07
THE SLUGGISH DESCENT
THE ATMOSPHERE IN THE PALACE was like gravity intensified — suffocating the people in it and tugging their feelings down into a wayward spiral. The only ones who recovered quickly within the year after Fire Lord Azulon passed away were the recently crowned Fire Lord Ozai himself and Azula. Iroh was to return home by next week after taking a spiritual trip to the mountains, detouring the Fire Nation. Zuko was scarcely seen around the palace nowadays and mostly had his meals in his room. San was admittedly worried but being Azula's handmaiden spared her little time to personally check up on him. They were friends, she thought, so it's normal to want to know how he was faring after his mother vanished from the palace. Though at one point, her schedule was busy. Azula constantly ordered her around here and there, sometimes rewarding her by allowing her to spend time alone with the princess so they could talk like old times. But something was off. Something was missing.
"San? Are you seriously blanking out again?" Azula's sharp tone snapped her out of it, though there was a teasing undertone.
"No, Princess Azula."
"Oh, don't be shy to tell me what's on your mind." She pushed, taking a seat on one of the scarlet cushions.
"I was only thinking about what coloured lipstick I should use for you." San said, gesturing to the rows of cosmetics on the table. "I know you left the choice to me but I'm a little conflicted."
"Then just go for rouge."
"Alright." She said obediently and grabbed the rouge lipstick. Crouching before the princess and placing a hand under her chin to make her tilt down, she performed her work meticulously.
Azula couldn't help but keep her eyes open, intently focused on the concentration brimming in San's molten gold eyes, her oil black lashes fanning across her cheeks briefly whenever she blinked. She was jealous. San always looked so pretty without makeup and her hair seemed so soft she sometimes desired to run her hands through them.
"Done." San declared, breaking the princess from her thoughts. She stood up and the distance between them broadened.
"How do I look?"
"Beautiful."
"Good." She gave a curt nod. "You're dismissed."
San bowed her head and headed out. Though once she exited the room, she breathed out a sigh. She couldn't believe it had been a year since Fire Lord Azulon died. Azula was more or less the same, like she was completely unaffected by her mother's disappearance unlike her brother, but recently their interactions were incredibly stiff and short. She was starting to treat her as if they had never been friends and it stung her heart. Maybe she had always treated her like this and she was only starting to see the truth now.
"Spirits, I'm so stupid." San cursed to herself, flopping on the mattress and sinking her face into the pillow.
"I told you so," hummed Tai Yang in her dreams as soon as she drifted off into a nap accidentally. "Lesson learned. Dragons are better friends than humans."
"Hmph, you don't have to act so proud about it." San huffed, lying against his side. "I should consider myself lucky Princess Azula hasn't fired me or ordered me to go to the front lines."
"But if she fired you, you'd have more freedom. No more wandering around the palace aimlessly and only being needed whenever that princess needs you."
"I suppose. But then I'll no longer see the turtleducks!"
"You and your turtleducks..." He shook his head.
"And I guess it means I'll no longer see Prince Zuko either. I feel sorry for him." She started, subconsciously petting his gilded scales. "His mother vanished, poof!, right after Fire Lord Azulon passed away. It's been a year and he's still hung over it. It's even stranger that both Fire Lord Ozai and Princess Azula act like it's nothing and just moved on."
"Well, I heard he was really close to her."
"Yeah. Speaking of moms, mine got a job at a floral shop recently." San said with a beaming smile. "She's pretty happy there because it's peaceful and nothing much goes on. She's even made new friends. And speaking of friends, I miss Mai and Ty Lee. I haven't spoken to them in awhile so I hope I get to see them soon."
Later, San woke up from the thirty minute nap she had and strolled down the empty hallways. One thing she never understood about the rich was why their homes appeared as if they had no love for anything but their family histories and ancient relics. Dozens of portraits of the Fire Lords before the current one, countless of extremely rare artefacts put on glass displays or on tables sitting still untouched. After years of staring into the empty souls of the portraits, San got sick of it. Why did the previous Fire Lords all have a sharp-end goatee? Fire Lord Ozai was guilty of this too but she'd never say it out loud.
"San." The butler, Yanxiao, acknowledged. She bowed to him in respect. "I'm surprised you're still here in the palace."
"Why is that, Mr. Yanxiao?"
"I thought Azula would bring you with her to have the sleepover at Lady Mai's house."
"Sleepover?" San furrowed her eyebrows.
