VANESSA
It was the morning after the night before. To look at me first thing, you would think that I was violently ill, like I had been puking for hours. My skin was pale and my eye had bags under them from a lack of sleep. A little concealer and mascara go a long way.
I didn't sleep... not even a wink. How could I?
I walked into the kitchen and there he was, like a perfect picture. Seeing him standing at the island drinking his double shot expression, was like a flashback of old times. He was even reading the paper.
"Where did you get that?"I asked, remembering we never used to get the paper delivered. Has he been out already? I wasn't on the call with my therapist for that long.
"Sebastian brought it on his way over."Jeremy closed the paper and folded it in half before setting it down on the island."How was the call — Did you tell him everything?"
I nodded my head and walked towards the stool. I took a seat on the other side of the island, my phone was in front of me and I looked at the screen.
9:45 am.
"Are you okay?"He asked.
"I told Dr Mattis what happened."I tucked my hair behind my ear feeling anxious over the topic of conversation. I hated talking about this, even in therapy."Do you know what today is? It's one year since it happened, Dr Mattis thinks that the anniversary is triggering me and that's why I saw someone last night."
"And what do you think?"Bracing his palms on the island, he looked at me. My husband waited for my reply, but he already knows what I think.
I scared him last night. The way I acted, how scared I was. The blood... Jeremy called a doctor. I told him that I was okay but he was protective and wouldn't let it go. In the end, I only needed a few stitches and some painkillers.
He wants me to tell him that I just imagined it and I'm okay. I guess it would be easier that way, wouldn't it?
"There was someone in the garden, I saw them."
"Or maybe what the therapist said was right, it makes sense. Being back here is part of that too." Jeremy sighed."I'll hire some extra security while we're here, it'll give you peace of mind."
"Thank you."I was disappointed that he didn't believe me, I know I would believe him. I looked down at my bandaged hand, feeling the pain of my stitches now my painkiller was wearing off.
"Is it sore?"He asked in concern.
"A little, I've had worse."We both have. A little blood and some stitches doesn't scare me. I should probably take that painkiller though.
"You should take your painkiller."He walked to the fridge and grabbed a water bottle. He came back to me with that and my pain medication."I have to show my face at the office, there's some things that I need to do while I'm here. Do you want to come?"
Going to his office, I'll just be in the way."I'm okay here, I'll finish packing."
"Alright, be careful with that hand."Jeremy came around the island towards me and pressed a kiss to the middle of my forehead."I love you."
"I love you too."My lips curved into a smile that disappeared once he left the room. Sometimes I wonder why he doesn't feel the same way that I do. He wasn't taken against his will... But he was shot... And he shot. He took a life. Does it not play on his mind?
It plays on mine.
I love him... So much it hurts when he's away from me for too long. Last night I felt really happy and excited about our future and our plans to start our family. But that incident at the window has me on edge and I'm trying to put on a front when he's around. I don't want him to worry too much.
I spent the day packing up Jeremyʼs bedroom, once that was done I started on his study. Noah was standing in the downstairs hallway and Sebastian was at the front gates where he usually is. I should feel relatively safe... I guess I did a little.
I heard knocking at the front door and the sound of Noah opening it. There was talking but I couldn't hear what they were saying or who it was. So I left the study and walked down the stairs. As I walked down I saw her in the hallway.
My mother-in-law.
She looked at me and smiled."Hi, Vanessa!"
I was hoping that I could avoid this until I was more prepared, but she's here now so I don't have a choice. I nervously carried a tray with coffee and shortbread biscuits towards the living area.
Ava was sitting on the couch with a smile as she saw me walking towards her. I set the tray down on the dark wood coffee table."Thank you, sweetheart."She said and I smiled. Ava patted the space beside her on the couch and I sat down.
Ava popped a sugar cube into her coffee cup and stirred it with her spoon. She looked the same as she did the last time I saw her, except her length of silver and white hair had now been cut just above her shoulder. It suited her better I thought.
She wore a white button-down blouse with cuffed sleeves and an embellished collar. Her trousers were tan and straight-legged with no pockets. The shoes that she was wearing were pointy-toed slingbacks with low heels.
I remember her telling me once how she wouldn't wear a heel unless absolutely necessary, and sometimes she would even wear a long dress so she could get away with it. It's weird to think back on it now... things don't feel the same. At least not for me
I poured some milk into my cup and stirred it. Ava noticed my bandaged hand and held it in hers for inspection. Her face showed me that she was concerned... Or perhaps she was good at acting."What happened?"
