Backseat Rider - Sara Kays
You lived down the block
We met for the first time
At the bus stop
We sat side-by-side
Third seat from the back
We talked the whole ride
The trip home was rough. The second they got on the ship, Wanda began crying. Amara felt awful, she took her to the side and Natasha was close behind. They sat on the floor and just attempted to comfort Wanda as best as they could. Hugging her and telling her that it would all be okay.
Between having to comfort Wanda and the others, Amara also had to relive the whole thing by filling out the debriefing forms for herself and Wanda - she had volunteered to fill them out for the whole team so nobody had to relive it, especially Wanda, Steve, Sam and Natasha told her she didn't have to worry, they'd do it themselves.
Amara had saved 26 people, which wasn't a lot, but that was all she could do. Steve and Sam led fire and rescue and saved another 34. They were unsure about how many people were injured, or even worse, didn't make it.
The thought kept Amara from falling asleep that night. As she lay awake, facing the ceiling, she thought of all the people who had lost their lives, their families who had to live with the fact that the superheroes sworn to protect them couldn't protect their child or sibling or parent or friend.
Amara felt tears running down her cheeks, she didn't feel like wiping them, it somehow felt good to cry, like all of the weight of the day had been lifted off of her for a brief moment.
Amara had undergone her fair share of trauma in her time as a superhero, it sort of comes with the job, but she has never felt responsible for this level of damage before, and she hated the feeling.
Amara has always placed this pressure onto herself to be strong for everybody else, to make sure her friends are okay before she even has time to process what's going on.
She wasn't sure how long she lay weeping on her bed, but she suddenly heard her bedroom door open. Her father peeked through the small crack of her door, and Amara assumed he wasn't aware that she was awake.
The door creaked as he opened it wider, "Shh," he said, quietly, looking at the door and putting his finger over his mouth in a shushing gesture.
Tony walked over to where Amara was laying with her eyes closed, in an attempt to hide the tears in her eyes. Then he leaned over, stroked the hair off of her forehead and placed a kiss on her forehead. Amara crinkled her eyebrows and smiled. That was when he realised she was awake.
He stood up straight an cleared his throat, "Amara? Kid, are you awake?"
"Mm-hm."
He scrunched his nose in confusion, "Are you... crying?"
"No, of course not!" Amara denied while trying to discreetly wipe her tears.
Tony knew not to push, so he continued, "I heard what happened. I wanted to come and check on you, but I know that when you're stressed, you like to take long baths, so I waited for a bit." He was right, Amara did have a long bath. "I thought you'd be sleeping now, but I guess you probably can't. You okay, kid?"
"Yeah..." she said, sitting upright.
"Are you sure? You can tell me anything, remember?"
"I'm okay," Amara said, tears pooling in her eyes.
"You're crying again."
"I'm just overwhelmed, okay," Amara said, wiping her tears and sniffling.
"I know, I get it, it can be hard. And I know that you're strong and there are a lot of people that rely on you for a lot, but you're allowed to show emotions. And you're allowed to cry," Tony said, trying his best to put what he's trying to say into full sentences, "you can... cry if you want."
"Thanks, Dad. You know, I think you're getting better at this whole comfort thing."
"I try."
"Oh, how was the, um, September Foundation?"
"Oh, yeah, it was good..."
"But?"
"Something happened," he said gravely.
"What is it?"
—————
"Go break some eggs." Tony said to the audience before walking off the stage.
He was approached by a member of the MIT faculty, "Wow. Wow. That uh... that took my breathe away. Oh, Tony! So generous. So much money! Wow! Out of curiosity... will any portion of that grant be made available to faculty? I know, "Ooh, gross," but hear me out. I have got this killer idea for a self-cooking hot dog. Basically, chemical detonator embedded..."
Tony, who was clearly not listening, said, abruptly, "Restroom's this way, yeah?"
"Yeah. Embedded in the meat shaft," the faculty member replied.
Just then, Tony's assistant, Julianna, entered, "Mr. Stark, I am so sorry about the teleprompter. I didn't know Miss Potts had cancelled. They didn't have time to fix it."
"It's... fine. I'll be right back."
The MIT teacher spoke up, "We'll catch up later."
Tony waved them off and stepped into a quiet corridor. He loitered by the entrance to the bathroom, then glanced back to the stage door and made his way towards the elevator. A woman was also waiting there.
"That was nice, what you did for those young people," she said.
"Ah, they deserve it. Plus, it helps ease my conscience," he replied.
"They say there's a correlation between generosity and guilt. But if you've got the money . . . break as many eggs as you like. Right?" She said.
Tony gave her a cautious smile and then turned to face the elevator, and was surprised to find the button unlit and he pushes it himself. "Are you going up?" He asked.