"The sleepover. With Lady Ty Lee too." Realisation dawned upon him the longer he stared at her puzzled face. "Oh. You didn't know."
"No," she said grimly, looking away to stare at the soulless portrait of Fire Lord Sozin before her, "I didn't."
✷
DUE TO HER NAP, SAN found herself unable to sleep at the usual time at night so she headed to the courtyard and lied down on the open land of grass, gazing up at the starless night sky. She hated how she could rarely ever see stars in the Fire Nation, like they were all playing hide-and-seek. The silence of the night coupled with the sound of an owl nearby settled peace in her mind, though she made a mental note not to accidentally sleep outside instead.
"San? You're here." A familiar voice whispered. Surprised, she turned to the side and noticed Zuko sitting down beside her.
Immediately, she sat up. "Prince Zuko. What are you doing here?"
"I've been coming here for awhile now when it's night and I can't sleep." He admitted. "You know, ever since my mom is gone..."
Silence devoured the space between the two children. San unsure of what to say to comfort him and Zuko refusing to elaborate.
"What are you doing here, San? I thought Azula would bring you over to Mai's house for the sleepover."
At the mention of the sleepover, San shrugged. "I'm just her handmaiden and technically a palace servant so I stay at the palace. She didn't tell me about it anyway, I only found out today from Mr. Yanxiao. Honestly, it hurts a little but I'll get over it."
Zuko doubted it hurt a little but didn't say anything.
"It's a shame we can't see the stars in this nation." She continued, lying down again to stare up at the vast blue emptiness save for the crescent moon. "A million little white dots in the sky would be a breathtaking sight to behold."
"You really want to see the stars?" Zuko asked, confused. "But you already have something way cooler."
"I do?" She said, sitting up again.
"Light a flame for me and refine it into a sphere."
San did, a small one bursting with eager life dancing atop her right palm.
"See? I imagine stars look something like this." Zuko said, admiring her white fire refined into a sphere, now looking like a glowing titanium white orb enhancing its surroundings with a blinding light. "You can literally create stars up-close. This is so much cooler than looking at a gazillion in the sky."
San was speechless. How had she not thought of her fire in this way before? She laughed. "You're a genius, Prince Zuko! It really does look cool like this."
Then she carefully made the one she created on her right palm float before making another two floating beside the middle one. Zuko admired her craft just before she erased them all with a swift 'grab' motion of her hand, the technique taking a bit of energy out of her.
"Tomorrow, I'm going to the market to restock the food in the kitchen. Chef Lee's orders. But I heard the market is large this time because it's the harvest festival around this time of the year. This might be rude of me but do you want to come, Prince Zuko?"
"To the market?" He repeated as she nodded. The market was not a desirable place for a prince to walk around in.
"You can wear a hood to disguise yourself so you don't have people flocking all over you. I know you think the market's not fun but it'll be lively and there'll be more than food stalls there!"
San looked so excited, Zuko found it difficult to refuse. She did find out she wasn't brought along or invited to the sleepover with her 'friends' and was pretty much lonely, like him. All he did nowadays was keep to himself in his room and literally do nothing. He tried acting mature, tried overhearing the war generals discuss plans outside the conference room and get involved because he was supposed to be Fire Lord one day so he needed to know politics, but nothing filled the emptiness gnawing away at his heart ever since finding out his mom vanished.
And so, before he realised, he agreed.
Now, Zuko couldn't care less about the colourful market buzzing to life around him nor about the servants in the palace.
"Hey, Prince Zuko! Look what I found!"
But to rephrase; Zuko couldn't care less about the colourful market buzzing to life around him nor about the servants in the palace with the exception of San, who looked like she was having the most fun in ages.
"Coming." He sighed, jogging to where her voice was heard. The coffee brown robe that clung to him was like a potato sack. He hated being in it but the disguise was effective. He also hated dragging his feet everywhere. A royal like him should use a palanquin to arrive at his destination and have servants bring to him anything remotely interesting found in the market — not have he himself do all the work. Damn, he just had to say yes to his friend.
Intricately designed masks covered the stall, appearing rather familiar in the eyes of the prince. Upon closer inspection, he realised the masks were theatre masks, some from the popular play Love Amongst The Dragons. The one play his mother adored and made him and Azula watch every year on Ember Island before, she, well, you know.
Someone roared in his ear and Zuko yelped, stumbling back, clutching his rapidly beating heart. The person who scared him wore the Dark Water Spirit mask and laughed upon seeing his reaction. Then they removed it and it was San all along.
