tw: !mention of self-harm!
It had been a week since Mike and Will's argument, and neither of them have talked to each other between now and then.
They were supposed to leave for New York in the morning, and Will could only contemplate if he should still go or not. But at the end of the day, he knew he had to. Well, not only because of the scholarship, but because he had a point to prove. He had to prove to Mike that he could take care of himself, and he didn't need him around all the time.
Ok, well maybe he didn't need Mike around, but he did want him around. He hasn't gotten one phone call from Mike, and he was getting pretty worried. But right now, he had to focus on packing his last few possessions from his room that he would take with him.
As he was going through the drawers of his night stand, Will found a tiny black notebook that seemed familiar.
Oh... yeah. That.
His little notebook where he wrote down all the threats he made to himself. All the times he had self-harmed, or even thought about going further. Shit. That was the last thing he needed to be reminded of right now. What if he went back to that? What if there was no one to save him next time? Would there be a next time?
What if there was a next time?
Immediately, Will felt himself get choked up by the air around him. His breathing hitched. He was having a panic attack; that hadn't happened in a while.
He felt like the walls were closing in on him, the air was getting thicker as if he were suffocating from the inside. He fell to the ground with a thump, trying to get ahold of himself.
"Will? What was that noise?" Joyce called out. No reply. "Will!?" She was instantly worried, always paranoid about her son. She ran to his room to investigate the noise.
"WILL!"
She found her son curled up in a ball by the foot of his bed.
"Honey what's wrong!? What happened!?" She asked in a panic.
"I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it." He repeated over and over in a cry.
"You can't do what? Will, talk to me!"
"I can't do it mom!"
Joyce wrapped her son into a hug and patted his back. "You're ok honey. You're ok, alright?" But it wasn't working.
Not wanting to leave her son's side, Joyce went over to the phone in Will's now somewhat empty room. There were a list of numbers written on a paper, taped to the bedside table. She dialed in Mike's
It took a few rings before there was an answer.
"Hello?"
"Yes, Nancy? This is Mrs. Byers. Could you put Mike on the phone please? I know it's early but it's an emergency." She asked as calmly as she could.
"Oh, yeah of course!"
There were a few moments of silence before the phone was picked up again.
"Yes?" Mike answered.
"Michael, hi! Listen, I know you and Will aren't on the best terms right now, but I really need your help. He's on the floor crying right now. He can't breath a-and- nothing I'm doing will work! Could you please tell me what to do? I think he needs you, Mike!" Joyce cried out.
"Ok uh- just keep talking to him, make sure he knows that you're there ok? I'm on my way." The phone call ended abruptly.
Joyce went back over to Will who was still breathing heavily. "Hey, it's ok Will. I'm right here; I'm not leaving you, alright?" She soothed.
A little less than 10 minutes later, Mike arrived, letting himself into the house. He immediately ran over to Will's room.
His heart broke when he saw Will in that state again. He'd finally caught his breath though, and he wasn't crying much anymore, but he still looked like he'd seen a ghost. He sat, legs hugged to his chest as his chin rested on his knees.
"Will?" Mike got onto the ground and scooted as close to him as he could get. Will just sniffed in return. Joyce took this as her queue to leave the room.
"Will, it's Mike. Listen, I know you're mad at me right now, but can you tell me what's wrong please? I wanna help you." Mike took an arm around Will's body to make him lean in.
Will sniffed again. "I don't want to."
"Why not?" Mike chuckled weakly.
"Because you'll get mad at me again."
Mike stared at the boy with confusion. "Huh? Why would I be mad?" Mike had a quick moment of realization. "Is it because of what I said last week? Will, I was exaggerating. I-I was just trying to take the blame off myself. It was heat of the moment ok? I didn't mean it. You didn't do anything wrong."
Will finally turned to face Mike, still not saying anything.
"Tell me what happened."
Will let out a heavy sigh. "I'm not ready." He simply said.
"Not ready for what? To talk about it?"
"No Mike, I'm not ready for any of it. I can't survive all the way in New York without anyone else. A-And I'm not saying that you're not enough, it's just that we're gonna be so busy you know? And you said it yourself, I can't even take care of myself as it is-"
"I didn't say that Will-"
"Yeah well that's what you wanted to say. I-" he paused to take a deep breath. "I don't wanna argue again. I'm over it, really. I just want things to go back to the way they were sometimes. I don't wanna move away."
Mike was quiet for a minute, trying to gather his words and not say the wrong thing.
"I know, I know you don't. But at some point, things have to change Will. In order to progress, you might need some new experiences right? I know you're scared, and I am too. It's a big change, a really big change, but it'll all be ok."