"I'm right where I want to be," the woman said mysteriously. She then reached inside her purse and Tony grabbed her wrist, "Okay, okay. Hey!" He looks at her in realisation of what he had just done, "Sorry, it's an occupational hazard."
"I work for the State Department. Human Resources. I know it's boring... but it enabled me to raise a son. I'm very proud of what he grew up to be," she shoved a photo at him, "His name was Charlie Spencer. You murdered him. In Sokovia. Not that that matters in the least to you. You think you fight for us? You just fight for yourself. Who's going to avenge my son, Stark? He's dead... and I blame you." With that the woman walked away, leaving Tony shocked and racked with guilt.
—————
"Sokovia was... awful. And I forget sometimes that we're not the only people that are affected by this stuff. Meeting that woman was like... breaking me out of my little protective bubble. And now, no matter how many people we saved, I can't help but think about all the people we couldn't. All the people who died... because of me. Because I created Ultron," Tony said, solemnly.
"I think it's just hard. You know, we're all superheroes and we're supposed to be these incredible people who can do... anything. And we forget that, we can't save everyone. We can't. We're superheroes, yeah, but we can't create miracles. No matter what we do, there is always gonna be someone who doesn't make it and who will get hurt. But that doesn't make the guilt less."
"When did you become so profound?"
"About 3 hours ago," she shrugged.
"How are you feeling? About Lagos?"
"Like a Grand Canyon of guilt. I can't imagine what Wanda's going through."
"Vision's with her. She'll be fine."
"You know, Dad? Sometimes I wonder if we're actually the good guys."
"You and me both, kid. The guilt can be... crippling, it's awful. But you feel guilty because you think you could've stopped it from happening?"
"I don't think, I know I could have. Wanda was trying to control the explosion and I just watched, I was supposed to help. And I tried in the end, but it wasn't enough. If I had just helped the second the blast went off, maybe I could have stopped it. Then we wouldn't all be in such deep shit."
"So you lecture me about not placing blame on myself, but you can do it yourself? Kid, it wasn't your fault. You're human, shock and fear is normal, you were worried and scared and I fully believe that if you could've done something else that would have helped more than you did, you would have. You're a good superhero..." Tony trailed off.
"What? What is it?"
"Don't take this the wrong way, because it's not what you're thinking, I promise. I think you should take a break from field missions."
"What?! Dad, are you kidding me? So, I made a mistake, but I'm learning, I-"
"Let me stop you right there, it's not because of what happened today, I swear," he assured her.
"Then what is it?"
"It's just affecting you, so much, and field missions can be traumatising, I just think, maybe you should stay close to the ground, for now. You know, at least until you're...how old are you now?"
Amara rolled her eyes, "fifteen."
"Okay, until you're 17. Just a rough ballpark."
"Dad, I've already been on multiple traumatising field missions, the Chitauri, Ultron, even Killian and Vanko, I've done it all. I just don't see any point in stopping the missions, now."
"Honestly, kid, it's just to give me peace of mind, okay, I can't have you in danger, because I don't know what I would do if something happens to you. I don't know what would happen if something happens to you. I need to protect you, physically and mentally. The trauma from these missions don't go away, and I want to save you from that for as long as I can. So please, just do this for me?"
Amara sighed, he played the sentiment card, he never uses that, "Fine."
"And it's not like you're gonna get zero missions, just less dangerous ones, okay?"
"Okay."
Tony spoke, "Hey, so you can stay home from school tomorrow, you have my permission."
"Thanks, but I'm meeting Peter after school tomorrow, so I kind of have to go."
Tony narrowed his eyes skeptically, "And, Peter's Spiderman, so this is part of your mission, nothing else, right?"
Amara laughed, "Yeah, I promise. And it's not like you and pepper before you got together, either, we're just friends." Tony remained uncharacteristically silent, so Amara continued, "Speaking of Pepper, I haven't seen her around here in a while. Is she doing okay?"
Tony looked at the floor, "About that..."
"Oh no. What is it? What did you do?"
"Me and Pepper are kind of... on a... well we're, um, sort of, on a small break."
"What?!"
"It's nothing big, we just realised we needed a break from each other, you know, go focus on our careers and life."
"How long?" Amara asked.
"Only like, two weeks. I've been meaning to tell you, but I didn't see the point if we were getting back together in a little while anyways. Turns out this break is lasting a little longer than I expected."
"Wait so are you seeing other people? Is Pepper?!"
"No, we're not. At least, I think she's not... I'm not."
"You'll find your way back to each other, people who are made for each other always do."
"I hope you're right, kid. I'm losing my mind without her."
"I'll be sure to tell her that when I meet up with her next," Amara said playfully.
"You really think this break is gonna last that long?"
"We can't say for definite, right now; it's too early to tell," Amara said, feigning seriousness.
They sat in silence for a bit then Amara spoke, "Thank you."
"For what," Tony looked down at his daughter.