"San?!"
"That's me!" She revealed in a sing-song voice, pretending not to see his irritation upon being spooked. "This is the Dark Water Spirit mask. I think it'll fit you quite well."
She tried to hold it up to his face but he pushed it away with a scowl. "I disagree. I'm not a fan of it's character. My mom used to make Azula and I see the Ember Island players play Love Amongst The Dragons but they butchered it every time. Then Azula and I would reenact the scenes on the beach and I was always the Dark Water Spirit when I wanted to be the Dragon Emperor."
"Why weren't you the Dragon Emperor?"
"Because Azula always wanted to be the Dragon Emperor."
"Well, I've never seen the play myself before but I heard how most of the plot goes from passerby's." San admitted, removing the Dragon Empress mask from its place and trying it on. "I think I'd like to be the Dragon Empress. She's super pretty. Does she do anything cool?"
"Not really. She has no fight scenes in the play." Zuko said, watching San put on the mask.
"Awe man, I'll buy her mask anyways." She said, taking out her pocketful of money.
He raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you on a budget because Chef Lee wants you to buy ingredients?"
"These don't cost much." She shrugged. "Do you want to buy a mask too? Just to commemorate this moment?"
"Commemorate the moment where you scared me half to death?"
"Yes." A giggle unable to be held back escaped from her lips. "I mean for the day in general when you finally put on your royal shoes and walked far away from the palace grounds."
"You're lucky I consider you friend more than servant." He muttered, shaking his head. "Fine. I'll buy one..." He searched for the Dragon Emperor mask in the stall but couldn't see it; sold out. He settled for the Dark Water Spirit mask instead.
After San went ahead and brought more than half of the ingredients on the list (with Zuko just tailing behind because he wasn't that interested in the market, though he did try specially brewed ginseng tea in one of the stalls and found it so-so), she dragged him to a place where music was being played. It was a little farther away from the market and when they arrived, not many people were watching despite the music being played so harmoniously.
"What are you doing?" He questioned, looking down at her tapping feet.
"Dancing." She replied simply. "Like tapping my feet to the beat."
"Dancing?"
"You've never heard of it before?" Zuko shook his head and San looked at him like he grew two more heads. "Dancing is a way of expressing yourself to music. You can tap your feet like I'm doing or move your arms like this—" She demonstrated by doing an arm wave, "—and there's a lot more because dancing isn't restricted. You just do whatever you feel like doing to follow the music. It's like you're free."
"Looks humiliating." He deadpanned, crossing his arms over his chest.
Instead of feeling insulted, San was amused. "I think it's too bad that no one dances here despite music being important. Okay, let's go, I still need to buy the fruits."
"Do you talk about these things to Azula?" He questioned suddenly as they passed through the busy streets.
"Er, sort of? I tried to? Used to?" San chuckled weakly, rubbing the nape of her neck. "Not the dancing at least. Most citizens here are like you- having no idea what dancing is and not wanting to do it. That's what my mom said about them at least."
"What about your whole love for seashells?"
"I have definitely mentioned them to her once. I don't think she'd remember something that trivial though."
"I don't think your love for seashells is trivial." Zuko admitted as they stopped before the fruit stall so she could purchase them. "It's something you like so it's, uh, important. People's likes and dislikes are important."
"Oh yeah? Then what are your own likes and dislikes, Prince Zuko?"
"I like... politics and dislike being ignored."
"Politics?" San gave him a strange look as if she didn't believe him.
"Obviously. I'm going to be Fire Lord one day so I like politics."
"Honestly, I thought you'd say you like turtleducks."
"I don't!" He blurted out in embarrassment. "They're just... there. And sometimes I feed them when I'm bored but that doesn't mean I like them!"
"If you say so." She tittered, paying the seller for the fruits. "Alright, I'm done. We can return to the palace now. Sorry you didn't like this trip as much as I did. Clearly being in a marketplace wouldn't impress a royal but I thought it'd be nice to just hang out with a friend."
San appeared nervous as she spoke the truth. Zuko glanced at her and then focused ahead, pulling the hood further down his face to avoid being recognised by the crowd. "I didn't mind. I thought it was nice to hang out with you. Interesting change of scenery from the turtleduck pond."
"To be honest, I think I prefer the turtleduck pond."
When San returned and Zuko took the back way, she first stopped by the kitchen to give the chef the ingredients he asked for. He thanked and dismissed her, allowing San to roam free in the palace until she spotted Azula about to head into her room. The princess was quick and sharp to notice her presence.
