A/N - I was waiting for 100k reads before I uploaded and it's finally happened!! I actually can't thank you all enough for reading my book, voting and commenting. I still can't believe that people all over the world have read this, from the UK to the Phillipines and India. It means the world to me x
Rosie's POV:
Beads of sweat dripped down my forehead from running. It felt like running was the only way for my brain to completely process what had just happened. I had just told my mother who is a professional footballer that I don't want to play football anymore. What the fuck?
I saw both Keira and Lucy's cars on the drive as the gates opened, they must have come here straight after the game. Inhaling deep breaths of fresh air, I composed myself, trying not to look like an absolute mess after playing 60 minues of football and then running for ages.
Walking up to the door and pushing down the handle, it didn't move meaning the door was locked. Great, as if this whole situation wasn't already awkward enough. Slowly pressing the doorbell down, I looked through the glass in the door and saw a person moving towards me. The door swung open and Keira appeared. I couldn't quite figure out how she was feeling from her facial expressions but I could tell that Lucy had told her. Hurt maybe? Confused? She didn't give anything away from her poker face as I stepped inside the warm house, contrasting to the cool air outside. Her lips remained tightly shut, not uttering a word to me.
I wandered down the hallway with Narla bouncing at my feet, desperate for me to play with her. But I couldn't, not right now. Lucy was sat on a sofa with a glass of red wine sat on the coffee table. I know she's not actually playing football now, but drinking at 5pm? That is definitely not like her.
After she looked up and saw that it was me, she picked up her wine glass and took a long drink before muttering, "I'm surprised you came back this early". Frowning, I glared back, "what's that supposed to mean?". She shook her head and simply took another drink. I couldn't believe that she would even say that to be honest. The last time I disappeared, Rachel's girlfriend found me lying on a bench after having an overdose. Surely she knows the potential risk of me being alone. I have no idea what's got into her but all of a sudden she's acting like a real bitch.
Silently wishing that Keira would hurry up and join us to keep everything calm, Lucy spoke again, "why didn't you tell me?". Confused by her question that could mean many things, I asked, "what do you mean?". Shaking her head and laughing sarcastically, she replied, "you know what I mean. You could have told me you didn't want to play football, I wouldn't have been offended. Why do you feel the need to keep secrets from me? I'm supposed to be your mother, the person you can talk to about anything". Looking down at the floor, I licked my lips nervously, "I want to play football in the future, just not right now...". She replied, "I can't believe i've been pushing you to do something you don't even want to do. Why is it so hard for you to talk to me about football?". I felt a little bit bad for her, but I didn't show any of that emotion, "because I didn't want to disappoint you. To be a footballer, you're not supposed to give up. I didn't want you thinking I was a quitter". She raised her eyebrow and took another drink, "still, you could have told me". Not even looking her in the eyes, I gritted my teeth and told her straight, "maybe if you weren't so focused on moving to fucking Barcelona and leaving me here, I would have told you". Almost choking on her drink, she spat a bit out in shock and it went on the sofa, "fuck, Keira's going to kill me". I laughed and sarcastically said, "maybe you shouldn't be drinking wine and 5 in the afternoon. You're going to have to give that up before you move to Spain". Rolling her eyes at me, she asked sternly, "how do you know?". I huffed, "oh so it is true? I was only having an educated guess, but thanks for confirming it". She interrupted me, "Rosie, let's not talk about it. We have more important things to be talking about". Frowning at her, I said, my voice cracking half way through, "you said you weren't keeping anything from me that involved me". She attempted to explain herself but failed so simply said, "we can talk about everything and I'll explain". I smirked and said before walking out, "I'd rather talk to you when you're sober". Hearing her call my name, I stormed down the hallway and up the stairs to my room.
All my worst fears had just come true. She had basically admitted to moving to Barcelona and leaving me here. I needed to get out of this situation as quickly as possible before I do or say something i'll regret.
