Layne and I sit in a cab on our way to my old home. Ugh, it feels weird bringing him there....a place where I had tried to kill myself. Blowing a small breath, I glance at the darkened sky out the car window before looking back at Layne.
"Are you nervous?" I ask him. Layne smiles, shaking his head no. "I'm nervous," I laugh. "You're really not nervous?"
"Now I am," He laughs as he rubs my thigh.
"This is my first time bringing someone home."
"I know I'm the lucky guy," Layne smiles before kissing me on the cheek.
Ugh, I should have thought about this more. Dramatically, I bury my face into his shoulder; my face cringing as it hits his cold leather jacket.
"We should turn back around," I murmur into his arm. My head still resting on him, and I feel his entire body shake as he laughs. "You laughing at me?" I ask, lifting my head to look at him.
"I would never," he jokes as he squints his eyes. Layne then kisses me on the cheek again before bringing his lips to my ear, "Just breathe."
"There's no time for that," I joke.
"There's always time for breathing, babe," he chuckles. "Come on, deep breaths," he says as he begins to inhale deeply, showing me. I stare at his lips, smirking at how he is giving me my own breathing lesson. So cute."There you go," Layne chuckles as I inhale and exhale with him.
My eyes then lift to his hair...his pink hair. Ugh, my mom is going to have a field day. "We should have dyed your hair back," I blurt out.
"What's wrong with my hair?"
"....Nothing." Layne throws his head back, groaning at my comment before attacking my neck with vampire bites. I yelp in excitement, causing the cab driver to glance at us from the rearview mirror. "We're here," I then realize, noticing us pulling up to my old home. Layne pauses the neck bitting and looks out the window.
"You ready?" Layne asks me.
I nod, putting on my best happy face. Here we go.
As the cab driver helps Layne with our luggage, I notice my mom standing on the porch, watching us. What the hell? Grabbing my suitcase and purse, I approach her, and Layne soon follows me.
"Were you waiting for us?" I ask her, laughing once on the porch.
My mother ignores my question and tightly wraps her arms around me. "My baby," she whispers into me.
"Mommy," I murmur into her neck, smelling the coconut drifting from her skin. Mmmh. I melt under the seven months that were built in the hug. I almost want to apologize for leaving...and for trying to.
She releases me, her eyes wetter than the light rain that's starting to drip. Mommy parts her lips, and I curiously wait to see what she will say.
But then she looks at Layne.
~~~~ ~~~~~
"I don't know who's a better cook," Layne begins, laughing as he brushes his teeth. "You or your mom."
Layne and I stand in the bathroom...the bathroom....where I'd... shaking the thoughts, I focus on Layne's comment on dinner.
"My mom," I tell him as I brush my teeth.
Despite my nerves, dinner with Layne and my mom went better than expected. My mom also seemed to do her homework on Layne...though her first question to him was, "so you're famous?" She seemed to like him though.
"You said it, not me," he laughs before spitting and washing his mouth.
"You think my mom is a better cook than me?" I gasp playfully.
"Babe, like I said," he laughs. "You said it, not me." I squint my eyes as he winks at me and leaves the bathroom.
His brief absence shoots curiosity and fear into my bones. With my toothbrush hanging from my mouth, I glance up at the shower curtains...and wonder how I could reach something so high...so high.
Shaking my head, I quickly finish brushing my teeth and run to my bedroom, where I see Layne looking around.
"It's like I'm getting introduced to you all over again," Layne says as he stares at my stacked bookshelf. Smiling, I look around with him as I settle in my bed, remembering the person I'd left behind."You know..." he then says, looking at me as he walks towards my bed. "This is the perfect time to ask you to marry me. With your family being around and all."
"Not that perfect," I laugh. "Your family isn't here."
"I can make arrangements," Layne smoothly says as he slides into the bed.
Rolling my eyes at him, I sit up to turn the night off. "Go to sleep."
"No," Layne giggles, pulling me to him.
Laughing, I stroke his jaw, staring at my frog ring. "You have a ring?"
"I'm still shopping," he softly says, inching a little closer to give me a sweet peck on my lips.
"Trying to find the perfect frog ring?"
Layne laughs, "you want another frog ring?"
"Obviously."
"Yeah, obviously," he laughs.
"....Shouldn't we live together for a bit before we get married?" I then ask, quietly raising a brow.
"Is this you asking me you wanna move in with me?"
"I'm surprised you didn't ask me yet."
"I wanted to," he admits. "But I'm working on not rushing shit."
"You got your levels mixed up," I dramatically cooed to him, softly pulling on his cheek.
"Levels?"
"Mmmm," I nod. "Dating is first, moving in together is second, and marriage is third."
"Ehhh, I think friendship is first, but alright," he chuckles. Then, "So we're moving in together?"
"I don't know, you tell me."
"Babe, would you like to move in with me?"
"Yesss."
"like...when you get back to Seattle?"
"Yesss."
Layne's smile stretches from ear to ear. "I'll make sure to have the place ready before your arrival, my queen," he says in a British accent. "Spic and span," he whistles.
Giggling with excitement, I nestle into him. "...can we get a pet?"
"Mmh," Layne nods. "Cat or dog?...or frog?"
"A cat," I giggle, resting my forehead on his heart.
