(Trigger warning: Major character death)
I threw on a pair of jeans and my red sweater and knocked on Jessie's door.
"Mum?" a sleepy head appeared after a few moments.
"It's time sweetie. Grab your bag, and go with Hogun."
Jessie put on her dressing gown and a pair of boots over her pyjamas and picked up the bag we had packed for her a few days ago.
I knocked on Carter's door as well.
"Carter, wake up, you need to go!"
"Mum, do I really have to go?" Jessie asked looking worried as I walked her to the door.
"You do sweetie, it's not safe to stay here."
"But grandfather will be in Asgard, right?"
"No, I will not, my place is here." Odin walked in, an impressive sight in his full armour, his helmet under his arm.
"But Heimdall and a servant will be waiting for you there, Jessica."
"I won't know anyone there," Jessie looked at me in a panic, her anxiety getting the better of her.
"You'll be safe there, and I'm sure the people there will be nice," I looked at Odin in the hope he'd back me up.
The AllFather put his hand on Jessie's shoulder.
"Listen, you can not stay here, your mother and father can not fight and worry about you simultaneously. But there are rooms ready and waiting for you, and there is a huge library with plenty of books that you will be able to read."
He smiled, his cragged face suddenly kind.
"The cook in Asgard makes the best honey cakes in the realms, ask a servant to bring you some.
And if anyone tells you no about anything, remind them you are my granddaughter and the AllFather has decreed you shall not want for anything during your stay."
Jessie looked at me again and I nodded at her.
"Go with Hogun, you'll be safe there."
I held out my arms and held her tight for a moment.
"Be careful mum, and keep an eye on Loki. He always runs into danger without thinking," Jessie's voice was muffled as she buried her face against me.
"I will," I smiled. "Now go. And Jessie, I love you."
"Love you too, mum."
Carter came running out of her room.
"Go with Hogun and Jessie," I told her.
"But..."
"Go! I can not be worrying about you in the middle of a warzone, Carter, I need you to be safe!"
Without waiting for an answer I went back into our bedrooms to finish getting dressed. Loki was almost done getting into his armour. I put on my black leather boots and a short black leather jacket. It wasn't the same as the magnificent armour the others were wearing, but it was comfortable and it would just have to do.
One of the spare rooms in the hold had been converted into a temporary Situation Room and the others would already be there. Together, we walked through the hallway.
Loki's face was pale and drawn, his brow creased into a frown. Everything depended on the plans he, Matt and Odin had drawn up in the previous days. If this went wrong, the loss of life would be immeasurable.
I took his hand and gave him a gentle squeeze.
"You did everything you could. Now have faith in yourself, my love. I do."
Loki gave a little smile. Then, changing his mind, he shook his head. He handed me Laufey's Staff.
"There's one thing I haven't tried, and now is the time. Darling, tell Father I will join you all anon."
Loki let go of my hand and turned around to walk back.
"Where are you going?"
"Best you don't know," he said.
"Promise to be careful, okay?"
Loki gave an apologetic smile. "I'm trying not to make any promises to you that I won't be able to keep, so please, do not ask me that."
"Loki!"
I walked towards him and took his hands in mine.
"I can't lose you, you understand that, right? Please! You are my sun, my moon, my stars and my universe too! You light up my whole life and I would be lost without you!"
I blinked away the tears that suddenly burned in my eyes.
"I love you," I whispered.
"And I love you," Loki's voice was hoarse as he blinked away his own tears. "More than you will ever know, with my whole heart. I don't think you will ever fully understand what you mean to me."
His lips brushed tenderly against mine.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back, suddenly scared to lose everything we had built up together.
Loki gently untangled himself from my embrace. His eyes lingered on my face taking in each and every one of my features as if he was memorising them.
"You are so beautiful..." he whispered.
"Loki..."
"Never forget how much I love you. More than there are stars in the sky, until my heart stops beating, and beyond that.
Now go, you are needed in the Sit Room and I need to change. Hopefully, I'll join you soon with the news I have stopped this cursed war before it began."
I watched him walk back to the bedrooms. I had no idea what he was planning, all I could do was trust in him and that brilliant mind of his.
"Glad you are finally joining us, your Majesty," Odin said dryly. "Where is that husband of yours?"
"He had something to take care of, he will be with us soon," I replied.
