♡ Alaiya's POV: ♡
Dayton plays peek-a-boo with me-a different version that he created. Usually, it's the adult doing it to the younger child. Here, he does it to me and I tickle him the second he opens his eyes. Surprisingly though, it shocks him each time.
Skyler and Sanchez are seen putting their shoes on.
"Where are you two headed?" I ask since they're always off to a new adventure which honestly, I love because I know Skyler always wanted someone who supported her need to try new things, meaning she definitely found her match.
"There's a new hiking trail nearby and I wanted to see how fast Jaxon and I can make it up there," Skyler says excitedly.
"And then I get to fuck h-." Skyler elbows Sanchez in his side immediately, earning a smirk from him.
"Anyhoo," Skyler says, now embarrassed, but also showing me what a part of her excitement includes. "We'll see you later tonight."
They both leave, a laugh coming out at how fast Skyler scurries out of here while Sanchez smiles at her from behind.
It's our last night here so we all promised it was not going to be a sad one. We're going to pretend that we're not all upset that we have to leave the luxury of having each other up and down the stairs. The way we're doing that is by acting natural. Everyone can go out and stuff, but we're all going to be back tonight to say our farewells to living here. Although, we did make a plan that we have to hang out very soon so the change doesn't feel abrupt.
My phone buzzes a couple of minutes later.
Aisha said she'd contact me if any new updates came in which is why my phone is always on me now.
Unknown: Hey, I was wondering if we could talk.
Now, after everything with the mysterious texts and the blackmail, a sense of panic rolls into me, but Ms.Walker is in jail. Eldon made sure of that so it can't be her. What if it's someone I know but just forgot to save in my contacts? I sometimes do that.
Me: Who is this?
A few minutes pass.
Unknown: It's Carson
I freeze, unable to process that.
Why...why is he...why?
I got a restraining order against Carson the second he got out of jail. It expired a few weeks ago and I had been meaning to get it renewed, but then the stuff happened at BDVPP and then the movie deal so it completely slipped my mind. I'm guessing Carson knows about this or else he would've never texted me. But why is he texting me in the first place? What could he possibly have to say? What could he think I possibly need or want to hear? That he's sorry? That he regrets what he did? I honestly don't care if he is or isn't. He did enough to make my life miserable and I've learned to cope and move on from it. The coping part is a work in progress, but I'm getting there, and talking to him won't help my progress. It'll just be me chasing my past that though is a part of me, I wish to not revisit physically.
Roman and my therapist would be so proud of me for that.
Speaking of Roman, do I tell him about this if I'm not going to respond or do I just pretend like it didn't happen? I don't want to be a bother. But I also don't want to lie to him. He's currently at his first therapy appointment. He started right before we were leaving this house because this was the only day available for an appointment. Also, his therapist's office is near our house and that way, he won't have to drive a long way once he gets settled.
Let me let him get comfortable with that first before I unleash this information.
~~~~
✩ Roman's POV ✩
"Do you blame your father?"
We're starting off fucking heavy.
We already had a few consultations to see if I wanted to beat his ass if I didn't like him. Turns out, all therapists aren't dicks. The ones Alaiya had before her current one made me want to ask their college how the hell they got that degree and how much they paid them under the counter. But Dr.Mitchel is thankfully calm and doesn't push anything forcefully which makes it feel like we're having a conversation rather than having to talk about my shitty past.
"No."
I cannot believe I'm sitting on a couch, talking about my feelings.
"Okay, did you ever blame your father?" Dr.Mitchel asks me, his back against his couch chair, his attention all on me.
"For what? My mother's drug abuse?"
"Any of it."
"He had nothing to do with her using. She told me she started before they got married and just kept it a secret," I explain.
"What about what she would do to you? Do you blame him for that?"
I take a minute.
"If he was home more often, maybe he would've found out, but then again, she knew how to keep secrets so there was a big chance he also wouldn't have," I truthfully admit.
"You haven't answered my question, Roman. I understand when you say that she was able to keep things from him. What I'm asking is if you still or ever held accountability towards your father for not being there when the assault was going on," he surprisingly says that in the nicest way which you wouldn't expect if you read that on paper.
"I did when I was little. But then I learned that it was just who she was."
He nods. "And you said your father is now married?"
I nod this time.
"How does it feel for that to happen? To watch your dad spend more time with that woman than he probably did with your mom?"
"I have nothing against him. I want him to be happy."
Dr.Mitchel interlocks his hands. "You may want him to be happy, but that doesn't mean jealousy doesn't come into play. You said he wasn't home a lot? How often is he at home with his new wife?" he questions.
