Trigger Warning: Abuse and Miscarriage.
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S U M M E R
I take a sip of my orange juice, staring at the little girl being held by her mother a few tables away from mine. A large grin is spread out on her mouth as she chats animatedly with her mother. The mother has a look of pure adoration on her face and my own lips part in a smile. My hand goes down to my stomach and I rub it gently. Even though she/he may not have been formed from the basis of love, I already cared for them.
It has been one week since Logan demanded I kill the baby. I can feel the life growing in me and each day, I grew closer to them. I can feel the minor changes occuring to my body as it prepares for it. After the threat, Logan had completely ignored me, only showing up to pleasure himself with my body. I did not mind as long long as he left my child out of it. He has been ruthless, cold and emotionless. His eyes would stare at me with pure rage and glare at my stomach with anger. Thank goddess he has never done anything to try and kill it.
"Are you okay, Luna?" My head snaps up to meet those of one of your pack cooks by the name Alice.
I grin up at her, "Yes I'm okay. I'm just not quite hungry." I stare at the plate filled with pancakes, bacon strips, hash browns and eggs. It looks absolutely delicious but I am not hungry. The thought of food making my stomach churn uncomfortably.
"Do you want me to inform the alpha?" She inquires, a soft smile on her mouth. She can't inform him!
"No, I'll be okay. Thankyou though. You can take the plate." I say handing her the plate. She nods, bows slightly and walks away.
I stare at her retreating figure feeling lost once more. What am I supposed to do? I know Logan will not be calm forever. He will not stay silent and I know if I don't act now he'll kill this baby.
"Summer dear, what are you thinking so deeply about?" Annie's sweet voice interrupts my thoughts and I smile at her. She takes the sit next to mine, pulling me in for a short hug.
I smile, "Nothing, Annie. I was just lost in thought. Nothing to be precise."
Annie gives me a once over, her eyes lingering on my stomach and I squirm, feeling quite awkward.
"Are you okay, darling. You look very pale and you're growing slimmer." Annie asks and I chuckle slightly.
"I am. I am just not eating very well." I say and she nods before going quiet for a while.
"Is Logan not taking care of you?" She half teases and I tense. She notes it and she grasps my hand in hers, "If there's something bothering you, you would share, right?" The concern in her eyes almost makes me break. I instantly hold back when I remember that that's his son. The mate that's supposed to love me is his son, the mate that has abused me in ways I never knew were possible. I can't share anything with her. It's impossible to do it.
"I will, I promise." I state and she smiles, letting go of my hand.
"You know the kids at the orphanage have been asking for you." Annie hints and that lights up my face.
I visit the orphanage as frequently as I checking in on the children who have lost their parents like how I did mine a while back. I vividly recall staying at the orphanage for two years after my parents died at sixteen. It was the saddest years of my life but also the most impactful and memorable ones.
"I can visit today. We can go right now, I have nothing to do." I state as I get up and walk towards the door. Annie light chuckle escapes her mouth as we walk out.
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The rest of my day is spent with the kids, knowing fully well it'll be the last one. I had planned out my thoughts. I could never stay in a pack that abuses me, a mate that doesn't care. I cannot handle the thought of Logan taking the child from me or killing it. He will not hold back when he's enraged. Logan always kept his promise of delivering utter pain and he had never disappointed.
I leave the orphanage at six knowing what I need to do. He had made it clear that I can't sleep on his bed so I had set up a couch for me. He would use me and dispose of me like trash. My steps halts when my eyes meets the man inside the room. Logan is seated on the edge of the bed, his hands running through his hair.
"I thought I told you to get rid of that thing." It's the first word that leaves his mouth.
A sinister feeling grasps my stomach at his steady voice. He's up to something and I am not going to sit and wait for it to happen.
"Logan please, this is our baby. I cannot kill it, I cannot get rid of it. It's a part of you and me." I try to reason with him. A dark cackle escapes his mouth and I take a step back, fear already clutching into me.
"I don't want children with you, Summer. I just want your body. Is that too hard for you to get? You are nothing to me! Nothing and the moment I get bored, I'll dispose you off." He says, sounding so bitter, the words still managing to shock me.
I did not think he would leave me shocked than he has, but he has. He has managed to leave me completely and utterly speechless. He hates me so much and I have never understood why. Why the pain? Why the suffering?