I didn't want to go into the events of last night. I didn't want to tell her that I saw someone in the garden, but my therapist and her son don't believe me and think that I'm seeing things that are not there."I cut it when I was slicing tomatoes. It's just a couple of stitches."I drank from my cup.
"How are things between you and Jeremy?"Ava asked.
"We're fine."I paused, unsure of what else to say. I wondered what she wanted me to say. Was she rooting for us... does she want us together?
"Our life in New York is different than it is here, it's going to take some time to get used to it."
She nodded her head slowly as I talked."Thomas and I were sad that we missed your wedding, Dear. We would've liked to have been there."
"I understand, but after everything we've been through together, Jeremy and I just wanted to do this on our own. It was just the two of us."I explained. "No one else was invited either."
We didn't want the big wedding, that's not what mattered to us. After everything that happened...
The Arrangement, The crash, The divorce and our fight to survive. All we wanted was to be alone.
"Well, I hope you have some pictures. I asked my son a thousand times, but you know how forgetful men can be."She smiled, finally forgiving me for her non-invite. But has she forgotten our last conversation?
"I have a couple, I'll grab my laptop."I left the living room to fetch it knowing that it had less than 10 pictures of our wedding so it should be quick.
Ava looked through the photos and we chatted over coffee and shortbread. But then it was time for her to leave and I was relieved by that, the pit in my stomach was too.
I walked Ava towards the door and she turned to me."Vanessa, I just wanted to address the elephant in the room before I leave. When we last saw each other, well we didn't leave things off on a good note."
I shook my head."No, we didn't."
"I was worried for my son. He's been through so much in the last couple of years... I almost lost him more than once. I just wanted him to be safe. I wanted you both to think about what you wanted instead of thinking about the other."
"Mrs Austin, I would never hurt him."
"I know."She sighed."I know how much he loves you. Please, don't tell him about this. I know my son, he would never forgive me."
"I won't tell him."She left with relief that I agreed not to tell him, yet I somewhat regretted that I didn't tell him sooner. It wasn't that I wanted their relationship to fail, I just wanted the past to be put behind us. I didn't want to hold onto another secret that could possibly come out and ruin everything in the future.
That night we sat around the restaurant dinner table with a great atmosphere of old friends reconnecting. It was Natasha, Alex and I. As well as Alex's new boyfriend Stuart.
As we chatted, classical music played in the background. There was chatter from other diners seated at their tables and high-pitched laughter from one table in particular by the back of the room.
Wait... I know him.
The guy the high-pitched woman was sitting with, I know him. He saw me and stood from his table, walking across the room towards me. I smiled as he approached."Vanessa, Hi! It's been a while."
"Wesley..."I stood from the table and hugged him."It's so good to see you."I looked down at the others for an introduction."Guys, this is Wesley. We used to be dance partners."
"Hi!"They all replied with a wave.
"Nice to meet you all."Wesley turned his attention to me."You left for New York I was told, I didn't expect that you would come back. How is the academy?"He asked.
"Um... It's great."I lied and I felt guilty about it, just like I always do. I've been sitting around the dinner table with my friends, feeding them lies about my life. Now it's his turn."I'm here for a couple of days to catch up with friends."
"I hope that means me too."He chuckled."I'd love to catch up while you're here, I want all the details about the academy."
"Sure. I'll call you."I replied.
"I should get back to my table before my date gets impatient."We both looked towards his table and caught her reapplying her lipstick at the dinner table. The waiter came by and she laughed hysterically at something he said."We matched on tinder. It's safe to say that I'm regretting it now. Wish me luck."
I chuckled."Good luck!"
We were mid-way through our main course. Ollie and Jeremy still haven't turned up so we decided not to sit with our stomachs rumbling. They're probably catching up and have forgotten all about us.
"It feels so good to have us all back together again."said Natasha."Everything is complete when you're here, Ness. We've been missing you so much."
"Me too."There's a lot that they don't know, but perhaps I can let them in on my life just a little. "Living in New York is not what I imagined it would be. Jeremy is working long hours so I spend most of my time alone."
Alex's face saddened."Come back to us. You know you will be happier here."
I chuckled."I can't. I'm the reason why we're there, I can't be the reason why we leave."I don't even know how I feel about being here, I'm not just going to come back.
"Does Jeremy want to live in New York?"Stuart asked.
"I don't know, we never really talked about it."