"He works from home now," I answer, realizing that does sound pretty bad.
Dr.Mitchel gives me the 'how does that make you feel' look.
"If I was younger, yeah, I would've been angry that he did that. We moved on from it though."
"We?"
"Me," I correct.
"Roman, there is no moving on from this situation until you can admit to me that there is or was a part of you that still feels anger towards your father for letting that happen to you. As a father, his responsibility is to make sure you're okay. We're taught as children that our parents should be the ones to save us. You won't be able to move on until you can admit that and then you can learn to cope with it. I believe that once that happens, you'll be able to also talk about your nightmares and we can get control of those as well."
I take everything he said in.
"Okay, he fucked up." I shrug.
"How so?"
"He didn't have a lot of money growing up so he hyper-fixated on making sure I did. I can't be angry at him for that. He was doing it for me."
"But you can be upset about how he wasn't present during a good bit of your childhood. You don't think that you learned from that by the way you take care of your own children?"
"You mean being there for them?"
"Precisely." He shakes his head.
"Of course, I'm going to be there for them no matter what," I scoff.
"Yes, but how did your father teach you to do that?"
"In some ways, it was a good thing, and in some, it was bad. I know that if my daughter's or son ever needs help with their homework, they can always come to me without being afraid that my work is more important than them. I know that if my son ever has mental health issues, I'll help him in any way I can and I won't brush it off all because he's a guy. I'll know small things that my kids told me about their day because I'll always ask them. And I'll be there for them in any way I can because that's what I didn't have."
Dr.Mitchel waits for me to continue.
"But then I'll also work my ass off to make sure they get every opportunity possible in this world and that's also thanks to my dad. I don't hate him. I hold him accountable for some things, but I don't hate him."
"And what about your wife? How does your parent's relationship affect your own?"
Good lord, do his fucking questions ever end?
"Watching how distant they were from each other taught me to be the exact opposite."
"You love your wife?"
No, I just married her for shits and giggles. What type of dumbass question was that?
"More than anything," my response is instant.
He smiles at that. "And you said your nightmares stop when she's sleeping with you?"
I nod.
"Why do you think that is?"
"Isn't it your job to tell me?" I ask back.
He lets out a small laugh. "It's just a question. I want to know what you think about it."
I sigh. "How the hell should I know? Probably because I trust her more than anyone."
"I, one hundred percent agree with that, but you know what else I think it is? You're a light sleeper as you've told me. I think, that your wife sleeping with you makes an instinct kick in for you to protect her because you love her so much. That results in you forgetting about your nightmares and focusing on her, and in those small moments that your nightmares do return, your past and protecting your wife clash together inside your head without your acknowledgment which results in the nightmare feeling worse than what they used to feel like."
...damn.
"After everything you've been through though, it's remarkable that you're able to love someone so deeply that you would fight your nightmares; something you've struggled with since you were little, subconsciously, just to protect her. I believe that's a step towards getting rid of them, but I would prefer you be able to sleep peacefully without depending solely on her. If you keep talking about everything with me or her, we can achieve that and both of you can feel safe."
I nod, shocked that I just talked that much, but not feeling like complete shit after doing it.
~~~~
God, I hated that.
I know it's to get better, but fuck is it hard not to punch Dr.Mitchel when he asks me things that I never thought anyone would ask me about. Even Alaiya never asked me if I blamed my dad, though I think she always knew a part of me did. Okay, some of me was upset that he left me alone so often. But then again, he didn't. He thought he could trust the person he married which anyone else would believe as well. He just put his trust in the wrong person. I have never in my life said out loud that I blame him because, at the end of the day, he wasn't responsible for my mother's actions. She was. Although, he was responsible for me, and I know it's screwed up to think that way because he was trying to get his business to make more money so he could make sure I had the life he didn't have, but I can't help it. It probably is the reason I don't talk about these things a lot. Because when I was going through everything, I couldn't talk to the one person who could've done the most to help me since he wasn't home. And when he was, he wanted to spend time with me by doing things like going to the park to throw a football. Sometimes he would come home just to work some more.
My dad admittedly had older beliefs when I was little. They've changed now though, but years ago, he believed that a man isn't supposed to show a lot of emotions. Men are supposed to be strong and according to him, anxiety or depression isn't one of those strong qualities. So I would just throw the ball, pretend that I was fine, and then end up in my bedroom silently crying so I didn't seem weak.
