"my darling,
you will never be unloved by me
you are too well tangled in my soul."
Nailea Rivera.
What is happening with me?
She was only meant to be the girl I forced into this whole proposal for an easy year, then just get rid of her. However, it's getting more difficult to do by the minute.
My heart contracts and feels even smaller, producing erratic heartbeats the second her name is mentioned or whenever thoughts appear of her. It wasn't meant to get this far. She has occupied my mind, like words attached to a page. Never leaving, never changing.
I hadn't realised I wanted her this badly, until I kissed her. The sensual feeling of her lips on mine is a memory which will never fade. Her classic vanilla and coconut scent fill my nose and that's all I need.
Now, she's the girl I've come to care for, with whom I've never done for anyone else.
She makes me think the unthinkable, and I haven't even touched her like that yet.
Cazzo, since when did I get this fucking sappy?
The things I do for her.
My pace fastens as I near the dorm room of which belongs to a particular dipshit I am not happy with.
I bang on his door, impatiently waiting for it to open.
The pain he caused her. I wasn't even there to stop him. He'll get what he deserves.
Ethan slowly opens the door, "Why the fuck are you banging on the door, it's 2 am right-" He stops mid-sentence, to acknowledge who he's talking to.
His eyes widen, all colour leaving his face as he freezes by his door.
I don't wait for him to come to his senses as I barge in, using the collar of his white tank top to push him aggressively against his wall, slamming the door shut with my foot.
The room is completely dark, barely any light is shown apart from the moonlight through the open windows. He must have been sleeping.
The audacity.
I take out my sharpened knife from the side of my leg, pointing it directly under his throat. "Tell me why I shouldn't cut your fucking throat open right here, figlio de puttana." I sneer.
[translation: son of a bitch]
His face morphs into a face of fear, much to my satisfaction. He does one thing right for me at least.
He stutters, "Look man, if you're talking about Nailea, then I don't know what's she told you but whatever it is isn't true I swear." His pathetic excuse only infuriates me more.
I tut, shaking my head. "Wrong answer, stronzo. That's my wife you're talking about. She never. Fucking. Lies." My knife digs deeper in his throat, slightly cutting it causing blood to trickle down.
[translation: asshole]
Pure shock fills his face as his lips part, quivering more than ever as he gasps for a breath, "She- she's married? Shit." He squeezes his eyes shut, feeling the razor sharp blade inch even deeper into his skin.
Okay, maybe not officially since the reception hasn't happened but she's technically still engaged to me. It's the same either way.
His head tilts up, as he struggles to breath. Short gasps manage to escape his mouth while he trembles in front of me. You may call me a sadist, but fuck, this is the best part.
I put my knife back and force his body up so it's standing, to be able to punch him in the face.
My fist strikes extremely close to his face, and just as he flinches, the door slams open.
"Stop!"
Her voice instantly stops me.
The same voice that's been filling my head the past few months, and never wanting to leave.
What the fuck is going on?
I resented her. There were no feelings towards her but pure hatred. I hated her for how confused she would leave me. I hated her for teasing me and never telling me how she truly feels. I fucking hate her for that.
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
I've never had to feel this way for anyone and I liked it like that. Now she's come along and broken down every wall I had left standing.
I'm supposed to feel hate. No, instead I'm obsessed by a stupid kiss.
I turn to face her with Ethan still in my hands. Nailea stands at the door, her eyebrows scrunched, lips parted as she takes in the scene in front of her.
She comes up towards me quickly, "Rio, his dad's a detective. He won't stop until he finds who killed his son. You need to stop." Her small, soft hand rests on my shoulder.
My once tense muscles immediately relax by her touch alone, "His father is the least of problems, but fine. I'll stop, you go ahead and I'll come after you." I usher her to leave the room.
She finally gives in, and goes out the door.
I turn back to dipshit.
"Don't think I won't hesitate to kill you the second my eyes lay on you again. You got that?" I say, with a menacing tone only intimidating him further.
His blinks rapidly as if he's never been threatened before, nodding.
I push him away from me, causing him to drop down onto the floor, gripping his throat which still has blood around it.
~
She's angry with me. I can feel it radiating off her as she wipes my knuckles with a cotton pad and steriliser.
I'm leaning against the bathroom counter next to the sink with one hand holding my phone next to my ear as she grips my other wrist.
I'm on the phone with Camilo, as he called me to inform about something urgent and I couldn't get out of ignoring him.
"So, what's the big deal?" I ask, utterly confused.
He sighs, "Some of your other men found something out about the university Rayne and Nailea go to."
I knit my eyebrows closer together. "Did something happen?"
"Apparently someone enrolled themselves in and it's a Russian. They're trying to get information from the girls but we don't even know their gender. It could be anyone there." He says.