"For making me feel better."
"Your welcome. Thank you for making me feel better."
"Your welcome... I love you, dad," Amara said.
"I love you, too. Now get some sleep."
"I don't think I can fall asleep," Amara replied.
"We'll I'm gonna stay with you until you do. You want like a bedtime story? Cinderella?"
"I think I'm good, thanks," she said laughing.
Tony had begun stroking her head as she drifted off and didn't stop, for fear she would wake up, for the next hour and forty five minutes, until he was absolutely certain that she was sleeping. And when she was, he leaned down, kissed her forehead and closed her door, quietly, behind him as he left.
—————
The next day, Amara struggled to get up for school, wanting, desperately for the day to just end, and feeling deep regret for not taking her father up on his offer to stay at home. MJ had run up to her the second she walked through the school doors, "What are you doing here?! I saw what happened on the news, how can you be in school today?"
"I'm fine, I need to distract myself anyways."
"Well we have gym first, so I hope that's a good distraction," MJ shrugged.
Amara groaned and put her head in her hands, dramatically, "Ugh! I can't deal with this today."
"Well you're gonna have to, I hear Coach Wilson's in a bad mood today."
"Great! Just what I need. For Coach Wilson to be even more serious about gym than he usually is."
"Oh hey, there's Ned and Peter," MJ said, distracting them from the conversation.
"Hey guys, what are you doing?" Ned asked.
"Amara's complaining about having gym first period," MJ replied.
Peter turned to Amara, "Are you okay? How come you weren't in yesterday?"
"Oh I'm fine, I just had really bad cramps," Amara said, "Are we still on for tonight?"
"Yeah! My aunt May wants to know what you feel like eating tonight."
"Oh, uh, anything, really. Oh, but I'm vegetarian, so, anything without meat, is that okay?"
"Yeah, totally," Peter said.
"Cool."
MJ and Ned shared a look while Amara and Peter were talking, obviously trying to figure out what was happening, "Wait, Amara? You're going to Peter's today?" Ned asked.
"Yeah, she is, I forgot to tell you, Ned," MJ replied quickly.
Ned gave Peter and appreciative look before saying, "Did you guys hear about what happened in Lagos yesterday?"
Amara felt her stomach churn and MJ obviously picked up on it, "Yeah, but maybe we shouldn't talk about it, you know being respectful of the people that were hurt and all."
"Yeah, you're right, I guess," Ned said, shrugging.
Thank you Amara mouthed at MJ, smiling gratefully at her friend.
It's okay, she replied.
"Let's go, Coach Wilson's already in a bad mood, and I haven't got time for a detention today," Amara said.
—————
Flash Thompson watched as Amara Rogers walked through the gym doors with the two biggest losers in the school. Why is she friends with those losers? They're just dragging her social status into the ground.
Flash walks over to the group, "Hey, Amara, how have you been?"
"I was doing pretty good, before you came over here," she said.
"You know, playing hard to get is really cliche, we should just go on a date, you obviously like me," Flash said, confidently.
Michelle snickered from behind Amara and Flash gave her a glare, which unfortunately, only amused her even more.
Then Amara looked back at her and started laughing, as well, "You're delusional, holy shit! What is it like inside your head? I'm genuinely curious, is there any brain capacity in there?"
"There's enough capacity to recognise the strong feelings between us," Flash was not going to give up.
"Strong feelings?" Amara laughed, "You mean like anger, loathing, disgust, nauseation - feel free to stop me, I can keep going all day."
"You know, one day you'll realise what a mistake you made when choosing your friends," Flash warned her.
"One day you'll realise what a mistake you made when insulting my friends," Amara moved closer to him, threatening him, "Please refrain from talking to me from here on out, okay?"
Then she walked away, her nerdy friends following closely behind. And as Flash Thompson watched them leave, he made a silent promise to himself, he would become friends with Amara, and he would make himself so likeable that she will ask him on a date.
—————
"Can you believe that guy?" Amara said, still laughing from her recent interaction with Flash Thompson, "Seriously, who does he think he is?"
Gym class was finally over and Flash Thompson had spent the whole time, very obviously trying to impress Amara, which she ignored, completely, and mostly talked to Peter about their study session that evening.
The rest of the day went by extremely slowly and by the end, Amara was so tired and just ready to hang out with Peter and meet his aunt (and, she reminds herself, relearn her calculus work).
They met on the bench that they meet at everyday, and then walked to the subway station together. The train was dirty, but relatively empty, so they sat next to each other, sharing Peter's headphones and lip syncing along to the lyrics.
They approached Peter's apartment block and Amara looked up at the building, admiring, both, its architecture and simplicity.
"This is me," Peter said as they walked towards his front door. He took the key out of his pocket and unlocked the door. Before he opened the door, he hesitated and said, "It's not much, but it's good for me and my aunt."
