★LORELAI★
May 27th
1997
"Thirty minutes 'til we have to leave!" Faye bangs on Harry's closed door.
He's kidnapped the whole band and shoved them into his room, demanding a mandatory band meeting. They've been in there all morning, and all afternoon. I've heard the light strums and beats of their makeshift instruments, most likely running through the setlist over and over to make sure it's perfect.
Tonight's a huge night for them, finally performing for a group of people who actually sought them out. People from all over San Francisco are coming to see what all the media buzz is about. I can tell that they are stressing about making a good impression, but from the few articles written about the showcase, they are already doing great.
This past week their whole lives have started to change. Mr. Chen advised them all to put in their two weeks at their jobs, wanting to get them on the road as soon as possible. I heard Mitch talking about a meeting with Mr. Chen about a possible tour. It wouldn't be big, probably just around California, but that's huge for them.
I even put my two weeks in at the bar. It was nerve wracking and a bit sad, but I'm looking forward to where my life is going. Mr. Chen has put me in contact with everyone that will be placed on Painted Lady's PR team, but he didn't tell me I'd be leading it. All of these people now expect me to make the executive decisions about possible PR moves, and they produce it. It's exciting and frightening to have that much power.
Two knocks on the front door pull me from my thoughts, and I stand from the couch to get it. I pull open the door to see Leo's shining face on the other side.
"Am I late?" He asks, rushing into the room.
"Not really, let's just convince Faye you've been here the entire time or she may have a breakdown."
He leans down to kiss my lips once before walking straight into the living room, avoiding Faye's nervous pacing in the hallway. I go to sit with him on the couch, not allowing myself to get comfortable because of the time crunch we are on.
"If they don't get out here in the next five minutes, I'm going to shoves Zayn's balls so far down- Leo? When'd you get here?" Faye storms into the living room, looking extremely distressed.
"I've been here." Leo lies.
"No, you were-"
"He's been here all day, Faye." I add, watching her face scrunch up in confusion.
"Am I going insane or something?" Faye slowly sits down on the couch, rubbing her temples.
The door to Harry's room creaks open, all of them walking out in a line. They walk into the living room, looking a bit more confident than when they walked into Harry's room.
"What are you guys doing? We have a show to get to, c'mon!" Harry taunts with a smile.
"You fuck! If you don't-" Faye jumps from the couch, hurtling towards Harry.
Harry jumps out of the way as Zayn catches Faye's body mid-air. She dangles in his arms, screaming profanities at Harry and throwing her limbs in all different directions. "Let me at him!"
ʚ ♥ ɞ
The sun casts an orange glow over the city as we drive down the street. The venue we are heading to isn't too far away, but it's enough of a distance for everyone to calm down.
Faye was sentenced to being stuck in the car with Leo and I after she relentlessly tried to attack Harry. She sits in the back seat, sulking like a child.
The radio stays at a quiet hum, playing peacefully in the background. I stare out the window at all the passing buildings and people, attempting to tune out the growing nerves in my stomach.
"Today on 102.1, we have a special request from a listener. Apparently there's a new band in town, ready to take the world by storm. They are signed to FM Records and just had their first ever showcase just last week. Tonight they perform their full album for the first time at The Fillmore. Well, we've heard this song before, and we are excited to hear more from them. This is Gives You Hell by Painted Lady!" My ears perk up as the radio host speaks, and I instantly turn the volume up.
Painted Lady's song plays through the speaker and I instantly scream. I look back at Faye who has the same surprised expression as me.
I reach down to my purse, fumbling through it to find my phone. I flip it open and quickly dial Harry's number. It rings and rings, and I curse his name under my breath for every second that he doesn't pick up.
"What's up?" He answers.
"Harry! Harry! Turn on 102.1 right now!" I scream into the phone.
"What? Why-"
"Just do it!"
"Jesus fuck, okay!" He yells back, and there's silence on the other end which I hope means he's flipping through the stations.
I wait a couple seconds for his reaction, nervously biting my nails.
"Holy fuck! No fucking way!" I hear him yell, the volume of his radio slowly turning up.
I hear everyone start to scream in the background, cheering and laughing along with one another.
"Shit! We're on the radio!" Harry speaks in a shocked tone.
"You're on the radio, Harry." I smile to myself, my heart bursting.
ʚ ♥ ɞ
The venue is packed.
