Saying goodbye to Adam on top of that mountain was one of the hardest things Jake has ever had to do.
How can you say goodbye to someone you don't want to let go?
Jake used humour to keep his true feelings hidden. Trying to lighten the situation to protect Jessica as much as he could but underneath it all, he was a mess to.
Adam was such a big part of his life.
They had been friends for so long, and the void without him for these 18 months had been deep, dark, and empty.
He no longer had a gym buddy, a friend with whom he could get into mischief. The friend that he could turn to for anything without judgment was suddenly gone. Adam knew him like no one else did; he knew the deepest, darkest parts of him, and he still liked him.
Adam wasn't without his faults; he knew that, but the pros definitely outweighed the cons. And to him, the cons didn't even seem that bad.
In the first couple of weeks after Adams' death, Jake found it easy to distract himself with women and alcohol. He was good with women; he knew how to flirt and the right things to say. It was easy to find himself in their beds and forget his pain for an evening; it was a welcome release. But the next morning, the numbness would return, and he would have to search for a new distraction again.
Then came the funeral.
He could still remember vividly the shade of the dark brown wood coffin, it was smooth and cold to the touch. He remembered thinking that it looked smaller than he had imagined. His eyes blurred as he carried him in with his family, all of them holding back sobs and chokes as they walked down the aisle with him on their shoulders.
And then he saw Jess, her face red with tears, her hands trembling as she reached out to touch his coffin as they lowered him to the stand.
He couldn't take his eyes off her. He wished he could take her pain away and feel it for her.
Instead, he turned away and headed to his seat. Once he sat down, he tuned everything out. Once the speeches were done, he searched for the nearest bottle and woman he could find when they all made their way back to their home for the wake.
He could still remember Jessica's disgusted eyes as she looked at him after she found him with that woman. They had cut deeper than any knife could.
After that, he decided he had to sort himself out. He stopped sleeping around, and instead he focused on work and Emily. And they'd done well. He worked very hard and moved up in his job quickly. He loved every second of it. Things with Emily didn't end well, but she had helped him through a dark time, and he would always be grateful for that.
And now he had Jess back in his life. The one person who understood. He found it easy to focus all his pain on helping her heal.
But now, his grief has caught up with him, and tears stung his eyes.
He stood there watching Jess shake the urn, Adams' ashes blowing away in the breeze.
And that was it.
He was gone.
As if he had never existed at all.
All those memories, all those talks, all those laughs and tears and smiles, simply gone as though they never happened.
Jess turned to him, her cheeks shining wet. Her bottom lip was quivering. "He's in the wind now." He said, the words leaving his mouth before he could think. She blinked, tear droplets thick in her eyelashes, as she nodded. Then she started to sob. Tears streamed down her face. Jake reached out and pulled her to him, stroking her hair as he tried to piece her back together.
"I'm here, Jess. I'll always be here." He whispered to her, trying to comfort her as much as he could. "I've got you."
***
Jake held Jessica's shaking hand all the way down the mountain.
He kept looking at her, concern overcoming him every time she stopped walking to cry.
He tried to comfort her and offer her anything he could to make her feel better. But ultimately, there was nothing he could do or say that would help.
So all he did was hold her hand a little tighter.
The sky grew orange as the sun began its descent by the time they reached the bottom of the mountain and climbed into his truck. They drove in silence, Jess watching the mountain grow smaller and smaller in the passenger mirror, silent tears running down her cheeks as he drove.
Once they finally made their way back inside the B&B, he helped her upstairs and into bed, where she stayed for the remainder of the night. He didn't linger; he made his way back down the stairs to give her some privacy. Jake checked in every now and then, taking her some water and food, which mostly went untouched.
It was awful seeing her in so much pain. It was like that first night after Adam had died all over again. He'd never forget the way she clung to him for support or how bright her cheeks and nose were from crying.
It was hard to even remember it.
He decided to spend his evening sitting in the bar, drinking Pepsi, and planning their excursion for tomorrow.
It had to be good. Perfect. It had to make her smile again. Adam would want that. He'd want her to smile and laugh and be happy. He wouldn't want her to be sad like she is now.
It was past midnight before he went to bed, and she was curled up on her side, hugging a pillow. Her hair was covering her face, and he couldn't help but brush it aside to reveal her face.
She looked even more beautiful when she was asleep. Her face lost all its worry; all the frown lines were gone and replaced with smooth, soft skin.
