Build's POV
What the fuck just happened? I hadn't expected for Praya to know who I was, let alone give me a bouquet of roses. Red roses at that. Why would she give me a flower that symbolizes love? All these questions were running through my head that I was only half paying attention to where I was going and ended up running right into Bible's back. He turned and steadied me, but was quick to let me go and continue heading towards the dining room. Great job Build, isn't falling once enough. I was instructed by his mom to sit on her right and she sat Bible on her left, Praya beside him, Mile beside her, Bible's dad was at the other end, with Apo beside him and Pai between me and Apo. Dinner started of great, we were all silent while we ate until Pai decided to start being naughty and kept trying to tell Bible's dad that he wasn't eating correctly and proceeded to instruct him on how to properly hold his instruments. We all stayed silent while they went back and forth arguing until I couldn't control my laughter and busted out. Bible looked at me first and followed quickly with the other's following suite. Pai was so confused about what was so funny that he then started yelling at me about being respectful and not laughing at people.
"Not nice, Unc Pe."
"I'm sorry," I said between laughs. "I'm not laughing at you baby, I'm laughing at Bibs pa."
"I thought you didn't like people calling you that?" Praya said to Bible suddenly.
Crap, started an argument already. I gave Bible an apologetic look and he just shook his head.
"I do, but Bui's been calling me that since we were kids, he's always allowed to call me that, I just don't like for other people to call me that."
"I'm sorry Praya, old habits die hard. I'll be better about calling him Bible in front of me, we're not close like we used to be, we're both different people. You're the most important person in his life." I offered her a warm and genuine smile but was met with a fake one in return.
"No, its okay. You've known each other a long time, I'm the outsider. You can call him whatever you'd like."
Apo cleared his throat and changed the subject, asking Bible what he'd been up to, if he was going to be buying his own house, when was he going to start working. They chatted between the two of them for a while, the rest of us chiming in occasionally. I'd already heard a lot of it on the ride here so I just sat back and let me my wonder. I was taking a swig of water when Apo asked the once question I wasn't expecting.
"So are you two planning on getting married?"
I spewed my water all over Bible. Showering his face, neck, shirt and jacket. I immediately stood up and rushed over to him, choking the whole time, but wanting to make sure he was okay. I grabbed the closest napkin to me and started patting him, apologizing profusely.
"Bibs, I'm so sorry. I don't know what that surprised me, I guess I was caught up in my thoughts." He grabbed my hand gently stopping me, I looked up and got mesmerized in his gaze.
"Its okay, it's just water." His thumb was rubbing the back side of my hand. I'd gotten so caught up in the two of us that when I realized we weren't alone I quickly stood up and walked back over to my sit, I knew I was blushing and covered my face in my hands. The whole table had gone silent and I could feel Praya's eyes on me. A few hours later, I stepped into Bible's old bedroom to escape from everyone for a moment and to take the deep breath I'd been holding in. Only a few minutes had passed by and I shoved myself away from the door and started walking around his room, it had been almost 3 years to the date since I'd last been in here. I started smiling while I remembered that night. I ran my fingers over his bed sheets and made my way to his balcony doors. I opened them both at the same time and stepped out on to it. I started remembering that night and how it had felt when he'd kissed me.
**Flashback**
He straightened himself up suddenly, grabbed me in his arms, and crushed his lips against mine. I wanted to resist at first, but instead I wrapped my arms around his neck and started moaning against his lips. He lifted me up and set me on the railing, pushing himself in between my legs and getting as close as he could to me. He gently whispered against my lips.
"Do you think you're dreaming?"
I spoke against his lips. "No this time I know it's real. I want this last night of ours to be the most memorable. Make me yours, even if it's just for tonight."
We crushed our lips back together, he picked me up and led me to his bed. He gently laid me back, opened his nightstand drawer and pulled out everything. He'd barely set everything down when I grabbed his shirt and pulled him down on top of me. We were a mess of arms, hands, legs and feet, removing each other's clothes, places kisses on every surface of skin we could come into contact with. He suddenly stopped and looked down at me.
"I know you don't want anything to do with me after this, but I just have one thing I need to tell you."
"Bible..." he placed my hand over my mouth.
"I just want to tell you that I love you. I love you Bui, and I always will."
**End of Flashback**
I was brought out of my thought by the sound of his bedroom door opening. I turned to see Bible standing there, his jacket in his arms and his shirt half unbuttoned. I smiled at him awkwardly and made way towards him to walk out.
"Sorry, I wasn't snooping or anything, I just needed a minute to myself."
