Tammy: *on phone* I called to thank Lou for babysitting my kids yesterday. She sure tolerated them and even survived Dora the explorer for 5 hours straight. But she isn't picking up her phone. Where is she?
Debbie: She is busy plotting a murder
Tammy: WHA- WHO IS SHE PLANNING TO KILL?
Debbie: Dora. One of her plans includes stuffing Dora's bag with rocks and throwing her to candy cane river.
***
Constance: Tammy, we need you to solve this.
Tammy: What?
Constance: I say best friends hold each other's hands. Nine says they don't
Nine: Best friends don't hold hands.
Tammy: Yeah, best friends don't usually hold hands in public.
Constance: But Debbie and Lou do.
Tammy: They sleep in the same bed and shower together. So, what's your point?
***
Tammy: I don't want to be rude...
Lou: too late
***
*Tammy, after watching a documentary on saving resources*
Tammy: We gotta find a way to cut down unnecessary expenses. What can we live without?
Constance: Probably Daphne
***
Lou: What are you even doing?
Debbie: *sarcastically* worshipping Satan
Lou: Seems a bit conceited to worship yourself, but whatever makes you happy.
***
Tammy: What's your secret to always staying down-to-earth?
Lou:
Tammy:
Lou: Gravity
***
Judge: How do you plead?
Constance: *Looks at Lou*
Lou: *mouths 'not guilty'*
Constance: .... Hot milky?
***
Tammy: What happened to Lou? She seems traumatised!
Debbie: She was preparing for her parents' 47th wedding anniversary party. I asked her when they got married. She said December 23, 1975.
Tammy: Okay? And?
Debbie: Lou was born on May 16th, 1976. Do the math
***
*Team preparing for Debbie's birthday*
Nine: Shit! The printer messed up. It was supposed to say 'Debbie's birthday'
Lou: What does it say now?
Nine: 'Debbie's bi'
Lou: It's true though
***
*Amita, Nine and Constance in the car*
Amita: Are you sure you know how to drive? You are scaring me right now
Constance: I know how to drive
Nine: Do you even have a licence? You are about to kill us
Constance: Don't be a pussy you two. I have a lot of experience. I play grand theft auto every day
***
Lou: Now that I am with Debbie and you are married to Tom, do you still have my name saved as 'Third wheel' in your phone?
Tammy:
Tammy: Uh... Your hair is so smooth.
Lou: I know that. Answer my question
***
Lou: Why is my... old pair of knickers in the fridge
Debbie: You drank too much last night, took couple of panties from your closet and kept inside the fridge, and said 'this is going to confuse me so much tomorrow'. Apparently, drunk-you likes to prank hangover-you.
Lou: that explains a lot
***
Tammy: I need a 6 letter word for love
Lou: Debbie
Tammy: *rolling her eyes*
Lou: What? It fits
***
*Young Loubbie*
Lou: I never had a best friend before
Debbie: I'll be your best friend
Lou: I never had a girlf-
Tammy: Shut up, Lou
***
Constance: I sort of did something and I need some advice. But I don't want a lot of judgement and criticism
Daphne: And you came to me?
***
Lou: I am busy. I need someone to go grocery shopping
Constance: I'll do it
Lou: Here's the list
*Constance glances at it and returns*
Lou: You better take the list
Constance: Nah, I can remember
*After a while*
Lou: So, what did you get?
Constance: An Alpaca. I got the last one
***
*Lou's brother holding a ring in front of Debbie*
Lou's brother: Debbie Ocean, would you do me the honour of becoming my sister-in-law?
Debbie: Err... What?
Lou: Did you just... Propose Debbie on my behalf?
Lou's brother: Well, someone had to do it.
***
*Lou in kitchen, looking for something*
Debbie: *hugs Lou from behind*
Lou: Uh... What are you doing?
Debbie: You said you needed a little spoon
Lou: For my coffee. I wanted a little spoon for my coffee
***
Tammy: *angry* Fuck that bitch Debbie Ocean
Lou: I am. Every day
Tammy: WHA-
***
Lou: If I could rearrange the alphabets, first thing I'd do is put U and I together
Debbie: If you could rearrange the alphabets you'd first put S E X together and laugh about it for next couple of hours
Lou: Okay, you got me there
***
*Debbie and Lou visit Tammy*
Debbie: Serious Tammy? Lou and I are grown ups. You are giving us Dinosour shaped chicken nuggets?
Tammy: But you love chicken nuggets
Debbie: But we aren't kids to eat dino-
Lou: *playing with dino nuggies* RAWR RAWR
***
*Some Karen messes with the team*
Constance: I'll kill her
Tammy: No. We're going to kill her with kindness-
Constance: But instead of kindness we will use guns?
***
Daphne: *advising Constance* You always need to be kind to people. Every instance.
Penelope: Hello...
Daphne: Fuck off
***
*Constance and Nine planning a prank in group chat*
Nine: Hey guys, did you know that when you type your password, the chat software automatically blocks it and replaces with asterisks?
Nine: ************
Nine: See?
Constance: Hell! Let me try
Constance: **********
Constance: Fuck! That's awesome. Guys, you need to try too.
Amita: Amy69swiftie
Daphne: peoplesprincessD
Rose: 12345
Debbie: DlEoBu_2614
Lou: loulovesdebbie
Tammy: debbieisminefuckofflou
***
Debbie: GIVE IT TO ME, LOU. I AM SO FUCKING WET. GIVE IT TO ME
Lou:
Debbie: LOU, FUCK! GIVE IT TO ME! I AM WET. I AM SO FUCKING WET!
