Co • zen
Noun | Meaning
To trick or deceive
It's been a few weeks now since the death of Maya and to be honest, not a lot has changed. For a moment I believed everything could go back to normal and I could love my husband again like I once used to. But the morning after we had made love, reality hit me again. I was completely fooling myself.
Now I've just been trying to earn Nekane's trust in order to get more freedom. And now I believe I have enough to leave once again. I know where Nekane keeps his credit cards so I can easily pull the same trick regarding the money. I'm not going to be able to take any other clothes with me and once again will have to do it with what I have.
I hope I can get in contact with Kristel again once I'm in a safe location, hoping that she can bring me some of my remaining stuff back in Miami. And if there's nothing there, then once again some of her own. After that we'll have to separate, I have already asked so much from her. I can't keep getting her involved with my problems.
for tonight I asked if I could cook for Nekane. Not too difficult. I'm making him a Tortellini dish with some rings and bells. Finishing it off with a glass of red wine. And while mine will be completely fine and I'll probably only have a few sips. His will have 2 sleeping pills in there. More than recommended, but not enough for him to overdose.
While I am quite nervous, I know deep down I need to do this.
Grabbing the pills out of my drawer I put two carefully in the back pocket of my jeans. The rest I put back where they were and with a deep breath I prepare myself for tonight.
Later, as I'm finishing the final touches of dinner, I grab two wine glasses and a bottle of red. Nekane is in de study right now, doing god knows what while I'm preparing the dinner. I put the two glasses in front of me carefully, while I grab the two sleeping pills out of my back pocket. With a spoon, I crunch them to powder and then carefully sprinkle it in the glass.
When I'm done with that, I fill the two glasses halfway with red wine. I stir the wine with the powder a little extra as it doesn't immediately mix well with the wine. While stirring my hand slightly shakes, you can clearly tell I'm nervous. I need to seriously shake that off before I call Nekane down for dinner.
As I finish up, I take a last look at the two glasses. You can't even see the powder anymore. Note to self, it's the right glass. Right glass. Right glass. Right glass.
I let out a nervous breath as I walk out of the kitchen and yell out for Nekane. "Kane! Dinner's pretty much ready!" I shout and seconds later I hear a door open. I put on a fake smile as I watch him walk downstairs and make eye contact with me.
"Well aren't you the perfect wife," He says grinning as he leads us to the dining room. He takes a seat himself as I walk back into the kitchen and get all the food out. Nekane patiently waits until everything's on the table. Including the two glasses of red wine.
They're the last two things I bring out, as I carefully give Nekane the right glass. I give him a sweet smile as I go to sit across from him and take my first sip of my own wine. He himself just sets the glass down and takes a look at all the food.
"It looks great Jules," He compliments me making me genuinely smile for a second. "Thank you, dig in then," I say as I myself begin to eat as well. It feels kind of weird that I'm doing this again. And deep down I feel devastated. Secretly I always kinda wished that if we would see each other again, I'd be because he had found me and would tell me this was all some misunderstanding. That he wasn't a criminal, murderer, and he actually was some secret ass-saving agent or something.
But here I am, sitting across from him again, about to drug him so I can escape this shitshow of a marriage. Again.
My eyes linger on his red wine, me secretly praying to every god to exist that he'll soon take his first sip. I want to be out of this house, as early as possible. "Jules?" Nekane snaps me out of my thoughts and my eyes meet his. He looks a little confused, suspicious almost as we look at each other. "You've barely taken a bite from your food," He states and I look at my plate before looking at his.
I should've put the powder in his food, he's already halfway. "I'm sorry, I was just distracted for a moment," I excuse my behavior and take another bite of my food. "Do you like it?" I ask in between bites and he nods, still a little hesitant.
I grab my glass and take a sip of the wine. "The wine is great with the food, have you had a sip yet?" I ask him and he shakes his head. "Try it," I recommend to him and he squeezes his eyes together all of a sudden. What?
He grabs his glass and brings it to his nose first, smelling it. Somehow the gesture sends nerves down my spine. What is he up to? He scrunched his eyebrows together for a second. "Smells a little funny, does yours too?" He asks and my breath gets caught in my throat. The pills were smell-less right?
He goes to grab my glass and smells it too. "Yeah, this one smells different. Here," He hands me both glasses and I try to concentrate on which one is his. "Smell your own and then mine," He says and I do so. "Smells the same to me," I then say, trying to keep my cool while doing so.
"I have always had a more sensitive nose. Maybe you'll taste the difference," He suggests and it is now that I realize that he's testing me. Did he see me in the kitchen? I could of course, just put the glass against my lips and act as if I took a sip. I mean I kinda have to if I want this to work. And I really do.
