Ignorance Is Bliss
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I felt my feet cold, as if I were stepping on cold stones, and I could hear snake hisses and a growling from some creature echoing behind my ears. My breath had become heavy as everything around me was so dark, and all so quick of glimpsing randomly of visions in my head; a small white serpent with maroon eyes, a dark crimson hand with claws creeping towards me, a sunburst tattoo, and that gold feather from one of my dreams, falling in front of me again.
A small gasp came out from my mouth as my eyes drifted open. The ceiling of my dorm looks different and so is the atmosphere when I started smelling a scent of floral and mint.
My head ached, my vision was blur.
Is this my dorm?
I gently massaged my temples and rubbed my lids before my vision cleared and I noticed the ceiling, but this isn't my dorm. I looked to my side, and the window looked different as well, as it was formed long square, with veins of leaves encircled the corner, and then I saw an electric guitar with little speaker, amplifier, music discs which were mostly metal songs, and Sony headphone on the ground next to the bed.
I'm all alone. In this unknown room. I sat up slowly on the bed and noticed a folded piece of paper with my name written in cursive on it placed on the small speaker, I rubbed my eyes again before picking it up.
Suddenly, I noticed that I wear something comfortable that wasn't my party dress anymore, I looked down at the black blanket plastered on my body and I put it down, I saw myself wearing a baggy Slipknot band t-shirt that reached above my knee. Oh my god, what happened last night? Is there something that happened between me and this unknown person? I shook my head to clear my mind before opening the letter—
_____________
"Good morning,
You're in my dorm at 44 since you lost your key at the party before passing out on my chest, and before you react, don't worry, I did change your wet dress with my T-shirt with the light turned off.
I hope you enjoy your waffles and espresso!
Before you guess, I did steal them in the kitchen.
Loꪜe, Cam.
P.S. I retrieved your lost dorm key."
_____________
The way he wrote the word love appeared iffy, with the letter v looking uneven and smudged with a small drop of ink, it seemed to be a mistake, but he still wrote it anyway, and he finished the word. I lowered the paper and spotted the breakfast, or hangover breakfast, in the wooden tray with my dorm key gleaming at his desk and my red dress and jacket hanging on the chair in the corner of the room. "Huh." I looked around the room and realized it wasn't as dorm-like when the floor was marble tiled, there's an empty bookcase in the corner, a lamp, and three windows, two of which are on the next desk table. This dorm is much bigger than mine.
So, nothing happened? Okay, that's good news.— Unlike last night's party, I barely remember anything. All I could remember about was playing beer pong with Gabbe and Daniel. Dancing with Arriane and Rexha—and that dickhead who threw a drink at me, and.... Oh my god, I recall.... doing a— doing karaoke with Roland in front of everyone at the party?!
I groaned and looked around, wondering where Cam was. No, wait a minute, where did he sleep? While he placed me on his bed? Did we sleep next to each other? Or— did he sleep on the— Oh, yes, he did.
On the other side of the bed, I noticed a comforter blanket and a pillow on the floor. I chewed my lower lip, my cheeks flushing as I imagined Cam laying me and my drunken ass on his bed before sleeping on the floor next to me. I frowned, not minding that he would just sleep next to me on the bed, but welp, if only I wasn't passed out.— Oh god, that part was embarrassing, I don't remember anything before I passed out.
I stood up and walked towards the desk, which had bottled water, waffles, blueberries in Tupperware, and a cup of espresso. My red dress hanging on the chair, dried and looked freshly laundered with a floral scent as I took a smell of it. You kidding me? He washed my dress, which was stained with I-hope-it-wasn't-vomit but a tequila drink? Wow, that was surprising and—- also funny how I imagined Cam standing with his arms crossed in front of this washing machine in a laundry room, just waiting for the dress to be washed up, and a small laugh escaped from my mouth as I thought about that scenario.
