He hated the industry Christmas party.
Too many people, too much noise with the music and the talking. It messed with his head.
Every now and then, somebody came by to greet him and say hi or somebody from across the room lifted their glass to cheer with him.
He liked it better when he didn't have to talk to anybody. His hyungs were fine, but everyone else... noooo. It felt weird greeting people who he didn't know, but they knew him.
He played with his lip ring, his tongue pushing it a little from one side to the other, as he stood alone.
An introvert in a crowd of extroverts.
Raising the glass, he sipped the Christmas cocktail somebody had pushed in his hand. Perhaps it was Jimin. It was surprisingly good. Maybe he should get one more and then sneak out after he had said goodbye to the other members.
He stuck his hand down the pocket of his black dress pants and sighed, looking around the room sipping the glass again. The room looked nice, though. Very festive and Christmassy with decorated trees, Christmas ornaments hanging from the ceiling, tables with snacks, drinks and a cocktail bar. The beading on his jacket would sometimes catch the lights and made it look very glittery. He liked that - the sparkling.
As his eyes casually glided around the room, they came to a crashing halt all of the sudden.
Oh fuck, why was she here?
Oh shit.
He turned around quickly, spinning on the heels of his black shinny shoes, so he wasn't facing her.
Oh damn! Oh no!
He looked up to the ceiling while he took a few big breathes to try and calm himself. He hadn't seen her since... Well... Last Christmas....
The girl he had confessed to. The girl for whom he had wrapped up his heart and given it to. And then, the next day, she told him she didn't like him the same.
They had been seeing a little bit of each other. Coffee dates, cinemas, walks by the Han-river at night. They even kissed a few times. Oh, he was so smitten with her.
On Christmas he gave her a present – a beautiful brooch. She seemed to like it and she hugged and kissed him. He was so happy and then he confessed to her, just like he planned.
But weirdly she had paused and told him she would have to think about it. He didn't understand why. He thought they were on the same page. The day after she texted him, asking to meet her for a coffee and a walk in the park. And then she broke his heart. She didn't feel the same. He sat on the park bench for a good hour after she left, just staring straight ahead.
And now she was here. Fuck!
He had promised himself, that he was NOT going to talk to her, if he ever saw her again. He was going to save himself from tears. And back then he promised himself, that if he was ever going to give his heart to someone again, it would be to someone special.
He kept his distance - didn't know if she had seen him. But he felt drawn to look over his shoulder to look at her. Damn... She could still catch his eye.
Her hair all styled and soft looking. Her makeup, so natural and never too harsh. Her dress... Dark green, sparkles on the straps making it look like stars had come down from the sky to decorate the fabric. He could just make out her leg from the modest slit of the skirt and her heels, classic black.
He looked away again, taking a large gulp of the drink in his hand. Would she recognize him? Would she have forgotten all about him in that year?
He knew what a fool he had been back then. He should have waited or at least made sure she felt the same. With his free hand, he rubbed his forehead, a slight angsty headache setting in. Maybe he should just get the hell out of there now.
The crowded room, full of "friends" gave him cover to hide from her and he started to make his way to the exit, deciding that his hyungs would understand if he didn't say goodbye.
"Jungkook?"
His own name startled him. The voice, he knew in an instant. He stopped and turned around.
There she was. Right in front of him. Smiling a tiny smile. His lips parted. Both in surprise, but also because he thought it would be best to say something... It's just... no sound came out.
"Hi", she smiled, a little shy as she looked down at her hands, twisting them by her tummy. Did her voice shake a little?
"Hi", he responded with a tiny smile.
"I didn't know you would be here."
"Neither did I. Um, well, that you would be here."
She smiled at him. "How have you been?"
"Good", he said a little too nonchalant. He had no interest in letting her in on his private life.
"Oh, that's great. Really good. I've... seen you here and there... On TV and so...", she smiled, still looking a little unsure of the situation.