Just as I was thinking, Beth texted me:
Meado 😎: your train is booked, I'll just send through the details
Friday 30th September
Platform 1
Manchester Piccadilly Station ----> London Kings Cross
17:45 - 20:45
Sending back a quick thank you text, I grabbed my suitcase from my wardrobe. I used my Man City case that we use for travelling because it was small and could hold everything I needed for the weekend. Packing a few t shirts, some joggers, a hoodie and anything else I may need, I zipped it up aggressively and placed my black winter coat over the top of it. I was ready to go.
Realising I needed to let either Keira or Lucy know where I was going, I searched the upstairs for Keira. I found her watching something on the TV in her and Lucy's room. Giving me a slight smile as I walked in, she patted the edge of the bed, indicating for me to sit. Following her instructions, she asked, "everything go okay with your mum?". Scrunching my face up, I replied, "not really, but that's not what I came to see you about". She nodded her head, in anticipation of what I was going to say next and I continued after taking a deep breath, "I'm going down to London, tonight". She opened her mouth to speak but I explained further, "Beth invited me down a while ago but I've been busy but now I feel like I really just need to get away. I think a few days away will give me time and space to just sort things out in my head". She once again opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out. She shuffled beside me and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. Finally gathering her words, she whispered into my shoulder, "I think that's a good idea, as long as you're with Beth. I know Lucy seems pissed off, but I promise she'll listen to you and understand everything you've got to say. Maybe sort a few things out with her before you go tonight, you don't want to be overthinking about it all weekend". I smiled lightly, agreeing with her, but not really wanting to talk to Lucy, "okay, my train leaves in an hour. Can you take me to the station?". She grinned, "of course".
Just as we were enjoying a moment of peace and no stress, the bedroom door creaked open to reveal Lucy carrying Narla. She nodded at me before explaining, "before you say anything, I promise i'm not drunk. I just came to say that even if we do move to Barcelona, we would never leave you behind. I did that once and it was the worst mistake of my life, I wouldn't do it again. I hope you can see that i'm not lying. I'm also very sorry for acting like a bitch earlier. What you do with your life is completely up to you and I can't do anything about it. If you don't want to play, I promise i'm not disappointed, just a little confused. But we'll talk about that later.". Keira asked towards me, "you know about Barca?". Shrugging my shoulders, I replied, "I kind of figured it out but Luce confirmed it earlier". She sighed and I looked up at Lucy. I could tell she was telling the truth, "I believe you". Keira explained how I was going down to London tonight to Lucy and she didn't look too pleased, "and Beth is okay with this?". I nodded my head trying to be convincing. The last thing I needed was for her to disallow me from going, meaning I would be stuck here. She scrunched up her face a similar way to how I did it earlier, "I don't like the idea of you getting on a train by yourself. Have you even been on a train before?". Biting my lip, I shook my head before saying, "i'll be fine. As long as you drop me off at the station and Beth picks me up, everything will be fine. I need this. Please". She thought about it for a minute and looked at Keira, who shrugged and said, "I've already said she can go, as long as she's with Beth". Lucy bit her lip, "fine, but you need to keep me updated the entire weekend and let me know when you get there so I know you're safe". Keira agreed with her and I promised them that I would.
As Lucy was helping me bring my belongings downstairs, she said, "I'm sorry for not believing you about your coach either. I should have noticed that he was making you hate football". I smiled slightly, "it's okay. I won't have to deal with him anymore". She raised an eyebrow, "you're serious about quitting football?" I could tell she was hoping that my decision had changed, but it hasn't, "yes. I just can't play for someone like him. And until I'm 17 I can't move up to the under 18s". She nodded her head, "I can't believe that it's actually got to this point where you don't want to play anymore". Agreeing with her statement, I replied, "I can't be the type of player who sits on the bench and then goes in goal as a substitute
just because the goalkeeper is injured". She picked up my suitcase and coat, "he's blind to not see your natural talent ". Grinning at her, we made our way downstairs.