People chattering and laughing all around. The room is dimly lit, a few small lights scattered all over so that people can see. I'm anticipating the nerves that will occur when the lights eventually go down. The stage is completely set up, a special drum kit with the band's name front and center.
The room is one whole standing section, and people are squeezed up against one another. Luckily there's a small VIP balcony that looks down on everyone else, and that's where we get to stand. I look down at the mix of people below, everyone dressed casually and appearing excited. There's a couple people I recognize from the showcase, but most of them seem to be new and interested fans.
As soon as we arrived the band ushered backstage to get dressed. Faye had already had their clothing for tonight sent to the venue so she wouldn't have to worry about getting them ready at the loft. I have no idea what they are going to wear, but Faye was talking it up the entire drive here.
There's only about ten minutes until showtime and my nerves are at an all time high. I'm not nervous about how they are going to perform, I know they'll do great, but I'm nervous for the audience's reaction. Most of the people here have only heard one song, and to judge their idea on them over that one song, is crazy. The fact that people paid to see them perform tonight after only hearing one song, is crazy. But I know their music is good, I just have to hope everyone else agrees.
"Hey," Faye speaks breathily beside me, having just appeared.
"Hey, how's the band?" I ask, both of our bodies leaning over the thin railing.
"Nervous as hell, but at least they look good," She laughs as she speaks.
"Two martinis," Leo appears on the other side of me, holding out two glasses for Faye and I.
That's another perk of the VIP section... Free drinks!
I sip my drink, tasting the gin as it coats my throat. I try to take my mind off the nerves, deciding to simply bask in the moment.
I'm in a venue, where some of my closest friends are about to perform their first album to a crowd of fans for the first time ever. I'm happy, and I'm proud. It doesn't matter what others think at this moment, only how I feel.
And I've got to be honest, I feel really good about tonight.
Suddenly the house lights go down and the crowd erupts into cheers. A large spotlight is lit on the center of the stage, and everyone's anticipation reaches an all time high. Faye and I scream along with the crowd, and Leo whistles loudly beside me. There's no intro before the band slowly begins to walk onto the stage.
Niall walks on first, waving to the crowd of people before taking his spot on the stage. Harlow walks out after him, the men in the room going crazy for a female drummer. Little do they know. Zayn follows after her, smiling sheepishly as he throws his bass strap over his shoulder. Mitch walks out next, a tight smile on his lips, and awkwardly waving to a few people in the crowd.
Harry walks out last and the crowd goes crazy, hollering and screaming for him. He walks out confidently, a subtle smirk resting on his face. He waves to a couple people in the audience before he looks up at the balcony. He flashes a devilish smirk up at us, and for some reason it makes my stomach drop.
The crowd's screams slowly die as Harry walks up to the microphone, his smile alone pulling everyone in.
"Hi, I'm Harry and this is Painted Lady," The crowd cheers loudly. "Thank you for coming out tonight, this is our first album Fascination. The first song is called 'I'm Full'."
The spotlight goes out on stage and a loud guitar sound comes roaring through the speakers. The crowd goes crazy as the stage lights slowly raise, revealing the band jamming out on stage.
"Hit me once again"
ʚ ♥ ɞ
It's been nearly forty minutes of straight dancing and singing along to the music.
Their first show has been amazing. They haven't missed a single beat and they've kept the audience engaged the whole time. The crowd moshed, sang, and danced all night. I stared in awe for the most part, always having a love for live music and now getting to have it being a part of my job. I watched the crowd move, and sway, and enjoy one another's company to the tune of Painted Lady.
It's been surreal to be able to see my friends live out their dreams.
The show is about to come to an end, currently Harry is dancing all over the stage as 'Gives You Hell' comes to a close. The entire crowd is singing along since it's their most known song.
"I hope that it puts you through hell"
Harry sings out the final line and the crowd goes crazy. I yell along with everyone else, a huge weight falling off my shoulder. Faye and Leo clap and applaud beside me, and when I look over to Faye, she looks a bit choked up with emotion.
The band stays on the stage, basking in the praise and applause. They all look so comfortable on stage, like it's exactly where they were meant to be. I literally could not be prouder of each and every single one of them. My heart hurts with how much love I have for them.
Harry walks up to the mic, preparing for his final statements of the night. "Thank you! Thank you! You've all been incredible!" He holds his hand to his heart, his face one of pure awe and sincerity.