He continued to look at me as I was walking towards him, when he grabbed me suddenly and pushed my back against his door. He had thrown his jacket down and had one of my hands pinned while the other was behind my head blocking it from slamming against the door.
"Why do you always do this to me Bui? Why can't I ever forget about you?"
"I'm not sure what exactly you're talking about, I'm not doing anything to you."
He gave me a soft smile and leaned it and placed his forehead against mine. "Bui, I was perfectly happy and content until earlier today. I was going to introduce her to my parents, I was even thinking about marrying her, but then one look at you and all of that goes away. You have me so confused and messed up in my head. You bring up old feelings and new feelings all at the same time. Why can't you just let go of me, why can't I just let you go?"
I could tell that he was a little drunk and that was where most of this was coming from so I just let him continue to hold me there and get it out of his system, I knew Bible would never hurt me physically. He finally pulled back and looked at me. He let go of my hand and started stroking my face and neck. "Nothing will ever change how I feel about you Bui, you will always be who I love."
I shoved him away from me at that. "Bible, get your shit together, we haven't spoken in years, you come home, see me and start confessing your love to me, your girlfriend is downstairs. Act like a respectable human being and get it together."
He started chuckling and pulled back from me, "It never did matter how I said it or showed it, you never did believe me when I'd tell you how I felt. Some things never change. Makes me wonder about something though."
"Oh for fuck's sake. What does it make you wonder about?" I was angrier than I wanted to be, but I couldn't handle all the feelings I was trying to process.
"I overheard something and I feel like you are the best person to explain to me to help me understand what I heard."
Shit, did he hear me and his mom talking, he'd always had great hearing but I hadn't heard him or anyone else come near the kitchen so I thought we were safe.
"Build, what baby was my ma talking about?"
FUCK!!!!!!! I'm panicking, get it together, stop looking like an idiot, say something.
"Bui, answer me. What were you and her talking about? Who's baby? Did something happen after I left Thailand?"
Say something Build, he's getting upset and staring at you, say something...say something.
"BUI, dammit! ANSWER ME!"
Tears of anger, sadness and fear started pouring out of my eyes. I knew what I needed to say but I didn't know how to. I didn't ever want him knowing. But I knew he deserved to. It didn't matter or change anything.
"Okay, just please calm down." I took a deep breath and tried to control the tears. "A couple of months after our night together. I started getting sick. I didn't know what it was so I went to the doctor and found out that I...I...". I started hyperventilating and walked over to sit on his bed.
"What?" He was speaking softly, he knew I was struggling, he took a seat beside me, rubbed my back gently a few times to help calm and then grabbed my hands in his.
"I was p-p-pregnant." All the color in his face drained. "I know this is a shock, but please try not to say anything until I can finish. When I found out I didn't even know how to process it. You had been the only person I'd ever been with so I knew you were the father. I wanted so desperately to call and tell you but I didn't want you to give up anything for me so I came to your mother for advice on what to do. I told her I wanted to keep it, because even if we couldn't be together, I'd always have a piece of you with me. A couple of weeks after I told her, I got into an accident and ended up losing the baby. I was devastated. She helped me more in those months following than anyone else could have. That was also when I found out that Po was pregnant with Pai. I was so hurt at first, but then I came to realize how much of a blessing it was and I decided to dedicate my whole life to him."
Bible just sat there, I could see tears on his cheeks and I reached up and wiped them off. He fell into my shoulder and started bawling. I wrapped my arms around him and held him while placing kisses on his head.
"Bui," he said between sobs, "why didn't you tell me sooner? I don't care what you say, I would always drop everything for you. You have always been one of the most important people to me." He started sobbing again.
I didn't know what else to do other than to hold him and just let him cry it out. I'd cried more tears than I thought humanely possible about this, it was his turn. I knew we'd been up here a while and didn't want anyone to start missing us and go looking for us so after a few more moments I lifted him and wiped his face again.
"Bible, we need to get back downstairs before we're missed."
He was just staring blankly in my eyes when he suddenly leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on my lips, he pulled me back into his arms and placed another gentle kiss on my head.
"Thank you for telling me. I know that was hard for you, and all this does is make me love you more. You were already special to me, but hearing that just made you that much more special and beautiful to me."
I heard footsteps in the hallway and pushed back from him. His mother opened the door and gave us each a knowing smile.
"I'll stall everyone for a few more minutes, go ahead and finish up."
"No..." I started to say too late, she was already out and shutting the door behind her. I turned back and looked at Bible.
"You heard her, we got a few more minutes." He pulled me to him and held me again.