Even though Keira said she would take me, Lucy insisted on coming with. Now we are on better terms, I didn't mind. In fact, I wanted her to be there. I was glad both of them understood that I need this break away from school and football and life in general to just recover.
Wincing as I bent down to tie my shoelaces before I left the house, Lucy placed a hand on my back and questioned, "you okay?". I nodded, "my back's hurting a little bit, it must be from my dive when I was in goal". She kept her hand on my back, "do you want to take some pain killers or something in case it gets worse". The words 'pain killers' were enough to bring back bad memories from the last time I took them. I just couldn't risk being left alone with the possession of them. Even though I was doing better, I replied quietly, "I'll be fine". Lucy seemed to understand where my brain went to when she suggested it and nodded, "okay but please ask Beth for something if it gets worse. I know you're not playing anymore but I don't want you being injured". I placed my hand on her arm and reassured her, "I promise. I'll be fine, don't worry". She laughed lightly, "it's hard not to worry with you Rosie".
Keira appeared back in the house after she put my suitcase in the car, "okay everything's in, do you have your phone?". I nodded and she continued to list things off, "suitable clothes for whatever the weather's going to be? A charger? Enough medication for 4 days? Your card? Another pair of shoes? Your train tickets?". I told her I had everything before she seemed satisfied.
After my attempt, the hospital kept me on some medication. I began with 4 tablets that I had to take twice a day, and now I'm down to 1 that I only take once a day. I wasn't sure whether it was working or not, but I took it anyway. The last thing I wanted was for something bad to happen because I didn't take it.
The short car journey to the train station was weird. It felt strange to be leaving my mothers, but I knew I would come back to Manchester as a new person. I was certain that Beth would help me figure things out and make me forget about it all.
During the car ride, Millie texted me. We hadn't talked since that night she texted me briefly. My feelings for her definitely hadn't disappeared but it seemed like neither of us were putting the effort in:
M❤️: Rosie can i come round so we can talk ? Xx
Me: sorry, I'm going to London to tonight. I won't be back until Monday morning x
M❤️: are u being serious??
Me: ?
M❤️: you're going to London for 4 days and didn't think to tell me? Aren't we supposed to tell eachother these things??
Me: sorry I've just had a lot on x
M❤️: my friend's younger sister is with u in the u16s. She told me how u walked off the pitch this afternoon. What the hell happened??
Me: I've quit football
M❤️: u being serious?
Me: yep
Read
Those 4 letters pissed me off more than they should have. Despite knowing that she probably didn't know how to respond, it still annoyed me that she left me on opened. Switching my phone off with a sigh and shoving it in my hoodie pocket, Lucy pulled up to the train station car park.
The sun was beginning to set as it was nearly six. Lucy said, "I have to stay with the car so Keira will see that you get on your train". Nodding my head, I couldn't help but be excited about going on a train for the first time. My foster parents had starved me of experiences like this and now I was finally getting to tick off everything I had missed out on.
Getting out the car and walking over to Lucy's side, she opened her door and engulfed me in a massive hug, "as much as I really don't want to let you go, I know that it's the right thing to do". Smiling into the hug, I commented, "you're acting as if I'm going away for ages. I'll be back on Monday morning". She lightly kissed my forehead, "I'll miss you and I love you so much". Smirking, I replied, "I love you more". She laughed, "that's not possible. I love you so much that it hurts. I promise that from now on I'll protect you from dick heads like your coach". Grinning, I pulled away from the hug, "thanks. I'm glad we sorted things out before I left". She whispered into my ear, "me too baby girl, me too. Now you go and have fun in London with Beth and send me lots of pictures".
Keira took my hand in hers as we walked away from Lucy's car. She was wheeling my suitcase, even though I insisted that I could do it myself.
We arrived at the platform just in time for me to say goodbye before the train pulled up extremely loudly. She pulled me in for a warm hug, "see you Monday". I nodded my head and smiled gently as she continued to talk, "I love you Rosie and Lucy loves you too. If things with Barcelona work out, we would never leave you here. But that will all be sorted out for definite when you get back, I promise. No more secrets ".