As Harry speaks, I watch the band tune their instruments and I slowly grow confused the longer they don't leave the stage.
"Tonight has been one of the most surreal moments of my life, you have no idea how much it means to me." Harry speaks out to the crowd as they scream their love back at him. "For being such a welcoming and great crowd... I thought maybe we'd do a little something special for you guys." The crowd goes insane and I grow even more confused.
They performed all of their songs already so what could he have planned?
"We're gonna play a new song... It's not on the album, and it's something I just recently wrote. It means a lot to me, and I hope you like it just as much as I do," The crowd screams in excitement as my face darts to Faye. She appears just as confused as me, neither knowing what is about to happen.
"Thank you again... This is Babyhoney."
My heart stops beating in my chest, all of the blood rushing out of my body. I don't breathe and I can feel my hands start to sweat. My eyes grow wide and threaten to pop out of my head. Harry peers up at me on the balcony, a knowing smirk on his face.
*play song now!
The music starts, Mitch strumming a tune on his guitar. Harlow and Niall join in with a beat, while Zayn plays a catchy riff on his bass. It's a groovy song already, but I can't find it in me to dance along. My heart is beating out of my chest and I fear I may faint.
That fear only grows when Harry begins to sing.
"Well I think I wrote a song that all your friends are gonna like"
He sings out the first verse, drawing everyone in with his strained vocals. His eyes never leave mine as he sings and I fear that Leo may catch on.
"But they'll tell you that they hate it
When they don't
Just because it's mine"
I look over at Faye, who knows about the nickname Harry once gave me. Her jaw is dropped, her eyes hesitatingly glancing over at me.
"And I swear that I'm not thinking 'bout you all the time"
I try my hardest to pay attention to the lyrics. He obviously wrote this song to get my attention, but why the hell does he always have to make it so public?
"It'll only take a minute
Take a listen
Maybe change your mind"
Change my mind? Change my mind about what? Is this about our conversation the other night while we were sentenced to the hallway of hell?
The beat drops a bit as Harry starts to belt into the mic, seemingly falling into the music and letting it take over as he sings directly to me.
"Now I'm getting older
Am I getting over you?"
The band accompanies his vocals with a comical repeat of "La,La,La,La", and I almost catch myself enjoying the tune.
"Now I'm getting older
Am I getting over you?"
He repeats the line, practically moaning into the microphone. I peer over at Leo, who appears completely clueless, bobbing his head along to the beat.
"Now I'm getting older
Am I getting over you?
I guess we'll never know"
He holds out the last note, fist pumping the air along with the beat. He takes the microphone off the stand and moves to the front of the stage, the spotlight following his every move. Even though he moves locations, his eyes never leave mine.
"Oh I know he's got the money
Babyhoney does he make your night"
Are you joking?
Is he seriously going to bring up Leo right-
"Is it true he doesn't touch you in the place
The way I know you like?"
Oh. My. Fucking. God.
I told him that in confidence, while inebriated, and now he's airing out my dirty laundry to a room of screaming fans.
"And I swear that I'm not thinking 'bout you all the time"
My anger slowly grows as he continues to sing. His relentless eye contact never gives up.
"Just today
Yesterday
Everyday
And tomorrow night"
He subtly winks at me as he sings out the last line. He finally breaks eye contact, letting out a quiet 'ow' note as he prances around the stage. He sings to the crowd, bending down to sit on his knees.
"Now I'm getting older
Am I getting over you?"
He repeats the chorus, the crowd singing it back to him. It's a weird feeling to have a song about you sung out to an audience, but it's even weirder when they sing along knowing nothing about what it means.
"Now I'm getting older
Am I getting over you?"
He stands back up, walking swavley towards the microphone. He appears to have an abundance of confidence as he sings and it only makes my anger grow faster.
"Now I'm getting older
Am I getting over you?
I guess we'll never know, ow!"
He holds out the last note, creating a cat-like noise at the end and living up to his drunken nickname. He places the microphone back on the stand, the spotlight accentuating the direct eye contact he resumes with me.
"I swear I'm not thinking 'bout you now"
He sings with a large smile on his face indicating that he's lying, while the band repeats a soft chant of 'over' behind his vocals.
"I swear I'm not thinking 'bout you now"
He repeats, his elated and carefree eyes staring right back at my death glare.