~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~~
After undressing into an oversized Janis Joplin shirt, I notice Layne looking around my room again. Nosey man. He stands by my dresser, focusing on a couple of items.
Layne and I woke up a little early today so I could show him around Boston and tried not to think about him leaving tomorrow. We also stopped at a video game store and then a comic book store. And it was so cute seeing the nerd in him come out.
"See anything you like?" I ask, sliding towards him. Layne smirks, nodding. He picks up something, a red lipstick I haven't touched since I bought it years ago...but forgot to throw away.
"You barely used it," he notices after taking the cap off, examining it as if he's about to put it on.
"Red doesn't look good on me...well, that's what my mom says," I tell him, shrugging my shoulders. "So I stopped wearing it."
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why did she say it doesn't look good on you?"
I stare at the red lipstick in his hand for a second before answering him."...Because I'm dark-skinned."
"So?" I nervously laugh at the confused look on his face."I bet red looks good on you," he then says. "Can I see?"
I nervously smile at him, hesitating, before taking the lipstick from him and begin applying some to my lips. I massage my lips together before looking at him, presenting the final result.
Layne smiles down at me, a small gasp pushing through his lips. "So beautiful," he says as he cups my face and leans forward. I toss my head back slightly as he pushes his lips against mine.
As he pulls back, I notice some lipstick on his lips. And the red on his lips wants me to tell him everything. Tell him the sour memories of my childhood and teenage years and how quickly they shredded the good moments. The loneliest and depression in a thirteen-year-old. The ugliest in children.The ugliest in men. The ugliest in me. Me hanging. Me hanging. His angel hanging.
Layne gives me a thoughtful look as I wipe the lipstick off my lips with the back of my hand. "Why are you crying?" Layne asks, his eyes peering into mine with deep concern.
"I thought being here would help, but...." I can't run away from what I did. I feel myself about to crumble under the fact.
Layne sighs sadly, "I know...this whole thing with Tanya," he shakes his head. "So fucking sad." I hold still, not saying anything, the tightening of my throat strangling me."There's something else?" he asks, noticing my silence. I nod my head faintly. "Tell me."
"I can't...."
Layne leans back, folding his arms, "Something happened?" I nod slowly, tempting to squeeze my eyes shut, but I don't. I will see it...myself hanging."Why can't you tell me?"
"...I'm not ready to." But then, when will I be? I groaned, wiping my cheeks every few seconds.
"Hey, it's okay..it's okay," he soothes as he pulls me into him. He gazes into my eyes with a reassuring look."There's no rush...you can tell me when you're ready...okay?"
"Okay," I nod, his words making me feel a little better. "Can we lay down?"
"Of course," he smiles as he wipes my remaining tears. Holding my hand, Layne walks me to my bed.
"You think I'm a crybaby?" I ask him as we both lay down. Layne pulls the blankets up over us, cuddling up to me. I rest my forehead on his shoulder.
He laughs and says, "I think you're my crybaby."
Lifting my head, I smile at his words and roll my eyes. I wonder what he would say...how he would react. I tried to kill myself...in there. I sigh against my thoughts, focusing on Layne's chest before I breathe him in.
Layne presses his lips to my forehead, kissing it. "Just kidding," he says in my ear. I wonder if he craves it. If my mom found out Layne was a heroin user, she would immediately try to make me break up with him. I know it. I know.
"I feel like a baby," I say into his iris, the color of honey. "Like I just cried my eyes out, and now I'm ready for a nap." Layne laughs at my comment, pulling me closer to him. "I'm tired of crying," I laugh through a sniffle.
"You're tired of being human?" Layne chuckles.
"A little," I whisper, a shy smile on my lips. Layne pouts before tickling my neck with quick kisses. I giggle and moan under his touch. "Mmmh, you're so warm."
"And you're so cold," he says in my neck between the kisses before rubbing my arms up and down fast with his warm hands.
"You're about to start a fire," I giggle through his quick rubs.
Layne stops and lies on his back, crashing from the burst of energy, releasing soft chuckles from his lips. Laughing with him, I lay my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat in my ear, feeling slightly dizzy. Whoa.
"You're such a good boyfriend," I tell him.
Another whiff of Deja-vu floods me when I place my palm on his chest. It's the feeling again....The feeling I felt when he slept in my bedroom for the first time. I know this feeling....damn, what is it called?
Layne smiles, "I try to be." I can't believe you're mine.
"I love you," I say, lifting my eyes at him. Do you feel it too?
"I love you," he says gently, his eyelids dropping heavy by the second. The feeling is you. It's you. What are you?
"You're tired?"
"Yeah, it just hit me," he laughs before a quiet yawn.
"You think we'll be one of those old couples taking naps together?" I ask Layne, noticing him about to doze off quickly.
"I hope so," he says as his fingers rub soothing circles on my back, closing his eyes.
Layne's fingers find their way under my shirt. His fingers softly pass by my underwear as he continues the circles on my back. Mmmh, I sigh, closing my eyes. The pad of his fingertips feels like velvet against my skin.
Lazily opening my eyes back up, I look up at the ceiling and notice...it's you again. The bubble swirls with a rainbow of magic, slowly approaching us. And-And I know what he is, I realize as I stare through the lens.
You're love.
I want to be love.