"The more you let go, higher you rise."
Aloura walked by my side as we made our way to the grey and cream house that matched the others on the street except for the gilted number shining on its door, #36.
It was so simple but it felt so full of life and I stopped walking, just wondering how lovely it would be to live in a house like this again. The lawn was fresh and green blades of grass were neatly mowed as they billowed to the wind's silent song. Two flower beds consisting of pink peonies, red tulips, white roses and yellow buttercups grew on the sides of the porch.
"Mommy, are you okay? Why did we stop?"
I shook my head, coming out of the memories of a woman tending to her garden with the greatest care and how I would help her carry her herbs inside.
The memory of a life that I no longer lived.
"Nothing sweetie. Are you sure you want to go? We can go home and watch a movie if you want too. I don't want you to be uncomfortable."
Aloura shook her head, her short hair bobbing to her action as her bright brown eyes looked at the house with interest, fascination but also fear. "No, I wanna go. I wanna make a friend!"
My smile loosened and I tried not to think to much about the statement that expressed how Aloura felt lonely because I didn't have the money to send her to school. The money or the guts to let her out of my sight.
Failure. That's what you are and will ever be from now on!
"Mommy?" Aloura asked as I stood up and looked at the house, my nerves getting the best of me. "Hmm?"
"Do you want to go in? You look scared. We can go home if you want. I don't mind." Aloura said as she looked at me, not knowing the love she had conjured inside me to chase the insecurities away; because if my daughter wanted something, not even my insecurities could stop me from giving it to her.
"I'll always go where you want to go, Aloura. I'll never leave you behind." I squeezed her hand as a large smile broke out on her face which made my lips curve upwards too.
"Then let's go!"
I chuckled and we resumed making our way to Mrs. Winston's house where she had invited us the day prior. I knew I was overreacting but I felt scared. Not just about meeting Mrs. Winston's family but also for Aloura.
I hadn't socialized in a long time. I didn't want to eithee. The last time I thought I had steady friends; it turned out to be the biggest mistake I ever committed because they stripped me bare, leeching on my secrets.
And this was Aloura's first time meeting someone other than Mrs. Winston, Clara and her doctor. She'd never really interacted with kids her age because I was to paranoid about her cracking her bones playing outside or getting kidnapped.
One can never be too careful these days.
I rang the doorbell of the house and stepped back, pressing my legs together suddenly feeling the spring breeze stippling goosebumps on my skin. I looked down at my full sleeves beige t-shirt dress matched with dark stockings and t-strap heels. Maybe this was too simple?
Then I looked at Aloura who was admiring the flowers and saying their colors under her breath, her smile wide. She was wearing denim overalls with a light greenish-blue shirt underneath with white sneakers. Her lush hair was tied up into a ponytail and two matching clips stayed on her sides.
"Aloura," I said as she spared me a cursory glance to let me know she heard me, "If you want to leave just tell me okay?" Aloura nodded and straightened just as the door opened and Mrs. Winston beamed at us.
"Where is my favorite neighborhood girl?" Alorua screamed with delight and jumped into Mrs. Winston's arms. Mrs. Winston laughed and I stepped in as she ushered us inside.
Her house was beautiful and posh. Minimalistic but regal-just like her. I looked around in awe and tamped down on my nerves, jealousy and sadness as Mrs. Winston gushed about how happy we came and how everyone was just waiting to meet us.
I smiled as best as I could, "It was our pleasure. Is everyone here already?" Mrs. Winston nodded with glee and I felt so happy she was as elated as she was, "Yes, they are! My dear old brother showed up as well. Only my nephew is to arrive but he'll come soon enough. He had an emergency at work."
I nodded politely and as we walked past the various rooms including the living room, play room, dining room and then approached the kitchen, I wondered where we were going until the large glass doors in front of the kitchen came into view.
I walked, stunned at the view beyond those glass doors which were opened to showcase a beautiful patio covered with a pretty big pergola. There was a table in the middle and heaps of food placed on it. Laughter and chattering wafted through the air and I stopped.
It had been so long seeing happiness and here, it almost felt like it was palpable. I glanced at Aloura who was staring wide-eyed at the small play area where a little girl and a little boy played among themselves and ran over the bright green grass.
"Come on, they've been dying to meet you." Mrs. Winston as she marched us outside. Aloura silently pressed herself to my side and I looked down at her, worried but she was looking at me with the biggest grin I had ever seen.
"Don't be sad, Mommy. Look, there's so many people! You can make friends too!"
I let out a derisive snort and pulled her close to me and embraced her. Her words were so naive and innocent but they also made me want to give in. Maybe it wasn't a bad idea to make a friend or to.
The worst was behind me and I couldn't just avoid making friends just because of one time. And as Aloura pulled away, I felt that old spark that I carried everywhere before come to life. I felt my back straighten and my head rose higher.
Every journey starts with a single step after all.
"Ready?" Mrs. Winston asked gently as she watched us stand up. Her eyes met mine knowingly and I nodded with a genuine smile this time. "Yes."
She beamed at me before we walked up to the table. There were five seated people-two beautiful ladies, two men and an older man- with three empty seats which I supposed was for Mrs. Winston, her nephew and me.
"Everyone, this is the woman I was talking about. Meet Alyssa Caldemon and her daughter, Aloura Caldemon."
The table subsided to silence as they looked at us. I tried not to get the nerves the best of me as I held my smile, "Hello, thank you for having us."
The first to snap out of the moment was a petite lady with long hair and kind brown eyes, "Welcome! It's a pleasure to finally meet the woman my aunt admires so much. I'm Auriana and this is my husband, Damian," Auraina gestured to the man sitting beside her. He was handsome, with black hair and striking deep blue eyes.
