My first week back after our Halloween recital had been a success, me receiving quite a bit of compliments on my choreography from multiple students and professors. I was proud of my group for delivering it so well, and I was even more excited to get started on December's recital, which would be in a little under two months. We would have to work insanely hard, but I was okay with that, and I was sure my group would be too.
But it wasn't until Wednesday at school that I had received conflicting news, and that I would be granted an opportunity to choreograph my own solo or duet. The only negative was that it would limit me to only one group number, not two, which I found extremely unfair.
We had blown away the audience for the Halloween performance, which I had figured would earn us more stage time. I was obviously wrong, and I couldn't do a damn thing about it because I wasn't majoring in the Arts. They were subjecting me to my choice of degree and limiting me and my group's chances. I could tell they were trying to hide it behind the fact that if I wanted a personal dance I would have to give up a group number.
Which was something I would need to discuss with the group, I just wasn't sure how to approach it.
I wanted a personal dance, and I had strived for one since I had enrolled at NYU, but now that I was finally being offered the opportunity I felt torn. On one hand I had my group that looked up to me, and they all loved dancing. Limiting their ability to one dance didn't seem worth the trouble of choreographing a solo, because I felt like I was taking away from them as well. Then on the other hand I was dying to choreograph a solo and get feedback from it, mostly because I hadn't been granted the opportunity in four years.
Suddenly I no longer wanted to make this decision.
So after school Wednesday I had instantly sent a mass text to my group, asking them to be at the studio Thursday for our regular time. I knew they would show considering we hadn't met up Tuesday so I could get some of my stuff together, and I was eager to have the discussion with all of them present.
But my mind mostly remained on this weekend, and how Drew and I were planning on heading to Boston Friday afternoon. I was overly excited to be spending a few days with her, hopefully uninterrupted, and getting away was something I desperately needed.
After the recital Saturday I felt as if I was starting to suffocate being here and I didn't know why. I figured maybe because I was afraid Ashley would show up again, or maybe because Jordi was now completely ignoring me and being a little bitch. Everything that had happened last weekend had somehow traveled over to my first week of November and it was really bringing me down.
So leaving with Drew this weekend would be good for me.
I was currently making my way down the street towards the gym having taken the bus instead of the cab. I was anxious for the meeting with my group but I found myself even more nervous to see Drew, which was something I found never got old. Nervous really didn't suffice for the feelings I had when it came to her, because I wasn't nervous, but more excited than anything. Being in her presence always made me feel better, and I guessed I felt so eager to see her because I had been feeling really low this week.
Walking into the gym I spotted her at the front. Her legs were propped up on the desk with a book in front of her face, and she was so engrossed in her book that she hadn't even realized I had walked in. I found myself smiling at how adorable she was in this moment.
I walked up and nudged her feet, teasing, "Excuse me, but I'm looking for Drew, you know that tall blonde that has the most gorgeous eyes ever...."
Those amazing eyes I had just mentioned peeked over her novel, and I could see a tint of red on her cheeks. She closed her book and dropped her feet, enabling her to lean forward, "You think I have the most gorgeous eyes ever?"
I smirked, shrugging, "Maybe."
She stood, walking from behind the desk and up to me, causing my heart to skip beats in my chest. She never failed to make my body respond in abnormal ways every time I was around her, but it let me know that I wasn't going to get used to her.
She would always be new to me.
I watched a real smile grow on her face, but she dropped the subject, "You're early."
"I wanted to see you," I countered immediately, wanting to stay talking about her because I loved making her feel good. She hadn't gotten that enough in her lifetime, so getting her used to it was now my job, and I loved every second of it.
She tilted her head, narrowing her eyes, "Either you want something from me or you've done something wrong..."
I laughed at her doubt, walking closer to her and wrapping my arms around her neck, "Why can't you just accept the fact that I love making you feel good."
The words had come out wrong but I knew she would take them how she would. It didn't sound wrong to me, but knowing Drew she would tease me about it anyway.
She quirked an eyebrow as I dropped my hands, "You like making me feel good?"
I rolled my eyes at her childishness, "For someone who doesn't want to have sex you sure like taking everything in a sexual way."