"But Mike, what if I get too overwhelmed and start hurting myself again? I didn't want to, but I couldn't help it the last time or times."
"I'll keep an even better eye out for you. Lucas will be around too you know, he's going to NYU as well. And you have better self control now. I believe that you can make the right choices on your own. You're brave Will. You've been through a lot, so you know better now, yeah?" His voice got softer.
Will moved his chin off of his knee and moved his head to rest in the crook of Mike's neck. Mike could feel the warm breath from Will's nose travel down his spine.
"I wish I were normal sometimes." Will murmured.
"You are." Mike responded with not one slight doubt of uncertainty.
"Everyone speaks to me some unstable child. Which obviously helps me calm down unfortunately."
"Doesn't mean you're not normal." Mike said again.
Will shrugged in response and dug his face further into the warmth.
"Would you consider me normal?" Mike asked him. "What?" Will whispered.
"I said, would you consider me to be normal?"
"Uh- yeah I guess so."
"Why?"
Will finally lifted his head. "Cause you can control yourself. You don't have bad thoughts like me. You don't get worried about everything little thing. I feel like there's nothing I can control, but you don't feel like that. You're normal."
Mike chose his words carefully again.
"Who's to say all that stuff is true? I get worried about you all the time. This week has been hell not being able to check on you. And well... I mean we know how my self control is. I say stupid stuff I don't mean all the time when I'm mad, and it ends up hurting you. So Will, if you're not normal, I'm not normal either."
"Mike, why is it that whenever we have a fight, something bad happens and we have to call truce?" Will asked as he buried his face back into Mike's neck.
"The universe just doesn't like when we fight babe." He grinned.
...
A few hours later, Will woke up in his bed, alone. The last thing he could remember though, was clinging onto Mike as he went to sleep. Will immediately decided to get up and search for him. He was still having a hard time calming down, and his mind wouldn't stop racing. He needed Mike right now. He needed someone to bring him back onto the ground, and he was the best person for that.
On his way out, Will heard faint voices in the kitchen, so that's where he headed.
"And that's what I told him! But he- Will, hi!" Joyce stopped her conversation with Mike at the table to greet Will.
"Someone's sleepy." Mike teased with a stupid grin on his face.
"You left me." Will pouted as he went over to Mike and took a seat on his lap.
Mike had to try his hardest to keep his eyes from bulging out of his head. He was taken back by the sudden intimacy from Will in front of his mom. Well, it wasn't that intimate, but Will was always on about how he didn't want to do anything in front of his family, because he didn't want to make them uncomfortable in their own home or some bullshit like that.
"I'm sorry." Mike hugged onto his waist.
"So, you feeling any better Will?" Joyce asked cautiously.
"A little I guess. My head still feels like it's gonna explode if I think too much about tomorrow though." He explained.
"You'll do great Will, you'll thrive. I know you will, you're my son." She giggled.
Will cracked a small smile. "I just might add Joyce Byers' son to my resume."
"It's a pretty nice achievement if I do say so myself." She laughed again. "Oh, Michael honey you should be going soon shouldn't you?" She said as she looked down at her watch.
"Go? Go where?" Will instantly worried as he jumped up
"Babe calm down." Mike pulled Will back down. "I promised to go say bye to Holly right before we left. Probably gonna take her to get some food or something."
"Oh."
"I assumed you wanted to stay home. You wanna come with us? I'm sure Holly would love that."
Will nodded his head. "I'll get dressed."
As Will made his way to his bedroom, he heard their conversation pick back up.
"Is he really ok Michael? I know what he said, but he still seems off, on edge.
"He'll be ok. After stuff like this happens, a panic attack or something, he usually gets like really clingy. I think it helps him calm down more- I don't know." He tried to explain.
Will heard the conversation dying down as he went to his room and got dressed. He thought about what he'd heard.
"Am I really that predictable?" He thought. "How often do I get like this?" "Is he annoyed from me?"
Will's thoughts were interrupted by a knock on his bedroom door.
"Can I come in?" Mike asked.
"Mhm!" Will allowed.
"Hey, you ready yet?" "Yeah, just about." Will added a watch to his left wrist. "That's nice, where'd you get it?" Mike wondered aloud. "Oh, it's old, I think my brother gave it to me or something."
"You should wear it more."
"I wouldn't wanna ruin it." Will giggled as they walked out of the door together.
"Yeah but you look good with jewelry and accessories and shit. Oh! Will, you should totally get your ears pierced."
"My ears!? Never. But I think you'd look so good with one." Will answered. "Bye Mom, I'll see you tonight." He hugged his mom.
"Bye you two, be safe."
