Today's session with Dr. Hoppus was just like always. There was seriously no point in sending me there almost every day, that's wasted money - even though we didn't pay much, since Dr. Hoppus was a family friend - I just don't get why they were insisting.
When I exited the session room, there was a petite black haired girl waiting at the door, she must've been not older than 10. She was gripping tightly on an older woman - I suppose it was her mother - and she looked uncomfortable, in fact she was shivering.
We made eye contact for a few seconds, then she broke it by looking down at her feet, still concerned. So little, honestly too young to be sent to therapy.
I stepped aside to let them walk in, but that's when Dr. Hoppus poked his head out of the door.
"Excuse me, I have to sort a few things out. Could you two wait for five minutes?" he told the kid's mother, who just nodded. When he shut the door again, the mother looked down at the girl.
"I'm going to the toilet, will be back in two minutes. Stay here and don't cause trouble, okay?" the mother said, causing the child to nod slowly. The girl released the woman's shirt and let her walk away to the bathroom, then sat down on a chair and started swinging her feet back and forth, staring at her flower themed leggings.
I stepped towards the seats and sat down in the chair next to hers. For some reason, I wondered why she was there, but most of all, how she was feeling. She looked incredibly nervous, since she wouldn't stop playing with a pink rubber bracelet between her fingers and glance around like crazy.
She looked so innocent. What was coming next? What was going to happen to that little innocent girl?
Oh but I already knew it, I was perfectly aware of what was going on. They would try to change her, brainwash her, transform her. That's all they do, but more than 'brainwashing' I'd call it 'braindirting'. And the worst is, this change is all so permanent. (A/N: Yes, you got it.)
They wait for you, ready to tear you down in their ocean of lies, not even considering your point of view, not even giving it a chance, like demons.
Whether they succeeded or not in their attempt of changing her... that girl was never going to be the same.
"First time here?" I asked, causing her to turn to me nervously, with a surprised gaze. There was concern in her green eyes, as if she didn't know what to expect and obviously would rather never know. "Uh? Ah yeah duh..." she muttered, and looked down, analyzing her Converse.
"Is it so noticeable...?" she asked, looking up at me again.
"Kind of. What are you in for, if you don't mind me asking?" I smiled softly, trying to comfort her.
Usually, I would feel at disease with kids. Kids are... weird. So noisy, so chaotic, so hyperactive and hard to tame. But this one was different, she somehow reminded me of little me. A poor innocent deer being caught by the wolves while stopping by a fount to drink some water.
"Uh I'm... they told me I'm weird because I believe in paranormal and it's kind of taken over my life... I get easily scared and stuff, a little too much it seems... they said it's become a paranoia..." she mumbled, shyly.
She looked embarrassed, almost ashamed. Is that how they were making her feel? As if she was weird and needed to feel ashamed for that?
"As in ghosts, exorcisms...?" I asked, slowly and she nodded, still avoiding my eyes.
"There's nothing wrong with that." I stated, with a shrug. She shot me a confused look.
"Isn't there? I mean, I just said-"
"You don't need to explain or try to justify your thoughts. Everyone has the right of having an opinion, they must respect it. And if they don't... screw them." I said and winked. She grinned weakly in response.
"But... they told me it's stupid to believe that. They told me if I get lost in this kind of things, I won't be able to live in peace..." she muttered. Now she really did remind me of little me.
"You can't change your state of mind though. Don't blame yourself, you can't stop believing in something just because you want to. I couldn't stop believing in spiders even if I wanted to, since I see them every day, for example. People have to deal with the fact that maybe having different thoughts on things isn't always bad. Sadly they don't, but it's none of your fault." I said.
"Y-yeah... you're right..." she mumbled and looked down at the elastic bracelet again. I patted her back as if saying 'don't worry too much' and flashed her a small, reassuring smile, before standing up and leaving.
That girl was so... I don't know, she looked terrified. It reminded me of my first time here.
*Flashback*
"Mum, where are we? Who's this man?" I asked, concerned. My parents didn't tell me where we were going so I had no idea of what the hell was actually happening.
"We're at a very safe place, he's our friend!" she replied hesitantly, patting my back. I was just eleven...
The tall man gave me a goofy smile.
"C'mon, Lyndsey, I don't bite." he chuckled and I looked up at my mother with a questioning look.
"He's going to ask you a few questions. You just have to reply truthfully, it's like... a game!" she explained. Yeah, what a game, squeezing my brain until the breaking point. Such a fun game to play.
I nodded reluctantly and walked into the room with Dr. Hoppus, thinking that it was just an experience, something of a day. But it wasn't going to last that short, oh no. That wasn't the last time for me to be there, it was just a first - followed by a second, a third, and so on. At some point, I thought it was never going to end.
*End of the flashback*
I sighed thinking of younger me, and kept walking on the sidewalk to home, until I reached a bench where I finally sat down. I plugged my earbuds in, scrolled through my music until I found Creep by Radiohead, and tried to relax to the sweet sound buzzing in my ears.
Fun fact: I didn't even know her name, yet I wanted to make sure that little girl knew everything was fine, that she never had to feel wrong in any way. Maybe she was even right and everyone else wasn't. Who knows. Perhaps she was figuring things that most of the people would consider too dumb to give a damn about were true.
Maybe she was underestimated, misunderstood, just like me.
This is not just all in your head.
—
A/N: 4 simple things;
1) I'm really enjoying writing this story and I like how I'm connecting Pvris' songs with the chapters to be honest
2) Happy Swift Day
3) Thank you guys for the 2k reads! I owe you lots of pizzas
4) Let me know your thoughts in the comments, I appreciate it :) baiii. x