"We have very little intel," Matt admitted. "Our scryers can't see anything because of the magic shroud Beaumont is casting, and he's found a way to scramble our technology too."
"We'll do it the old-fashioned way," Odin nodded, "I've already sent my ravens. They are still a way away, our armies are taking up positions as we speak."
"Why aren't we attacking them? Before they are ready, I mean?" I asked.
"Because we are well-prepared to defend this place," Matt explained, "we have fortified this area as much as we could and some of the big weaponry we'll be using isn't all that mobile, especially not in the snow."
Odin and Matt continued their discussion. I nervously bit on a fingernail. Only a few years ago I was just a housewife, not in my wildest dreams could I have imagined finding myself, my family and my home in the midst of a war between gods.
I saw Sif walking past the Sit Room in her full armour, and went after her.
"Sif!"
"Sister!" the Valkyrie smiled. "Exciting isn't it?"
"That's one word for it," I wryly grinned back.
"I hereby grant you permission to wield Laufey's Staff," I said to her, rather formally.
"Thanks," Sif blinked, "but why?"
"Just in case. You have a flying horse, and if there are any undead dragons you'd have a better chance at getting to them than I would on the ground," I said.
"Undead dragons? Oh for Norn's sake, I hope not!"
"And if something were to happen to me, someone needs to absorb all that anima so we can release it back into the atmosphere, or however we're supposed to restore the magic afterwards," I said.
Sif nodded slowly.
"Thank you for trusting me with this. It is truly an honour."
I gave her a hug.
"Be careful out there," I said.
"I don't make any promises," she grinned. "But you be careful too, sister."
I didn't feel particularly useful, but for some reason, my presence was required, so I stayed until Odin and Matt decided to make their way outside.
Without technology, it was hard to know what was going on, and it was easier to go and see with our own eyes.
A large platform had been constructed in front of the hold, safely behind the lines of our own armies, from which we could overlook the battle to come.
"Exciting isn't it?" Thor walked towards me and grinned, unwittingly echoing his wife's words.
"I didn't know we'd be waiting around for this long, I would have thought it started by now," I admitted. The quicker we'd get this over with, the quicker it would be done.
"Eh, there's always far more waiting than you'll think there be," Thor winked. "There will be fighting soon enough."
Thor would be in the vanguard, leading the Einherjar, while Odin would stay here to command them, his job as bait preventing him from leading his men himself.
"If I ask you to promise to be careful..." I started.
"You know what my answer will be," Thor grinned. "Hi, I'm Thor, the god of Thunder. We may have met before! 'Careful' is not my middle name!"
"Just please come back to us in one piece," I begged.
"I always do," Thor said as he gave me a big hug. "Don't you worry about me! Worry about our enemies instead!" He tossed Mjolnir up and caught it in his hand, swung it through the air a few times and winked.
The sun came up slowly, and still, we waited. In the far distance, I could see Hel's army making its way towards us. From where I was standing they seemed like tiny ants, little black dots in the pristine snow.
I nervously bit my fingernails again, bouncing up and down on the balls of my feet.
Odin took my hand and pulled it away from my mouth.
"A queen behaves with dignity and grace, and does not let her feelings show," he scolded gently.
Easier said than done. I resisted the urge to stick out my tongue.
"Your army looks to you for guidance. Be steadfast, and your army will stand strong. Show any sign of worry or fear, and your men's resolve will crumble."
What army? There was only one Jotunn left, and he wasn't anywhere to be seen. I looked behind me again. Where was Loki?
"They aren't my men," I said softly. "They are Matt's."
"Matt is but a soldier. They listen to him because such is the chain of command. You are a Goddess and a Queen and you are of Midgard, you are one of them.
You are what binds them together and they look towards you. You may not like it, but your place here today is as a figurehead, as is mine."
I wasn't really sure if that was true, but I wasn't in the mood to argue. I raised my hand to my mouth again without thinking, but before Odin could say anything I firmly stuck it back into my pocket.
It was mid-morning by the time Hel's troops were lining up in front of us, far enough to be out of reach of our weapons. Row after row of undead and decomposing bodies stood before us. Winged creatures, including skeletal winged horses, flew above them. With a start, I realised they must have been the mounts of defeated Valkyrie, now forced to serve Hel.
There was no sign of Beaumont, no sign of Halja.
Loki had still not returned to stand by my side either.
"It won't be long now," Odin said softly.
