What is worse than death?
I"ve heard many people ask that simple phrase, some may say it is losing everyone you, some may also say it getting tortured.
But I say it is losing yourself, wanting to die more than anything, but continuing to try living like the way you used to, but feeling like shell of a person, feeling numb and cold.
Looking at the night sky, I stare at the stars, those beautiful dots in the sky. It reminds me of a phrase, being the light in someones darkness, stars are the light in the dark lonely sky.
I envy the night sky, because it is not alone, it is not just darkness, empty lonely and black.
Me on the other hand, have no one, no family, no friends, no lover, nobody.
Here on the ark it is lonely, especially when your family is dead and your ex fiance left you in space to be with a lot of children who was sent to earth to die.
He wasnt my ex the last time I saw him, I saw him early in the morning, waking up next to him, he kissed me and said he loved me before he went to work, he worked as a janitor and sometimes he would come home late in the evening, but never after 7:00pm, so when it reached 8:00pm, I went on a search for him.
Turns out he shot the chancellor before he sneaked onto the Dropship with the other 99 kids.
After I found that out I ran to my dorm and my eye caught a note sitting on my desk. I opened it and I read:
Dear Ivy if you are reading this, it means I got onto the dropship and I left, I also wanted to tell you the truth, the only reason I started dating you, was because I wanted to get information from you, because I knew that if you trusted me, you would tell me about every plan the council have, I never really loved you, you were pretty and hot and all, but you were never someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I mean the sex was good but lets be honest, the daughter of a council member and a janitor, never fit together, so I apologize for all of the time you wasted on me Ivy, I really am sorry, but I had to do it for my sister...
PS. I really am sorry princess
Your fiancé, Bellamy Blake
That was when my world came crushing down, and after that everything just went wrong in my life, I turned cold, I went numb. No happiness, no sadness, no anger.
The girl I was, is gone, she went cold and emotionless, she is no longer the happy, joyful, sweet girl she was.