a/n: hello! i just want to preface this chapter by saying that i've had this exact chapter planned from the very beginning, knowing i would be using this song. with the recent events involving rex, i will not be tagging his song in the chapter. i will simply just be using the lyrics and part of the title. it is hereby painted lady's song! believe the victims, and fuck disgusting men! okay! enjoy the chapter xoxo
★LORELAI★
April 16th
1997
"What time is it?" Harry whispers, his head tucked into the crook of my neck. His body is nearly crushing mine, insisting on lying directly on top of me. I run my hands through his hair, staring out the window without a care in the world.
"The sun's just coming up, so we've got some time."
"I've been working on a song..." He mutters, his head lifting to sit on my chest. His eyes glisten in the dark, staring directly into mine.
"Have you?" I question, brushing loose strands of hair out of his face.
"Yeah... Everyone has been working on their parts for it and I think it's time you hear it."
"You're telling me, I finally get to hear a Painted Lady song?"
"Don't make it a big deal, it's not that good." He immediately gets insecure, something I've learned is a defense mechanism for him.
"I'm sure it'll be amazing." I assure, leaning forward a tad to plant a kiss onto his forehead.
"Oh! That reminds me, I have something to show you!"
"Something to show me! I'm intrigued!"
I begin to lift my body off the bed, using all my strength to push Harry off, but he doesn't budge. He groans loudly when my back raises from the mattress. I push his limp body to the other side of my bed, finally able to take a full breath in. He grabs onto my arm, attempting to pull me back into bed.
"No! Baby, don't get-"
We both freeze, Harry not bothering to finish his sentence. My body is frozen, my legs stuck midair about to touch the floor. I slowly turn my head towards Harry, his eyes wide with surprise. My eyebrows are raised and a shy smile rests on my lips.
"Did you just-"
"No."
"I think you did-"
"No I didn't."
"It's okay if you did,-"
"Just grab your thing."
I laugh lightly and tiptoe to my closet. Everyone is still asleep and I really don't want to wake anyone, so we have to be very quiet. I open my closet doors and reach into the back, my hand fishing around for what I'm looking for. I grab onto the poster and yank it out. I turn back around, facing my bed, and I hide the poster behind my back. Harry's face screws up in confusion, his body slowly raising to a seated position. I skip over to my bed and jump onto the end of it, sitting criss cross in front of Harry.
"Why am I nervous?" I say, my heart racing a tad.
"C'mon Lor, just show me." Harry whispers, his body inching closer to mine until our knees touch.
"Let me preface it with a backstory," Harry groans. "I kind of forgot I had made this. I put it all together when we got home from the city, before..." Harry's face drops, remembering clearly what occurred that night. He places his hand on my knee, rubbing small reassuring circles into my skin. "It's a very rough draft, a simple sketch. We can totally rethink it, maybe just throw the whole thing away! Just know it's in its very early stages-" I begin to ramble.
"Lor-Lor! I'm sure it's great! Please!"
I slowly pull the poster from behind my back, laying it on the bed in front of us. I wait anxiously for his reaction, watching his face intently to gauge what he is thinking. I watch his eyes analyze every inch of the page, his hand feathering over the letters on the page. It's only a couple of letters on a page, but it seems like it's taking forever for him to process it. His mouth opens and closes multiple times, trying to think of something to say. I can hear my heartbeat in my ears, my brain coming up with the worst case scenarios.
Maybe he hates it and doesn't know how to tell me?
"Baby..." The nickname sticks, and he sighs a large breath when he speaks.
"If you hate it, it's fine, my feelings won't be hurt-"
"Are you kidding?" His eyes jump to mine, his pupils appearing double the size.
I don't say anything in response, but I think the nervous look on my face tells him that I need a bit more reassurance.
"It's perfect..." He whispers, staring at me with such admiration it makes my stomach flip. He gently lifts my hand from my lap, raising it to his mouth and lightly kissing my knuckles. "I love it. I really do. I can picture it plastered all over the city." A warm smile takes over his face as he speaks.
He looks back down to the poster, his eyebrows creasing in confusion for a moment.
"Is this why you had red lipstick on... when... y'know..." He questions, pointing out the red lipstick mark on the page.