I had no idea Cam could be so... This is extremely thoughtful. Ugh, hold on, this is just the bare minimum, come on, pull yourself together, (Y/n), but, isn't it odd,— in a good way? Cam is just so nice and kind, even though he's very annoying as hell sometimes. Nah, he's still more of a mystery than a nice guy.
Then I frowned slightly as I sat down, grabbed the waffle, and bit into it with sweet blueberries. I took another look at the letter, a lovely thoughtful letter from Cam. I couldn't take my gaze away from the Love word before his name.
"Love, Cam."
Love, Cam.
Love... Why was there a ringing bell in the back of my head when I read that word?
"You're such a tease, love." He said, in awed— also in a little shock from what just happened between us.
Wait.
Wait the fuck— a minute.
What happened last night?
I chomped cautiously, my eyes went left to right while recalling a memory from last night, it was all a blur but, I just suddenly heard Cam's voice in my head.
"So, what if we have?—."
"I don't know."
"You do know."
"What?"
"You know, if that's the case,— then we should be together, right?" he asked.
I remembered Cam gazing deeply into my eyes, whispering softly, and moving his face closer, the tip of our noses almost touching, basically teasing but our hearts were racing at the moment, and then— feeling his warm hand with his handkerchief on my thigh, on my skin, I caught another glimpse of his green eyes gazing at mine. I couldn't get it out of my head. His eyes were something else.
I paused and set the waffle down as I grabbed the espresso, my cheeks flushing and numb from the shame of my actions towards Cam last night at the party. Oh shit, did that really happen and wasn't a dream? I frowned deeply as I set the drink down on the desk. , I faltered, blushing as I replayed our almost-kissing moment.
No no, okay— yeah, it happened, but— we were drunk right? Yeah, that was nothing then, we were— just teasing and— messing around. I covered my mouth in disbelief and laughed sheepishly behind my hand. I softly groaned irritably, "Oh my god." and buried my face in both of my palms. I hope Cam doesn't remember anything from last night.
༛
Arriane grumbled loudly, "Hangover is the worst!"
From behind the two bookcases in front of us, the librarian gave us a sharp shush.
Stretching my arms in the air, I muttered under my breath, "But you had fun last night." and then I went back to doodling on my sketch journal.
"You, you had funnn last night." Arriane corrected me, smirking.
"What? Uh- yeah, sure I was." I sounded guessing, sarcastically.
"Yeah, your performance with Roland was the best part."
I grunted as suddenly, I replayed a memory with Cam and I in the back of the party, I firmly blinked my eyes, and I shook my head to clear my head. "Can we— not talk about that." I stated.
"Why acting so glum or something?" Arriane caught my exchanged expression. I looked up at her and shrugged, "It's just hangover."
Arriane bit the tip of her pen and nodded suspiciously, her eyes narrowed, "Hm, right," she placed her leg over the armchair and leaned her back on the other, "Glad you managed to get back to your dorm after the wild party."
Then I paused, doodling a snake next to a sunburst symbol from my dream, I lifted my gaze, and caught Arriane's smirk. "Um, yeah," I hesitantly said, and Arriane narrowed her eyes at me. "I wasn't that drunk." I added, nodding and spinning my pencil between my fingers. Why Arriane seemed not to believe of what i said?
"Sure you weren't as waking up at 2 p.m. today." Arriane scoffed, chuckled softly, she seemed to know I was lying that she finds it silly as she was there with me in mostly a whole party last night.
"Whatever." I grinned faintly, and as I looked down at my snake doodle, I remembered seeing images in my dream earlier. What was that all about? Was it some sort of message? I mean, is it true that dreams can send you a sign or message?
My curiosity kills me in this library full of books, and maybe there will be answers to my questions and thoughts regarding my dream from today. I huffed and put my sketch journal beside me before I sat up and saw Arriane closing her eyes and covering with a fashion magazine as the hangover was really taking her out. I headed to the bookcases from Arriane's back, till I moved from left to right in every bookcase as I was looking for a section for science or spiritual shit.