I began walking towards the staircase as she followed behind me, and I could hear her low chuckles of immature amusement. Once we made it to the top of the stairs she grabbed my waist and turned me around, "Stop saying I don't want to, because it's not true."
I teased her this time, "Then prove it."
Her hands fell off of my waist as she rolled her eyes this time, and I could tell she really took my comment to heart. I was only messing with her, and the last thing I wanted to do was rush her into something she was most definitely not ready for.
She dropped her eyes, "You know it's not that easy..."
I grabbed her face, kissing her and pulling back, "Stop, I was just kidding."
I watched a tiny smile play on her lips as she nodded, "Right."
But I wasn't done with her, not yet. I dropped my eyes to her lips as my hands lowered slowly down her neck and to the collar of her work shirt. I could feel the familiar tension between us awaken with my touch, wrapping around us like a snake and pulling us together. I listened to her breathing catch in her throat, and I could feel her eyes locked on me with no intent to move.
I whispered, "But... when you're ready, I will be too. You won't even have to ask."
Her face turned a shade darker, and her eyes just watched me as she searched for words. I could tell I had rendered her speechless again, and I liked it. She liked to tease me, and I liked to tease her right back because I felt it was only fair.
Then I heard a clearing of a throat, and when I pulled away I noticed it was only Maria, arms crossed with a sly smirk on her face.
She countered, "You know, if you're gonna dirty talk don't do it in public."
I felt the air leave my lungs in embarrassment, but was thanking God it was only Maria. What had possessed me to do such a thing in a public place like this? I was usually so conservative and private...
It was Drew, it had to be.
Drew laughed it off uneasily as she unlocked the studio, allowing us inside while dismissing herself. I knew as soon as Maria and I were alone the questions would bombard me like a stampede, but for some reason I was desperate to talk about Drew with someone.
I never quite got the opportunity considering I couldn't talk about certain things.
Maria dropped her bag and waited for Drew to disappear before speaking, "Well, that was interesting."
I rolled my eyes as I sat down in front of the mirror, waiting for everyone else to arrive. I answered her, "Look, teasing me about it won't make me feel better."
"I know," she laughed as she sat next to me. I could tell she had other questions, probably plenty that I really couldn't go into much detail about, but Maria never held back. That was the thing that scared me most about her. I heard her ask, "So, you two really haven't... you know...?"
"Had sex?" I finished, unashamed considering she had heard us talking about it. I figured there was no use being timid anymore, besides, it was the truth that she had heard at my expense. I kind of deserved the embarrassment honestly. I mean what had influenced me to say such a thing out loud in front of everyone?
She nodded, "Yea."
"No, we haven't," I confirmed, seeing a look of confusion on her face.
She just stared at me, "How?"
I laughed this time, mostly because I didn't understand why she was so shocked. I shrugged, "Because we just haven't... why are you so shocked by that?"
"Because you two just... I don't know. You both have that tension. Figured it wouldn't take you two long to give into it."
I shook my head, pulling my knees to my chest, "I want to, we want to it's just..." I paused, not sure how to continue this sentence without bringing up Drew's issue. I didn't want to expose her, so being vague was necessary. I continued, "It's hard for her..."
"Is she a virgin?!"
I looked at her, shoving her with my hand, "What? No, Maria she's not a virgin."
"Then why's it so hard?"
I rubbed my temples, knowing I had opened a can of worms I should've just left alone. I couldn't really get around it now, and I had fucked up, but Maria was trustworthy. If I told her the truth she wouldn't tell anyone, besides Demarcus already knew so what was the harm? I was desperate to talk about it and get some advice because I had truly been stuck at a dead end with Drew and our situation.
I groaned, "God, I shouldn't have said anything."
"Well you did so now you have to tell me."
I studied Maria and I nodded, "She has trouble accepting... uh, she's not capable of..." I was lost for words, attempting to make it sound as nice as possible. I didn't know how to say it, and when I took a deep breath for strength I heard Maria respond.
"She was abused wasn't she?"
I looked at her, dumbfounded that she had somehow known already. I shook my head, "How...?"
She played with her hands, and something in me wondered if Demarcus had let her in on Drew's personal life. If that was the case I was going to be a little upset with him for exposing Drew, but I had a feeling that wasn't the case.
