Do you need, do you need someone?
Are you scared of what's to come?
If you leave then who will the next one be?
Will he do the same or will he let you see?
Why can't she just leave me alone? Maya thought as she started the treadmill. She was referencing Andy, who had now decided it would be a good time to check in with her friend. And Maya. Well, she was pissed. It had been almost a year since her demotion and while they had fixed their friendship, a part of Maya still broke when she saw Andy rallying the team to help Jack, but couldn't be bothered to help her. It wasn't like she was going to explicitly ask for the help, but a little help would have been nice regardless. Apparently I am such a screw up. She interrupted me texting Carina, damn it. After Carina had told her she wasn't pregnant, Maya blew up at her about taking the test alone and said a few things she regretted. She was just trying to apologise, but was on a 24-hour shift and couldn't apologise with her usual surprise at the hospital with coffee and flowers. A text would have worked for the time being, but Andy interrupted.
Running faster, Maya suddenly felt a searing pain shooting through her body. It had happened earlier at the helicopter scene, and the pills helped, but now she was alone. Her pills were upstairs, with her phone, and she was alone. Going against the tiny voice in her head, she stopped running, stepping on the sides of the treadmill and waiting for the pain to subside. When it did - just a bit - she continued running. She was angry. Angry at herself, at Beckett, at Macallister, at Jack, at Ross, at Sullivan, at herself. Honestly, who wasn't she angry at? She knew she had to start cleaning up her act, but the tiny voice in her head kept getting to her. So she kept running. Running to escape. Running with her eyes forward. She was going faster and faster until she felt her legs buckling underneath her, falling off the treadmill with a force that she knocked her head into the ground. She could faintly hear the klaxon in the background before succumbing to the darkness, her escape in the clouds.
That you don't have to hurt, you don't have to hurt anymore?
With a little time, take a look and find what you're searching for
Carina had been waiting for this day to come for weeks. When Bailey told her that she was opening a fertility and reproductive health clinic across from Grey-Sloan, she jumped at the opportunity to participate. Unfortunately, because of the storm and bureaucracy, they had to wait for their grand opening. So she sat with Jo and Bailey, waiting for someone to tell them they could open their little clinic that would hopefully help so many women and teenage girls that need it.
She had hoped to think about her job, but all she could think about was Maya. She knew Maya needed help; it was so obvious that she did, but her wife was stubborn. While she was on leave, Maya stayed in the guest room except when they had sex, both admitting that they missed each other. Carina had hoped that it had been enough, but it hadn't. Maya was still closed off and wouldn't accept the help or advice she was trying to give. Maya's limp didn't go unnoticed by Carina, either. She knew that Maya had injured her ankle before the Olympics and Ben had told her what had happened on Halloween. She wasn't happy with Maya's choices, but didn't push it because Maya seemed so empty when she told Carina she was coming home. They may have kissed, but Carina still noticed something was off. While they spent time together at home, Carina noticed that Maya's ankle was always wrapped, which meant it wasn't healing and it was affecting Maya's work.
"Penny for your thoughts?"
Carina looked up, seeing Bailey eyeing her. Sighing, Carina spoke. "It's Maya. She's- she's not okay, Bailey. I- I'm trying but it's hard."
"I know, Carina. Ben filled me in on what happened at Halloween," she said, placing a comforting hand on Carina's shoulder.
"I just don't know what to do, dio mio. She's just so stubborn. And I know it's her dad's voice talking and how she was raised, but.. AH!"
Bailey nodded empathetically. She knew how stubborn Maya was, recalling when the fire captain had been brought in during a call with Ben and she dislocated her shoulder. She had wanted to pop the shoulder back in place, not take any painkillers, and go back to work, but Bailey had shutdown that ridiculous notion. It was hard to watch someone struggle with their mental health, just like Tuck did at times. Bailey didn't know the full extent of Maya's trauma, and to be fair neither did Carina, but both knew enough and that they wanted to help.