Then I headed to this room, to check for the book I was looking for. Then I heard noises coming from behind the bookcase in front of me. I moved to the side, and when I looked up, I saw—
A little shadow in the air, swaying between the bookcases. I held my breath as my eyes widened in surprise, and I saw a figure from behind the shadows, a girl standing close and waving her hand off it to make it go away.
I moved slightly to the side to see that person, who was a girl, it was Luce— and also Penn, who was bending down next to her, was examining every book from the second to the last row of the bookcase.
Luce gave me a shock look as I caught her staring at the shadow I was seeing. "What the fuck?" I whispered to myself.
Is Luce...
She can see them too?
What the fuck?
Luce shook her head in disbelief at witnessing this moment.
No, what the actual fuck? What is going on?
A flash of little lighting appeared in the shadow, catching both of us off guard, and we exchanged glances. Unbelievable, or am I hallucinating? Penn noticed Luce waving her hand in the air, trying to make the shadow disappear. Luce tried, and she was brave to be able to do so, and I could never imagine myself getting close to these shadows that hurt people and cause fire.
"What are you doing, Luce?" Penn whisper-yelled, looked puzzled.
"There was a fly." Luce stammered, giving me a quick glance.
A fly?
I gulped, my hand dampened, and turned around to leave, but Penn caught me as she hissed my name, "Hey, (Y/n)!"
I came to a halt and looked back, Luce was still staring at me in bewildered.
No, this can't be real, right?
Maybe she is high or something?
I turned away from her as Penn went through the shadows, unaware that she couldn't see them like I could.
Or Luce could, as she gaped as Penn walked across the shadow to reach me.
"You left this!" Penn said as she approached me, holding a dorm key.
I looked down and saw my dorm key, my actual dorm key with a tag with my dorm number. My brow furrowed as I realized Cam... He either stole a key from the dormitory office or duplicated it, but either way, that was impressive and very thoughtful of him. I took my dorm key and examined it,— yes, this is my actual key, and I now have two of them.
I looked up and scoffed softly, "Thanks." Then I looked into the distance and saw the shadow emerge to the floor and spread out as it moved closer to my boots and Luce's as well, causing her to step back while I just stared at shadows approaching me and until they vanished.
"Hey, you okay?" Penn knitted her brows, perplexed.
I took a deep breath and found my senses returning to me. I raised my head to look at Penn, nodding in effort. "Yeah," I said with an upside-down smile, as if to say, Don't worry about me, I'm fine! Despite the fact that the hair on the back of my neck was standing on end. I gave a quick grin before turning around to return to the room where Arriane and I were staying.
As I was about to leave, Luce ran up to me, leaving Penn behind, and stood in my way, rasping slightly "(Y/n)!"
"What?" I was bemused. What is it, Luce? No, we can't discuss what just happened between us back there,— I was still processing how we both saw the same thing at the same time. Now, here you're standing in front of me, staring at me as if you're trying to persuade me that I don't have to remain in denial about what happened.
"Did you see it?" Luce asked, her eyes dilated in intensity.
"See what?" I said irritably, still processing in disbelief.
The shadows.
"You know what I'm talking about."
Yes, I see them.
"I— I, no, I don't!" I licked my dry lower lip and shook my head in denial, and suddenly everything annoyed me.
Penn followed her friend, who followed me, saying, "Guys? What's up?" as she approached the bookcase across from us.
Luce cast a glance at her confused friend, who was staring at us. I shook my head at Penn, leaving Luce's sudden questions behind as I grunted softly and told Penn, "I was just looking for something like a spiritual book about dreams and meanings...?"
"Oh?" Penn said with an upside-down smile, pointing to the room from behind her with her thumb, "I think they have that in that section." she said before heading to find a book in the tall bookcase.
Luce grabbed my arm to get my attention, which I did as I returned my gaze. As I frowned deeply, she asked, "What, you were dreaming about him too?" she merely whispered.