A tiny figure emerged from the ranks of the undead, followed by two others.
"Beaumont," Matt said as he looked through his binoculars. "And the two in black leather by his side must be clones because they look just like him."
I squinted against the low sun. In the distance, I could just about make out Beaumont's greasy hair and scraggly beard. Why he chose to look like that when he could look like my Loki, I would never understand.
Odin's eye glowed white as he peered into the distance, enhancing his sight with his magic.
"It appears they are dragging a prisoner behind them," he said.
Beaumont stopped a ways from where our army stood. He got off the skeletal horse he was riding and pulled at the chains of the prisoner that was tied behind his mount.
"Good morning, Father. Brother. What a lovely morning for a family reunion it is, wouldn't you say?"
Beaumont's voice drawled sarcastically over the field before us, enhanced by his magic.
"You are no family of mine, Beaumont, you greasy little weasel!" Thor thundered in reply.
"Oh, shush. You have neither the skill nor the vocabulary to engage in a battle of wits, Thor. Leave flyting to your betters." Beaumont bit back.
As he was talking he had manoeuvred his prisoner in front of him.
His captive was tall and dark-haired, impeccably dressed. Even blinking against the low sun I would have recognised that silhouette anywhere.
"Shit," Matt said, peering through his binoculars, at the same time.
"As it happens, I am not here to talk to you, you witless oaf," Beaumont continued. "I am here to parley with the lovely Queen of Jotunnheim."
"I am here." My voice carried over the field of snow as easily as his, I had seen Loki do it enough times to be able to weave my own magic in a way that enhanced my voice. "What do you want?"
"A trade," Beaumont said cheerfully. "Guess which little mouse tried to sneak its way into my army this morning?"
He gave his prisoner a playful push.
"I have something that belongs to you, and you have something that belongs to me.
For some reason beyond my understanding, you have become attached to the living husk that was once my body. You may have him back if you meet my demands."
"And what would those be?" I squinted against the sun, trying to see if it was truly my Loki.
"You get your beloved husband, and I get everything that rightfully belongs to me: my people's stronghold, my father's armour and circlet, my mother's staff and Odin's head on a platter. Oh, and you will join my side."
"That's all, huh?" I scoffed.
"Give me your binoculars," I whispered to Matt. Matt obliged.
"That's all. A small price to pay, if you truly love him as much as he claims you do."
I peered through Matt's binoculars. I could see the face of Beaumont's prisoner clearly, that familiar face I had come to love so much. His face had just the hint of a wry smile, his demeanour calm. A small smile crept over my face as I realised there wasn't any silver in the hair by his temples.
"Fool me once..." I whispered.
I took another look, seeing if there were any signs to the contrary, but there weren't. That wasn't my Loki.
I handed Matt back his binoculars.
"No harm will come to him if I give you Odin's head? You promise?" I asked.
I began gathering my magic.
"That isn't Loki," I whispered to Odin, as my magic formed a javelin made of frostfire, combining frost and fire into one magic that was so cold it burned. Once the weapon was as thick as my arm and twice as long I threw it. Not at the AllFather, but at Beaumont. With grim satisfaction, I watched the javelin punch a hole right through the prisoner's chest and into Beaumont's body. The clones by his side instantly turned to dust. Without Beaumont's life force there was nothing to keep them alive. A jubilant smile crept over my face and I resisted the urge to cheer. In one fell swoop I had not just defeated Beaumont, but now Loki, wherever he was, would have both his life force and his soul back!
"Sorcha!" Thor's voice was horrified.
"That wasn't our Loki," I explained with a grin.
"Are you sure about that, child?" Odin asked, his eye filled with shock as it returned back to blue.
"Three of the bodies turned to dust, but one body remains," Matt reported.
"That must be Beaumont's. Loki made him, he was of higher quality than the others, that must be the reason why!" I was certain of it. It had to be, right?
"Where is Loki?" Odin looked around.
"Give me the reigns," Thor barked at Sif who handed him the reigns of Swift. "Where are you going?" she asked.
"To get the body," Thor answered as he flew away on Sif's winged horse.
Without Beaumont's leadership, the undead of Hel's army lumbered forward and mindlessly began their attack, forcing our men to defend themselves.
"Sisters, we fly!" came Val's voice, as she lead the Valkyrie in flight. Sif was grounded while Swift was gone.
