★LORELAI★
May 20th
1997
Tonight has been insane.
I've felt every single emotion in the past twenty-four hours. I've been nervous, spiteful, proud, and overjoyed.
Seeing the band's faces after they got off stage is something I will never forget. They all looked incredibly elated and relieved, relishing in the praise they were receiving. They kept saying how they wanted to go back onto the stage and perform the entire album from start to finish for the crowd.
Then Mr. Chen came into the room with some prevalent news.
He applauded the band at the start of their success, thanking them and congratulating them. He then told the band that publicity buzz is already circulating about them. Piquing people's interest from all over, and demanding to see them in concert. So, Mr. Chen has booked a venue next week for Painted Lady to perform the entirety of Fascination for a crowd of fans.
The band was surprised to say the least, especially since they were talking about doing just that. They were also surprised to hear that they have 'fans' already, given Mr. Chen said a handful of them are people from the showcase. They were assured that this was only the beginning and as soon as the newspapers and magazines run their articles about tonight, it only goes up.
We all left the building running on so much adrenaline we couldn't possibly contain ourselves. Mitch, Niall and Harry were running through the empty streets, screaming at the top of their lungs. Zayn lit a blunt in celebration, sharing it with Harlow and Faye.
I tried to enjoy the moment as much as I could, but something felt like it was pulling me down.
Or maybe someone.
Leo complained the entire drive home about how he has to be up early tomorrow morning for an important meeting at work, but I begged and pleaded with him to come back to the loft with me. He eventually caved when I promised there would be no "funny business" and he would be able to get a good night's sleep.
Well that didn't really go to plan, and I can feel the masked anger radiating off of his body.
As soon as we all got back to the loft, everyone immediately started drinking. Taking whatever we have in the liquor cabinet and downing its contents. Leo didn't want to seem like a bummer, so he stayed in the living room with us and casually sipped on a beer. Everyone slowly got drunker and drunker, and with more drinks came more hostility.
But not mad hostility... Competitive hostility.
Mitch is a very competitive drunk, always trying to prove that he is better than anyone at anything. Then Harry, being Harry, likes to poke the bear. He challenges him to impossible tasks, to which everyone else eventually joins in on.
And that's how we ended up here.
All of us stood on random pieces of furniture in the living room, tension radiating off of our bodies. Everyone's eyes darting to one another repeatedly, gauging one another's next move.
The floor is lava, and every time you move you have to drink. If you stumble, you have to lose an article of clothing. If you jump to the same place as another person, you have to hold up a different number of fingers than the other person to continue on in the game. If you hold up the same number, you both get sentenced to the hallway of hell. I'm not quite sure what happens when you're sent there, we haven't gotten that far yet. Every time someone yells "MTV Top Ten Video Countdown", we all have to move spots.
I'm not sure who exactly came up with rules, but I'm having fun.
Leo, on the other hand, is losing... bad. He's down to his t-shirt, boxers and socks while everyone else is practically fully clothed. He seems very upset, but everyone is too drunk to notice or care.
"MTV Top Ten Video Countdown!" Harry screams, catching everyone off guard.
I jump in front of me to a single pillow placed strategically on the floor. I steady my footing, looking up to see if everyone is still in. I see mostly everyone alone in their spots, taking a swig from their drinks, but then I look to the kitchen.
Harlow and Mitch are both standing on the kitchen table, and now they have to duel.
Tensions rise in the room as they both think really hard about what number to throw. We all hold our breaths as they count down to three.
"One... Two... Three!"
Harlow holds four fingers up and Mitch holds one, and they both sigh in relief. They both take a drink and contemplate their next moves.
"MTV Top Ten Video Countdown!" I yell out once I have my next spot located.
I jump to the side table by the couch, taking a sip from my drink. I look up to see everyone planted firmly in their spots, my eyes scanning the room slowly. Just as my eyes pass Leo who is standing on the pillow I just left, he stumbles a bit, his foot touching the lava for just a second.
"Leo! Strip!" I scream out, slurring on my words.
"What! No! I didn't slip!" He tries to defend himself, but I know what I saw.
"I saw it with my own two eyes!"
"You're drunk, you don't know what you saw!"