"What? Who?"
Luce looked at me deeply and pleadingly, a puzzled expression between her knitted brows. "Please, tell me something, because I-."
"Luce, I have no idea what you're on about, you're not making any sense."
"Daniel."
"What?"
"I mean-," She frowned and looked away, hesitant and perplexed, then she waved me off, "Never mind, I'm sorry." and biting her lower lip in shame.
Um, okay?
I continued on my way, leaving Luce and Penn in that room. But wait, what does she mean I've been dreaming about Daniel? Why? Is she having frequent dreams about Daniel? Like how I've been having dreams about a man that resembles Cam.
Oh,— are we literally going mad over these guys? Because the absurd thing was, when Luce was acting like she could relate to how I looked at the shadow and how I was looking for a book about dreams and their meanings, and as if we both are in the same situation?
When I returned to Arriane's room, I noticed her snoring in the couch with a magazine covering her sleepy hangover face, and I moved my gaze to the sideways, a big shadow, bigger than I saw a moment ago, was slithering around the chair where my sketch journal was. You've got to be fucking kidding me. I remembered how Luce waving the little shadow away, implying "Fly" Yeah, I don't think I'd ever be able to do that.
My jaw slowly dropped as I shivered, unable to move or make a choice between waving it off and picking up my sketch journal. I just stood there staring at the shadow that was emerging through the window and bookcase. I was stunned and perplexed, and I had no idea what to do. Should I waved it off then? But what if it started a fire in this library? That's something I don't want.
Looking at the huge shadow made me feel uneasy, so all I could do was grab my bag off the table next to me, dash behind the bookcase, staring at my boot as I waited for the shadow's eerie noises to fade. I peered over my shoulder between the books, watching it twirling.
"Hey," I heard Luce approach me and poke my arm, but she caught where my attention was and was also shocked, as I could see the shadow too. "Oh."
I frowned and turned my head to face Luce, who looked at me with wide eyes, "Luce, what now?" I groaned, ignoring the eerie sound crawling behind my ears. I closed my eyes, winced from the sudden loud noise, and Luce gently squeezed my hand.
"Breathe."
"What? " I blurted and opened my eyes in terror as the fire incident from a month ago flashed through my mind.
"(Y/n), take a deep breath."
"Luce."
"Just try."
I want to get out of here, my head is spinning and my weight has become heavy— I think I'm going to pass out—. Fuck.
"I know you can see them, but I'm not going to bother asking you again because it seems obvious-."
"Luce, wait-." I whispered a little, gently removing her hand from mine, but still stunned at how she confirmed that we are both insane and can see the shadow at the same time.
I wanted to turn my head and look at the shadow again, but Luce was waiting for me to take a deep breath as she urged. So I did it. I took a deep breath,— inhaled, exhaled,—inhaled again, and exhaled deeply. I had to get the fire incident out of my head before I could see someone's body on fire next.
"Are you okay?"
I nodded and blew my lower lip, "Let's, let's walk away," regaining my composure despite my anxiety attack.
"All right, and we need to talk, (Y/n)." she stated sternly as she took my hand in hers and we began walking away from the huge shadow, she raised the black vintage book with a written of "The Watchers by D. Grigori"
Grigori?
"What am I supposed to do with that?" I puzzledly scoffed.
Luce's eyes were still intense and perplexed as she flipped through the pages, she looked at me and questioned—
"Do you think we're related in some way?"
What. Did. She. Say?
What?
I almost laughed, not because of a silly assumption, but because it sounded serious as Luce stated it. "Do you think they look like us?" she asked after flipping through the pages and putting her finger down on the picture as she found it.
"I.." As we approached Penn at the table near the computers, she shifted her gaze towards us, adjusting her eyeglasses in her nose bridge, "Perhaps those were your ancestors?" she speculated.
