By the time Heidi turned twelve, the bullying had stopped. Her powerful slap had been enough, but not enough to cure her self-esteem issues, or mend her parents' relationship. She had a long way to go still and so did her family. Walter was thinking of moving away, Heidi heard him talk about it with Wilma. It made sense, he was 23 after all, but the thought of him leaving felt so strange and unfamiliar. My human wondered if they'd even get by without him, especially after he mentioned concerns about it himself. Dinner had been awkward for some time now, since Alfred and Trudy didn't bother to speak with each other and no one had anything special to tell. The children went to school, came back, did some things with the BDM, and then went back home, it was all quite repetitive, until one day in early March when Walter finally decided he had to explain his plans to his parents. They were all eating the same soup as they had the day before, and the day before that, slurping from their spoons quietly.
"Could I say something?" He started carefully. It was new for him to ask for permission and just showed how truly tense this household was. Frieda and Heidi shot each other some shocked glances.
Trudy nodded. "Of course,"
"We have to ask for permission now?" Alfred chuckled, looking around the table. Trudy rolled her eyes.
Wilma muttered something to Walter angrily looking at her father.
"What did you say, young lady?" He asked, leaning over the table to get as close to her as possible, his wide empty eyes seeming to stare into her soul, Trudy had to pull him back into his chair, Heidi looked away, his demeanour made her uncomfortable.
He kept staring at Wilma, until she took a deep breath.
"I sarcastically said," She started. "I wonder why."
His eyes narrowed. "And what do you mean by that? '' He inquired with a tone that sent shivers down Heidi's spine.
"Calm down alfred." Trudy warned in a low tone.
"You know exactly what I mean by that." Wilma answered close thereafter.
"I don't, i don't understand-" Manfred started innocently, looking at Frieda and then at his mother frantically.
"She means that it's papa's fault." Gisela said almost instantly with a bitter tone.
"Gisela!" Trudy gasped.
"What? it's true!"
No one countered that, Alfred grunted and silence took a hold of the family again.
Heidi's eyes wandered to her sisters, Frieda looked tired, Gisela looked angry and Wilma looked...all of the above, both angry and tired as usual. Heidi saw her fists clench under the table as her father's eyes met hers again.
Trudy eventually cleared her throat.
"What did you want to say, walter?" She asked, forcing a small smile.
He sighed.
"I'm moving out." He stated he wouldn't ask for any permissions anymore. Trudy wiped her mouth with a napkin and nodded. Once she looked back up at her son her eyes were glistening filled with unshed tears.
"Where to?" She asked, her forced smile twitching.
"Either, here, just a few blocks away," He hesitated. "Or Heidelberg, some friend is willing to let me stay at his house for a bit before I find something."
"That's far away," She commented. "Heidelberg."
"Not that far," Wilma reasoned, looking over at Walter with a strange look.
Heidi stared at her, confused for a moment until she realised something.
Walter would never ask for permission to leave, he had every right to leave. Wilma was the one he was going to ask about. He was testing the waters.
"I wanted to take Wilma with me," He then started, very carefully, articulating every word.
Alfred raised an eyebrow, straightening his posture, suddenly this was all far more interesting, or appaling, judging by his expression.
"What?" he asked, his voice louder than before, significantly so.
"She asked me too, and i'm not sure my salary would be enough anyway-"
"That is nonsense!" Alfred exclaimed, without even letting him finish.
"Alfred!" Trudy exclaimed, with an audible gasp.
Frieda buried her face in her hands.
"What's going on?" Manfred asked with wide eyes.
Gisela was about to start but Heidi stopped her.
"No now." She ordered. Wilma stood up from her chair in fury. Her eyes glistened with tears, but she was stubborn enough to keep them in, just like her mother.
"You can't keep me here forever!"
"But until you get a husband we can." Alfred said, taking a sip out of his glass.
"How do you expect me to even meet someone if you keep me here! I know every single person who lives here, and I have sinceI was born!" She exclaimed, clenching her fists in frustration.
"Hans Hermann is a nice boy-"
Wilma let out a disbelieving sigh.
"I know Hans is, but I do not intend to marry him-" She almost chuckled, Heidi knew that just the idea of it felt absurd to Wilma.
"Who said that you have a choice in the matter?" Alfred spat standing up as well, slamming his fists on the table.