The large, grey train pulled up and I stepped on board. Placing my suitcase carefully on the luggage rack, I found my seat. Thankfully there was no one sitting next to me so I could spread out a little bit. I waved goodbye to Keira through the window as the train stormed out of the station. Next stop London.
I sent Beth a quick text to let her know I was on the train and that i'd be arriving in about 3 hours time. My carriage was fairly quiet, with only the odd person sitting on their own or next to someone. I set an alarm on my phone for 2 hours and 30 minutes time and connected my airports to it. Closing my eyes, I knew that after the hectic day I had, I would definitely need an alarm to wake me up or I would definitely sleep forever.
London kings cross was the last stop so it did mean that I didn't have to stress about missing my stop or rushing off the train with all my belongings.
20:30
I was getting all my belongings together in advance so I could just get straight off the train and go and meet Beth. A family got on the train about an hour in. Unfortunately for me, they had two young children who were very restless and endlessly ran up and down the aisle. Their parents didn't seem to care that their children were bothering other passengers. Due to that, I didn't get much sleep so my eyes felt extremely heavy. Beth texted me to let me know that she had just arrived at the station and I breathed a sigh of relief. I didn't doubt that she wouldn't collect me, but it felt comforting that she was there for me.
A message came on the overhead speakers, letting passengers know that the train was approaching London. Despite not being on a train ever before, it was a relatively calm journey. The one thing I had forgotten was food for the journey so I had to buy some overpriced train food. It wasn't bad, but it definitely wasn't worth the price.
As the train began to slow, I stood up alongside other people and went to collect my suitcase. Someone had moved it so it was now on the highest rack possible, that I couldn't reach. The train was rapidly decreasing in speed and I was beginning to panic that I couldn't even touch my suitcase to get it down. An old man in a suit and carrying a briefcase stood behind me, clearly waiting to get past. Shooting him an apologetic look and then indicating towards my suitcase, he offered, "do you need some help?". Nodding my head slowly, he easily brought my suitcase down to the floor. Smiling appreciatively, I thanked him, "thanks...short people problems". He chuckled, "I guess I should be thankful that i'm tall then. You travelling alone?". Gripping tightly onto my belongings, I replied, "yeh, just going to see a friend in London". He narrowed his eyes, "where did you get on the train?". Slightly confused by his question, I responded politely, "Manchester, you?". He flashed me a grin, "I got on at Manchester as well, I would have definitely sat next to a pretty girl like you if I'd known". Feeling very creeped out by his comment, I shrugged my shoulders, not able to think of a response. He continued to talk, "do you live in Manchester then?". Nodding my head once again, he asked yet another question, but this one required an answer from me, "so how long are you staying in London?". I said without making eye contact, "until Monday". He smirked, "which train are you getting back then?". Shifting uncomfortably, I murmured as I walked towards the doors, "the morning one". Grinning at my response, he said, "me too! Maybe I can sit next to you and we can get to know eachother". He started off being friendly, but somehow that turned into him being creepy and making me feel slightly uncomfortable. Licking my lips nervously, I managed to half-smile as awkwardly as I could. Thankfully, the train doors opened and I immediately stepped down and onto the platform. I was in London.
At once, the busy London atmosphere hit me. I was somehow merged in with the crowd of people pushing past others trying to get to wherever they needed to be. Feeling a little uneasy in the new surroundings, I desperately scanned the busy train station for Beth. As men, women and children shoved past my shoulders, my eyes darted around, eventually landing on the figure I was looking for.
Beth stood in a big winter coat, both of her hands in her pockets. Dragging my suitcase with me, we locked eyes and both grinned widely. Picking up my pace as I walked towards her, I felt a hand on my shoulder. Turning round in surprise, I saw the man from the train. His hand stayed firmly in place on my body, he pushed a piece of paper into my pocket and grinned, "I hope to see you soon beautiful". Wanting to throw up from his words, I shook his hand off and turned my back on him. What a fucking weirdo.