I just nod in response, not exactly in the mood to reminisce on that night. He notices the shift in my mood, and gently places the poster onto the floor. He grabs my forearms and pulls me onto him, laying back down onto the bed. I rest my chin on his chest, watching as the sun slowly illuminates his features. He runs his hands through my hair, just like I did to him earlier. His face leans in, pecking my lips once before laying his head back down onto the pillow. I lay my head on his chest, listening to his heart beat. The noise is something that has quickly become a lullaby to me. My eyes slowly close and I hold Harry's waist just a bit tighter as I drift off to sleep.
I know he will be gone when I wake up, but it's something that I've gotten used to. I wish that we could tell everyone, but I fear what would happen if we did. It's better this way.
༺ ˖࣪ ∗ ਏਓ ∗ ˖࣪ ༻
I sit down on the couch, watching the group plug in a thousand different things and bicker about their positions.
It's finally time that I get to hear them play together, and I have to say, I'm extremely nervous. What if I hate it? What would I tell them then? Give up on your dreams? Get used to slacks and cubicles? I'm really hoping they are as good as they make themselves out to be.
They've set everything up in the living room. Harlow's drums are closest to the door, kept in the back because of the volume. She sits on a small stool, tapping each drum piece to test their sound. Zayn stands closest to her, his bass plugged into a small amp. He strums a couple of the strings, adjusting the volume when needed. Mitch stands towards the hallway, tuning his guitar as I wait. Harry stands front and center, adjusting the mic stand to his height. He looks a tad nervous, which makes me even more nervous. He occasionally whispers things to everyone else, most likely about timing and tempo. Maybe about the key they are playing in. I'm not sure, I don't know much about live music. All of their equipment is plugged into their own amplifiers, which makes me scared for a noise complaint, but I guess we'll deal with that later.
Harry walks up the mic, sending me a small smile that no one else can see. Everyone gets situated in their positions and I hold my breath.
Harlow clicks her drumsticks together four times before playing a beat. The tempo and sound already make me want to bob my head. So far so good.
"Hey-I'm not afraid,
I can be myself and I
Hope you can be yourself as well
Cause I can make you feel alright"
Harry sings into the mic, causing my eyes to widen a bit. He doesn't sound like what I thought he would. His voice is smooth yet raspy, jumping through the notes with ease.
"And there was such much happiness
that we were still yet to find"
His eyebrows crease when he sings the higher notes, surprising me with his range.
"I said that you call me Harry baby,
Welcome to my life"
He slowly starts to feel the music, playing around with different styles and facial expressions. He takes the mic off of the stand and starts to walk around the small space.
"But don't you worry
Don't you
Don't worry girl"
Harlow slams onto her drums, her hair flying with every movement. Zayn appears focused on his bass, nodding his head along with the song. Mitch doesn't really move, he kind of just stands there and slightly sways.
"No, I'm not sure if I'm into you
The last time that you checked
I was probably so sad and confused"
I try to pay attention to the lyrics, but Harry's jumping around makes it hard to focus. Suddenly, the beat drops again and Harlow slams onto her drums.
"I don't know, no
I don't know what you like"
Harry jumps to the beat, but his voice stays stable. I notice my head bobbing along, not even sure when I started doing it. A smile grows on my face, relieved that they're good, and because I genuinely enjoy the song.
"But if you're looking for something new
I know somebody that you could choose"
Harry places the mic back onto the stand, staring directly at me as he sings.
"What about me?
What about me?
What about me and you together
Something that could really last forever."
The lyrics register in my brain, wiping the smile from my face, and halting my movements.
"What about me?
What about me?
What about me and you together
Something that could really last forever"
Harry backs away from the mic when the instrumental part comes in. Bouncing all around and throwing his body in all different directions. He ends up dancing near Mitch, kneeling onto the floor and fist pumping to the riffs of the guitar. He hops back onto his feet and lands in front of the mic once again.
"If all my friends wanna be in her bed
Then I begin to wonder why
I guess that I'd be lying to myself
Because who the fuck
Would be dumb enough
To reject and offer?
Oh what an offer?
Now two two ten one five
Couple hours can change your life
Frankie saying oh what a night
What a night"
He starts to almost rap, my face scrunching in confusion, totally unprepared. His hands gesture in the air along with the lyrics, adding the performance as a whole.
"What the fuck is a girlfriend
Imma need advice
Maybe I should go outside
So I could get a fucking life
I made a friend and she spent the night now"
I think back to our conversation on the rooftop, about how his first and only girlfriend broke his heart. I really try to pay attention to the lyrics now.
"I'm in love and she remains in my life"
Oh.
"Back when we spoke in Europe
I need assurance
On my emotions
I can't get hurt again."