I nod at his suggestion and bring his glass to my lips. But while 'drinking' I don't open my mouth. After a few seconds, I bring the glass back down and lick the red wine off my lips. "I don't taste anything different," I try to say casually but when I meet eyes with Nekane my heart drops. His eyes are filled with anger and while I don't exactly know why, I do know it's scaring the shit out of me.
"You didn't swallow Julliane," He states and my heart drops even further down as my body freezes. "W-what?" I'm barely able to utter the words. "To drink, you have to swallow. But you didn't swallow. Besides that, you've been staring at my wine glass the entire night. Like there was something with it. And now you act as if you drank from my glass while in reality, you didn't," He says slowly giving me goosebumps all over.
"So w-what are you implying?" I ask, hoping I can somehow still get myself out of this situation. "That depends on the next reaction. Drink actually from my glass," He practically orders and I swallow hard. Fuck.
"Kane, what's going on?" I ask, trying to act dumb but it isn't working. "If you don't drink from that glass, that'll tell me that you've put something in it. So either drink it or don't," He says, his voice cold as he says so. Panic starts to overtake my body as I truly don't know what to do now. Do I drink it? Will one sip affect me? Or do I run?
In these moments of hesitation, Nekane has clearly been given his answer. Aggressively he stands up, making me jump. "What were you thinking Juliane?" He asks calmly but clearly with hot anger laced in the tone of his voice.
I, on my turn, stay silent as I try to fight back tears. He scoffs and walks away from the table, staying in the dining room. I follow his every move and when he walks to the furthest window to look outside for a second, I don't even think anymore. I jump off my chair and make a run for it. I don't even know where I'm running to. Do I run outside?
I guess I am as I near the front door and am about to go outside. As I grab the handle and pull it down, it gets stuck. Panic seeps into my veins as I stare in horror at the handle. I try again but it stays in place. It's locked.
"No, no, no, no, no," I whisper to myself and I look behind me. Nekane walks up to me slowly with big strides. I don't even waste another second and run upstairs. I could somehow hide in our bathroom and maybe climb out of the window?
I run up the stairs and at that point, I can hear Nekane start running too. Adrenaline kicks into my body at this point too as I quicken my pace toward our bedroom. Once inside I immediately make it for our bathroom, I'm almost there.
As I get in and try to close the door behind me, a big force pushes against it, making me fall back as the bathroom door whips open. I watch Nekane walk into the bathroom next and his eyes fall on me, filled with fury.
"Nicely tried Jules, a good attempt too. But not good enough," He says as he pulls me off the ground, holding my arms in a firm, painful grip. "Nekane, you're hurting me," I whimper as I try to get out of his grip. "Oh so it's Nekane again now," He comments and I try to avoid eye contact.
"Where did you get the pills from?" He then asks and I look at the ground, not saying anything. "Juliane?" He says more sternly, almost warning. I keep my mouth shut, he can't know where those pills are. Those are my last resort.
"Fine, if you won't tell me. I'll find them myself," He almost growls as he brings me back into the bedroom and lets go of me. Confused for a second, I look at him but he isn't looking back. Instead, he's scanning the bedroom for a second before he decides to go completely ballistic.
Out of nowhere, he starts to push stuff over and pull drawers of desks and closets. I look at him wide-eyed as he completely destroys our bedroom. And when he walks toward the walk-in closet, once again my heart drops.
I watch him pull out drawer after drawer, including the clothing inside. Here and there he leaves a few drawers out at first and I know I need some kind of a distraction in order to stop him from looking there.
"Nekane, please stop this!" I yell out desperately, and I can tell he could hear the desperation in my voice. He whips his body toward me and within two big steps, he's in front of me. "Is it on you?!" He asks angrily, his eyes full of hate. As his hands start to pull at my clothes I try to step back but he keeps me in one place. "Tell me where it is Juliane!" He fumes, the anger in his tone scaring me to my core.
But I keep my mouth shut as he tries to pull my clothes apart. I fight back of course. Pushing away his hands every chance I get. Eventually, he's completely over it. With an angry groan, he throws me on the bed and my eyes widen. He isn't going to- I mean he wouldn't go that far, right?
His hands reach out to the cuffs that are hanging from our headboard and within seconds he has me cuffed once again. "Nekane!" I shout out as he walks out of the bedroom leaving me behind. But I get no answer. The silence is deafening as his footsteps fade away into the hall.
I pull at the cuffs hoping they will somehow give some room, but nothing. Tears prickle in my eyes as the realization of the situation dawns upon me. This was my only chance and I completely ruined it. He's never going to let me go now, he's never even gonna trust me again.
I try to fight the tears back but it doesn't work. A sob escapes my throat and I carefully try to lie down, somewhat comfortably. As I silently cry in bed I try to listen to what's going on downstairs. I can hear furniture being torn apart and dishes being thrown.
He's beyond angry and I secretly hope he's too angry to come back upstairs tonight. I can't even imagine sharing a bed with him right now.