After I grew up, he realized that it's a dumbass thing to say that men don't or can't have emotions. It was a step-by-step process, but he got there in the end and that's truthfully all that mattered to me. The fact that he did grow and change.
I walk through the garage door, Dayton waddling over to me.
"Daddy!" He throws his arms out.
I pick him up, my heart beating faster at just the sight of seeing his fucking adorable face.
"Where are your pants?" I ask since he's just strolling around with only a diaper on.
"Dayton! Where did you throw your pants?" I hear Alaiya is also looking for those.
Dayton throws his head back in laughter as if he knows exactly where he put them.
I kiss his cheek, his head resting on my chest immediately before he wraps his arms around me.
Alaiya walks over, stopping right behind the wall where the kitchen is and bending down near the counter where she finds his shorts.
Her ass looks really good in her sweatpants.
She sees us walk in behind her as she turns around.
"Hi! You're back!" She hurries over and wraps me in a hug with the best goddamn smile I've ever seen. "Did it go well? Did you want to beat the therapist up?"
I laugh. "He's alive, don't worry."
She looks up at me before hugging me tighter. "I'm so freaking proud of you!"
Fuck me!
The damn butterflies in my stomach from her praise for literally just going to a therapist makes me feel like my dignity has been tossed into the Earth's mantle.
"Come on! Please!" Iris is seen asking for something from Legend as they walk into the living room.
He looks down at her, his dignity and self-restraint I think, also being thrown in with mine.
"Fine, we'll go at four," he gives in which earns him a hug and an I love you from Iris, his attitude from before completely gone.
She runs back into I'm guessing their bedroom while Legend continues to walk in.
"Where the hell are you two going?" I ask.
"She's dragging me to a fair." Legend shrugs, an upwards nod coming from me.
I give him a small smirk, telling him how whipped he is with no words.
"Shut up," he immediately says when he realizes what I'm saying, sitting back against the couch in defeat.
"Mommy!" Dayton holds his arms out for Alaiya all of a sudden.
"You want to put on your shorts?" Alaiya asks him, holding them up.
He immediately locks his arms back around me, fucking giggling as if in his mind, that was a joke. The glare he gets from Alaiya makes him laugh even more like that was a part of the punchline.
"I give up." Alaiya shrugs, setting the shorts down.
I put Dayton back down on the floor since I think he got his energy back.
The second I do, he bolts to Alaiya to hug her leg.
"A-yaia," he stutters, looking up at her.
Alaiya's hand shoots to her mouth in excitement. I'm shocked too because that's the first time he's said her name.
"Say it again," she demands, a sudden rush of adrenaline in her as she gets down to reach his height.
"A-yaia." Dayton opens and closes his hands while looking at her.
"Roman!" Her head shoots towards me.
"I heard, baby." I smile at how excited she is and how adorable it sounded coming out of Dayton's mouth.
She picks up Dayton and starts giving him a bunch of kisses all over his face. Dayton laughs like he's won the lottery which he basically did by having Alaiya as his mother.
~~~~
Ivy pours the sparkling juice for all of us as we sit around the living room together.
It's our final night here, though I can just imagine any of them appearing at our doorstep with some type of drama or news or sometimes nothing. Plus, with how many kids we all have, a birthday will come up soon enough.
Ivy goes to set the bottle down on the counter when someone lets out an abrupt gasp.
"Oh my goodness! Eldon, there's a huge cut on your cheek!" Alaiya puts her hand over her mouth.
Ivy instantly turns her body and walks over here in panic before putting her hand on his cheek to examine what happened even though there's nothing there. Eldon looks confused because he hasn't even moved.
"What are you-," Ivy's about to ask but meets contact with Alaiya's smirk in victory.
All of us almost die of laughter since her plan proved her point perfectly.
Ivy tosses a pillow at Alaiya in annoyance.
"Hey! It's not my fault you're just as whipped as Roman," Alaiya defends herself.
Eldon can't help his full-ass smile toward Ivy since he probably thought it was cute or some shit for her to jump to his rescue so quickly.
Eww.
"That's so offensive." Ivy shakes her head.
"Aww, Ivy's in love you guys." Rider holds his heart. "You know what they say, a man's best friend is a do-." Eldon throws a pillow right at Rider's face.
Rider holds the pillow to his face while throwing his head back in laughter.
"Cheers!" Skyler holds her glass up, and we all cheers to I don't even fucking know what.
♥ ★ ❦ ✱ ♥
A/N: It made me so sad for some reason to write that they're moving out, but I promise, they're going to all be together in just a few chapters.
Word Count: 3069
Please tell me if there are any errors.