"Now I'm getting older
Am I getting over you?
I guess we'll never know, aye"
He smirks into the mic, sticking out his tongue at the end of the song right as the lights go out. The crowd erupts into the loudest applause I've ever heard, running on pure adrenaline from hearing an artist play an unreleased song.
I stare at the empty stage with a scowl on my face, preparing everything that I will say to him tonight. Well 'say' is an understatement, more like scream at him.
"Wow, that song was great! I wonder what it was about?" Leo breaks me from my thoughts, a large unknowing smile present on his face.
ʚ ♥ ɞ
"I'll see you tomorrow." I hop out of Leo's car as he bids me goodbye.
He has another meeting at work and this time it was very apparent that he would not be coming up.
I don't really care though. I have business to take care of.
I haven't gotten a chance to talk to Harry about the song tonight. He quickly ran off stage and left the venue. I assume he's home by now, I'm not sure where else he would be. He's going to be very surprised when I burst into his room and call him out.
I walk through the lobby of the building, walking to elevators. I wait for it to come as I run through exactly what I am going to say to him. He needs to know how immature it was of him to play that song tonight.
The doors fly open and I quickly step on, my anticipation and anger rising along with the floors.
When the elevator reaches our floor, I walk down the short hallway to our door. Using my key to unlock it and push it open. I walk through the entryway, kicking my shoes off by the door. I spot Mitch and Harlow on the couch, drinking by themselves. I stomp my way closer to them, and as soon as they notice my presence, Mitch speaks.
"Don't go in Zayn's room, he's definitely getting some celebratory sex right now."
"Ew! Mitch!" Harlow slaps him with a pillow.
"Wasn't planning on it," I mutter, making a b-line to my room to discard my purse and mentally prepare myself.
I grab onto my doorknob and twist it slowly, throwing the door open in my entrance. I halt in my steps and all the anger is quickly wiped from my body when I stare ahead of me.
Harry sits on my bed casually, his head craned upwards at my ceiling. When he hears the door open his head snaps to my face. He doesn't look surprised or nervous, almost like he's been planning a conversation in his head all night too.
"Harry?" My voice cracks as I speak.
"Hey, Lor." He smiles softly at me, his posture straightening up as I slowly enter the room.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, setting my purse down on the floor and standing at the end of my bed.
"Counting the stars... Still fifty-two." He cranes his neck upward again, staring at the small plastic stars on my ceiling.
"Why are you here?" I fidget in my spot, the entire speech I had planned now completely gone from my brain.
"Just wanted to talk to you," He shrugs his shoulders as he speaks. "Do you want me to go?" He looks up at me, a face full of insecurity and regret.
"No." I say a little too quickly, clearing the non-existent phlegm in my throat. "I uh- I actually think we should talk." I slowly move to sit at the end of my bed.
"I have a feeling our topics of conversation are very similar but very different," He laughs nervously, fidgeting with the rings on his hands.
"You did great tonight... You never fail to amaze me, Harry." I catch him off guard with a sentence he most likely wasn't expecting.
He looks up at me, a shy smile resting on his face. "You mean it?" He smiles.
"More than you'll ever know." I smile back at him, that saying kind of becoming our thing.
"I know that song-"
"Harry, that song-"
We speak at the same time, laughing awkwardly until Harry gives me the signal to speak first.
"Harry... That song was..." My voice dies in my throat.
"I know. I know." He shakes his head manically. "It was dumb and petty. I shouldn't have performed it tonight." He owns up to his actions.
"In front of Leo too?" I speak quietly, not wanting to disturb the peace we've created.
"I know, I'm sorry. It was so immature of me, I'm sorry." He apologizes repeatedly, kind of making me feel bad for all the cursing of his name I was doing earlier.
"I think he's pretty clueless though," I laugh lightly, attempting to bring the mood of the conversation up.
"Pretty dull for a software engineer," He laughs.
"What even made you write it? Was it because of the other night?" I question, something I've been thinking about since he sang it earlier.
"Lor," He laughs awkwardly. "I think it's pretty obvious what the song is about."
"Do you mean it?" I practically whisper, scared for the answer.
He hesitates to answer, biting his tongue. "Which part?" He smirks, an almost apologetic and embarrassed expression on his face.
"The whole thing." I say bluntly, needing to know the answer before I implode.
"Do you want the truth?" He drags his answer out, and I nod.