Taking her hands out of her pockets, Beth held out her arms wide, inviting me for a hug. Collapsing into her body, she held me strongly, rubbing my back with her hands. I mumbled into her shoulder, inhaling her familiar scent, "I missed you". She patted my back before pulling away and looking at me, "I missed you too! I can't believe it's been over 2 months since I last saw you. How have you been?". Despite there being an England camp during that time, I chose not to attend. There was nothing more to my reason other than I was starting back up with my schoolwork and needed to focus on that. Even though I really wanted to go, I knew it was more important to stay back home and focus. Steph gladly provided me with a home for the week and a half that Lucy and Keira were at camp.
Beth kept her hand on one of my arms as I replied, shrugging my shoulders, "I've just been...busy". She nodded, "I get it, i'm surprised Luce let you come down here all on your own". Laughing at how well she clearly knew my mum, I commented, "it took some persuasion but she knew that i'd be fine with you". Beth chuckled lightly, "I can't believe she actually trusts me". Everyone on the team knew that Beth was the joker. She could be funny in the most serious of moments. Despite that, Lucy knew that she was very trustworthy and would take very good care of me. Beth took my suitcase from me and we began to walk out of the train station and into the extremely busy city of London.
It was only a short walk to her car in a car park nearby. I was glad that I didn't have to get on any more public transport with weird and creepy men. She questioned me, "who was that man I saw you talking to in the station? Do you know him?". Biting my lip and frowning, I wished that she hadn't seen that. The last thing I needed was for her to worry about me going back on the train by myself. I responded shortly, "just someone I met on the train". However, she didn't let go of it, "well whatever he handed to you, you definitely looked uncomfortable with". Pulling out the piece of paper he placed in my pocket, Beth looked at it as well. It was his phone number. She seemed confused, "why would an old man like him give you his number....oh...he didn't try and-..". I cut her off before she could finish what she was saying, "no he didn't". The thought of it made memories surge back into my brain of my foster dad. Not wanting to linger on that thought any more than needed, I pushed it to the back of my brain as far as it would go and listened to Beth, "well if he did say or do anything, you know you can tell me right?". Nodding my head, she seemed satisfied with my answer, "okay, so how do you feel about finally meeting my girlfriend?". Grinning at her question, but also the change of subject, I shrugged, "I already know who she is so...". She seemed shocked at my knowledge, "how? Did Jordan tell you? I thought I told her not to tell anyone". Laughing at her confusion, I explained, "Jordan didn't tell me. I saw you with her after the semis and your Instagram post after the final sort of confirmed it for me". She rolled her eyes and nudged me jokingly, "so you've been stalking me?". Shaking my head, I thought of a response, "no...just observing". She laughed and pulled me in for a side hug, "I can't wait for you to meet her properly".
Beth lifted my suitcase into the boot of the car while I got in the passenger seat, "nice car...is it new?". She grinned while putting her seatbelt on and beginning to reverse out of her car parking space, "it's not mine". Pretending to be shocked, I asked her, "you stole it?". Rolling her eyes, she kept them focused on the road and answered sarcastically, "yeah of course I did". Already knowing that it was her girlfriend's car, I simply shook my head, smiling to myself.
Seeing Beth almost made me forget what had happened earlier in the day. Almost. As we drove along the motorway, I told her, "thank you...for letting me stay with such short notice". She said, "no problem. Why were you so desperate to come down today?". Biting my lip, I looked across at her. I knew I could trust her, I just wasn't sure how she would react when she found out what had happened. I didn't want her thinking I had given up on football completely. Noticing me thinking hard, she told me, "you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, no pressure". Not wanting to tell her right now while she was driving and had to concentrate on that, I asked, "can I tell you when we're not in a car?". She reached out one hand and placed it on my knee that had started to bounce up and down, "of course".