He didn't feel like asking her how she was. He didn't want to know. Only now did he notice that she was wearing the brooch. It hung so nicely on her, sparkling along with the beading of her dress. Just as beautiful as he had imagined it would look on her. She noticed his eyes concentrating on the jewelry and she giggled a little.
"Oh yeah...", she looked down on the brooch and ran a finger over it. "I um... I actually wear it a lot. I really love it."
He looked at her in disbelieve. "You do?"
Why the hell would she wear a brooch from a guy who's heart she tore apart?
"Yes, It's so beautiful. And... I... I often think about you when I wear it. Umm... Jungkook...?"
His tongue found the lip ring again, nervously flicking it as he waited for her to speak. She looked at him, trying to catch his eye, but he purposely didn't want to make eye contact with her.
"I wanted to talk to you, because I've been thinking a lot about what happened. And I even had a speech ready if I ever stumbled into you. I just seem to have forgotten it by now", she laughed a little, obviously nervous.
He took a sip of his drink, feeling a little more calm and together.
"You see... I was... Oh fuck it", she spat out and held a hand over her forehead. "I was a fool to let you go. I was scared and I don't know why the hell I turned you down. I did feel the same as you and I..." She took in a breath and let it out slowly. "I regret it. I'm so sorry."
He was stunned. He just looked at her with his lips parted and probably a stupid expression on his face.
"Wha... What", he stuttered and blinked a few times.
"Yeah, I know it's dumb. I should have just told you I was scared. You were such a superstar and I didn't know how I would fit into that whole... world of yours."
"Ooh", was the only thing he could get over his lips. He looked down. Down on his shoes. What the hell was he going to respond? How does someone respond to something like that?
He looked up at her. He had wanted to hear such words from her back them. The 'I regret' or 'I take it back, I will be your girl'. But hearing it now was just surreal.
"I know it's... weird and you probably have... anyway, I was wondering if you... might give me another chance. Like maybe just a coffee date. Like old times?"
He just blinked, looking at her with a blank stare.
Back then he thought he could rely on her, but her rejection of him had made such a mark. He had such a fire in his heart back then, but she had just torn him a part. There was no way he would be fooled again.
He took a step back. "I'm sorry, but... I can't do that. Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but you just... ", he shook his head. "I'm sorry, but it doesn't work like that. I don't work like that. And besides, it has been a year. Things have changed."
She seemed a little taken aback, but just nodded slowly. "Of cause."
She stepped back putting distance between them and smiled nervously. "I'm sorry. You are right. It's been a year and I guess you have moved on."
He smiled, feeling a little sorry for her. "Yeah. Look, I hope you are doing well. Please stay healthy and I hope you will have many good things in your life. I need to go now."
She mustered a smile and nodded. "You too, Jungkook. I know you work so hard and you deserve all the success in the world. Take good care of yourself."
"You too."
Once he stood in the elevator, he found the phone in his pocket and called the contact his phone had placed, as the top of his favorites.
"Hi you", a kind and warm voice greeted him. He let out a breath, hearing the voice that gave him calm and a sense of belonging.
"Hi baby. I'm on my way home."
"Already? Did you run out of energy", she asked him so sweetly, no teasing or judgment. Oh, how well she knew him. He never had to explain himself to her. She just got him. Damn, he loved her so much.
He smiled fondly. "Something like that. I just wanted to tell you that I miss you. And I love you."
"Aaaaah, baby, you are so sweet. I love you too. Did you get any real food? Do you want me to prepare something for you?"
"Yeah", he snickered and smirked. "You on the couch, with a blanket and ramyeon... Maybe Netflix."
She chuckled on the other end of the phone. "And room for you?"
He smiled. "I'll be home in 20 minutes. Don't start without me."
"I would never do such a thing", she gasped, but he could hear the giggle in her voice, making him laugh too.
"I'll see you soon, okay?"
"Bye, Kookie."
"Bye, baby."
He ended the call and looked at the background picture on his phone. Her and him. God, he loved her like he had never loved anybody else.
Maybe next year, he would give her something special... in a tiny box.