You are broken on the floor
And you're crying, crying
He has done this all before
But you're lying, lying
To yourself, that he'll find help
That he will change to someone else
But you're broken on the floor
Still, asking him for more
Jack had finished cleaning up after the girls from the fire camp had left, having heard the sirens of the engines leave in a rush. He knew that by being at the station he was volunteering, but he actually liked being back. After putting some cones away, he stopped dead in his tracks. There, lying on the floor were turnouts. I thought everyone went on the call. Walking closer, his heart stopped when he saw which name was on them. Bishop. Maya, what have you done?
He started searching for her everywhere. There was no way - none - that Maya Bishop had gone home in the middle of the shift. She always went on calls. There was no reason for her not to go. Suddenly, he got a queasy feeling in his stomach as he continued his search. She wasn't in the kitchen, or her bunk. There was nobody in the showers or the front desk. She hadn't snuck into the captain's office to reminisce when she was captain. There was only one solution: the gym.
Jack's strides got shorter and his breathing more rigid as he walked toward the gym, hoping that Maya was there. He knew she was going through some difficulties too, and he only added fuel to the fire when he left her and Carina mid-fertility to go find his birth family. Taking a deep breath as he pulled the handle to the door, opening it and finding his worst fears coming true. There she was, lying on the floor, the treadmill still going. He quickly ran over, checking for a pulse. Damn it Bishop. He noticed a huge laceration on her head, probably a few inches deep, and he hoped that she hadn't cut any of the nerves in those lobes. She must have been lying here for a few hours. Shit, Carina is going to kill me.
He quickly called 911 for help before dialling another number. He knew that Carina would freak out with the news, so he called someone else. "Hey I need help... It's not me, but I need doctors ready in the ER... Carina's going to freak out... It's Maya, Jo, it's Maya... I found her unconscious in the gym. I think she fell off the treadmill... Yeah, she has a huge cut on the side of her head, hasn't woken up yet... I'll ride with her, the ambulance is here... OK, yeah. I'll see you soon. And Jo, thank you."
Will you leave or will you carry on?
Is your love from before still strong?
If you leave, will you keep the memory
That made the night so long, that cut so deep?
"JO!" He screamed, jumping out of the ambulance. Maya had coded several times on the way to Grey-Sloan and he hoped he got there in time. She had to be OK. This was Maya freaking Bishop he was talking about. His colleague, his friend, his... ex. She was the first person to really understand him. Andy had tried but kept failing. But Maya... Maya was the one to push through his walls, hers equally as guarded.
He watched Jo guide the paramedics to a trauma room, praying that he wouldn't run into Carina while he was there. She hated him enough for being Maya's ex and even more now that he had left them. He didn't need her thinking that he had beaten up her wife.
Every doctor he knew had rushed into the trauma room Maya was in. There was Shepherd and Link and Altman and Grey. All of them very experienced in their jobs. He watched as they assessed Maya and jumped into action, all until her heart stopped again. No Maya, you do not give up. While they were reviving her, Jo came up to him. She guided him to a private lounge so he could have some privacy while she waited for updates on Maya. Bailey and Carina had been awaiting news on the clinic and stopped to go get some food to sustain them since it didn't seem like the clinic would be opening that day.
"Jack..." Jo said, watching her friend curl up into a ball as she sat next to him on the floor. "What's wrong?"
He looked up at her, tears in his eyes. "It's all my fault. If I hadn't left them..."
"It's not your fault, Jack. You know Maya's been having issues since before she met Carina. This is all her father. You know that. You did nothing wrong. You called me. You brought her here safely. You did everything right."
Jack nodded silently as more tears flowed from his eyes. Jo just held him. She didn't even know how long she was holding him until Meredith walked into the lounge with calm composure. Jack had calmed down by now, the occasional hiccup leaving his throat. He looked up, his heart almost stopping when he saw Meredith.
