十九
out of character:
2015
〞
From all my years of knowing you, this was the most intimidating you had ever been.
Where had the innocent little Chan that I had grown up best friends with suddenly disappeared off to?
Had you left him behind in Australia?
At the time, I hadn't a clue why you suddenly weren't returning my letters, but looking back on it now, I certainly understand why.
Being away for six years definitely changed you.
Sure, we both went through some pretty traumatic things─what, with my parents getting divorced, us moving into Secondary school, and you moving countries quite a bit for a young boy, but I underestimated what an English school really did to you.
Of course, when I recall your transfer into my high school back in Korea, all I can remember is that you avoided me like the plague, but that's because, realising it now, you had grown accustomed to the social hierarchy in English-speaking schools.
I was of "lower class" compared to you, and those friends you had told me about in one of your very first letters were a group of "populars" who had taken you under their wing, and molded you to be like them.
You then came back to Korea, still with that fixated mindset. And, to be honest, I don't blame you.
I wouldn't want to be friends with me either...
But it still deeply hurt. And Felix and Jisung were beyond shocked and offended when they saw you avoiding me.
You just weren't the same anymore, and I would have to suck it up and learn to get used to it, because that's what my entire life had been at that point.
If I stayed away and held my tongue, you wouldn't hate me. But, I'd rather you hate me then just forget about everything we'd done.
I hated feeling disposable, and that's what you made me feel.
# •°彡
"wow, looks like jenni finally updated,
can't wait for them to crawl back into their cave and not come back out until two weeks have passed :)" ─you rn
just kidding lol,
now that i'm back in the swing of things, i hopefully should manage to update regularly again (but i won't make any devoted promises because my mock exams are in November and i am already pretty stressed lol)
also, i couldn't update last week because i had just gotten back from a blood test, so uh... yeah. there's that :)
anywayyys
these notes really get longer and longer, don't they? :/
─jen