"All right, that's quite enough!" Trudy yelled, Heidi almost prayed she would bring out the wooden spoon and hit Alfred with it, but she didn't.
"Both of you! Sit down!" She demanded, and they both forced themselves to do so, staring at each other with killing eyes. All of Wilma's tears had vanished, now only anger remained.
Heidi's eyes fell upon her younger siblings, almost tearing up as she noticed Gisela had taken Manfred's hand.
The young red haired boy looked terrified and Gisela revealed nothing of her feelings, her face was blank.
Suddenly, Heidi's attention shifted back to her older sister as the conversation resumed.
"I will marry." She stated. "Just- just not now, and especially with someone i do not-"
She stopped. Why was unclear to everyone, even myself, but she took a deep breath, picking her bowl and cutlery up.
"Thank you for the food, mama" She said, sincerely. "If you'll excuse me." She went upstairs, wiping hot tears off her cheeks.
The table was quiet, Walter was about to follow her up but Heidi stopped him.
"Leave her be."
He nodded, Heidi almost smiled, since when had people started listening to her?
I gave her another view on it, whispering it into her ear.
When did you start asking things of others?
The silence in the kitchen after that became deathening, not even the flies dared to make their presence known.
Heidi looked at her mother, her father, Gisela, manfred, Frieda, they had things to say, but they didn't, not a word was spoken.
"It's bedtime." Trudy said, and as if on cue everyone got up and rinsed their bowls, before dropping in the sink and going upstairs.
No one wanted to stay there.
The girls went into their room, finding Wilma sitting on Heidi's bed, in tears. Heidi wondered where she had found mascara, because it was obvious she had some on. The dark makeup was smudged all over her face.
"Oh Wilma," Heidi whispered, utterly heartbroken at the sight of her. She couldn't remember last time she'd seen her this upset.
She sat down next to her, and Wilma hugged her, sobbing into my human's shoulder.
Heidi's hand wrapped around her, and she let her cry, like Wilma had always let Heidi cry.
Frieda sat down right next to them both, and Gisela had to push them all together so she could even fit on the bed.
"Hey!" Frieda whispered-shouted.
"Sorry," Gisela sighed, still trying to get closer to her older sisters.
After a minute that seemed to last an eternity, Wilma pulled away from Heidi and wiped her tears.
"Why does he want you to marry now?" Gisela asked, the two twins stared at her with a death glare, thinking she shouldn't have asked that.
"It's just what we're supposed to do, apparently." She answered, not looking up from the floor.
The girls relaxed, she didn't seem more upset by the question.
"it's -" Wilma started, but then she stopped almost immediately. "I don't know what is is actually,"
"Stupid." Frieda completed without a shadow of doubt on her face.
Wilma chuckled slightly.
"Perhaps,"
"No, not perhaps!" Frieda insisted. "It is stupid, yes it's our duty to do so, people get married, but you're 22! You have plenty of time."
All the other girls nodded in agreement, Wilma said nothing creating a quiet space again.
"You want to get married don't you?" Gisela asked, her innocent little girl showing painfully. Wilma could only nod to that, but Heidi could tell from a mile away that it was forced.
"It seems nice to get married," Gisela continued, Frieda snorted.
"Are you sure about that?" Frieda asked her.
Gisela stopped for a second. Frieda's gaze seemed heavy on her. She looked down at her hands.
"I don't know, that's what people say," She said, her voice low and quiet.
"Well, maybe instead of listening to what people say, look around you, mama and papa are married, and that's not working out that well is it? They're miserable!"
Frieda voiced, and she did have a point, so Gisela was left perplexed.
"Not all marriages are like theirs," Heidi pointed out, thinking of Helga and Fritz.
"Well, theirs is, they don't even love each other." Frieda grunted.
"That's not true, don't listen to her Gisela." Wilma sniffled, her eyes still fixated on the floor.
The girls turned to her, it did seem quite odd that she would counter what felt like a fact. Alfred and Trudy didn't love each other. They had all come to discover that recently.
"They do, or at least did love each other," Wilma said. No one dared to say anything to that, they didn't want to upset their sister any further.
"Marriages can work, but it has to at least start with some love." Wilma continued.
"Then it's open to destruction." Frieda added bitterly.
Wilma chuckled a bit at that.
"If you say so,"
The girls then waited patiently for Wilma to say more, it was obvious she wanted to, she would open her mouth here and there but then say nothing and retreat into silence.
