I was elated.
So elated that I couldn't fall back asleep. He dozed off moments after saying that he had plans for us, but I laid there until the sun rose. I couldn't stop thinking about everything. I had so many questions, so many things left unsaid.
It was a shock to hear about his parents. I had no idea he was fighting all these battles. He'd never mentioned that his parents were addicts and that was why he lived with Dayla. His father looked so happy in that home video, overjoyed at the sight of his son walking.
I was so sure he felt like a burden on Dayla. From my perspective, Dayla loved him like the son she never had.
He was hurting so bad and I was too blind to see it. All I saw was selfishness. Now I was starting to feel guilty about everything. Maybe if I had a time machine, I could go back and teach young Xavier that it was okay to be who you were.
"Did you stay up the entire time?"
I had stared at the ceiling for maybe three hours before he scared me, speaking out of the blue when I thought he was still asleep. Jumping out of my skin, I looked over at him. "Yup," I smiled. His face was smooshed against the pillow, sleep still in his pretty eyes. My heart swelled when he lazily smiled back.
He sat up and rubbed his face. "Go home," he said.
My heart sank. Did I hear that properly? I sat up and looked at him with furrowed eyebrows. He was going to do this already? I couldn't say I was surprised, but very disappointed.
Xavier must have seen the look on my face. "Oh my god, no, I didn't mean it like that. I meant go home and get ready," he coddled, turning to me in the bed. "I want you to look nice for our first date."
My body relaxed immediately. He laid back down and pulled me with him, my body crashing down onto his. I fought my smile but failed. "I was about to throw down," I said. I rolled over so I was on top of him, one hand on the bed holding me up.
"You think I'm gonna fuck up that fast?" he scoffed, looking up at me with a sexy smirk. "Give me a little credit. It'll at least take a week."
I wasn't sure if he'd want to kiss me since it was the morning and we both definitely had sleep breath. "I give it three days," I grinned.
"Oh, shut up and come here," he laughed, pulling my head down to meet his lips. Well, what a pleasant surprise. Charlie wouldn't kiss me in the morning until I brushed my teeth. "I'll never get tired of that."
His raspy, sleepy voice sent shivers down my spine. I crawled out of bed and stood up, stretching my arms over my head. When I turned back around to look at him, he was already watching me. I blushed under his gaze.
"What?"
"I'm just really happy," he said, hazel eyes squinting from the massive smile on his face.
Holy fuck. This was a fever dream. I never thought a day like this would happen.
"I'm gonna go before you say the L word again," I said, which made him blush this time, then swung a pillow at me. "I'm kidding. You're cute."
I slid on my shirt and shoes and spared him one more glance before leaving, feeling like I was on top of the world. It didn't dawn on me until I had woken up in the middle of the night that I'd left my phone at home. Of course, it wasn't my intention to stay the night when I had gone over there, but I was dying to tell Georgia everything.
It was still sitting in the same spot that I'd left it. My jaw dropped when my phone was blown up with messages from Georgia and Julian.
"Well, well, well," I heard from behind me. "He returns."
I whipped around to see Dakota leaning against the kitchen doorway with her arms crossed. She looked too suspicious for her own good, which was usually a bad sign.
Squinting at her, I matched her body language by placing my hands on my hips. "What?"
"I suggest locking your phone before placing it face up on the kitchen table with a very intriguing video paused."
As much as I wanted to beat her up for going through my phone, I just didn't have room to be angry. I was in such a good mood. "Good advice," I said, a wide grin on my face.
She matched my expression and flicked her long blonde ponytail over her shoulder. "I may or may not have sent it to Georgia and Julian, so . . . good luck with that."
"I don't even care. I'm the king of the world. Now if you'll excuse me," I said dramatically, flicking her nose as I sauntered past her, "I have a date to get ready for." She gasped loudly, trying to follow me up the stairs for details but I closed the door in her face.
I dialed Georgia's number without hesitation.
"Where in the ever-loving fuck have you been?"
Holding the phone between my cheek and my shoulder, I began to strip down for my shower. "Oh, ya' know. Here and there," I said, but felt like I was going to explode from excitement.
If she could reach through the phone and smack me, she probably would. "I'm coming over. You're going to tell me everything or I'm going to fight you," she said and I could hear her moving around.
"No can do, baby girl," I said. "Got a date."
She started talking a mile a minute and I could only pick up keywords. Xavier, I knew it, did y'all bang?, video, and my personal favorite: new boyfriend. I loved the sound of that. The idea of Xavier being my boyfriend made my entire body heat up, like a fire was lit from within. I didn't have half of this reaction when Charlie called me his boyfriend.