He quietly changed into his PJs and led down next to her, trying not to groan every time the bed creaked under his weight. But she didn't stir. She didn't even flutter an eyelid. She just rolled into him, her arm over his stomach, her head nestled into his chest. And he accepted her gratefully.
***
Jess woke up to an empty bed. She ran her hand across the blanket and felt that it was barren.
She opened her eyes to see the room bathed in beautiful sunlight. But it was empty too. Next to her on the pillow was a piece of paper with a note scrawled on it in a perfect cursive hand. Who would have thought that Jake would have such pretty handwriting.
Come find me downstairs when you feel ready, Jake.
She sat up and stretched. Her heart didn't sting so much today, but it still ached.
She went downstairs after a quick shower and changed into more outdoor hiking gear, where she found Jake eating breakfast at the bar.
"Morning." He smiled and patted the stool next to him.
She jumped up on it and gave him a smile back as Dai burst through the door behind the bar holding a plate of food. "Ahh! There's the main lady! Here is your breakfast; I hope you enjoy it."
He placed a plate of ham and cheese omelette in front of her with two pieces of toast. She licked her lips with anticipation; it smelled divine. She didn't eat anything after yesterday and barely drank the water Jake brought up, so her stomach growled with need. "Thank you." She said to both Jake and Dai and dug in.
"I thought we could go visit the waterfall today," Jake said, pushing his now-empty plate away from him. "Dai said it's rare to get temperatures above 20C this time of year, so we should make the most of it."
Dai nodded in agreement. "Rhaeadr Cariad!" When he spoke in his native tongue, his thick accent shone through. "It's means, Waterfall of Love. Such a beautiful place, bit of trek to get to it mind you, but well worth it."
"Waterfall of Love." Jess repeated, nibbling her toast. "A bit of a cliché name, isn't it?"
Dai shook his head. "Oh no, annwyl! It really does live up to its name. It's glorious there. It's still a little early in the year for its usual crowd of visitors, so if you're lucky, you should have the spot to yourself."
Jess smiled and nodded, Dai's enthusiasm winning her over. She needed something beautiful and happy to cheer her up after yesterday. "Sounds perfect." She told Jake, flashing him a wide grin before nibbling on her omelette again.
Dai started to clean up Jake's plate when Jessica remembered something. "Dai, one of the girls I work with is actually Welsh; she told me a few things to say to a Welshman if I met one."
He leaned on the counter, looking between them both with interest. "Aye, do you remember what she taught you?"
"Yes, you can tell me if I'm saying things wrong."
Dai nodded and waved for her to continue as he took a sip of his mug of coffee. Jess cleared her throat and started to speak. "Su'mae. Jess Ydw I. Dw i'n byw Bristol. Dwi'n hoffi Pidyn-"
Dai chocked, spitting coffee everywhere, all over the freshly cleaned counter.
Jess gaped, and felt the flush creeping up her neck.
Jake tried to hide a smile.
"Oh god, what did I say?" She asked.
Dai shook his head, "I cannot repeat that."
"Oh, please, you have to tell me. I'll kill her when I get home."
Dai blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, you started off great! Your pronunciation was amazing for a first-timer! You said, 'Hello, I'm Jess. I live in Bristol.... and then you said something a bit rude."
"Rude? Oh god, how rude?"
"Well, ugh..."
"Oh, for god's sake," Gwyneth said as she came into the room, shaking her head. "You told him you like dicks."
Jess gaped wider, her mouth agape.
Jake laughed loudly and had to stand up from the chair to stop himself from falling off it. He gripped his stomach, tears in his eyes, as his laughter filled the room.
"Oh, my god. I am so sorry." Jess apologised, blushing furiously.
Dai couldn't meet her eyes, but Gwyneth chuckled and waved her off. "It's fine, don't worry."
"I've been walking around practising that for weeks."
Jake laughed louder, which earned him a glare.
"Did your friend teach you anything else?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.
Jess nodded, but hesitated before she repeated it. "Rwyn casau cwn."
Dai and Gwyneth chuckled. "Well, you do look more like a cat person." Jess frowned again. "You said you hate dogs."
"But I love dogs." Jess countered and shook her head. "Oh jeez, I must have looked like a right idiot, repeating it all back to her. She can look out when I get home."
Jake calmed himself down and stood next to her, leaning against the bar, as he watched her flushed face with amusement. "Are you ready to go, or is there anyone else you'd like to tell that you like dicks?"