"I'm sure it's really nice," Amara assured him.
Peter smiled at her and led her inside.
The apartment was small, but homely. They walked straight into the open plan kitchen, dining and living area, and Amara could see a corridor which she assumed led to the bedrooms and bathroom.
"I love it! It's so pretty. Did you choose the interiors?"
"Oh no! That's all my aunt May. She's not home right now, she's still at work, but she'll be here in about an hour."
Amara nodded, "I can't wait to officially meet her."
"She can't wait to officially meet you, either," Peter said and his eyes suddenly widened in realisation of what he said. "Not that I talk about you a lot, or anything. But talking about you wouldn't be a bad thing. Anything I say is all good things. Not that you're being judged or analysed-"
"Hey, Peter? Chill out," Amara said, slight amusement striking her face.
"S-sorry."
"It's fine," she smiled. "So your aunt's getting home in an hour?" Peter nodded. "Are we gonna get takeout?"
"Uh, I don't know," Peter replied, honestly.
"Hmm," Amara thought for a second. "Should we... make dinner for all of us?"
"What?"
"Just, you know, so she doesn't have to worry about it when she gets back."
Peter looked at Amara with a slight wonder, "What about calculus?"
"We can still do that," Amara said, happily thinking of the dishes they could make.
"Well, I just don't want you to feel like you're coming over and the first thing you have do is cook," Peter said.
Amara smiled, "Trust me, I love cooking! I cook for me and my family all the time."
"I can't," Peter said, looking slightly embarrassed.
"You can't... what? Cook?" Amara asked and upon seeing Peter's fallen face, her suspicion was confirmed. "That's fine! Cooking is not nearly as hard as people in movies make it out to be. Most of it is guessing." Amara tied her hair back in a low bun and washed her hands in the sink. "I was thinking pasta?"
Peter nodded.
—————
Peter and Amara were in the process of deciding what pasta to make, but Peter couldn't take his eyes off of her. He thought about how beautiful she looked with her low bun and thoughtful expression on her face.
"I was thinking pasta?" She said, breaking Peter away from his thoughts as he nodded.
"Great! Let's start!"
Peter boiled the pasta and cut the vegetables up, while Amara made three different sauces, so 'everyone gets a choice' or at least that's what she told him. She made spicy tomato sauce, cheese sauce and some kind of green sauce - she told him later that it was spinach and garlic.
When they were finally finished 45 minutes later, Aunt May phoned, "One second it's May," Peter said to Amara who nodded.
"Yeah, go, I'm just gonna set the table."
Peter smiled at her and answered the phone, "Hey May!"
"Peter, how's the study session going?"
"It's going fine aunt May, we actually have a surprise for you, when you get home."
"That's what I phoned to tell you about, I'm gonna be a little late, maybe like half an hour or forty five minutes, I don't know. You both decide what you want to eat and get a takeaway, I'll join you later."
"One second let me ask Amara." He walked into the kitchen to find Amara filling up a jug of water and putting it in the middle of the table. "Hey, Amara? May's running a little late, like forty five minutes, so she told us to start eating without her, if we're hungry."
She looked up, "No, it's fine, if you're not hungry then we'll wait for her, we can get some work done in the meantime."
"Okay," he spoke into the phone again, "She said we'll wait for you to get back."
"Okay Peter, I love you."
"Love you too, May, bye," then he hung up the phone.
When he went back into the kitchen, the table was set and there were multiple drinks laid out on the table.
"How did you finish the table so quickly?" Peter asked, confusion masking his face.
"I didn't have you to slow me down, I guess," she joked in reply, earning a small laugh from him.
"Shall we start the calculus work?" Peter asked, even though, secretly he simply wanted to stay in the kitchen with Amara, making jokes and cooking.
"Can I tell you a secret?" Amara asked mysteriously.
"What is it?"
"I actually got my dad to help me out on calculus a few days ago. But I didn't want to cancel our 'study session' so I went along with it. I know it was wrong, I wasted your time, but I just... I don't know, I feel like I want to get to know you better, like how I know Ned and MJ, cause they're in more of the same classes as me. I'm really sorry."
Peter was shocked at what he was hearing. But he was also shocked to find that he wasn't shocked in a bad way. "Honestly? It's fine. I guess I want to get to know you better, too."
"Oh thank god! I thought this would be the end of our friendship."
"No way, who would end a whole friendship over something that stupid?" Peter said.
"This can be our- that thing you asked me... you know, when you broke that backboard and asked to hang out?" Amara said, a lot more awkwardly than she was aiming for.
"Right. Yeah," a huge smile broke out of Peter's face. "Also, I have an idea."
"What is it?"
"You'll see."
(A/N: what do you guys think the idea is??? Here's a hint: it's nothing dirty, lmao I know what you're like. Stay tuned for the next chapter.)