When she calmed down, I set the phone on the counter and put her on speakerphone. "I promise I'll tell you everything later but I don't wanna be late for our first date so kindly fuck off," I said, which triggered a string of swear words to leave her mouth. Without warning, I hung up.
I caught my reflection in the mirror. My cheeks were pink with the flushing heat I'd felt since last night, my lips were still red and raw and I had a glorious purple hickey on my collarbone.
For once, I looked happy. I was happy. Xavier wanted me . . . and said he loved me.
Maybe I would normally find that a bit strange, but I understood the strong feeling. I didn't say it back because I just didn't want to put that out there if things didn't work out. I had my heart on my sleeve and I think that was enough.
When I was showered and dressed nicely, I texted Xavier to let him know I was ready.
He was outside waiting for me in his truck. I got in and looked over. He looked so good, wearing a black short sleeved buttoned shirt, unbuttoned at the top. His hair was washed and styled immaculately, still short but starting to grow at the ends a bit, curling on his neck. I could see the little mark I left on his jaw on full display.
"Ready?" he asked.
"I'm ready," I said with a smile.
We drove without speaking much, just listening to the music. He reached over and grabbed my hand without thought, squeezing it like I'd disappear if he let go. I was still trying to wrap my head around this 180.
It was a far drive. We pulled up to a small coffee shop on the outskirts of our town. He brought me all the way out here for coffee? I guessed he was trying not to run into anyone we knew, but this was a stretch.
Xavier got out and I followed him in. He surprised me by grabbing my hand again. He was certainly keeping me on my toes. "Have you been here before?" I asked, looking around the cozy coffee joint. It was definitely catered towards younger people, edgy aesthetic photos all around and obscure seating.
"Nope," he said. We ordered our coffees and I thought we'd drink them there but instead we took them to go.
"This isn't the date?" I asked, holding the warm to-go cup in my hands.
He smiled at me, looking at me in the corner of his eye. "You think that little of me?" Xavier teased, opening the door for me on the way out. I snorted, really not knowing what to expect from this guy.
We drove a little ways more. My neck snapped towards him when I saw the signs we were passing and saw the edges of a smirk curling on his mouth. He was taking me to the botanical gardens. I had never been and always wanted to.
"You mentioned you wanted to come here a couple weeks ago, so I figured you'd like it," he said. I blinked at him in surprise, not expecting anything like this out of him. "I also read that the best time to come is in the mornings because there's no crowds."
I felt so giddy and caffeinated and not because of the coffee.
Not being able to contain my excitement until we parked, I leaned across the cab to give him a kiss. He let out a muffled protest since, yeah, he was still driving, but kissed me back regardless.
"Good idea, then?"
I shook my head, trying to hide the smile on my face. "I can't believe this is what being with Xavier de León is like," I said, watching him shrug.
"This is actually my first date," he said.
"What?"
"I mean, unless you count the roller rink in seventh grade or at the bar." He glanced at me as he pulled into a parking spot.
All this new information was making my head spin. So not only was I the first man he's dated, but also the first person he's dated in general? I was always under the impression that he was a player. Well, maybe he was, and just never let it get far enough for dates.
We got out and he swung an arm around my neck, pulling me into his side. "Don't think so hard," he said, straightening his posture when I snaked an arm around his waist.
"I learned it from you," I joked.
He paid for us to get in and I looked around in awe. It was just beautiful green everywhere. I grabbed his hand and just dragged him around for hours, reading every sign that said where the plants originate and going into every exotic plant greenhouse. We messed around in this giant floral maze and met in the middle, giggling together like children.
We were walking under overgrown archways of vines when he stopped me and kissed me right there. There was nobody around, but it showed how bad he wanted this.
When we were leaving, he sat in the car for a second before starting it. "You know this is going to be really hard, right?" he said, looking over at me with a solemn expression. "Today has been great because there's no one around but when we start being around people–"
"I know," I cut him off. "You don't have to explain yourself, okay? Just please don't push me away again. I can't do it all over."
He reached over and touched my leg. "I won't," Xavier said, and I believed him. "I haven't even told Celina yet."
That surprised me. "Really?"
"Well, I told her when I said I might have feelings for you," he flushed, looking away. "But I haven't told her that this," he stopped to gesture between the two of us, "is really happening."
"And what is this?" I mimicked his movement.
His eyes met mine and with a small smirk, he chuckled to himself. "Well, I think I'd like to tell the important people that I'm kinda gay before we label things," he said, squeezing my thigh. "If that's okay?"