He smiled easily, "Nice to meet you, Alyssa." I said the same and then Auriana introduced the others. "This is my father, Elvis. And this is my cousin, Jay and his wife Sashal."
Elvis, who looked older than Mrs. Winston gave me a comforting smile and it made me think of my father with his usual empty smile. How different were these two men.
Jay grinned and stood up to shake my hand, his black eyes mischievous but his face polite. "So you are Alyssa! It's great to meet you."
"You too." I replied honestly as we turned towards Sashal. She grinned at me and shook my hand as well, "Thank you for coming." She said as she stepped back and tucked a strand of her plum brown hair behind her ear.
"It's our pleasure. Thank you for having us."
Jay clicked his tongue as we sat down. "It's nothing. We're more than happy to have you here. Lemme call the kids." He walked over to the kids as Aloura perched on the seat that Elvis had dragged over.
Auriana, who was on Aloura's left, leaned in and gave her a gentle smile, "And what's your name?"
Aloura peered at her shyly, "Aloura." Auraina mimed amazement and booped Aloura's nose, "That's so pretty! Your name sounds like a princess's name. Are you sure you aren't one?"
Aloura giggled happily as Auraina chatted with her and I watched them with so much elation, it felt like my heart were to explode. It felt so good, this feeling that coursed through me at the sight of my daughter laughing and playing with a stranger we had only met.
When I looked up, Sashal-who was on my right-patted my hand and her eyes softened, "You are so brave for raising her alone. I could have never done it by myself, you are an amazing mother."
The words struck my gut and it was all I could do to nod and look down trying to hide the tears. It was the first time anyone had ever said I did a good job and it made me want to scream in exhilaration. All those days where my eyes were filled with tears but a smile painted itself on my face just for my child.
I looked at Sashal and I knew she understood the pain and confusion I had, because once upon a time she also was a teen who was shunned by society.
"Thank you." The words were nothing but a shaky mess of emotions.
"You're welcome. Everything will get better, I can promise you that." Sashal said sincerely as Jay approached and planted a kiss on her head before gesturing to the kids behind him
"This is Archer, my son and Lila, Auriana's daughter."
"Hello, nice to meet you!" Lila chimed as she bounded forward into her fathers arms. Damian hoisted her on his lap with a smile and ruffled her hair playfully. I snuck a glance at Aloura wondering if she realized she didn't have a father like that, but she was busy studying Archer and Lila.
Archer stepped forward and shook my hand. like his parents. He had his mother's dark hair and his father's black eyes, "Thanks for coming." He had a mischievous streak in him and his eyes roamed for his next conquest, I could tell.
"Aloura, why don't you play with Archer and Lila for sometime?" Mrs. Winston said as Aloura looked at me for confirmation. I gave her a little nod and Lila bounded forward, waving her hand.
"Hey! Your hair is really pretty!" Aloura blushed at the compliment and off the two girls went to the play area; already forming a bond.
Archer however looked at them wearily and peered up at his dad, "I have to deal with two girls now?"
The grown-ups exchanged amused glances and burst out laughing as Archer sulked away. Sashal wiped the corners of her eyes, "He's just like Jay. A miniature copy."
Jay grinned cheekily as they all laughed. Auriana fixed Damian's collar before turning to us, her face aglow. "Lila is her father entirely. From the confidence to the tips of her hair."
Damian rolled his eyes in good humor before he looked at Auriana with faux irritation before leaning in and whispering something in her ear.
Auriana's face turned a shade red before she turned and clamped a hand on Damian's mouth. Damian chuckled but tucked a strand of Auriana's hair behind her ear as she tried to control her smile.
Jay groaned and stuck his fingers into his ears, "Oh God please pass some holy water to them. For God's sake, we have guests." Sashal elbowed Jay before giving him an expectant and exasperated look, "Jay, you don't say that in front of guests."
"That's not fair." Jay grumbled trying to search for anyone who could back him up. When no one did, he took a bite of the sandwich on his plate. "At least food loves me."
Auriana coughed into her glass of water, smirking, "Food has no choice. You love it so much it has to reluctantly bear you."
Mrs. Winston and Elvis chuckled as the others laughed. Auriana filled a paper plate with fruits and sandwiches and every other delicious snack on the table before sliding it towards me.
"Bon appetit! They say kids need energy but who's gonna catch them if we mother's don't have energy?" I chuckled at her true statement and found myself easily smiling as she leaned back with a smile on her own face.
And so the conversation flowed with drinks and attachments and plenty of playful banter that even I started to participate in. It felt so weird to finally be out of that shell of isolation and loneliness.
These six years were spent only with my company and for someone as social as I was, it really sucked a lot out of me. Both physically and mentally.
But here, laughing with Mrs. Winston, gossiping with Auriana and Sashal; something inside me lit up like a fuse waiting to be used again.
Maybe I never properly gave myself a reason to mingle. Maybe it was my views that obstructed this kind of happiness, trying to keep me safe but really locking me behind an iron door.
All this time, was all this loneliness just a figment my mind had come up with?
And at that moment of realization I felt something lift from my shoulders and I could just feel my eyes sparkling. It was at that time that the doorbell rang and Jay stood up to go and get it.
Elvis leaned back and spared a cursory glance towards the door and when he noticed me looking, he smiled, "Must be my nephew."
I nodded and smiled back as Auriana pulled me back into conversation and I laughed at the picture of her friend Amelia who had fallen into a wishing fountain.
When the footsteps approached I didn't really bother to look because I was salivating over my chocolate cake when Auriana gasped and scooted back with a sudden screech and flung herself into a man.
A man I recognized.
All of the things and people I would have expected seeing, Elijah coming into the room wasn't one of them. I guess it was small world after all.