I'm more confused than before, but I still nod my head along to the song.
"Fuck the past
Fuck them
They all made me sad
And I had no time to prepare to face my fears
I guess that it's time that I dry these tears"
I can tell that the song is slowly coming to a close, and my nerves eat me alive about what I am going to say. The song confused me, made me dance, and surprised me. Perhaps that's the point.
"But if I could just be happy
By the end of this song"
Harry holds out the last note while Harlow slams repeatedly on the cymbals. He takes a step back from the microphone and hangs his head towards his chest, waiting for the instruments to completely fade out. Mitch and Zayn hold the strings on their instruments to silence them, and Harlow grabs onto the rattling cymbals. The room runs silent for a moment.
The group stares at me for some kind of reaction, but I'm completely speechless. Their music is like something I never expected but ended up loving. I fear if I speak now, I'll just end up in an annoying ramble.
"What'd you think?" Harlow asks, sitting confidently on her stool.
"What did I think?" I start stalling for a second to gather my thoughts. "I think that I am speechless. The music in itself was one thing, with the loud drums and the guitar solo. The lyrics were hard to interpret but I think that's what will draw listeners in. I literally couldn't keep my eyes off you guys, it was intoxicating. Like a drug. I feel like a drug addict now. Can you play it again? I need my fix-"
"Lorelai, shut up." Harry mutters into the mic, echoing through the room.
"Oh-" I stop myself, feeling a bit embarrassed about my rambling.
"We appreciate it, but just say you liked it." He comments, all of them moving from their positions and sitting on the couch with me.
"I loved it."
The room goes silent, everyone purely basking in the adrenaline rush.
"It's kind of funny, the other day I was at dinner with Faye and her dad. He was meeting with this new band for his record label, and they had a similar sound. But your guys' is so much better, no offense to them!" I laugh at the end of my sentence, reminiscing on that night.
"Hold on... What'd you just say?" Harry sits up a little bit straighter, his attention solely on my next words.
"I had dinner with Faye and her dad?" I question, confused on why all of their faces look surprised.
"Not that part, the other part."
"You guys were better?" I question again, still extremely confused.
"No, Lor!" Harry slowly becomes agitated.
"What?! He was just meeting with a new band for his record- oh..." Everything connects in my brain, feeling stupid that I hadn't mentioned this earlier.
"Faye's dad owns a record label?!" Zayn questions excitedly, all of them hanging onto each word that falls from my mouth.
"Yeah... Guess I forgot to mention it! Whoops!" I laugh, shrugging my shoulders in mistake.
"Whoops?" Harry reiterates, to which I nod in response. "Kind of a big thing to just leave out."
"I hardly know the guy! Faye just invited me so she wasn't lonely!" I defend myself.
"What's the name of his label?" Harlow asks.
"Uhm... Something with space... Saturn-no...Jupi-no...Uhm..."
"Full Moon Records?" Harry finishes my thoughts.
"Yes! Yeah, it's Full Moon Records!"
"Are you kidding?" Zayn asks, all of their eyes widening.
"No-why would I be kidding?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe because FM Records is the biggest fucking label there is right now?" Zayn speaks sarcastically, rolling his eyes dramatically.
"It is?" I reply, feeling out of the loop.
"If I were to put on MTV Top Hits right now, at least 5 out of the top 10 would be signed to FM."
"Oh... I didn't know." They all sigh disappointedly.
"Why are we sighing, this is a good thing?" Mitch is the only one to question everyone's expression.
"Wait... I hate to say this...But Mitch is right." Harlow comments.
"If we can somehow get Faye to get us a meeting with her dad, we could have a real shot at something."
"I can do it." Zayn stands from the couch in a superhero pose.
"Sit down. Lorelai will talk to her."
"Is Lorelai gonna make sweet, sweet, love to her?"
"Ew! What the fuck man!" I yell.
"Just saying! I could use it to convince her. What's Lorelai gonna do? Ask?"
"You aren't going to manipulate Faye with sex. And yes, Lorelai is just going to ask." Harlow speaks like a mother teaching her child basic human skills.
"I'll call her, see what I can do. She's going to want to hear the song though, so don't move your instruments." I stand from the couch, walking towards my room so that I can call Faye. As I walk away, I hear hushed chatters of excitement from the group, bringing a smile to my face.