"She's alive," Meredith relayed, but Jo sensed something more. "I want to wait for Carina to come to explain the rest. Wilson, can you page Bailey and have her bring Carina? I know they were waiting for the clinic opening."
Jo nodded, grabbing her phone, her arm never leaving Jack. She knew it was comforting for him to have her. They had gotten close after she brought over a surrendered baby and stayed in contact long after. He was her friend, sometimes more than Link was. He had met Luna and helped out sometimes when neither she nor Link could watch her. To be completely honest, she always felt a little attracted to him but didn't want to push it. After she had made the call, knowing how distraught Carina would be, she decided it was best for her and Jack to stay in the lounge. Carina wouldn't want to see Jack, especially not after their history with Maya.
But you don't have to hurt, you don't have to hurt anymore
With a little time, take a look and find what you're searching for
When Bailey said they had to rush back to the hospital, Carina was ready to open the clinic with her and Jo. What she wasn't ready for was to be told that Jack had brought her wife into the ER after he found her unconscious on the gym floor at the station. While she was waiting earlier, she noticed that Maya had begun typing a message, but the bubbles soon disappeared. What could she have been typing? Her mind was going a thousand miles a minute and all she could think about was Maya. She was told that Maya had fallen off the treadmill and was lying there for a few hours before Jack found her.
"She has a head lac about five inches deep. It was on the side of her head, affecting a small part of the frontal and temporal lobes. Amelia stitched up her head and got rid of the brain bleed. She coded a few times before arriving and coded in the trauma room. We revived her and brought her to the OR. Link reset her ankle, which had been dislocated for some time. We're hoping there's no significant nerve damage. Some of her pain had translated to the rest of her body and we also noticed she twisted her knee. Her left wrist is broken and Link thinks it has something to do with her nerves so we'll watch for updates. Link also had to reset her shoulder, as it got dislocated from the blow," Meredith explained.
Carina nodded, taking in all this information. Her wife had been lying on the ground, unconscious, while the rest of the team ran to leave for a call. Nobody even noticed. They just left her turnout on the ground. It was despicable. "What about- what about her neck? And her spine?"
"Her spine suffered a hard blow when she hit the treadmill, but she didn't sever it. Her neck snapped slightly, but we've put her in a C-collar to stabilise her and it seems to be working."
"Um..." Carina hated knowing that she had to ask this question. "What about brain damage?"
Meredith looked toward where Maya was laying in the ICU. "She's on a vent in a coma to preserve her lungs and heart, but Amelia says that she should be fine. She'll perform another CT tomorrow and continuously until Maya wakes up. You can go in, if you want."
"Si, Grazie, Meredith. I- Do you know where Jack is? I want to thank him after I see her."
Meredith nodded, knowing that Carina didn't like Jack that much, but knew that this was something Carina would never forget. She knew that Jack still cared for Maya; he didn't love her, but he cared for her. So she set out to find him, knowing exactly where he was.
Meanwhile, Carina had walked into the room, already starting to cry as she saw her wife laying in the hospital bed. Of all the things to happen, it had to be while her wife was doing something she loved. Running was her escape. She just hoped that even after all this, she could stilll run. Maya had almost died, and Carina was busy awaiting the opening of a clinic. It was heart-wrenching.
You are broken on the floor
And you're crying, crying
He has done this all before
But you're lying, lying
To yourself, that he'll find help
That he will change to someone else
But you're broken on the floor
Still, asking him for more
The first two months had come and gone. Maya's shoulder had healed nicely and her wrist was due to be out of that cast any day now. The rest of her injuries still needed time to heal, and Carina was slowly losing it. She hated seeing Maya like this.
She spent every waking second with Maya, not daring to leave. It brought back the trauma of Andrew's death. She knew they weren't the same, but her body willed her to stay. Jo helped her eat and stay hydrated. She also kept her company. Jack came as well after he expressed how sorry he was and Carina hugged him, thanking him for saving her wife. Maya was alive, but barely, and yet all Carina could think about was the first two years of their marriage. The first year was a whirlwind, ending with Dean's untimely death, and starting with Maya's downward spiral. All she wanted was to have Maya back now. The rest didn't matter.
