Throughout the weekend, I anticipated Monday, and I wondered how I would actually feel at the end of the day. I wasn't sure how my day would play out. Would it be good? Or, would it be bad? Now, I was in class, the first to arrive of course and still drowned in my thoughts.
When Nathan walked in, AirPods in his ears, I wasn't surprised in the least. It was becoming a usual-either he arrived class earlier than I, or I did (and yes, phones were allowed in school). The fact remained that we were the most punctual ones in our class. And maybe in the whole set.
"Hi." He gave a one-handed wave as he used the other to take out the devices in his ears. "Good morning."
"Good morning."
I paid no heed as he walked over to take his seat beside me. Actually, that was a lie. I didn't know why, but there were certain times when he was around me that I would have this feeling of walking on eggshells. Like this make-my-hairs-stand kind of feeling.
"Kaira."
"What?" I replied almost immediately and regretted the action. His brows tipped up in amusement. I said again, this time more calmly. "What?"
Yup.
"Aren't we studying today?"
We? Oh, yes, he always somehow manages to end up reading with me.
I looked at my empty desk save for the romance novel I had sneaked away from Kosi's room last night. Nathan stared at it also with the same amused gleam in his eyes. At first, I didn't get why he did that until I realized what was on the cover of the story-a shirtless guy with his arm wrapped around a woman. They both stared at each other like heaven and hell could pass and they wouldn't care.
I snatched the book from his view. "What are you looking at?"
His chuckle became a full blown laughter. "So you're one of those girls."
"Excuse me?" I said. "I'm not one of those girls. Actually, this book is innocent and educative. In a sense."
He leaned in, nearly in my personal space. "Educative in what sense?"
"In a sense that you can't understand," I blurted, completely taking out the book from his view and into my bag. "It was specially made for me."
I had close to a dreamy smile on my face as I imagined the strong female MC having an entertaining argument with her love interest. Picture this: a woman in her late twentys defending her unique choices, giving the reasons she hates the love interest's. Now tell me, isn't that adorable? Ok maybe it's not. It's quite vague. Or maybe it's just me being weird.
Still, the book was written for me. It was even stated in the dedication page: to all the girls and young women who dream.
And I dream. A lot.
"Margaret Waterman wrote the book for you?"
"Yeah-wait, how'd you know her name just at first glance?" I narrowed my eyes as his brows knitted together. "Hey, you read romance novels, don't you?"
His hands went to his neck, giving it a little rub as he averted his gaze. He leaned away from my personal space and said, "I do not read romance novels."
"Your voice just lost its vibe there." I laughed. "You read romance novels. Now, tell me how many."
"I don't."
"You do."
"I don't."
"You read romance novels. It's obvious. You can't deny it." I deliberated tickling him but that would be going too far, so I cooed. "A boy reading romance. It's adorable, y'know."
He physically cringed. "I didn't say I read romance."
"Oh, worse still, eroti-"
"No! Hell no." The pitch of his voice heightened. "What makes you think that?"
"I don't know."
"Fine." He sat back. "Maybe I got bored and became interested in few of my mum's novels some months back."
"So, it's not too long ago. No wonder you still recall the author's name. Now, tell me more. How many books have you read? What's the most interesting part? And, so far, what's your favorite book?"
His face blanched with the load of questions I bombarded him with. "One question at a time."
"You're going to answer me?"
"It's you. So, yes."
Four words. Two statements. That was all it took for my cheeks to heat up. I disliked myself for it, but some part of me enjoyed the way it sounded in my ears. Like we had some kind of closeness already. Some kind of bond. What am I thinking? It must be the books. I barely even knew him. Only that he was Nathan Smith. A boy with many hobbies and abilities. A boy who appeared almost too perfect.
I smiled, making fist pumps. "Yay!"
"Now, how many books have I read?" He rubbed his chin. "I'll say about ten to thirteen."
"Wow. Which ones? Are they all romance novels? I actually like to diversify my choice of genres sometimes..."
Nathan's soft laughter caught me off guard and if I were talking about something different, something I didn't love as much as reading, I wouldn't have found it beautiful.
Beautiful? Oh my God. Jesus o.
Am I sure that my breakfast or water wasn't spiked?