Maria nodded, "My cousin Sofia... she was abused by one of her older brother's friends."
I felt my heart drop at the mentioning of Sofia, who I had met years ago when I had gotten close to Maria. She had to be around eighteen now but I had met her when she was only fourteen or fifteen years old, and the thought of someone hurting her made my blood rush to a boil.
Maria continued to explain, "I can see the signs I guess... When we found out everything made sense. Sofia had started isolating herself from everyone, afraid to get close to anyone at only fourteen... none of us knew until one day her mom caught my brother's friend pinning her down and..."
She trailed off, shaking her head as she seemed to be picturing the image in her head. Accepting something like this was hard, especially whenever you felt protective over the ones younger than you. I watched the way Maria's hands trembled and her voice cracked at the end, allowing me to see that something like this had really shaken her and her family up.
She took a deep breath, "Her brother had gone to the bathroom and Sofia had gone into his room looking for him. He had been doing this to her, threatening her if she told... God I wanted to kill him when I found out."
I was shocked, appalled actually because just thinking of someone taking advantage of Sofia was making my stomach churn in disgust and anger. I pushed my feelings aside as I comfortingly rubbed Maria's back, wanting her to know talking about it was okay with me.
She shrugged, "Drew acts the same way, even at her age. She's distant, she's uneasy when you touch her. All the signs I saw in Sofia are in Drew so I kinda put two and two together."
Maria was smart and observant, even if she was hyperactive most of the time. I respected her for opening up to me about her cousin, and it gave me insight to the fact that millions of people struggled with this same problem.
I sighed, "Is she... okay?"
Maria nodded half-heartedly, "She's... recovering. She has a boyfriend now. I figured he knows because he keeps his distance from her too. He understands her situation and he's helping her."
I smiled, attempting to lighten the mood, "Did you interrogate him?"
"Damn right I did," she confessed, causing a slight laugh to escape both of our lips.
"I'm happy she found someone like him then."
Maria's chocolate eyes searched mine, as if she saw something I didn't. She shook her head, "It's not easy, Bree, dealing with this. I've seen Sofia struggle with it for years and she had a significant amount of support from our family. Drew only has you."
I flexed my jaw, already knowing she was right and that realization scared me. Drew was more dependent on me for understanding than I had recognized, and I had a feeling making jokes and taking things too far was a bad idea. I had to learn to be more patient, which was something I desperately needed to work on for Drew's sake. It saddened me knowing that this was a serious problem, a problem so many young children suffered with when they shouldn't have to. It sickened me, and it lit a fire somewhere deep in my body.
But the fact that Drew had the courage to open up to me about it made me feel good, because I knew it hadn't been easy. She had face her fear for a split second, and it was the best decision she had made because it had only brought us closer.
I went to asked Maria another question but our conversation was cut short. I watched people walking in, pulling me and Maria's attention away from our previous subject. I had a lot to think about with Drew, and maybe this weekend would help me understand a little more.
But for now the subject had to lay at rest.
We waited patiently for a few more minutes, allowing everyone to show up before we started discussing the theme and my situation for the December recital. I was anxious to hear what everyone's opinions would be, mostly because I knew a lot of them would probably be upset at my news. I was nervous, and I didn't want them to think I was choosing myself over them because that wasn't the case at all. If I was I wouldn't be asking for their opinion, and I hoped they saw it the way I did.
When everyone was here I began, "Okay, so I'd like to start out on a good note and say that I've gotten so many compliments on our Halloween performances, and that I'm extremely proud of everyone."
This got all of them in a better mood as they clapped and congratulated each other, which only discouraged me from revealing the bad news.
I continued after the noise died down, "I've already started working on one of our dances, and we'll start rehearsing next Tuesday, but I need opinions on something."
I watched everyone's eyes look around and then back at me, nervous as to what could come out of my mouth. I figured some of them knew already, like Maria, but most didn't. I was nervous, but I had to be honest with them. They deserved that much.
I finished, "Even though we blew away at the Halloween Recital we still only got offered two numbers."
I heard a few disagreements, which I understood because I had felt the same way, but that wasn't the worst of the conversation.
