" But....but.....
I....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I don't love you, Ana "
He whispered
My breath stuck.
The smile adorning my lips started wobbling.
" Wh- what.....what? "
I stuttered
He exhaled in a rush and started fidgeting
" I .....
Ana....I just- just...."
He froze and took a deep breath. Then he turned to look deep into my eyes.
He looked unsettled and hyper.
" Ana.
I do. I do love you. I love you a lot.
But.....
But not in the way you think. "
He started hyperventilating and his movements became more fidgety
" Baby....
This- this is a misunderstanding.
I love you like a best friend, Ana. "
My hold on his hands slackened and they fell beside me, numb.
The serene feeling that was surrounding me a few seconds ago, vanished.
My breath started coming out in pants
" What do- do you mean Ha-Haans? "
" Ana...."
He held me by my shoulders
" Listen to me..
I love you very much.....very very much.
But Ana, it's not what you think it is. "
He was panting and his forehead was covered in beads of sweat.
No.
No, he's wrong.
I started chuckling in between my panting breaths
" Haans...
No. No.
You are mistaken "
I held his hand on my shoulder with a wobbly smile on my lips.
" I ......I know you Haans.
I know you better than I know anything. Better than I know myself.
There's - there's no way that I - I misunderstood anything.
I - I know it. "
He shook his head in a haste
" Ana....
Baby..
Listen to me.
We both love each other. Definitely. But not in the way you think we do. "
He was looking extremely scared and paranoid so I cut him off
" No Haans.
Listen to me.
I know it.
I KNOW.
I am in love with you, just like you are in love with me.
I know you, Haans.
You have told me so yourself.
You have told me a million times that I know you better than you know yourself.
Believe me.
Please. "
I took a shuddering breath in.
My entire body was shaking with fear. Every single inch of my body was trembling.
But so was His.
He looked just as scared.
" Haans..
Listen to me.
What is bothering you?
Tell me. "
I took his face in my palms.
His petrified eyes were haunting me.
He held my hands and swallowed a few times
" Ana. This is a misunderstanding.
Please listen to me.
Please Baby.
This is not love.
Maybe you confused some other feeling as love for me.
You don't love me that way either.
I am sure that you are mistaking your adore for Me, your best friend, as love Ana.
Please believe me.
This is a misinterpretation. "
My breath stuck in my lungs.
The organ asphyxiates in the need of some oxygen, but can get none.
The feeling of being choked overtaking me.
It's like someone took my dream and tore it apart.
Like someone placed me in my worst nightmare.
I started panting
" No. Haans. No.
Listen. To. Me .
You are in love with me. "
He cut me off in a rush
" No I am not, Ana."
I froze and he continued
" I am not in love with you
And
You are not in love with Me. "
And just like that.
It was destroyed.
𝑶𝒖𝒓 𝑭𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝑼𝒕𝒐𝒑𝒊𝒂...
𝑾𝒂𝒔 𝑫𝑬𝑺𝑻𝑹𝑶𝒀𝑬𝑫.
I stumbled away from him.
Walking backward while looking at Him in devastation.
The first tear fell
And then the next
Then the next
And within seconds I was covered in tears.
My breath coming out in sobs
My legs stumbling backward
My vision blurred with tears, still looking at him in agony.
My back collided with something and I lost my footing.
" Ana "
I saw his blurred figure rush toward me and he held me before I could fall.
But I was unaware of anything.
Anything other than 𝑴𝒚 𝑯𝒂𝒂𝒏𝒔.
My World.
My whole Universe.
He wiped away my tears with his thumbs.
Once my vision cleared, I saw his eyes filled with pain and tears too.
" Haans "
I sobbed
His tears fell
" Ana "
He held me close.
" Haans.
You- you ..... "
I couldn't speak anymore.
" I am sorry, Ana.
I really am sorry.
But this isn't what you think it is. You will see it too.
Please don't cry.
Please Ana. "
" But....I know "
I mumbled
" Ana, believe me. It's a misunderstanding. It'll go away. We just need to --- "
I couldn't understand what he said after that.