"I meant every single word." He stares deeply into my eyes as he speaks, his voice and eye contact not wavering even a little.
"Oh." I whisper, every thought in my brain escaping with the way he looks at me.
"I don't want to scare you or make you rethink every life decision you've ever made, so please just... Just don't worry about it." He rushes out when he notices the panic on my face.
"Don't worry about it?" I repeat his words.
"Yeah... Just... I know you're in a relationship and I really wasn't trying to sabotage it or ruin your life, I just had something to say... So I said it."
"This just... It changes a lot." I mutter softly, my eyes focusing on my bedding as I overthink everything.
"No! No! This doesn't change anything! Everything's exactly the same, nothing has to change." Harry bursts out talking.
"But you meant it?" I peer up at him, his eyes full of panic.
"I was lying!" He yells.
"No you weren't. Harry-"
"I didn't mean a single word!"
"Harry-"
"I actually hate your guts!"
"Harry!"
"Lorelai! Please! It doesn't change anything!" He screams, pleading with me.
"It does-!"
"No, just disregard everything I've said, please." He grabs onto my fidgeting hands, holding them tightly.
"I can't Harry..." I sigh, coming to terms with something. "Harry... What if I-"
"No." He cuts off my confession. "Don't say it."
"But, Harry I-"
"No, Lorelai... Don't say something you don't mean."
My mouth slowly closes, deciding that he's right. If I said what I wanted to, it could be detrimental to many aspects of my life.
★HARRY★
I slowly let go of Lorelai's hands, my brain working on overdrive.
I had a feeling about what she was going to say, and I had to stop it before it was too late. Admitting it to myself was already hard enough, so if she was about to make a rash decision about how she feels just to spare my feelings, it wasn't going to be worth it.
I can feel the emotions slowly bubbling up behind my eyes and in my chest. I know I should leave now before any other confessions decide to jump out of my mouth.
I slowly stand from her bed, her eyes following my every move. I smile softly at her as I slowly back away from her, walking towards her door. I turn around to open the door, the empty hallway staring back at me. Before I step out, I turn around and take one last look at her melancholic state.
"Just let me know when you're ready, I'll be here." I mutter quietly before stepping out of her door.
I close her door behind myself, standing up against the solid wood and staring back at my door across the hall.
I'm overcome with emotions, the toll of the entire night along with the past month finally falling down on me. My heart is in pain as I walk away from Lorelai's door. It consumes me and doesn't let up, it feels as though I need some sort of drug to make all the pain go away.
I enter my room as I bite back tears, throwing myself face first onto my bed. I scream into the pillows, letting them muffle my emotions. I finally allowed myself to cry over her.
I cry and cry and pray for them to stop when I know they won't. I feel suffocated by my own brain and my own thoughts, needing something or someone to vent to.
I roll onto my back, reaching onto my floor for something that I know will help to ease the pain.
Alcohol.
I pop to cap off the beer bottle and scarf down half of its contents in one go. I finish it off after two gulps, throwing the glass bottle elsewhere. I grab another off the floor, continuing the same steps until the tears halt on their own.
My head begins to swim, but the thoughts are still very present.
I grab my journal from underneath my pillow and do the one thing I do best. I write all of my feelings down onto a piece of paper, things I wouldn't have the guts to tell anyone else. I can already tell this song will not be one that will ever see the light of day, it's something I'll keep tucked away to taunt me throughout my life.
I finish it quickly, not even bothering to give it a title.
Then an idea floods my mind, a mischievous thought that I will probably regret when I am a lot more sober. But, I am far too drunk to care right now, so I do as my drunk mind tells me.
I rip the page from the book, folding up the small piece of paper and writing a small 'H' on the front. I stand from my bed, stumbling a bit as I catch my footing. I walk slowly to my door, tiptoeing like I am doing something I shouldn't be.
Which is true. I shouldn't be doing this.
I creep my way out of my room, walking straight across the hall. I kneel down onto the floor and slide the small piece of paper underneath Lorelai's door for her to find in the morning.
I'm not sure why I do it, and I'm scared to know what her reaction to it will be.
But everything I said was truthful, and I mean it all more than she'll ever know.
¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸
a/n:
heyyyyy :D
um so anyways....
next chapter is gonna be fun!!!!
genuinely.
pls don't hate me anymore:(((
see you soooooooooooon!!