I smiled. "That's okay. But please, for the love of God, just say bisexual."
Xavier just laughed, grabbing my head and kissing me hard. We went back home after that. I guess he wanted to speak to Dayla about what was going on a little more thoroughly and tell Celina. I offered to go with him, but he said he'd rather do it alone.
Georgia came over as soon as she found out I was freed up. I didn't even get a chance to speak over her never ending speech about keeping her out of the loop and how I was a bad friend and that Julian wouldn't stop texting her asking for details.
When she finally shut up, I rolled my eyes. "It's been one day. Can I not live my life without giving you a diary entry?" I joked, because I already knew that I couldn't. We told each other everything.
"No," she spat, keeping up the pretend angry act. "Now I need an in depth bullet pointed list of everything that happened and I need it now."
So I told her everything. Well, I left out the gory details that she didn't need to know, like him throwing me around at the beach. I told her about seeing him at the restaurant and then watching the video last night, and going over there. I told her about the date and how he was going to tell his friends.
"I can't believe I was right," she snickered. "He totally had a big, gay crush on you."
"Yeah, yeah," I sighed. "I can't believe this is real life."
Georgia smiled. "I'm glad it worked out. I also hope he knows that if he tries some shit again, he's gonna have to deal with me and Julian," she squinted. "And it won't be pretty."
"Oh, you're so scary," I mocked, which earned me a blanket over my head.
She was looking at me deviously when I pulled it from over my eyes. "So y'all didn't fuck?"
"No," I said, turning my nose up at her. "And I'm not rushing it."
Groaning, she threw her hands up. "But aren't you curious? Like, he's really hot, so it's gotta be hard not to just . . . ya' know, move it along," she said, sort of torturing me.
'Cause yeah. I thought about it all the time.
He had this incredibly intimidating nature about him that I just knew meant he was dominant in bed. I would let him have me in a heartbeat if I knew he was ready.
"Of course I'm curious," I said quickly. "I just don't want to rush into things and ruin it."
She then told me the story of when her and Dylan's first time was, which I totally didn't need to hear, and tried to use it as a lesson or something. I wasn't completely listening because Xavier texted me.
Xavier (2:26PM)
Dayla wants us to get married
Harry (2:27PM)
Did u buy a ring
Xavier (2:27PM)
Omw to the jeweler now
Harry (2:28PM)
Did u talk to Celina yet?
Xavier (2:28PM)
She's meeting me at my house. I'm nervous lol
Harry (2:29PM)
Isn't she gay? There's nothing to be worried about
Xavier (2:30PM)
Nah it's not that. She didn't want me to get with u
Xavier (2:30PM)
She said ur 2 good for me
That made me laugh out loud. I was too good for him, but that was beside the point. He was all mine now, whether she liked it or not. I wasn't giving this up.
Georgia snapped her fingers in front of my face, making me look up from my phone. "Damn it, go back to being single so I can have your undivided attention," she pouted. I laughed, pocketing my phone so she could keep grilling me.
We talked for an hour or so. It felt good to talk to her about it, since I'd been holding all this in since the night at the beach. My heart had been aching with information I wasn't ready to talk about, but since we patched things up, I felt like an open book.
"He seems sweet. I'm happy for you, Har."
She smiled and hugged me goodbye. I had work in a few hours, but I was dying to see Xavier again. I was sick.
He texted that Celina was about to leave and asked if I wanted to come meet her properly. My palms started sweating. Meeting the guy you were seeing's best friend was like meeting his parents. I agreed and fixed my hair in the mirror anxiously, then headed over.
A shiny black Subaru was parked outside.
I walked over and knocked on the door. Xavier answered with a grin. Not being able to help myself, I smiled back. He let me in and put a warm hand on my lower back, playing with the hem of my shirt.
"It went well?" I asked.
"Really well," he said, fingers tracing my spine.
We went into the TV room where Celina was sitting, a big smile on her face. I'd always thought she was so pretty in high school. She had a cute, round face with a very nice smile. Tanned skin and long brown hair and impeccable style.
She had that perfected street style that I envied. From what I could tell, she had a different pair of sneakers for every outfit.
"Hey," I said. Xavier moved his hand from my back and sat on the couch next to Celina, so I moved to sit in the recliner.
"Hey, Harry," she said politely.
We just kind of sat there for a second and I felt so awkward. Xavier eventually broke the silence, which almost made me sigh in relief. "Celina said we should go to the aquarium because she works there," he said and I nodded in agreement.