Luce placed the book on the table, and I looked at the photo of two women, one of whom has the same shape eyes and face as me, her hair was up and she was wearing an off-shoulder dress, and I noticed a necklace, a small diamond shaped pendant, the gem has a heavy color as it is darkened in the photo. The other woman, who also resembles Luce and has long hair, was sitting on a couch and holding a cup of tea, while my look-a-like was holding a book and a pencil. Okay, this is freaky.
"Where did you find this?" I was mystified just by staring at this woman who closely resemble me, perhaps my great grandmother?
"I found it in the history section." Penn said, raising her hand.
Luce pointed to a man standing behind them, near a canvas stand and a window. He has a striking resemblance to Daniel.
"Holy..."
"Shit." I finished Luce's sentence.
"Right?" Penn added. "There's also a portrait of Mr. Grigori and Luce's ancestor there."
"My ancestor? We don't know that yet." Luce looked at Penn, who sighed, "Well, she looks like you, so it's possible." Penn turned the page to the photo she was referring to.
Wasn't aware, that I start caressing my chest as if there was an invisible pendant on my skin while looking at an old photo of people from the 1800s. "Who are they?" I wondered.
"Okay, but who is this guy?" Luce returned to the page where a group of people in the photo, she pointed to the man, who was facing forward the window, with dark ponytailed hair and holding a glass of champagne, though his face was blurred in a reflection, and standing near my look-a-like or great grandma.
"Perhaps just one of their friends." Penn speculated again, shrugging her right shoulder.
Wait, there was something familiar about the back of his hair. Who is this guy?
"Wait." I leaned in closer for a better look, staring at the man from the 1800s, giving me goosebumps as I had a random glimpse of a man and woman in red dress in the back of my head. The two girls in front of me looked at me, perplexed. "You know him?" Penn asked, shaking her head and tapping the photo.
"Um— well, I'm not sure, but he seemed like a butler with that outfit—." I guessed slowly, shook my head slightly, and looked up at them, Penn and Luce arched their brows. "And no, I don't." I scoffed, because knowing someone from the nineteenth century would be like knowing my great great grandfather.
"Mr. Grigori with his good friend and arté student." Luce pointed to the sentence below the photo, her brows furrowed. And the other guy next to a window? Who is he?
"Huh." I chewed my lip and my gaze goes back to the guy with dark hair. Okay, why did Cam come to mind first when he resembled this man's dark hair and height?
"Well, my mom mentioned before that my great grandma was a famous painter." I said as I looked up again.
Penn's eyes widened in amusement as she asked, "Really?"
"I mean, that's what my mom said, there's always someone in our family with artist blood.— ugh, I don't know." I explained awkwardly. No way, that can't be my great grandmother, I mean— my great great great grandmother, but my eyes are the same shape as hers.
"How about you, Luce?" Penn asked the confused girl next to her.
"I don't know."
"Well, that explains!" Penn hissed excitedly as her eyes dilated.
"Explains what?" I asked, arched my brow and crossed my arms. I was suddenly interested in knowing more about this book.
Penn sighed softly, "I mean kinda,— if these women and you both are related.... well, that may— be um..." her eyes darted left and right, switching glances at Luce and I, the two girls who were confused right now.
"Maybe what?" I urged, sinking my chin and running out of patience. Like, just say it already! 'Cause I'm completely confused right now.
Penn swallowed a hard lump in her throat and cautiously scratched her nape, "Could be the reason why both of you and Luce have a similar condition."
"A similar what?" Luce confusedly asked, frowning.
"Yeah, well." Penn said nervously, pushing her eyeglasses in her nose bridge upwards.
I narrowed my eyes and waved my hand at Penn to move her forward, "Care to elaborate?" I asked.
"Okay, don't at me, guys! I've seen your files and you both can see "shadows" and even have the same date of when you both started seeing them! So, isn't that something similar?!" Penn explained briefly and took a deep breath.
"SSHH!" exclaimed the librarian as she walked past us with a stroller cart loaded with books.