I heard Amelia counter through the noise, "So what's the deal?"
She knew there was something else probably from the look on my face, and a lot of the people here knew me better than most. They could read whenever I was having a bad day or when something serious was on my mind. I decided not to beat around the bush any longer.
"I was offered a personal dance, whether it is a solo or a duet, but it would limit our group to only one number instead of two."
I watched the group's reactions closely, praying they wouldn't take it to heart. I was asking their opinion because I cared, because I would take them into consideration for my decision that would have to be finalized tomorrow at school. They were actually helping me make that decision, whether they believed it or not.
Then Maria chimed, "I believe you deserve a personal dance, honestly."
It wasn't until Maria said that to where more people began nodding and agreeing with her. I didn't want them to feel obligated, so I made that clear.
I answered, "I want honest opinions, because they matter to me, and you all are helping me make my decision. I'm going to have to decide by tomorrow so I need to know what you guys really want for this winter recital."
Then Jeremy piped up as well, "I think you deserve one too, and don't take this the wrong way Bree but the end of the semester is coming and a lot of us are graduating." He looked around at the others, and I could see he was hitting the nail on the head, "We love to dance, but we all know they're singling us out because we're not Art Majors. Out priority is our individual degrees, not the recital, and I'm gonna be way too busy with school within the next few months. We all are. So one dance sounds great to me because I don't believe all of us will even have the time to rehearse two."
He had made a great point, and I could see everyone's reactions change from confused and disappointed to actually agreeing with Jeremy.
Amelia echoed, "I agree with Jeremy and Maria. You deserve this, not only because you're the best choreographer I've met but because you've busted your ass for the four years I've known you."
I smiled at her, mouthing a silent 'thank you".
She winked, and then nearly shouted over everyone, "I think we should vote together."
There were more nods and agreements as Amelia finished, and when I looked around I made sure it was an odd number. There were twelve of us all together, but only eleven when I excluded myself. I wouldn't partake in this vote, so I nodded in agreement to Amelia's idea.
"Okay, so who agrees to one group number?"
Instantly Maria's hand went up, along with everyone else's, which genuinely surprised me. Then I noticed Jordi was the only one not raising his hand, but instead had his face buried in his phone. I rolled my eyes but decided to make sure on his opinion because I didn't want to exclude him.
I asked, "Jordi?"
His eyes looked up but I realized he couldn't care less, "What?"
"Do you have an opinion on this?"
He shrugged "I don't really think my opinion matters anyway."
I bit my lip in frustration but decided not to acknowledge the attitude he was giving me. If he wanted to be like that I would let him, but I knew I had ten other people on my side since he wanted to disagree.
I nodded, "Well, that was easier than expected."
The next ten minutes we discussed the theme, which was a broader one compared to the Halloween recital. It made it easier to come up with dance ideas, and after showing them the song I had picked everyone was excited to begin rehearsal next Tuesday.
And once that was over I shut off the music and told them I would see them all next week. The group took this as their queue that the meeting was basically over, so they all began to pack up and leave.
Maria and Jeremy walked up to me, Jeremy addressing me first, "You know Jordi's just being a douche since you rejected him, right?"
I nodded" Yea I know."
He gave me a smile and hugged me, "I can't wait to see what you come up with Bree, and I know it'll be fabulous."
I laughed as I hugged him back, "We're gonna make this last group dance the best one they've seen yet."
He gave me a reassuring smile and dismissed himself, along with the rest of the group. We would start on our last dance next Tuesday, and I was excited. Maria walked up to me and grabbed my hand, "He's being a poco puta because you won't fuck him."
I grabbed her, laughing but also appalled at her choice of words. I scolded, "Maria, stop it."
She shrugged, "I'm only being honest."
I linked my arm with hers, "I know."
"So," she drug out her word, "have any ideas about your solo? I'm excited to see what you come up with."
I radiated excitement, knowing that I was even more ecstatic to get started now that I had discussed it with my group. I nodded, "I have a few, and you know I'm gonna need your opinion anyway."