I close my eyes. Great. Something else to look forward to.
"Just identify every Russian accent there or something, I'm kind of busy now." I say, referring to my situation.
I can feel Camilo's frustration through the phone, "Vittorio, we can't question everyone, what if he doesn't have a Russian accent? We're pointlessly wasting time looking for someone who may not even have that accent."
He's right, I'm being totally irrational and that's only because I'm solely focused on Nailea cleaning my wounds right about now.
"Alright, we'll sort something out. Call me if you find anything else. I'll gather the guys and we'll try tracking this dick." I finish, hanging up the phone.
I look back at Nailea, after putting my phone down and take off her headphones which were on her ears.
"Are you mad?" I ask, smirking at her slightly.
Of course she is, I know she is. I just wanted to push her buttons.
She ignores my words and actions completely and carries on cleaning it, purposely rubbing harsher in some places.
It doesn't affect me though, I just continue staring at her ethereal face.
The small scrunch between her eyebrows, her long lashes touching her cheek every time she blinks. Her sugarplum cheekbones, the ones that she vows to hate but it's secretly my favourite part about her.
"You're fucking stupid. I never asked you to go and try to kill him." She snaps at me.
God, I love it when she's angry.
I roll my eyes, "Well, you should never have expected me to just move on and forget what he did. You know me better than that."
She looks directly into my dark chocolate eyes with her own caramel brown ones, enraged.
"Then I should have never told you. That was my first mistake." She throws the used cotton pads into the bin and washes her hands.
I turn onto my side so I'm still looking at her.
I force her to look in my direction when she's done, hooking my slender finger into her jeans' belt loop to pull her towards me.
She stumbles, but quickly regains her balance and crosses her arms.
"You're going to tell me whenever someone irritates you. You're my responsibility." I tell her.
I can tell she's getting annoyed by the way she scoffs, and shakes her head. "I don't need your help. Just like I didn't need Stef either-" She stops herself, going completely silent.
Stef? Now who the fuck is this guy?
I clench my jaw, tightening my hood on her belt loop.
"Another fucker I need to kill? Tell me his full name and I'll take it from there." I sigh, acting like it's an everyday occurrence for me to murder someone.
Well, I'm not lying.
She struggles against me, trying to move out of my hood and gives up seeing I won't let go. "Who I talk to is none of your business." She snaps back.
I chuckle, but not because I'm happy. "It is when you're knowingly engaged to me."
Nailea huffs, letting out a long breath. "It's not even like we're married yet."
I smirk, bringing her closer, "Eager to marry me, hm?" I tuck a few strands of her hair behind her ear, distracting her completely as she freezes in my hold.
"Fuck you," she says, crossing her arms.
What? I stand there, dumbfounded.
I finally let her out of my grasp and she takes this a a chance to leave the bathroom.
She can't say that to me, who does she think she is?
I follow after her just as she passes my bed in my room and grip her arm.
She groans and turns back around. "What the fuck do you want now?"
I pull her closer harshly, "Remove that attitude, or I'll have to do it for you. Capito, amore?"
[translation: Got that, love?]
Her soft, plump lips part as she breathes, the same scent of vanilla and coconut fill my nose again.
She moves to my ear, lifting to her tip toes and whispers gently, "What are you going to do about it?" She mocks, smirking at me in the process.
I'm not letting this go so easily.
She attempts to leave again, thinking she's won. Oh how wrong she is.
I spin her back round, grabbing the back of her neck in the process and capture her lips with mine.
Pure bliss, once again.
There's nothing sweet and innocent about this kiss, compared to our last one. This one is rough, passionate. Only filled with the lust and sexual tension building up between us the past week aching to be released.
She flatly places both hands on my chest, as I remove one on her neck to rest on her hip, extremely close to her rear. She's quick to grab that hand, placing it higher to rest in her waist instead.
I smile into the kiss, biting harshly onto her bottom lip making her open her mouth further for me to slip my tongue into.
She moans into my mouth, mumbling a soft "please".
I remove my lips from hers abruptly, to see her panting. "Why'd you stop?" She asks.
"If we continue I won't be able to stop. I need you to tell me you want this. As soon as I hear you say no, I promise I will leave." I say, patiently waiting for her to respond.
She shakes her head, "As much as I hate you right now, I want this just as bad as you. Once, just to get it out of the way." She replies, breathlessly.
Just once.
I smirk, deciding to mess with her, "Will you be able to resist me after this?"
She rolls her eyes, dismissing my remark.
I nod my head, she nods with me. "Just once?"
"Just once." She says, before pulling me back.
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A U T H O R N O T E
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Later,
Rue