"Bible, I didn't tell you because I wanted any kind of sympathy. I told you because you deserved to know that at one point you had a child. I don't need you to feel sorry for me and feel like you have some duty to adhere to."
"Build, when are you going to get it through that thick, beautiful skull of yours? Do I have to shout it, do I have to write it across the sky? I LOVE YOU! I have for a very long time. Would you like to know the real reason I left Thailand, I left because I thought it would be easier for me if I was away from you and was able to forget you. Little good it did, everything reminded me of you. I heard your voice everywhere, I saw you, even when I knew you couldn't possibly be there. That's why I said if you had called I would have come back, in an instant. The last night we were together, I told myself that if you'd agreed to be in a relationship with me, I was either going to take you with me or I was going to stay. Well we both know how it went. Which reminds me, I have something else that I want to ask you."
I was in too much shock to speak but I silently nodded my head. He'd never looked so serious when he was talking about things like this to me before, could it truly be possible that he really did feel this way about me?
"After we were done." I started blushing at his words. "Did you tell me that you loved me too?"
Damnit, I thought he'd been asleep. Well you already told him something that only one other person knew, might as well not stop there. I closed my eyes and nodded my head.
"Then why didn't you ask me to stay? Why didn't you ask to go with me? Why did you just let me leave?"
"Because I never truly believed that you felt for me the way you say you do and did. I thought it was just words to get what you wanted out of me, I of course was all too willing to participate. I may have acted cold on the outside but it was only because of how on fire I was every time I was around you. I could barely control my breathing and heart when I was beside you. Earlier when we were still at my house and I walked out and saw you just sitting there waiting for me. It stirred everything in my entire body."
Bible stood up and started pacing around his room, I could see clearly that he was upset, and not sad, but he was pissed again. "So both times you really thought I was just in it for sex? You never ONCE thought I legitimately had feelings for you? Fuck Build, did you really think so little of me." I could hear the pain in his words and stood up in front of him.
"NO! I know you'd never hurt me intentionally Bibs, I just...I never thought you felt that way because I didn't think I was good enough or deserved you."
He grabbed my one hand gently and turned my face up to look at him. "Bui," he said softly, "I can't imagine anyone more deserving or good enough for me." He pulled me towards me and place a soft kiss on my lips. I knew it was wrong to kiss him back, I knew that Praya didn't deserve it, but I didn't care. I had always loved and wanted this man and if this was the only way I'd get him, even if it was just this time, I was going to take advantage. I kissed him back and slowly wrapped my arms around his neck. I felt his hands slip underneath my jacket and stop on the small of my back. His kissing became a little more urgent and I responded just as urgently. My fingers made their way into his hair and I let out a small moan as I felt him slip his tongue into my mouth. His hands made their way down my back and cupped my ass lifting me up and he pushed us against the wall. I slipped my hands into his partially unbuttoned shirt and let them explore his upper back and shoulders. I let out another moan as he started squeezing my ass, when a gentle knock came on the door.
"Bible, Build. Finish up. Everyone's starting to ask questions."
We'd frozen on the spot. He was panting and red faced, but wearing a goofy smile. I knew I had to be just as flushed and I couldn't keep the smile from my lips, but then when I thought about Praya again I started frowning. I helped him straighten himself up and then held him by his collar and looked up at him.
"Bibs. I can't do this to Praya, and you shouldn't either. If you want to be honest with her then that's fine. I can take whatever she throws at me, but I don't want to deceive her behind her back. If you want to stay with her that's fine too. I just need and want you to be happy, no matter what that means for us."
He grabbed my hands and kissed each one. "Don't worry. I will take care of everything as long as by you saying this it means you want to be with me. Because if I do this and we go back to the way things were then that's not good enough for me. I'll always want you to be a part of my life Bui, whether we're together or not, but if we're not going to be together, then I'm going to try and make it work with someone else. I know that sounds like I don't love you, but I need to try and be happy. I don't want to see my life get wasted away on someone who has no intention of being anything other than my friend."
As much as his words stung I knew he was right, it wasn't fair of me to ask him to do this, to choose to not be with her, but not be with him either. I was so scared of how badly he could hurt me that I didn't want to take the chance of us being together and him getting tired of me and moving on eventually.
"Then you need to be with Praya, I can't in all honesty tell you what I want and I don't want you to put your life on hold for me. It's not fair to either us."
I knew this wasn't the response he wanted, he just nodded his head, stood back from me and walked out the door. I sat back on the bed and hung my head in my hands. What the hell was wrong with me? Why can't I just be open and honest with him?