"Sorry." Penn apologized, gritting her teeth and waving her hand sheepishly at the elderly librarian.
After the librarian left, the confusion returned, and Luce and I exchanged glances. We both laughed little at Penn, as if she were joking or teasing us.
"What?" I sneered, curling my lips as I find this ridiculous. I still couldn't comprehend what Penn had just said to us.
"You serious?" Luce asked, her brow furrowed, she finds this discussion unbelievable, about me and her being related? "I'm not sure how that's possible." she mused.
"Are you messing with me?" I asked, uncrossing my arms to hold my waist, still denying what happened between Luce and I seeing a shadow at the same time twice, but was Penn serious? Or she got to be joking me?
Luce raised her hand little to get my attention, and she turned her head and said, "No, wait, what if— Penn may.. be right?" she said, curiously, but why do I find this not so genuine, or was it my overthinking?
"That you and I are the same crazy as fuck?" I snapped, "No, you guys are just fucking with me huh?" I added with a sarcastic chuckle.
"What? No no." Luce said, waving her hand.
"Yeah, this isn't funny, I know I'm sick and like— cuckoo, but this isn't funny at all, Luce." I grunted irritably, gripping the lace of my bag before turning my heel to leave.
Penn urging me to stay, saying, "No! wait, we don't mean-"
As I walked away from them, Luce caused me to pause "(Y/n) wait, we both saw that from back there, and you can't just deny it!"
I gave her one last look before saying coldly, "I have to go." before proceeding, and abruptly bumping into Miss Sophia. She looked at me up and down and asked, "What's with all the noise, girls? " She then looked at Luce and Penn, but I ignored her comment by continuing my way outside the library.
No, I actually knew it, I remembered the exact moment Luce and I first spotted the shadow in the space between the bookcases. The fact that I wasn't the only one who could see things, though, doesn't that sound even more absurd? Does Luce even see a shadow woman with bat wings too like I do? I don't know.
Penn is right, at the only part that I see shadows but— Luce is seeing shadows in the same area where I do. It seems strange, especially after I noticed that we both see shadows at the exact same time.
I suddenly realized that I had left my sketch journal in the chair after moving down the stairs. Shit, I hadn't thought about it, because I saw the shadow was still there, so I was in hurry to leave. I could already feel the first drop of rain approaching as I went to the ground and looked out the tall window. Wait, by the way, where is Cam? At this incredibly huge castle, he was nowhere to be seen. Did he sneak out or something? Has he been avoiding me? Where is he? God, why am I overthinking?
When I walked out the building, I stopped at the first step, looking around for the guy who took me to his dorm and let me sleep there. Then someone approached me from behind, and I turned my head to see Rexha yawning behind her invisible fist caused by her long sleeve, and she blink multiple times before greeting me with a smile.
"Afternoon, did you have fun last night?" She smirked softly, nudging my arm lightly with hers.
I shrugged and smiled faintly, "Yeah, I guess," and continued to look around without moving my head so I didn't appear too obvious.
"I wish we could go out and have a real party."
I furrowed my brows and looked at Rexha, "I thought last night was a real party?" I was puzzled by her complaint when I remembered how much fun she was having at the party.
"Hmm, meh." Rexha shrugged, sticking her tongue out with grim.
When I stopped looking around the field, a light rain began to fall on the green grass. "I don't mean to ask, but have you seen Cam around?" I asked Rexha.
That question caused her to exchange a look and scoff as she doesn't give a fuck, but she still answered with a shake of the head, "I told you, he isn't your ideal guy, he will leave you."
"Come on, he and I just— talked last night."
Really? Just talked?
"Pfft, and then he'll ghost you." Rexha said as she walked down the stairs and waved me off as she walked away. "And, no, I didn't see him anywhere today!"
Yeah, whatever.
I don't care if he does, ghosting me— because, I will just ignore him like how I ignore my demons under my bed. It's as simple as that. (Yeah, right.)
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