"I'm not marrying unless i really love someone, and no one should honestly but I-"
She took a second to think. "I've never fallen in love, never even had a crush,"
"You have time." Frieda assured.
Heidi attempted to meet Wilma's gaze, but nothing would make her look up, she grabbed her hand in a last attempt to get to see her face.
"I've never fallen in love either." Heidi said, and she wasn't lying, she never had.
Finally, Wilma's blue eyes looked up at her. They were red, but less than before, same as for her face, a smile now even tugged on her lips.
"You're 12, heidi." Wilma said. "I'm 22, there's a difference."
"Why would there be a difference?" Heidi inquired. Wilma didn't bother to explain and clarify it more as Heidi continued.
"I haven't had a crush, Frieda has though!" Heidi laughed, turning to her twin. Frieda turned red with embarrassment.
"Heidi!" She gasped, hiding her face with her hands.
"What? It's true! Everyone knows you're in love with Henrik!" She giggled.
"No I'm not! It's just a crush! I'm not in love with him!" Frieda affirmed, but my human was convinced her sister was lying.
"Sure-"
"Wait, are you really?" Gisela asked eagerly, eyeing her sister in shock.
Wilma started laughing at Gisela's position, barely having any space on the bed and yet hanging over Frieda to look at her.
Heidi smiled mildly too as she turned to see Gisela. Wilma stretched her arms out to them all as they argued.
"What would I do without you girls?" She chuckled as they all joined her into a big hug. The girls all smiled.
"Don't forget Manfred and Walter." Gisela warned and Wilma nodded.
"You're right, What would I do without you and the boys?" She corrected herself, and that was how the day ended. On a loving sweet note despite previous events.
***
Walter tried to insist on staying since Wilma couldn't move with him, but Wilma's insisting on him doing what he originally wanted to do was more effective. However, he didn't move to Heidelberg. He made a compromise by moving only a few blocks away, he had finally realised how lucky he was compared to his sister and felt guilty about it.
Wilma was a bit sour about it, she didn't like the idea of someone else giving up an opportunity just because of her. Heidi argued he was doing it for her and because of her, but Wilma argued back saying that Walter moving away close to home didn't make any difference in her life. Heidi could say nothing against that. Nothing had changed for anyone, but somehow, everything seemed to have calmed down for a bit. Alfred and Trudy avoided speaking to each other more than they argued and although everyone knew Wilma wasn't doing well, she looked fine and acted like she always had, until one evening in early may.
Heidi had just come home from the BDM with Tilda, Frieda had gone somewhere with a girl from another class that Heidi barely knew, and as she passed the window to the 'haberdashery' She saw her mother was in there knitting something. My human waved at her, and her mother waved back, with a new found smile Heidi went up the stone steps up to her front door and pushed it up, humming one of Tilda's piano melodies happily as she hung her scarf and coat on the coat hanger.
The room seemed unusually quiet. She stepped into the living room carefully.
Her father obviously wasn't there, he was working, he had started working until pretty late many months ago, Manfred was out playing football, Gisela was probably outside with the apple trees, but where was Wilma?
Just as the question came to Heidi's mind, Wilma came out of the kitchen fast, starting to pace around the living room, hyperventilating.
"Wilma?" Heidi went up to her in a hurry, noticing her state. She kept pacing around the room, her hand over her heart.
"No no," She yelled in a panic Heidi had never heard before. "No no,"
'Wilma, what's going on?" Heidi insisted, her eyes narrowing.
"I can't breathe I-" Wilma stammered her whole body shaking. Heidi's mind started racing.
"What?" She asked weakly, but Wilma didn't say anything, she kept pacing around the living room, saying she couldn't breathe. Heidi tried everything, she couldn't calm her down.
Wilma was sweating, her arms twitching, and her eyes wandered around the room frantically. For a second, her soul adviser reached out to me. For the first time in this life, I got to feel another human's emotions and I had never felt such a thing before.
***
The world started spinning. Wilma felt as if she were floating, the feeling terrified her and accompanied by her hurried breaths and sweating hands she started feeling dizzy. More fear set in, each breath she took felt too fast, her heartbeat felt too fast. Everything was going too fast. Was she even breathing aymore?
"I- I can't-" She croaked,her hand reaching for her necklace, ripping it off her neck.