"San! Where have you been?"
"Shopping for ingredients." She answered after bowing in greeting to her. "Chef Lee's errand boy wasn't feeling well so I did the job in his stead."
"Oh, so you just went to the market." Azula acknowledged. "Bought anything interesting for yourself?"
San's eyes lit up upon receiving her curiosity and revealed the Dragon Empress mask from behind her. "Yes, actually! I bought this mask—"
Her eyes widened in recognition. "Oh, that's the one character from Love Amongst The Dragons. Fascinating choice. Meet me for training with Lo and Li in ten minutes, San. It's time I brush up on my firebending again."
"Of course, Princess Azula." She bowed her head in respect again, seemingly not minding the fact she got interrupted. Nor did she mention anything about knowing of the sleepover she had with Mai and Ty Lee, afraid of lighting the fuse inside the princess' soul if she did.
✷
A WEEK LATER, SAN ACCIDENTALLY walked into a room that was not Azula's. She was meant to clean her room but must've taken a wrong turn somewhere and opened the wrong door because she saw an old man silently drinking tea by himself with a pai sho board laid before him, staring at the window with a tranquil aura. She mentally cursed herself for not paying enough attention to reality for she had lived in the palace long enough and couldn't believe she made a simple mistake such as this!
"Please excuse me." She apologised, bowing to the man seated in a seiza position.
"You must be San." His voice was mellow, understanding she opened the door to the wrong room, turning his head to look and San was surprised by his correct guess.
"Yes, that's me. How did you know?"
"My nephew told me about you." His lips broke out into a smile and he gestured to the empty, unused cups on the side. "Would you like a cup of tea?"
'Nephew... nephew? Like Prince Zuko?' San blinked and then she gasped, "You're General Iroh. The Dragon of the West. It's an honour to be in your presence."
Iroh laughed heartily as she bowed again in respect. "You flatter me. But I should be honoured to be in your presence as well. For you have the great Tai Yang's heart in you."
Panicked, San touched her forehead and felt the cloth from the headband. A dazed look of bewilderment was seen.
"I meditated for a long time so I've entered the spirit world before." Iroh revealed and placed an empty cup opposite of him. San took it as another invitation for the tea and couldn't refuse him so she hesitantly sat down. "That's where I heard stories of Tai Yang and how in 85AG, he gave his heart to a girl by the name of San."
San wasn't aware the spirit world was up-to-date with the mortal realm. As far as she knew from the golden dragon, only he himself and the pair of yin and yang (Tui and La) surrendered their immortality for mortality to help maintain balance in the world. Funny, the first thing she imagined were a crowd of spirits gossiping to one another about daily mortal troubles.
After Iroh poured her tea, she took a sip and a soothing taste flowed smoothly down her throat. "Wow, General Iroh. This is super delicious!"
"It's jasmine tea, and the secret ingredient is love." He revealed and chuckled. "Want to hear my favourite tea joke?"
"Yes, please."
"A tea server walks over to one of his customers and hands him a bushel of tea leaves. The customer thanks him for the nice gift. Later, the tea server comes over and hands the customer another bushel of tea leaves. The tea server keeps bringing the customer tea leaves when the customer finally say, 'Leaf me alone, I'm bushed!'"
San laughed, the sound bouncing off the walls as the air was filled with her joy.
General Iroh was, so far, nothing like what Azula had described him as. She said that her father said Iroh was a failure for abandoning the Siege of Ba Sing Se and therefore, weak. He was boring and a crazy tea-lover. But San found him funny and his love for tea sweet. At first, she didn't know what to make of him because she heard he was the one to slay the last existing dragon but looking at him now, he didn't seem the type to hit the final nail in the coffin.
(And all fell into a slow but steady rhythm in San's life until the incident two years later which forced her to make a choice changing the course of her life forever.)
A/N: we finally meet uncle iroh, yay!! unfortunately, san and azula's 'friendship' is in rapid decline but the situation between them is complicated and has a lot of nuances that will slowly be unravelled throughout the story. and while that's that, san and zuko's friendship steadily begins to grow until— the event in the next chapter which is something everyone is familiar with. it'll involve a war meeting and ozai being the world's greatest asshole as usual, sprinkling some trauma on zuko. the next chapter will also be the final one to wrap up the first part before we get into the second part! don't forget to vote/comment (please don't be a ghost reader) and I hope you're all enjoying this story so far! <33
love,
coral