I scoff in offense, "Okay, well even if you didn't slip, now you have to strip for being rude to your girlfriend!" I taunt, waving my fingers around in the air.
He rolls his eyes dramatically, slowly leaning down to rid himself of his socks.
"Strip! Strip Strip!" We all chant as he throws his socks onto the floor.
"Hey! Do you not know about pollution man! You just threw your socks straight into the lava!" Mitch yells out, looking genuinely disappointed.
As they bicker, I locate my next spot. It's a risky one, but that's why I choose it, because no one else would take that risk. "MTV Top Ten Video Countdown!" I yell out, throwing my body forward.
I jump onto the coffee table, knocking into two other bodies. My brain feels like it's swimming as I look up at who I have to duel with.
Leo.
And Harry.
Oh my god.
"Oh shit!" Faye laughs loudly, and Zayn slaps his hand over her face.
This could not be worse.
"A triple duel!" Zayn slurs, his eyes wide.
"How will this even work?" Leo asks, looking very uncomfortable with this situation.
"You all have to duel at once, if two of you have the same number, you get sentenced to hell!" Mitch explains the non-existent rules.
We all take a breath in, the stress of the situation weighing on all of us. I can feel everyone's eyes on us, sensing the awkwardness around us. I look up at both Leo and Harry, trying to read their minds and not choose their numbers.
Harry stares at me blankly, a small smile on his face. He doesn't appear like he cares what the outcome is of this. What if he gets sentenced to hell with Leo? Oh god.
When I stare at Leo, he mouths something to me that I can't understand. He repeats it over and over but I'm horrible at reading lips. His face looks urgent and nervous, which makes me even more nervous for what could happen.
"One.. Two... Three!" Harry counts us down and I close my eyes as I throw out my hand.
"Oh... shit." I hear Faye whisper in the distance and my eyes immediately snap open.
Leo holds three fingers up, his face full of disbelief. I immediately feel horrible because I am only holding two fingers up.
"No fucking way," Harry laughs and my eyes snap to his hand.
Two fingers.
Fuck. Me.
"Well... Uhm," Mitch clears his throat. "Harry and Lorelai... You've both been sentenced to the hallway of hell."
"Lorelai, I was mouthing three, not two!" Leo snaps.
"Hey! No cheating! You're disqualified!" Niall yells out, practically passed out on the couch.
"What? No!" Leo yells, pleading for his life.
"Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater. Cheater, cheater, scum of the earth, bottom feeder." I chant solemnly along with everyone else.
"Fuck this," Leo sighs, his body landing on the couch behind himself in defeat.
"So... What does the hallway of hell entail?" Harry asks the dreaded question.
"I... Don't really know," Mitch mutters.
"Kiss!" Niall shouts out, not knowing much about Harry and I's past.
"No-" Leo attempts to interject but Mitch cuts him off.
"That might just work...," He stares off into space, thinking deeply. "Yes, you have to stay in the hallway until you kiss."
"Mitch, I don't know-" Harry chimes in, looking unsure about this situation.
"Those are the rules!" Mitch yells.
"The rules you came up with right now." Harry stares blankly at Mitch.
"Let's just get it over with, Harry." I attempt to persuade him, but he stays firm in his spot.
"You too?" He stares down at me, a face full of surprise.
"Yeah, what the hell?" Leo calls out from his spot on the couch.
"It's just a game! Okay! It doesn't mean anything!" I grab Harry's hand, dragging him along with me into the hallway
Harlow used her partition to separate the hallway from the living room, shutting us out from the rest of the group.
"Let us know when you're done making out!" Zayn yells from the other side of the makeshift wall, laughing as he speaks.
"Dude!" Leo yells.
I stand in front of Harry, who seems very uncomfortable. He doesn't even look at me, just stands beside me with his head hung low. I can sense the gears working overdrive in his head, but I can't figure out what has him this stressed.
"Harry, c'mon, let's get this over with." I push, but he doesn't move.
"I know.. just give me a second," He mutters, trapped in his thoughts.
"It's just a game, and it's not like we haven't kissed before," I laugh, attempting to calm his nerves.
"You have a boyfriend, Lor." He states as if I don't know.