༺ ˖࣪ ∗ ਏਓ ∗ ˖࣪ ༻
Faye sits on our couch, her head bobbing along to the music, but her face staying blank. That's a trait she gets from her dad. The ability to appear completely unphased, no one knowing what you're thinking. The song is coming to a close, and I keep my eyes trained on her face attempting to gauge her reaction. As soon as I hear the final slam of the drums, I hold my breath in anticipation.
Everyone silences their instruments and waits for Faye to speak.
"It's good. It's really good-" They all sigh in relief. "But... I do have some pointers that need to be addressed before I get my father involved."
"It's a mistake I see with a lot of the bands my dad brings in. Harry, great energy, but I got the impression that you might have been trying a bit too hard to impress."
"What are you on about-?" Harry tries to interject.
"Harlow, you are so talented, but in this case you're the one keeping the tempo, so try to stay on time."
"What the-"
"Mitch, that riff was tight, but you look bored. Is the music boring to you?"
"Honestly-"
"Zayn. You're perfect. Don't change a thing."
"Thank you." Zayn smiles.
"How the hell am I trying too hard? Do you want me to just stand there?" Harry speaks up, angrily storming towards the couch.
"Woah, calm down tough guy. All I'm saying is that just being yourself on stage is better than trying to be someone you aren't."
"Who the fuck are you to tell me who I am and who I'm not." Harry gets defensive. I stay frozen in my spot on the couch, too nervous to interject.
"That's what I'm saying, Harry. I don't even know you and I can tell that you aren't being honest when performing." Faye speaks slowly, a hint of a condescending tone laced around her tongue. That's another trait she got from her dad, manipulation.
"Well excuse me for trying a bit harder when my dream career is on the line." Harry doesn't back down, his strong front shielding him.
"Well, in order for me to consider bringing my father into this, I'm gonna need you to tone it down a tad. Just be yourself, I'm sure we'll love it."
Harry looks to me for some guidance and I just shrug my shoulders, not sure what to do in this situation.
"Let's run it again, shall we?" Faye suggests, and I watch as Harry reluctantly trudges back to his microphone.
Harlow counts everyone in and the music starts up once again.
༺ ˖࣪ ∗ ਏਓ ∗ ˖࣪ ༻
After about 3 more run-throughs, 2 lash outs from Harry, and 5 Mitch bathroom breaks, Faye agreed to set up a meeting with her dad. Everyone was so excited, Mitch was literally jumping up and down for a while. Zayn hugged Faye for a concerning amount of time, but she seemed to enjoy it.
It's been hours since she left and everyone went their separate ways.
I'm sitting in my room alone, waiting for the sound of the television to turn off. Mitch is usually the last person awake, watching cartoons alone in the living room. I have come to learn his schedule, so Harry and I schedule our meetings accordingly. I've been anxiously eating candy and knitting since I got in here, nervous for how Harry will react after today.
Harlow was ruthless with her corrections, but no one can blame her. Having her dad meet with Painted Lady is a risk, and she doesn't want to let either of them down. She wants them to be perfect so that they can succeed. It was nothing personal, but I'm not sure if Harry understood that.
The noise from the television stops, and I hear Mitch's heavy footsteps travel down the hall.
Any minute now.
My hands knit faster and I have to stop myself from looking over at my clock. Harry was quiet after Faye left, and I can't be sure what's going through his head. My eyes stay focused on the sweater I am making. It's a patchwork piece, and it's going to take forever to finish, but I think it'll be worth it.
My door creaks open, startling me. I jump in my seat and gasp in surprise. Harry closes the door quietly behind himself. He walks slowly into my room, eventually reaching my bed and making himself at home. He crawls onto my mattress, laying in the empty spot by my window. He doesn't say anything, but neither do I. One of us will have to crack eventually. I focus on my knitting instead.
"What are you making?" Harry questions, a noticeable tone in his voice but I can't place what it is.
"A sweater." I reply blandly.
He hums in response and I can feel the tension radiating off his body. I know that I need to ask him what is wrong, but I'm afraid to. In this case, I'd defend Faye because she's my friend. But, whatever Harry is to me, is important too and I hate being in the middle of it.
I place my yarn and needle on my bed, taking a large inhale through my nose and out my mouth. I turn my body to Harry, who is peacefully closing his eyes. His eyebrows are pinched together but his body language is attempting to give off the appearance that he is calm.
"Are you okay?" I ask, finally breaking the silence.
" 'm fine." He mutters, unconvincingly.
"Are you sure?" I push.