"That would be fun," I said, not really knowing what to say. I'd known Celina since elementary school but we'd never spoken.
"I'm just gonna cut to the chase," Celina said, slicing the tension in the air. She pointed to Xavier who looked at her in horror. "My friend here is a loose cannon, so if he does anything to mess with you, just call me and I'll set him straight. He likes you a lot so he shouldn't, but you know how he is."
I laughed, watching Xavier blush and mutter, "Rude."
"Okay, sure. I'll call you after I beat him up myself," I said, making her laugh, too.
We chatted for a few more minutes before she said she had to run, leaving just Xavier and I alone. He looked at me from the couch, a small smile on his face. I cocked an eyebrow, asking what he was looking at. He just shrugged.
"Wanna go up to my room?"
Butterflies filled my stomach. "Sure."
So we went upstairs. The second his door was shut, I had my back against it and his hands were on me. I didn't even think anybody was home, but it still felt like we were secure in his room.
"It appears you can't stop touching me," I mumbled into his hair when his lips were trailing down my neck.
He stood up straight, letting go of my hips. "Are you complaining?" he asked, eyes searching mine with a smirk.
I looped my fingers through his belt loops and pulled his body flush against mine. "No. Just observing," I said teasingly, leaning forward to press my lips against his. However, he ducked his head out of the way in the nick of time.
"Well, then maybe I won't."
He backed away until the backs of his legs hit his bed and he fell back. I fought my smile, knowing I loved this game. "No problem," I said nonchalantly, sitting in his desk chair. "Too bad, since my parents are going out of town and Dakota's staying at her friend's tonight."
I knew I'd won when I saw his jaw working, tongue pressed inside of his cheek. "Too bad," he said, leaning back on his wrists. This was too good. Too fucking good.
"It's kind of hot in here," I said, looking around. He bit his lip and I took that as a cue to pull my shirt off, acting like it was just another thing to do. "You aren't hot?"
"No," he said, eyes fixed on my chest.
"Huh, must just be me."
Xavier didn't flinch when I moved to sit next to him on the bed. I pulled out my phone and laid back on his pillows, stretching my legs across his lap. Not really paying attention to my phone and more on the feeling of his eyes on me, I pretended to just scroll.
I smiled in satisfaction when I felt him place his hands on my legs, not moving them but just laying them there. He slowly started running them up my legs towards my knees, then up my thighs. I tried to ignore it, but it was impossible.
When his hands brushed over my dick, I put my phone down, eyes locked with his. He slowly swept his fingers up my stomach and to my collarbones. I was starting to actually get hot.
"So I'll just be all alone in that big house," I mumbled, feeling his fingers raking up and down my chest hair.
"That's a shame," he whispered, not moving from his spot but he looked to be in a trance. "You should really have some company."
I grabbed his hands and pulled, bringing his body on top of mine. He was breathing heavily, holding himself up on his hands and knees. I looked up at his face and sighed in content.
His long eyelashes nearly touched his cheekbones when he blinked. His heart shaped lips, the sharp line of his jaw, his crooked nose. I could stare at it all day without tire.
Xavier de León was beautiful in so many ways. It scared me.
It freaked me out that we were really doing this. That the two of us just jumped into this headfirst and won't look back. That even after everything, this was still Harry and Xavier, sworn enemies of almost a decade, kissing and saying insane things like 'I love you.' So, sure. I was scared.
I was scared it was too good to be true. He had a history of being impulsive. Shoot first, think second. I didn't want him to have one bad incident with someone seeing us in public or have one of his friends be homophobic and just ghost me.
He could assure me and promise me and kiss me to seal the deal all he wanted, but in the end I didn't know what would happen.
I think what scared me the most was how natural this all felt. It was like we kissed twice and then everything fell into place, as if we were welded together like two pieces of metal. Two different shapes, totally different colors, and with no chance of bonding, we were undoubtedly one.
And it was all so fucking new. I couldn't even imagine what I would say a month ago if I could see us now.
"What are you thinking about so hard?"
I zoned back into reality, seeing not the freckles on Xavier's nose, but instead just remembering that I was here, with the hottest guy on top of me. "You," I said, seeing him blush.
"What about me?"
"Just how unreal this is."
He smiled. "I know what you mean."
I brought my hands up to his hair, carding my fingers through it, and then pulled him down to kiss me. I relished in the feeling of his body on top of mine, like a warm blanket sheltering me from the cold.
Maybe I didn't know what would happen. But I did know that Xavier de León meant too much to me to stop now.