"I know Ollie misses him, he goes out now and again with Antonio and Toby but it's not the same. He's brokenhearted, honestly."Natasha laughed."If anyone is good at pining it's my husband."
I mustered a smile. The talk of Ollie was bringing back memories not so old. I was going to have to face him any minute now and I was unsure how I would feel about it.
The past is in the past, Vanessa. Leave it there and move on.
"I don't doubt that."Alex chimed in."Stuart here holds the record for always having to be right." He looked at his partner with a joking expression.
"I do not."Stuart replied and chuckled.
"See what did I tell you."Alex put his arm around Stuart and smiled."But I love you anyway."
Love you? Seems like I've been missing out on a lot. I knew they were serious... But I didn't know it was I Love You serious.
Our main meal was taken away and Alex and Stuart glanced through the dessert menu. Natasha was texting Ollie again to find out where he was. She was furious at this point, but I wasn't surprised since we were past our mains and the night was coming to an end.
A waiter placed a cake in front of me at the table. I looked up at him in confusion."Sorry, We didn't order this."
"Yes, This is for you. Table 6."He replied. His black hair was slicked back neatly but it was shiny and wet looking, like it had too much product in it.
"I don't mind eating it."Alex chuckled.
I looked down at the cake smothered in Belgian chocolate, flake cigars were standing at the back with fudge brownies surrounding them. Taking centre stage was one lighting green candle and written in white chocolate were the words...
Happy Anniversary.
I looked at the others and they shrugged."None of us are celebrating an anniversary. There must be a mistake."Natasha said.
"Who ordered it?"I asked. I noticed Alex already had his fork out ready to indulge. Hold your horses big boy. If you're going to dig in then you're paying for it.
"Erm, one moment."He pulled an IPad from the waiter's apron that fitted neatly around his waist.
"We got a call about an hour ago. Jeremy Austin. You're lucky... it's the only one that we had left." he walked away from our table to serve another.
Jeremy... why would he? I don't understand.
"Maybe it's a joke."Natasha said."Or maybe it could be the anniversary of the day you met, the date you married the first time or even the first time you know... had sex."
It's none of those. At first, I was confused, but it's obvious now what it is.
"What's all this?"I heard Ollie's voice say and I looked up from the table. The two of them were standing there. Ollie looked like he had a couple of drinks already, I couldn't say the same for Jeremy.
The voices around me faded as Jeremy leaned down and kissed me. I longed for him all day, for his lips to touch mine and melt my worries away. But it didn't, because I was angry and too confused as to why he would do this. Why would he do this?
"Sorry, we kept you waiting."He pulled out the chair beside mine and sat down.
"Do you think this is funny?"I whispered so the others couldn't hear.
Jeremy sighed."I know we're late, but there was a lot of catching up to do at the office. I promise I'll make it up to you."
"I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the cake."I looked down at the cake and so did he. He didn't say anything, he didn't even try to explain it. I grabbed my bag and walked away from the table.
I need some air.
I walked out of the restaurant and into the cold. I instantly regretted not grabbing my coat from my chair. The restaurant doors opened and two men walked out. They looked me up and down, and one of them even winked. I ignored them both and turned away.
Maybe I should leave.
I'm too annoyed to stay anyway. Natasha and Alex will understand, I know they will. I felt a warmth come around my shoulders and I knew that it was Jeremy putting my coat over me. A good husband keeps his wife from feeling cold... but what about the cake. A good husband doesn't do something like that.
He knows I'm fragile.
"Are you okay?"He asked.
"You know how hard it was for me to come back here, but I did it for you. This is how you repay me."I turned my head and looked at him with a sigh."I can't believe you."
"Repay you?"His brows furrowed."What the fuck is going on with you?"
I turned around so I was facing him."The cake... it was you who ordered it for our table. I told you this morning that it was a year today since that night. Was this your way of trying to get me over it?"I asked.
Celebrate Michael's death because why the fuck should we mourn it. I imagine that's how he feels.
"No! Jesus Christ, Vanessa."The look on his face now, showed me that he was angry."It wasn't me. I didn't order that cake. It's been a year, as far as I'm concerned that part of our life is over with."
I looked at him in confusion."But the waiter said it was you... he gave your name."
"Obviously someone is trying to make it look like me."
It wasn't him. I know that now, but I should've realised it sooner. It was a set-up, whoever it was might've been there watching us the entire time. I fell for it and their plan worked perfectly. The question remained...
If it wasn't Jeremy... then who was it?