"I- can't-" She started yelling, nothing helped, she was dying. She knew she was. She was sure.
"I can't breathe, heidi!" She yelped, finally getting enough words out.
"Wilma, calm down, sit down-" Heidi tried but Wilma couldn't move, her legs were shaking and her hands were sweating. The more time that passed the worse it got.
Heidi was there, talking to her. After a while Trudy was there too and Gisela had just ran into the room. Wilma's body glistened in cold sweat, her heart beating so fast it might as well not have.
I'm dying
I'm dying
I'm dying
She thought and then suddenly, I snapped out of Wilma's mind. I felt no more of her emotions and I had to take a second to recollect myself, what had just happened? Never had I ever felt such panic.
"Get a doctor or something!" Gisela yelled at Heidi, who had frozen in place during my absence. I shot a quick glance at Wilma, seeing how pale and utterly terrified she looked before I followed Heidi out as she ran down the street. Wilma's panic seemed to have worn off on everyone. Heidi was worried out of her mind and she was running so fast she tasted blood up her throat. Just as she was about to turn the corner toward the doctor's office, another idea came to mind.
She hated that doctor with all her might, just the memory of him arguing with her mother about the price of glasses made her sick. She turned the other way, toward the mayor's house. She remembered Tilda saying her mother used to be a nurse and that she still worked sometimes.
She ran and she ran until she finally saw that recognizable luxurious front door and for the first time ever she didn't even hesitate before knocking. She hit that door like her life depended on it. Luckily, the person who opened it with a raised eyebrow was none other than Frau krause.
"Frau krause!" Heidi almost cried in relief.
"What in god's name is going on-" She didn't get to finish as Heidi was in too much of a rush.
'Wilma! Wilma- she needs help, she can't breathe, she says she's going to die-"
Frau Krause's eyes widened, and she reached for her coat.
"Tilda told me you were a nurse and I- I don't trust the doctor-"
'It's all right," She assured. "No need to explain, heidi."
The speed with which this woman got her shoes on truly impressed me.
Heidi let out yet another sigh of relief as the older woman closed the door behind her.
My human led the mayor's wife through town as quickly as she could. Had she had a minute to think about how strange this situation might have looked to others she would have laughed, but she couldn't laugh right then.
After what felt like far too long, Heidi pushed the door open, letting Matilda Krause walk in quickly.
The nurse and red haired girl were met by a much calmer scene than the one Heidi had left. Wilma was sitting on the couch, still shaking and breathing heavily, her hands held tightly by Walter and Trudy.
"Oh poor dear." Frau Krause said, rather calmly.
Everyone turned to her and some let out very slight gasps, trudy stared at her with wide eyes.
Without hesitating the woman went up to Wilma, pushing Walter away.
"She's a nurse." Heidi mouthed to her family members from across the room.
They all nodded slightly.
Frau Krause took Wilma's hand gently.
"Everything is fine, you're fine." She told her with outstanding calm.
Wilma shook her head, her eyes letting a few tears drip down her cheeks.
"I- i can't breathe-"
"Of course you can," Frau Krause insisted, still keeping her tone just as gentle as before.
"No- no i-"
"Otherwise you wouldn't be here anymore,"
Wilma didn't say a word, her eyes still wide with fear.
"I just-"
Frau Krause held up Wilma's wrist, putting both her index and middle finger over it, checking her pulse.
"You can feel your heartbeat can't you?" She asked quietly.
Wilma nodded, "It's too fast" She croaked. Frau Krause gestured for Trudy to let go of Wilma's hand.
"Do you know what too fast is?" the older woman asked Wilma, she shook her head although i'm not even sure she understood the question.
"For a woman like you, that's generally healthy, having a heart that beats maybe more than 110 times per minute would be too fast." She explained. "We can count together if you like,"
Wilma slowly nodded, her hand shaking as she found her own pulse.
"All right," Frau Krause took a quick look at her wrist watch and then started counting.
"Ein, zwei, drei, vier, fünf..."
The family watched, as Wilma slowly calmed down, her whole body relaxing and her breaths becoming steadier. Once Frau Krause and Wilma reached 71, a minute had gone by.
"You're not dying Wilma, you had a severe panic attack." Frau Krause affirmed, and before she even asked what this meant, Wilma gave Trudy and Walter a hug. All her family members had all been very worried, but they were the only ones who had started crying.