapped it up,
"better?" i said, he slowly nodded..
"you're not mad?" he said, his eyes beginning to water,
"no damiano i'm not mad, i'm fucking pissed, how could you do this, after all we've been through!"
"it was just a moment of weakness!"
"damiano i want to believe you, but i can't.. it's never just a moment" i walked out of the kitchen and into my office, i locked the door and sat on the floor, i let myself melt down, sobbing and all.
after i calmed down i ran into me and damiano's shared bedroom, and into our bathroom, i splashed some water on my face and saw damiano asleep on our bed, his cheeks were tear stained and the bandages on his hand were torn up,
not wanting to wake him i tip toed out of the room but as i twisted the door handle i heard a small groan come from our bed,
"y/n?" he said in a groggy, half asleep voice,
"che cosa bambino?" i sighed and turned to face him,
"will you lay down with me? i can't sleep.." he said slowly lifting his head off the pillow, i walked over to our bed and climbed in, scooting closer to damiano, he laid his head down on my chest and i started playing with his hair.
"was it worth it.. the cig?" i sighed, i knew this wasn't a great time to bring up the subject but i had to know..
"yeah, it was so relieving.. i know it was a bad decision but i really needed it.."
"ok.. as long as that's the very last one.. how's your hand feeling?" i lifted up his bandaged hand and carefully kissed his hand as so not to hurt him more,
"better, thank you.." he nuzzled his face deeper into my chest and i pulled the blankets higher up over his shoulders,
i heard soft snores from damiano and climbed out of bed, i walked downstairs to where i saw thomas and ethan watching tv,
"thom can i talk to you outside?" i said and pointed to the back door,
"what's up y/n?"
"what the fuck made you think it was a good idea to give damiano a cigarette! what went through your head that you didn't even for a moment think, maybe i shouldn't give him this cigarettes? huh?"
"y/n.. slow down.. i didn't give damiano a cigarette i would never do that to him or you, you know that!"
"so then how did he get one?"
"when i was going to go out for a smoke i couldn't find my pack so i grabbed a new one and when i got outside there damiano was, with my pack in one hand and a cigarette in the other, don't worry i checked that was the only one he had and i took the pack back from him as soon as i found out!" he was out of breath by the time he finished talking,
"ok.. sorry" i sighed and we walked back into the house, "i'm going to start cooking dinner!" i cheered as i took the lobster tails out of the fridge,
"what are we going to have?" thomas asked,
"lobster tails and pasta!" i responded
***
"dinner is ready!" i yelled into the living room where ethan, thomas, and now victoria were playing monopoly
"mio dio this smells great y/n!" victoria said as she grabbed a plate and helped herself to some food,
"thanks! i'm going to go get damiano!" i said as i ran up the stairs to me and damiano's bedroom, i opened the door and softly spoke, "bambino.. it's time to eat if you're hungry.."
i heard him groan slightly then he got up and walked to the door,
"bambino have you been crying?" he was shaking, and i saw the big bags under his eyes now darker and bigger,
"i need another cigarette please i can't fucking do this!" he whined and i just shook my head and returned downstairs.
when damiano finally joined us downstairs he was shaking even worse and tears were now streaming down his face again,
"dam you don't look to good.." ethan said as he sat down,
"PLEASE Y/N!" he screamed out, the three others jumped at the sound, i was sadly prepared for it,
"DAMIANO PLEASE STOP, YOU KNOW I WISH I COULD MAKE IT ALL BETTER FOR YOU BUT I CAN'T! I CAN'T KEEP HAVING THIS SAME BATTLE EVERY NIGHT!" i grabbed my plate and ran back up to my office, which had become my safe place not too long ago.
*** (damiano's pov)
"Y/N WAIT!" i screamed up the stairs, but it was too late, i felt bad but this process had been so hard on me.. i never even though about how it had been affecting y/n..
"should one of us go check on her?" thomas asked,
"no she's fine, she probably locked herself in her office with pandora and the cats anyways.."
"ok.. if you say so.." he replied,
"no.. i'm going to go check on her.." victoria said picking up her own plate and heading towards the stairs, i was still crying, shaking, desperate for a cigarette but i managed to squeak out,
"vic i don't know if thats a good idea.."
"damiano please, i'm her sister i know what's best for her.." she sighed and walked up the stairs.
*** (y/n's pov)
"hey y/n.. it's me vic.." victoria said knocking on my office door, i slowly stood up and unlocked it, letting her in and sitting back down against the wall, slumped over i slowly picked at my food, victoria did the same.
"he doesn't realize that this is also so fucking hard on me.." i sobbed between bites..
"yes he does honey, he's so upset now i think you should talk to him.." she rubbed my back and wiped my tears before standing up and exiting the small room, she offered her hand out me to join her and i hesitated for a moment before grabbing her hand and pulling myself up.
"bambina.." damiano near whispered as i entered the kitchen with victoria, tears staining my cheeks..
"dami.."
"bambina i'm so sorry, i never meant to stress you out and make you so upset, this has all just been really hard for me.."
"i know tesoro, you're doing your best that's all that matters, i'll try to be more helpful.."
"no baby you've been great.. i just need to be stronger i'm too weak.." he chuckled in attempt to lighten the mood,
"you're not weak dami.. you're the exact opposite of weak," i leaned in to kiss him and he hugged me, we stayed like that for a while before releasing from each others grasps,
"ti amo bambina," he said and kissed my forehead,
"ti amo," i replied and rested my head on his shoulder, we all finished dinner together and cuddled up on the couch to watch movies after.
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i had way too many ideas for directions to take this story in so hopefully you all like it
luv u all sm
caz out.
word count: 1578