Matt was barking orders at the same time.
"It wasn't Loki, it wasn't..." my voice sounded far away and faint, and my vision swam.
"Hogun, you lead the Einherjar until Thor relieves you," Odin commanded the warrior who had returned after seeing Jessie to safety.
"It wasn't Loki, he's here somewhere..."
Odin caught me just in time, his arms around me as my knees gave away.
"Come, your Majesty, you are in shock. Your troops can not see you like this, let me get you inside."
I let Odin guide me back into the keep, my vision swimming as I was struggling to breathe.
"What happened?" came Carter's voice.
"You, child, were ordered to Asgard," Odin snapped at her.
"Yeah, turns out that if you aren't a soldier you don't have to obey orders, and I am not a soldier," Carter bit back.
"You are nought more than a disobedient child! Now obey, and get the Queen some water, can you not see she is not well?"
Carter took a look at my face for the first time and turned pale.
"He's here with you, isn't he?" I begged. "Loki, he's here?"
Carter mutely shook her head.
Odin brought me into the now-empty Situation Room.
"He's going to walk through the door any moment now. It wasn't him, it wasn't him," I whispered.
"Get that glass of water, child," Odin barked.
Carter jumped and turned around.
It wasn't Loki who she almost bumped into, but Thor as he walked in, followed closely by Sif. He was carrying the body in his strong arms.
Carter raised her hand to her mouth as she saw the body, then ran out of the room.
"It isn't him," Thor said before any of us could say anything. "There's no grey in his hair and he's not wearing his wedding ring."
I sighed in relief. But where was my Loki?
"Are you certain?" Odin asked again. "Hair colour can be changed and wedding rings can be removed. Is there any other way to prove this isn't our Loki?"
Thor carefully lay the body down on the floor.
"Loki has scars from when..." I stopped myself before I could say 'from when you were an abusive asshole of a father' but now wasn't the time.
"...from his past," I said instead.
I knelt down by the body. Loki had never been tan, but now his skin was white as snow, translucent almost. His blue eyes stared unseeingly ahead, still open wide, seeming surprised at his death. Those familiar, beautiful, beloved eyes.
"It's not him..." I reminded myself.
I tried not to look at the gaping hole in his chest the size of my fist, but when I tried to undo the buttons of his shirt my hands shook too much to be able to undo them.
"Here, sister, let me," Thor gently moved my hands away and undid the buttons one by one. Slowly he opened the white shirt, revealing the alabaster skin underneath it.
And the scars that marred it.
Thor's eyes met mine.
"Loki isn't in your rooms, his armour is on the bed, and I found an empty box of black hair dye and Loki's wedding ring in your bathroom," Carter said breathlessly as she returned.
"No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no..." someone was wailing over and over again but I didn't know why. This wasn't my Loki. It couldn't be. It could not be.
Carter had her hand in front of her mouth, her eyes wide, tears rolling down her cheeks.
Odin's knees gave way and he sank next to Loki's body, his cragged face marred by grief.
"My boy, my boy. My beautiful boy..." his voice was broken and immeasurably old as he mourned the son he had spurned for most of his life.
Thor stood up and stumbled away, his back towards me, seeking comfort in Sif's arms as the big god's shoulders shook. Sif held him, her own eyes filled with tears.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no..." I put my hand in front of my mouth, only to realise the wailing was coming from me.
Not my Loki!
Not like this!
Not by my hand!
No!
No.
I took a deep, shuddering breath, and suddenly I was calm.
I tenderly closed Loki's eyes, knowing I would never see their beautiful blue sparkle into mine again. I closed the buttons of his shirt and gently kissed his brow.
"I will avenge you, my love. They'll pay for this, They will pay." I promised him in a whisper.
I stood up, icy air forming around my hands, the frost slowly creeping up around Loki's body until he was enclosed in a casket made of ice.
"I will avenge you," I promised again.
I put a hand on Carter's shoulder. "I need you to maintain the ice around him, I need you to maintain the casket. Can you do that for me?"
She nodded silently.
Loki once told me it was easier to feel anger than pain and grief. So I took my pain and grief and fed it to my anger until it burned so hot it was all-consuming.
Then, without another word, I went to our room to get Loki's circlet. Not bothering to return to the Sit Room where the others were mourning, I walked right past it to the doors, activated my necklace, took on my Jotunn form, and stepped outside.