The pair were in the car and on their way to Mike's parents' house. Will grabbed one of Mike's hands to hold onto as they drove.
"Mike?" Will squeezed his hand.
"Mhm?"
"I'm sorry for not talking to you for a week." Will didn't want to take any of his moments with Mike for granted. He definitely regretted it. Maybe if he would've had Mike, he wouldn't have had a panic attack in the first place.
"No, I get it baby. I was being unfair and I said some shitty things that I didn't mean. I thought you would've wanted space though, from me. I was scared of getting shutdown, so I didn't- I didn't wanna bother you, you know?"
"Yeah." He trailed off.
"You ok?" Mike asked.
"Mhm." Will nodded faintly in return.
Before they knew it, Mike and Will were in a loud family restaurant with an excited 7 year old. Holly decided on a booth, and wanted to sit on Will's side, across from Mike.
"Can I have chicken tenders Mike?" She asked, a little too loudly.
"You can have whatever you want." He smiled. "Look at the menu."
Instead of searching for something to eat, Holly took the crayons that the waiter gave her and colored in the little pictures on the kid's menu.
Mike concluded that she wasn't paying attention to the conversation around her, so he started to talk to Will.
"Have you been eating lately?" Mike asked him.
No answer. Will wasn't paying attention either.
"Babe." He tried snapping Will out of it.
"Oh, hm?" Will raised an eyebrow to let Mike know that he was listening.
"I asked if you've been eating. Like properly."
"Yeah, I have." He nodded softly.
Mike could tell when Will was just trying to fake being ok, so that he wouldn't ask him anymore questions.
"Well I know that when you're in a bad mood, you like to not eat, so are you lying to me?"
"It's fine Mike, I'm not lying. You can ask my mom."
"I will." Mike replied matter of factly.
Mike hated when Will got like this. When he got so self-destructive. This is how he was when he came back from the hospital last year, except he was in a good mood at first. Also, the day he- well when he put himself in the hospital. He was in a good mood that morning too. Mike started to wonder if there was a pattern to this. One thing he did know for sure though, was that Will was doing so much better when he was in therapy. He hadn't been prescribed any medication though, considering Mike still didn't trust him. He didn't want to take any chances of losing Will again like that.
Before Will could say anything back, a waitress appeared.
"Hi guys, are we ready to order?" She asked.
"Can I have chicken tenders please? And also mac and cheese? And chocolate milk! Wait no, orange juice!" Holly blurted out at once.
"Mhm. Dad?" The waitress looked over at Mike to make sure she was allowed to order everything.
"Oh, uh- I'm not- Uh, yeah it's fine. She gets to order whatever she wants today." He chuckled, not correcting her.
"And for you?" She looked at Will.
"Uh, can I just have the chips and guacamole? With lemonade."
"Of course! And you?" She gestured to Mike as she finished writing everything down.
"Can I have a cheeseburger with fries and a coke?"
"Is that all for you guys?"
"Yeah, that should be it." Mike answered for the table.
"Ok, well I'll be right back with your drinks." She said happily as she walked away.
"Since when were you a dad?" Will snickered.
"Since now I guess." Mike shrugged with a grin.
"I don't think I signed up to dating a teenage father with a 7 year old daughter." He laughed. "Hey, this is your daughter too now. I thought we were in this together!" Mike joked. "Being honest though, we would make absolutely beautiful kids."
"And how would we do that Mike?" Will kicked his boyfriend under the table.
"I don't know." He murmured, his face turning red as he smirked.
After a little over an hour, everyone was done with their food, and Holly was done with her chocolate cake. They were just pulling into the driveway of Mike's parents' house.
"You want me to take you inside Hol?"
"Yeah, and Will too. Daddy's not at home today. He's gone for work for a whole week. Dad doesn't like Will very much."
"Okayyyyy." Mike tried to quickly change the subject. "We'll all go in."
"Hi Holly, did you have fun with your brother?" Karen called out.
"Her brother is right here."
"Oh Michael!" Karen immediately stopped what she was doing and went to hug Mike. "I missed you so much honey!"
"Hey Mom." He greeted awkwardly.
"Oh and Will, how are you sweetie?" She hugged him. "I'm doing alright, it's nice to see you Mrs. Wheeler."
"Michael you haven't been around in forever. You always drop her off, you never come inside." She grabbed her son's face.
"Maybe it's because you don't want me here." He scoffed.
"Mike, stop." Will hit his arm.
"No, it's obvious she doesn't care about me. So don't act like you do. Don't act like I'm the bad guy for not coming around anymore. Don't act like kicking me out was out of your control. Don't do that."