Lou: You can yell all you want but I am not giving you. This is my umbrella
***
Lou: Debbie insists we try 69
Tammy: *spitting her coffee* excuse me wha-
Lou: But I think it's better to keep at 72. It's not a good idea to reduce the thermostat in this weather
Tammy: 💀
***
Constance: How high was I last night?
Nine: You forgot what milk was and called it cereal water.
***
Debbie: So, what's your type?
Lou: Well, someone who is my equal intellectually, who is equal or better than me in debates, in fact, someone who would debate with me for fun. Also, who is smart and intelligent, extremely beautiful and glamorous, also cute. Also, dumb and oblivious to the obvious at times, especially when it is about relationships and emotions. And her favourite holiday being Halloween
Debbie: Awww that sounds a lot like me
Lou: *panicking*
Debbie: I wonder where the girl of your description is?
Lou:
Debbie:
Lou: did I mention dumb and oblivious?
Debbie: Yes
Lou: Okay. Just making sure.
***
Debbie: If I'm really as wicked as you say I am, and if there really is a magical man-
Lou: God
Debbie: Yeah yeah, god. If there really is a God and if I am really as wicked as you say I am, then let your God strike me down where I stand.
*Lightning strikes Debbie*
Debbie: *looking up the sky* Nice try. Next time, give it your A-game
***
Constance: *gets hit by a car and falls*
Amita: Are you okay?
Constance: Please... I... I need... My phone
Amita: *quickly picks the phone off the ground and hands it*
Constance: *going live on Instagram* OMG! You guys won't believe what just happened!
***
Debbie: I am the most responsible in our team
Lou: You literally set my kitchen on fire!
Debbie: And I take full responsibility of that
***
*Young Debbie, Lou and Tammy about to participate in a trivia as a team*
Tammy: *filling their forms for trivia* So, uh education?
Debbie: Well, with all the con related knowledge and card tricks, I never really-
Lou: I have 19 degrees.
Debbie:
Tammy:
Lou: I can list all the countries in the world and their geographical features, recite the periodic table backwards, draw a schematic of a bridge with estimated costs on a pub napkin.
***
Constance: Imagine if we all had animagus forms.
Rose: What's that?
Constance: It's our animal form based on our character. It's in Harry Potter
Nine: It is supposed to reflect who we are
Constance: I feel Rose is a rabbit
Nine: Tammy probably is a bear
Daphne: What about me?
Nine: Maybe a proud peacock
Constance: What do you think Lou is?
Nine: Uh... Kinda hard to tell
Constance: Let's ask Debbie
*Girls go to Debbie and Lou*
Constance: If Lou was an animal, what would it be?
Debbie: A pig
Lou: WHA-
Constance: wow!
Nine: She didn't even pause or had to think before answering
***
Constance: I accidentally saw your boyfriend Mike taking a bath with bubbles
Amita: Uh? Okay... That's really wrong of you to look at my boyfriend bathing
Constance: Nah, what's wrong is that Bubbles is a man and they both are bathing in your bathroom
***
*Young Loubbie*
Debbie: *on phone* Is this Lou's girlfriend Jessica?
Jessica: Yes?
Debbie: Next time when you are having sex with my roommate Lou, be a little quieter please? I couldn't sleep last night.
Jessica: I am on a holiday in France. Have been for a week.
Debbie:
Jessica: Would you mind if I strangle your roommate once I return?
Debbie: Not at all
***
Lou: Someone just told me you sound like an owl
Tammy: Who
Lou: Haaahahahahaha
Tammy: The fuck! You tricked me
*Sometimes later, Tammy goes to Debbie*
Tammy: Someone just told me you sound like an owl
Debbie: Really?
Tammy: You were supposed to say who!
Debbie: Okay, who?
Tammy: Forget it. The moment is gone
***
*Young Loubbie*
Debbie: *Looking out the window* are you throwing stones at my window?
Lou: I wanted to talk to you
Debbie: You don't have to throw stones, Lou. You have a cellphone now
Lou: Oh right
Lou: *throws her phone*
***
Constance: *on phone* Lou, help me! There is a moth on the outside of the bathroom door. Can you please get rid of it?
Lou:
Constance: Lou? Are you there? Hello?
Lou: *in robotic voice* This is moth. Lou is dead. You are next.
***
Lou: I don't get affected by alcohol. Even if I do, I probably am the best drunkard ever because I don't cause any havoc or do something stupid
Debbie: Do you really believe that?
Lou: Yes. I never did anything
Debbie: Let's see, few days ago, you were drunk and threw a clock out of the window because you wanted to see time fly. Once you chased Tammy with a screwdriver because I said 'screw you' to her. Oh, once your mom said that when she gave you 20 dollars for lunch, but you were drunk and you fucking ate the bill. You once tried to drown me in air...
Lou: Wow! I do awesome and mental things when I'm drunk
Debbie: That I won't disagree
***
Constance: I got humiliated
Amita: what happened?
Constance: Yesterday I was in a cafe, and I really needed to pass gas
Amita: okay?
Constance: The music was really loud and so, I did it
Amita: And?
Constance: Everyone was looking at me. And I realised I was listening to music with my headphones on.
***
Lou: *on phone* Hey baby, I want to tell you something
Debbie: Can it wait? It's 3 in the morning
Lou: It is important
Debbie: Okay, what is it?
Lou: *in low deep voice* I am batman
Debbie: How drunk are you?
***