My ears buzzed and everything became void.
It's like I was sucked into a vacuum.
Every sound, every word just vanished.
I could see his lips moving.
I could see him looking absolutely petrified of something.
I could see him hyperventilating.
But....
It's empty.
Everything's Empty.
" Go "
I mumbled, after I don't know how long.
His lips stopped moving.
" Go Haans "
I whispered
" What? "
He shuddered
" Go "
He was about to say something but I cut him off with a plead
" Please "
He halted
" Ana "
He whispered in pain
" I...I can't leave you li-like this - "
I cut him off again
" Please "
I
whispered again in agony.
His breath halted.
Before he could say anything else, I pleaded to him with my eyes.
He sucked in a breath and kept looking at me for a few minutes.
But then he started walking backward hesitatingly.
His eyes were bleeding with the request of not sending him away.
But I need it.
I really, badly need it.
He was close to his gate.
Still looking at me with a request.
But I can't.
I don't have it in me.
So he just closed his eyes in pain, and left after looking at me one last time.
The second his gate closed, a loud sob ripped out of my throat and I buckled over with its force.
" Haans "
I whispered.
With the next sob, I fell down on the floor with a thud.
" Haans "
I sobbed like never before.
" Haans "
With every echo of his name, my body wrecked further.
I clawed at my insides.
My every organ was sizzling like it was on fire.
And I could feel every single thing a million times over.
Every single burn.
I can feel it scorching my being.
" HAANS "
I sobbed louder than I've ever before.
I can feel my Heart shattering.
I can feel my Soul being ripped apart.
My Utopia being demolished with every tear leaking out of my eyes.
I pulled my knees closer to my chest and wrapped my arms around myself.
Hold Me.
Please.
I don't know how long I was here.
I don't know how long I wailed in mourning.
Mourning for myself.
For ...
My Wrecked World.
Every star
My sky
My Universe
My Everything.
Just gone.
GONE.
VANISHED.
LEAVING ME AN EMPTY SHELL.
Empty without 𝑯𝒊𝒎.
" Mimi "
Somebody shaking me brought me to my senses.
I moved my head upward and saw Mumma beside me.
I was sitting with my arms crossed on my knees and my forehead leaning on them. Only darkness surrounding me.
" Mumma "
I sobbed
Her eyes turned huge and she panicked
" Mimi, child, what happened?
Why are you crying? "
I sobbed and hugged her
" Mumma "
" Mimi. Honey. What happened? "
She asked frantically while caressing my head.
She kept asking me the same question but I had no answer, so she took me to my room.
" Mimi "
My Papa rushed inside and held my face.
" Haans "
I sobbed
" What? What happened? "
He asked.
I sobbed more.
" His phone is unreachable too. What is going on? "
I heard mom's voice like it was too far away.
" Yes, Piku, do you know where Ansh is? "
.
" I don't know either. Mimi's crying a lot here. Is Ansh alright? "
.
" Ok, call everyone and check please.. "
" Mimi, my princess, please tell me what happened? "
Papa asked
I sobbed
" Haans...."
He nodded
" He- He doesn't .....doesn't love me. "
And broke into louder sobs.
I didn't see them getting frozen in their place.
I was just pressing my chest to decrease the pain in some way.
" What? "
Mumma asked
" Who said that? "
Papa asked
" He doesn't love me, Papa.
He said.....
He said that we don't love each other. "
I said while sobbing and wrapping my arms around my stomach.
They both kept telling me something but I couldn't hear anything.
Every breath I take is painful.
Every passing second just twists the knife lodged in my heart further.
And My Soul just begging for that one person who is my cure to every wound that comes my way.
My Person...
𝑴𝒚 𝑯𝒂𝒂𝒏𝒔
I wail in agony.
Every beat of Heart screams
HAANS...
HAANS...
HAANS...
My Haans....
My Soulmate...
The Love of my Life....
" Haans "
------------*-------------
I can't.
Just writing this is so painful that I'm covered in tears.
2nd Nov 2022