I can recall the moment I had realized he was my mate. The elation, the ecstatic feeling that had gripped my heart because I had knew he was everything a mate should be. I had seen him interact with children, adults and they all loved him. How could I not like him?
When his eyes had met mine, I had expected love, adoration and everything a mate should embody. He had none of those. His lips had parted and a sick grin had formed in them. I had been so lost because I was seeing a completely different person then. The man I had in my head was completely different. The perception of him from the outside view being an exact opposite of his character. And he went on to prove me right, over and over again. He went on to show me that my thoughts of him had been completely wrong.
"Why? Why do you hate me so much?" I ask, my voice sounding too low and blank.
Logan gets up from the bed and walks towards me, his eyes roaming my body with a look that makes my stomach drop. When he's right next to me, he grabs my cheek on his palm and turns my face to meet his eyes. His lips parts as a malicious smile forms.
"What's there to like about you, Summer, please do tell? What worth do you have? Do you consider yourself pretty? Do you consider yourself gorgeous even for a second? I think you are just a basic female with nothing more to offer than your body." His eyes roam through my body with so much disgust, I almost feel the same way. He loathes me, it has been established.
Tears I have held on for so long comes rushing to my eyes and down my clammy cheeks. He's a monster but I supposed he maybe onto something. I have never viewed myself through his eyes, through his lens. I have never considered the fact that I might be the problem, that it's not that he can't love me, it's just I'm not lovable.
"You're crying? Very funny. I told you I did not want that thing. It's not mine. Never have and never shall it me. Do you hear me?" Logan hisses, glaring at me with pure, unadulterated rage.
Without warning, his fist comes in contact with my stomach with such brutal force, the only reaction I have is to gasp in shock and pain. I feel my ribs break from the amount of force the punch is delivered. An agonizing scream rips through my mouth.
"Don't scream now, darling." He whispers into my ear, the endearment sounding unfamiliar and chilling to my ears. His fist makes quick and precise punches to my stomach and I fall to the floor trying to protect the life growing. His boot comes down and he makes a precise blow to the side of my head leaving my ears ringing. I cover my head in excruciating pain, granting him complete access to my stomach where he rams his combat boots once more, the pain torturous.
"I told you to get rid of it and you did not listen. I'll make sure it's gone." He declares as he delivers blows to my stomach in hard and fast motions. The pain rushing through my body makes me convulse on the floor as await my long and overdue demise. He delivers one final blow to my lower stomach and I feel pain rush through every crevice in my body, causing tremors to rush through me. Even on the verge of passing out, I already know what has happened.
I feel it.
The warm trickle of blood down my legs, the emptiness flooding my heart. I feel the blood on my legs drip down, reminding me of what I have lost, what has been ripped away from me.
"It's gone." I whisper and Logan stops his hits as he tries to find the heartbeat. It was no longer there. Our child was gone, all because of him.
"Well that's good news." He sighs contented as he moves away from my limp body, "Tell anyone any of these and I will do so much worse. Don't think anyone is coming to save you." He exists the room leaving me bleeding on the floor. What could be worse that losing a child?
I did not doubt Logan's ability to hurt me further. He has warned against visiting a doctor, against bringing to light his disgusting deeds. He has killed a child, an innocent life. A part of me rejoice a bit knowing it will never know the suffering life has, the astounding and fear clutching agony life can bring.
At the same time, a new type of raw pain I have never felt before engulfs my heart and no tears escape. Every emotion I have ever felt, felt non-existent to me. He had killed it with no remorse, no fear. He did not hold back while I begged him to spare it.
I pluck myself off the floor, pain grasping onto me like a leech. I stumble towards the bathroom, noting the large pool of blood flowing from between my legs. I knew if this did not kill me, Logan will. He had and has promised to grant me death when he was done with me and I believed him. If he is willing to kill our child, a part of himself, what importance did I hold in his life?
I limp in shutting the door behind me and falling down on the floor. Is life even worth living? Does life even has meaning anymore? Is this what my life was supposed to be? My mind goes back to the poisonous liquid I stole from Yellow Bridge Pack and a thought comes to mind.
I stare at the blood coating my legs, the non existent heartbeat of my child, the pain rushing through my body and the excruciating pain in my heart.
No, life isn't worth living anymore.
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I feel sooo bad for Summer! I can't believe I'm hurting her this much. It's a necessary evil though :(
What do you think of Logan?
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