"Yes, Lor." He sighs, his eyes closing tighter.
"You can be honest with-"
"I said I'm fine, Lorelai." He dismisses me, finally opening his eyes to send me a nasty death glare.
His tone scares me. It's a tone he hasn't used with me before but something I'm used to. It's a tone that makes me want to curl into a ball of embarrassment. It's a tone that makes me instantly apologetic. It's a tone that William introduced me to.
"I'm sorry, I was just wondering..."
He sighs before sitting up, his hands instantly grasping onto my nervous fidgeting ones.
"Fuck, no, you don't need to apologize. I'm sorry, you were just trying to help. I'm just in a shitty mood after today." His warm hands dance over my skin, and the malice tone he once had is gone.
My Harry's back.
"Why are you in a bad mood, aren't you excited about meeting with FM?"
"Of course I am, are you kidding?" He smiles brightly. "I guess I'm just nervous is all."
"Why are you nervous? You guys are amazing." I take my hands out of his protective hold, grabbing onto his instead.
"You heard what Faye was saying, all the tweaks that she just saw needed to be fixed? Imagine when a real music executive has to critique me."
"Faye can be harsh, but she means well. Don't stress about being perfect in front of the big scary men. Be yourself, it's more than enough."' I reassure him, hoping my words can be enough to ease his nerves.
"Do you mean it?" He asks, a sad look on his face.
"Mean what?"
"That I'm enough."
"Oh H... Of course you are." I drop his hands and immediately pull him into me. For once being the one doing the consoling. I'm not sure who or what has happened to him, but I'll be here when he's ready to tell me.
He rests his head on my chest as I hold him close. He doesn't cry, though I didn't expect him to, he just breathes deeply and closes his eyes. I lightly feather my hand through his hair, twirling his brown curls through my fingers.
"Okay, no more sad talk. Let's talk about how insane it is that we are meeting with FM Records." He pulls away from the embrace, his somber tone shifting instantly.
"I'm so happy for you." I say, smiling widely at his shining expression.
"All creds to you, baby." He slips the new nickname in casually, leaning forward to kiss my lips passionately. He holds my face in his hands, engulfing my cheeks.
I laugh as he kisses my lips, both of our moods drastically changing.
"You're not gonna become some big rockstar and leave me in the dust, are you?" I question with a smile.
"Are you kidding, you'll be right there next to me!"
He repeatedly kisses my lips. He pulls back for a second and hums in enjoyment, immediately kissing me again. He pulls back once again with a confused look on his face, licking his lips slowly.
"You taste good, what is that?"
"You're gonna make fun of me." I say with a fake frown.
"Baby, I'm dying here. What is it?" He kisses me between his words, addicted to the taste.
"Promise you won't laugh!"
"I promise," Kiss. "Jesus what is that!" Kiss. "I promise." Kiss.
"I've been binge eating Bit-O-Honey!" I yell, nearly snorting from how hard I am laughing.
He pulls back, my face still in his hands.
"You mean to tell me, you're sitting here... Knitting... And eating Bit-O-Honey... When were you going to tell me that I'm hooking up with an 80 year old?"
"Fuck off!" I attempt to push his hands away, but his hold is too strong.
"No! Baby, it's sweet! Never stop eating these damn candies."
"You're making fun of me." I say, frowning in jest.
"I'm not, honey, I swear- OH! New nickname! You're my honey."
"What happened to baby? That one died a little too soon, don't you think?"
"Fine, let's do some math. Baby plus Honey equals... Drumroll please."
I pat my hands on my legs repeatedly.
"You're my Babyhoney." He kisses me sweetly when he finishes his sentence. His words warming my entire body.
"I need a nickname now." He requests, looking at me expectedly.
"How about... Dumbass?"
"I love it!"
"Shhh! You're such a dumbass!" I shush him, nervous that not everyone is asleep yet and can hear us.
"I love it when you use my nickname."
"Shut up." I laugh, deciding to ignore his antics.
I pick up my yarn and needle once again, starting my project up again. I get about one row in before Harry is pulling me down onto the bed. He pulls me to his chest, the same position we find ourselves in most nights. I listen to his heart beat in his chest, a calming lullaby. He runs his hand through my hair, lulling me to sleep. He kisses the top of my head, causing me to smile as I lightly close my eyes.
"Goodnight Babyhoney."
"Goodnight Dumbass."
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a/n:
things are getting good and happy and mushy and i want to throw up!
let's see how i can change that !
love ya <333