"Michael, honey, it was! I didn't want you out of the house! It was your dad!"
"That's total bullshit Mom! I can't believe that I'm moving STATES away from my sister tomorrow after already rarely being able to see her! You could've said something, anything to him, but you didn't even try Mom. You didn't try."
"Mike, stop it please." Holly pleaded.
Mike cleared his throat at once. "Sorry. Hey Hol let's go to your room and play like we used to, yeah? One more time before I go?"
"Yeah sure!" Holly was basically jumping off the walls again.
"We'll meet you in there, k?"
"Mike, I'm really sorry. You know I love you no matter what, and I didn't want for your father to behave like that."
"Yeah, save it Mom. Cause I know you wouldn't even have talked to me unless I came here. And the thing is, you could have came to ME. I've been over at Nancy's this entire summer. And not once did you attempt to say anything to me. A-And anytime I wanted to see Holly, I was the one who had to call and ask. Not even feeling welcome here, in my own family's house."
"Mike, don't do this right now. Come on." Will dragged him away.
"Fine. She doesn't have anything to say anyways." He spat.
"Hey Holly," Will greeted with a big smile plastered on his face as he walked upstairs into Holly's room. "Are we playing Barbie's?"
"I want us to paint our nails!" She exclaimed excitedly.
"Holly that's gonna get really messy. I don't know if we should." Mike warned.
"No, no! Mom taught me how to do it! I'll do it for both of you. Look at all of the different colors I got for my birthday."
"Can I have yellow?" Will asked.
"Mhm, what color do you want Mikey?"
"Uh- I don't know if I really want my nails painted Hol." He shrugged.
"Oh, come on Mike, she's excited. Just let her paint them, it's not a big deal."
"Will, I really don't-"
"Please?" Will brought a hand up to Mike's chin to make him face him. He knew Mike wouldn't dare say no to him like that. He's experienced at getting what he wants from him at this point.
"I'll do blue."
After about 20 minutes, Holly was done with both boys. "Wow Holly, you actually did a really good job." Mike praised. "Mhm, super pretty." Will giggled, admiring her work.
"You BETTER not take it off later Mike." Holly scolded.
"I won't, I promise. It looks really nice." He ruffled her hair. "Hey uh- I still have some packing I have to do so uh- we have to get going Hol."
"What? No. Mike no, wait." Holly jumped up and threw herself at Mike.
"Holly, don't do this. I have to go, ok? I'll be back for Christmas time, alright? I'm not leaving forever." He rubbed circles on her back as she hugged onto him.
"Please Mikey." She started to cry. "You just got back. I don't want you to leave again. Christmas is so far away."
Mike felt tears in his eyes as well. "Holly, you have to be a big girl about this. I'll be back. You'll see me again. Right now, you have Mom and Dad and Nancy, and all your friends at school to play with you until I get back."
"No, none of them play with me. Dad is always gone. I wish you were my dad instead Mikey. I want you to live here again."
"Don't say that Holly." Was all he could reply with.
She just sniffed and cried out more. "I'm gonna really miss you Mike. I'm gonna miss you too Will."
Mike hugged her tightly. "We'll miss you too Holly. So, so much. And we'll both call and check in, I promise. I gotta go Hol." He said as he got up.
"Bye Mike. Bye Will." She said sadly.
"Bye Holly." Mike waved with tears falling down his face. "Bye Daisy, I'll miss you." Will went and bent over to kiss Holly's forehead before leaving the room after Mike.
"Honey are you ok? What's with all the crying?" Karen asked, seeing her son and his boyfriend heading for the door with tears in their eyes.
"Can't I be sad that I'm leaving my little sister here in this hellhole with a piece of shit we have to call a father?" He spat out.
"Michael, don't say that!"
"Bye Mom." He said grabbing Will's hand. "I'll see you for Christmas." He left the house.
Without letting go of Will's hand, Mike started up the car and started on his way home. Or at least what he called home now.
"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Will asked him.
"Ready for what?" He replied bluntly.
"For this, for college. To leave."
"As ready as I'll ever be Will. Too late to turn back. We're leaving in the morning. That's like 12 hours away. So I'm ready. And you're ready too, because we need this. We need to get away from here. Away from all of this."
"You're right. We need this." Will replied with a smile and a squeeze to Mike's hand.
"We need this."
*Not proofread*
word count: 3867
a/n: sooo another extra long chapter. this is supposed to be abt college so im trying so hard to get to the point! that's why this ending may seem a little rushed. but we'll finally get them in school in the next chapter dont worry. as always, let me know if you guys liked it or not cause i can always change things up. byeeeee
~Mo •:)>