Fudge threw open the doors to Hogwarts on Sunday and walked in. Only to be hit on the head by a rubber duck, who quacked and then floated off.
Fudge stood there for a minute, blinking and watching the floating rubber duck. Until he was hit in the head by another rubber duck, who also quacked when hitting him and floated off.
Fudge finally snapped out of it fully when he was hit a third time by a rubber duck.
Fudge strolled up to the doors to the Great Hall and threw them open.
"It's the Ba Ba Black Sheep! He's here to get us good!" Harry screamed, jumping up from the table.
Umbridge squealed with fright and ducked down under the teacher's table.
The students and the rest of the teachers pulled out their wands and pointed them at the door.
Harry, in the confusion, turned Snape pink, with out him noticing.
"What's that about a sheep, and Sirius Black?" Fudge asked as he stepped into the Great Hall.
"The minister is the Ba Ba Black Sheep?" Some one from Hufflepuff asked.
"False alarm!" Harry shouted.
"He's not the Ba Ba Black Sheep?" Another Hufflepuff asked.
"Why did you call then?" A Slytherin asked, annoyed.
"He smelled like the Ba Ba Black Sheep!" Harry called back.
"Minister, how good to see you," Umbridge said as she got out from under the table and stood up.
A rubber duck hit her hard on the nose and bounced off with a quack.
"What was that about a sheep? And what's with these yellow ducks?" Fudge asked as he stared at the floating rubber ducks that were swarming the Great Hall.
"They're called rubber duckies," Harry said.
"Did you do this, Potter?" Umbridge asked.
"No, my pinkie did, but you can't interrogate it, it's sleeping," Harry said before wandering off.
"Well, it's nice to see you, Dolores," Fudge said, sticking his hand out.
They both realized that he had an envelope stuck on his hand when they shook hands. The envelope, though, came off onto Umbridge's hand when they pulled their hands away.
As it was addressed to her, Umbridge opened the envelope and unfolded the parchment. An announcer's voice filled the Great Hall, "A rubber duck goes... Quack!"
Umbridge opened her mouth to scream, but didn't have the chance as Snape beat her to it.
"Who did this to me?" Snape boomed, having just discovered that he was pink.
"I know! I know!" Hermione shouted, bouncing up and down with her hand in the air.
"Who, Miss Granger?" Snape asked.
"I know! I know!" Hermione exclaimed, still bouncing.
"Who was it, Miss Granger?" Snape boomed.
"Lemme think," Hermione said, staring at nothing.
"I thought you said you knew!" Snape exclaimed.
"I think I know... I don't think I know... I don't think I think I know... I don't think I think," Hermione said in a dazed voice while swaying from side to side.
"Miss Granger, either you know or you don't, which is it?" Snape asked in a stern tone.
"A red herring!" Hermione said in a bright tone before walking off.
Once Snape stopped looking for Hermione, she shot a spell from her shadowed corner at Umbridge. Then she calmly went back to her spot at Gryffindor's table and sat down in her seat that was next to Ron and Harry.
Nothing seemed to be happening to Umbridge, if you weren't looking closely you would of thought that Hermione's spell was a dud. However, if you were looking closely at Umbridge, you would see that her horrid, pink sweater was slowly growing.
When the sleeves of Umbridge's sweater had grown past her hands they started to bunch together. When they were all bunched together they knitted themselves together so Umbridge couldn't fit her hands through.
She started struggling as the neck of her sweater reached her chin, and shrieking as it went past her mouth. She then got up and started to run around as it grew past her eyes and knitted itself together.
By the time that had happened the bottom of her sweater had reached her knees.
She continued to run around, bumping into things, until the bottom of her sweater tried to get under her feet. Then she fell, unceremoniously, to the floor and the bottom of the sweater knitted together, leaving Umbridge cocooned in her own horrid, pink sweater.
In order to free the swallowed Umbridge from her sweater, Flitwick had to cut it open. So now Umbridge was with out a sweater.
"So what did you come here for, Cornelius?" Umbridge asked when everything had calmed down.
Fudge was hit by six rubber ducks at once, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were secretly sending them to the teacher's table, before he could answer.
"I received more than seventy-five letters from your students, informing me that you are the headmistress and Defense teacher here at Hogwarts!" Fudge answered once the ducks moved away with six resounding quacks.
"Well, I don't know why they did that..." Umbridge said, looking around helplessly.
No one bothered to clue her in, and, since she was only worth one knut, no one came up to Fudge.
=
After the food disappeared from the plates, Harry got up and headed down to the dungeons for his Occlumency lessons.
He had yet to try his stray thought, being busy with staging the rebellion, but he figured he could try later in the week.
Once at Snape's office Harry hopped over the doorway, shook Snape's hand, and handed him an apple.
"Have you been practicing?" Snape asked.
"Yes, Freddy, every night for the past fifty years," Harry answered.
"You haven't been alive for fifty years," Snape pointed out, annoyed.
"Shows what you know," Harry replied.
"I'm not even fifty years old, and I was born the same year as your father," Snape said.
"The Lord of Hypocrisy is older than fifty," Harry paused, "he's old, he should retire!"
Snape choked at the thought of Voldemort retiring.
"I should look up retiring homes, that way, the next time I see him, I can suggest the idea to him and give him the information," Harry paused, then asked, "does he like golf? How about shuffleboard?"
"Those are muggle games!" Snape protested.
"Introduce them at a meeting and get Voldemort addicted to them! Then he'll have no choice but to give up his act against muggles and retire!" Harry exclaimed, bouncing in his seat with excitement.
"You truly believe that the Dark Lord would give up everything, just like that, and retire for muggle games?" Snape asked incredulously.
"It's the Lord of Hypocrisy, and you're right, it wouldn't work with just muggle games, you need to introduce him to fast food!" Harry replied.
"Fast food," Snape repeated.
"Yup, now give me five seconds to clear my mind, Freddy," Harry said.
Snape gave Harry a minute though, trying to figure out why Harry thought Voldemort would give up being the Dark Lord for food and games.
Harry did well for that lesson, it took Snape a while to get into Harry's mind and, when he did, Harry headed him off with pictures of Aunt Petunia's shoes, a different pair each time.
They stopped an hour before dinner started and Harry joined up with Ron and Hermione to create more rubber duck astronauts.
=
During dinner Harry looked at the teacher's table. They were all there, including Snape, and Fudge had stayed to eat.
Harry stood up and got into the center aisle.
"Snape is my savior!" Harry declared in a loud voice.
Everyone stopped talking and looked at Harry.
"Professor Severus Snape is my savior!" Harry exclaimed.
"What? Why?" Fudge spluttered, bewildered as to why Snape was the Boy-Who-Lived's savior.
"He's my savior because he returned my cool socks!" Harry stated, holding up a pair of socks that Dobby had given him.
Harry sat down on the floor, took off his shoes and current socks, then put his 'cool socks' on before returning his shoes to his feet.
"Yay!" Hermione cheered, causing almost everyone to start clapping and cheering along with her.
"As a reward, I present to you," Harry said to Snape when everyone was done clapping, "some cool socks of your own!"
Harry handed Snape a pair of socks, with apples on one sock and apple pies on the other sock, then he went and returned to his seat next to Hermione.
The rest of the meal was silent, baring the quacks of the rubber astronauts.