"Why are you laughing?"
"Nothing." He shook his head, the laughter still in his eyes. "It's just funny."
"What's funny?"
"Nothing at all."
"Nathan."
"Kaira."
"Stop this. Just answer me."
"It's just that you're so reluctant to answer questions in class or share your knowledge, but here you're just throwing them at me. With so much enthusiasm."
"Such a wet blanket you are." I rolled my eyes.
"Oh, c'mon now."
"You could've just smiled or better yet, kept your observation to yourself instead of laughing like that."
"So it's a crime? My laughter?"
Of course not. It's beautiful. It's melodious.
Ọbara Jizọs!
"No. Only when you laugh to make me feel bad."
His face softened. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I'm sorry."
"It's fine." I nodded, brushing aside how he sincere he sounded. "So, my questions now."
"The most interesting, or amusing, part I've ever read is where the two characters don't realize they're in love. And even when they do, it's hard to confess it."
Those words. Although to someone else it might appear as a mere thing that he seemed enjoy, to me it was a keyword to what his perception was like. How he saw things. And it reminded me of my friends. Not that I could say their feelings were as strong as the ones portrayed in romance novels.
"I get angry when the characters don't realize how much they feel for each other," I said. "Like even when it's obviously the situation. I usually try to suppress my urge to scream. Try is the word there."
The smile of amusement never left his face but it didn't offend me anymore. "I would be angry too."
I was about replying when a whistle echoed in the close to empty class. I stared at the whistler with a blank expression. "You two are getting along better than I imagined."
"Like you even have an imagine-nation, Daniel." I scoffed.
The whole fun atmosphere slowly slipped out the window as Nathan straightened up in his seat. "Sup, dude."
"Never been better." Daniel sent me a knowing look and a nod. Sure his face seemed to glow over the weekend.
They must have sorted things out already. I've never seen Daniel this happy ever since I met him. His eyes had sparkles in them, his face glowed and his smile was the icing on the cake. I wondered how people did this. How people could be convinced that they feel something towards another. However, no matter how much I might wonder, or even if I found my answers, I could never have feelings in secondary school.
I wouldn't let myself. It wouldn't be good.
"Of course," Nathan nodded with a sly smile and turned to me. "I take it that you know already."
"Yeah."
Daniel did a spin as he got to his desk and sat on his chair, smiles still on his face. He turned to Nathan and me. "So this is what love feels like."
"No. This is what having requited feelings feels like. Love only results in frustration and sadness when it's not reciprocated."
"Hm, why does this sound like you're taking out of experience?" Daniel smirked.
"Ode. You know the only boy I've ever liked is you."
Nathan coughed and all Daniel and I could do was laugh at his reaction.
"I had a crush on Daniel in JSS 2. Even if I hated him at the start of junior secondary. Also, I was foolish." Now, I could laugh at me then. Boy, what the hell had I been thinking?
"Wow." Nathan's lips parted then closed. Then opened again. "That's...surprising."
"I know right? She sent me letters and Amara made me read them. It was pure torture."
"Uh-huh?"
"Don't even think about it. Like I said, I was foolish. And at that time, my parents always told me to face my fears and express myself."
"You really obeyed, huh?"
"I swear, if you tease me with it..." I pointed a warning finger at Nathan.
"Don't mind her, Nathan." Daniel interrupted. "Tease her all you want. All day, all night. Call her on the phone and remind her. It doesn't matter, y'know."
I shook my head. "This is one of the reasons why I refuse to like boys."
"Are you-"
Before Nathan could complete his question, I snapped. "No, I'm not. Don't even think about it."
"Calm down, Kaira. It's okay na. No need to fight."
"I'm clearly not fighting."
"You see now; you sounded like a lionness." Daniel pressed on, wagging a finger in my face. "A lionness without a mane."
"Lionnesses usually don't have manes, dumbo. Have nice days, you two." I stood up, still having the move with me. "I'd rather stay at the library than here."
"Calms, guy." Daniel called after me but I ignored him, hastening my steps towards the stairway.
I knew what I did was impulsive, and it sometimes has me in regrets. In fact, what my eyes came upon made me rethink leaving the classroom.