"I know that Harry, but it's just a kiss, it doesn't mean anything." He finally looks at me as I speak, his eyes carrying an emotion I can't pinpoint. It looks like a mix between heartbreak and confusion. "Right?"
"Jesus, are you guys fucking back there or something?" Zayn yells from the living room, only causing Harry to shy away even more.
"Harry, c'mon." I start to get impatient.
"What if it's not just a game for me?" Harry whispers softly, something I wouldn't have heard if I wasn't paying attention.
"What do you mean?" I speak slowly, my mind coming up with a million different answers at once.
He doesn't respond, but his eyes glance over at me. He stares at me with a face that reads 'You know what I mean', and then it hits me.
Hits me is an understatement.
The realization of his words smacks into me like a semi-truck going one hundred miles per hour.
"Harry..." I whisper, the tension that he once held now entering my body.
"You don't have to say anything. I know. You're in a relationship, a good one, and I'm happy for you. I really am." He musters up the best smile he can in a situation like this. "Let's just get this kiss over with, I don't know why I was acting so weird." He speaks quickly, bending down towards me.
I back away quickly, not wanting to participate in this game anymore. "No." I shake my head repeatedly.
"C'mon, we can just get back to the game and forget all about this, okay?" He takes a step towards me again, trying to lean in to kiss me but I back away.
"No..." I whisper as he sighs.
"Why?" He groans.
"Because... Just- No. It's not supposed to- No." I stumble on my words. "Not like this."
"What-"
I pull the partition back, opening the hallway up to the living room. I storm into the living room, leaving a confused Harry behind. Everyone stares at me expectantly, hoping I tell them about the kiss Harry and I didn't share.
"This game is stupid, and I'm going to bed." I announce, immediately turning around and walking towards my bedroom.
My shoulder accidentally knocks into Harry's as I quickly open my door and slam it behind myself.
★ HARRY ★
Her shoulder brushes against mine as she rushes into her room. I stand in the same spot, immensely confused. One second she was practically begging me to kiss her so that we could get on with the game, and the next she's refusing to kiss me. It was definitely because of what I said, but why would she be upset if what I said was true?
"Jeez, what happened back there?" Harlow speaks on behalf of everyone's confusion.
Everyone seems to have abandoned the game, all laying out on the couch drowsily. Leo stands from the couch, collects all of his clothes from the floor, and walks to Lorelai's room. The group all stares at me as if I have an answer for what just happened.
"I'm going to bed, Niall you can crash on the couch." I look at Niall who has already taken it upon himself to fall asleep here.
There's a collective sigh as I leave the room, the group realizing they won't get any explanation from me. I open the door to my bedroom, closing out the judgemental stares from behind.
My room is dark and dreary as always, but it's perfect for what I'm about to do.
I throw myself onto my bed, knowing that I need to vent out all of my emotions onto a page instantly or I may possibly implode. I grab my journal from underneath my pillow, flipping to a blank page and writing down the first words that pop into my head.
I think about everything I said to Lorelai tonight and all of the truth behind it. I think about the past and the present and my hopeful future. I think about the complicated situation I've put myself in, and the challenges I'll have to face in order to get out. I write a fun song, something upbeat and something everyone will like. It has a meaning that everyone will get but no one will truly understand.
The most important thing that I think about though, and it's something I've only recently come to terms with, is that I am definitely not over Lorelai.
Caroline was a way to prove something to myself, and look how that ended. I used her to get back at Lorelai, which only prompted Lorelai to get into her own relationship. The kicker is, Caroline was bad for me, and Leo seems to be great for Lorelai. As I see it, there's no winning for me right now.
I write this song with the intention for Lorelai to hear it and know exactly how I feel. I won't be hoarding this song in my journal with all the other lyrics I wrote about her. I write this song with the intention to play it when she least expects it, like at the show next week. I write this song with the intention for her to know exactly what I am talking about.
And that's why I title it the only name that's appropriate.
In all caps I scribble on the top of the page.
BABYHONEY
¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸
a/n:
filler chapter I KNOW
but i think we all know what's coming next...
buckle up XDD
i finally have time off tomorrow so another update is right around the corner!
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