The rest of Maya's team had come once they had heard about the accident, some showing more worry than others. Vic had immediately come to be there for Maya and for Carina, as she and Carina had been getting closer. Ben knew about the accident from Bailey and came when he could. Theo did as well. It had taken Andy some time to come, as she blamed herself for what happened to Maya. She had been talking to her just moments before she left for the gym, and they had gotten into an argument over the captaincy and leadership issues. It weighed heavily on her, but Meredith had convinced her to see Maya, at least once. But once she saw her friend laying in the bed with a machine breathing for her, she lost it. Andy sat in Maya's room almost as much as Carina did, only leaving to grab a coffee to stay awake or to sleep for a few minutes on end.
Maya's doctors were apprehensive about her recovery, seeing very slight improvement on some days and sometimes none at all. All Carina wanted to do was hold her wife and tell her how much she loved her, but it seemed as though that chance was slipping away faster than she could say obstetrics and gynaecology. Even though she wasn't religious, Carina found herself praying to anyone that was out there. She had hoped that Andrew and her mom were listening and trying to help.
"Maya, amore mio. It's been two and a half months since your accident. Please, bambina, please come home. Come home to me. I need you. Please, you can't leave me, per favore. Ti amo sempre, amore mio, ti amo," she spoke as her voice wavered and she tried not to cry. Amelia was taking Maya for another head CT to check for more brain swelling or bleeding. Link would be removing her wrist cast later that afternoon, but Maya was still in the C-collar and back brace for her spine. They were going to check her hand nerves for any changes before doing a post-op on her knee and ankle. It was too much. Carina wished more than anything that Maya would make a full recovery and be back in bed with her. But it wasn't so. Her wife was in a coma with life injuries and the possibility of not being able to run anymore. She didn't know what was worse.
(Ooh, ooh, ooh) Asking him for more
(Ooh, ooh, ooh) Asking him for more
"Carina, it's been six months," Link said hesitantly as he watched her hold Maya's hand. It had been six months with hardly any change. Maya's shoulder, neck, and some of the bruised ribs she had were healed and the c-collar had come off. Unfortunately, the nerves in her wrist were close to being severed and she'd need physical therapy afterward for that as well as her knee and ankle. Of course, the ones she injures are on opposite sides; it was her left ankle and her right knee. "I think you really need to consider your next steps."
Carina shook her head, mumbling a silent 'no.' There was no way, not after everything that happened, that she would ever let Maya go. No matter how many arguments they got into over pregnancies, therapy, and Maya's running obsession, Carina would never carelessly take her wife off of life support. Jo watched as Carina laid her head on Maya's body. They were all frustrated with Maya's progress. Her brain function was above average but they still couldn't figure out why she wasn't waking up.
Once she was alone again, Carina let the tears spill from her eyes. She needed Maya to make it through. She couldn't imagine life without her. Maya was the only family she had left on Earth. Maya is her home and her home was slowly slipping from her grasp.
You are broken on the floor
And you're crying, crying
He has done this all before
But you're lying, lying
To yourself, that he'll find help
That he will change to someone else
But you're broken on the floor
Still, asking him for more
Maya heard waves crashing in the background. Slowly opening her eyes, she noticed she was at the beach. But why? She wasn't on vacation. Standing up, she looked around. It was empty.
"You shouldn't be here, Mai," a voice said and Maya inhaled deeply. It was a voice she never thought she would hear again. One that brought back both painful and happy memories.
Turning around, she began crying when she saw her standing there, arms open for a hug. "Ellie!"
"Hi, big sis."
(Ooh, ooh, ooh) Asking him for more, more
(Ooh, ooh, ooh) Still, asking him for more