Jess scowled at him before stomping ahead of him to the truck. Jake handed Dai some money before he followed.
***
Jess ignored Jake every time he started laughing again as they drove. He would laugh, calm himself down, remember, and start laughing again. It was driving her mad.
Around the fifth time, she turned and glared daggers at him, which made his lips twitch up. She was very close to thumping him, and he could tell. It just made him laugh more.
"How long until we're there?" She asked with a groan.
Jake tapped the sat-nav in front of them. "Not long, the car park is just up here, then its like an hour or so hike to the waterfall."
Jess nodded and brought her knee to her chest to adjust her shoelaces.
They drove for a few more miles and finally arrived at the car park. Jake parked the truck, and then they started to make their way to the waterfall.
It was such a beautiful place. The canopy of green above their heads filtered rays of sun over them and the land as they walked. They walked at a steady pace, enjoying the scenery. It was silent, apart from their breaths and the sound of scurrying animals. The air smelled fresh and was so welcoming.
Just like home.
Jess loved every second. How alive the world around her was. The earth was brimming with life: birds flying from tree to tree above, squirrels and frogs making noise in the brush below.
Her eyes kept landing on Jake as he strode along next to her. The way he watched the world with wide, curious eyes.
She was acutely aware whenever Jake accidentally bumped her. Electricity shot from his hand to hers and sparked up her arm.
She noticed his smile.
So wide, pure, and breath-taking as he looked down at her.
Did he smile like that for anyone else?
She hoped not.
She hoped it was her smile.
Jake took her hand, pulling her to a sudden stop. "Can you hear that?"
Jess listened and shook her head.
He smiled and pulled her to him. "No, really listen. Close your eyes."
She stared up at him; he was so close now that she could see the green-yellow light dancing on his face and through his hair, giving some strands a golden hue.
She closed her eyes, trusting him completely.
His forehead pressed against hers. "Slow your breathing." He told her.
She focused on it. The sensation she felt as she inhaled slowly through her nose and out through her mouth. It became a rhythm.
Then she heard it.
The rushing sound.
Water crashing over water, rumbling, and the earth trembling from the force
She opened her eyes, finding his so close to hers as she pulled back slightly. "The waterfall." She breathed.
He grinned and nodded, his eyes sparkling as he grabbed her hand and ran towards the sound.
Once at the top, they were greeted with the most breath-taking view. They were staring up at a massive waterfall that fell from a large rock cliff. The water was like a sheet of white glass as it fell before crashing into the blue pool below, churning into a frothy foam.
Jess had never felt so small as she had in this moment.
Jake's hand was still in hers as he pulled her up the trail to the base of the waterfall. They stuck close to the cliff face as they scooted along the edge to go under the water fall into a small, pocket-like cave.
Jessica's heart thumped loudly in her chest. It was such a thrill to be so close to something so dangerous.
Jake grinned, taking a shaky breath as he pulled her to him. "Come here. I want to show you something."
Inside the cave, the world was drowned out by the roar of the waterfall as it echoed off the walls.
Jake pulled her to the far side of the cave, and she noticed names carved into the stone wall. Hundreds of them. She ran her fingers along them all, but stopped when she found two certain ones.
Adam ... Jake
Jess teared up. "He wrote this?" She asked, glancing back at Jake, who nodded.
"Yeah, when we came here." He clarified, moving to stand next to her, where he traced Adams' name with his finger also. "There weren't any other names on the wall then, but now I guess it's become a tradition when people visit." He chuckled. "He started that."
Jess smiles and traces his name with her finger. Jake leaned against the wall at her side, handing her a sharp rock. "You should add your name next to ours."
"Really? You wouldn't mind?"
Jake slowly shook his head and said, "Of course not. Why would I mind?"
Jess shrugged. "It just seems like a you and Adam moment; I don't want to ruin that."
He shook his head instantly and said, "You could never ruin anything. You mean so much to both of us. Of course I want your name there too."
Jess watched him, the way his eyes softened as she started to carve her name into the wall.
You mean so much to both of us.
She sniffled and started to add her name. It took a while, chipping away at the stone slowly until eventually her name appeared next to theirs.
Adam ... Jake ... Jess
She admired it for a few moments longer, and then she turned to Jake. "Thank you for showing me this; I'm so glad I saw it."
He nodded, then flashed her a mischievous grin. "Now, are you ready to go swimming?"
***
Thank you so much for reading!
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Shunice x