She guided me out of the studio but I could tell that our previous conversation was lingering on both of our minds, and that she wanted to bring it up again. I wasn't sure why, but maybe she felt slightly protective of me and Drew's relationship. She understood I was happy with her, and she understood that Drew needed me in a way I might not quite understand.
When we spotted her Maria turned to me, "I know you like her a lot, I can see it, and she likes you too. Just... give her what she needs and I promise it'll pay off, okay?"
Nodding to Maria's comment I watched her disappear out the doors, leaving me the opportunity to talk to Drew. She spotted me after finishing up on cleaning one of the machines, giving me a tiny smile as she walked over to me.
I smiled as she spoke, "That was a quick meeting."
I nodded, "It went better than I had assumed."
"I'm glad," she winked, and I could tell she was still a little shaken from our previous conversation. I hadn't meant to intimidate her, I was only having fun, but I needed her to know that.
I apologized, "Drew I didn't mean to take it too far... I'm sorry. I won't make jokes about it anymore ..."
She knew exactly what I was talking about because she began shaking her head. I could tell she had certain insecurities, which was understandable, but she seemed to be disagreeing with some of the things I had said.
"Bree," she grabbed one of my hands, "Don't change yourself because of me. That's not what I want."
I argued, "But I know it's hard for you, and I know me making you more insecure won't help."
She seemed to understand where I was coming from, and she decided to accept my apology and move forward. Although we were both hard headed I knew she was the less stubborn out of us two, which I was unfortunately grateful for. My stubbornness had gotten me into a lot of trouble in the past, but I knew this time it had paid off. Drew needed to understand I was here for her and I wasn't going to push her any longer. I would be the person she needed me to be, and that I would do everything in my power to show her that.
She sucked in a tight breath, "Well fine, but for the record, I enjoy your teases. They may make me more nervous than normal but... they still turn me on. I'm not asexual you know."
I blushed, shaking my head at her willingness to open up, "I'll keep that in mind."
"I'll be by your place around 7:00, so pack tonight because it'll take us around four hours to make it to Boston."
I bit my lip in excitement, knowing that this weekend could really be a good one for me and Drew. I was ready to get out of this city and experience something new with her, and I was hoping she felt the same.
I nodded, "I'll be ready."
She smirked, tilting her head, "I'll walk you out."
Her hand was still interlaced with mine, which was still new to me but I accepted it willingly. I loved feeling her affection, mostly because it never really happened, but I could tell she was getting used to it. I was trying my best to take it as slow as possible, allowing her to have complete control as to where this relationship would go. I had a feeling she knew that, which led to her making most of the decisions and initiations.
We hailed a cab quickly and I looked up at her before getting in, "See you tomorrow."
Nodding, she smiled, "Looking forward to it already."
"I'll text you."
Her eyes were fixated on my lips, which gave me the courage I needed to lean up and plant a light peck against hers. She smiled instantly, which warmed my heart as I squeezed her hand before disappearing into the cab.
Tomorrow afternoon couldn't come fast enough.
~ ~ ~ ~
Anger, that was initially what I felt right now. I was disappointed to, but in this specific moment I was beyond annoyed at the production coordinators. It wasn't fair, none of it was, and they had to know that, right?
"Bree?"
I tried shoving the vile words that were on the tip of my tongue down my throat. I looked up at the female coordinator that was speaking to me right now, "Yes?"
"Is that going to be okay with you?"
I shrugged, "Do I have a choice?" I was trying not to let my irritation get the best of me, but I was failing, and this Friday afternoon had lost its steam really quick come my third class.
The lady looked at her clipboard, "I know it's unfair, but-"
"It's fine," I interrupted her, "You don't have to justify yourself, it's your job. I know. I'll find a partner and prepare."
She could tell I was upset, and I was actually convinced the entire auditorium knew I was pissed by the annoyance that was radiating off of me. I watched the woman drop her head and nod softly, "I'm sorry."
"Right," I answered before turning and walking towards my bag.
Even though I was in my choreography class and I had just been told I would basically have to do a duet with someone, I wasn't up for dancing anymore. I was mad, because even after four years of busting my ass and showing them I loved dance just as much as the Arts majors, I still got shit on.
And I couldn't do a solo because every other personal act hadn't even considered a duet, so of course they were forcing me to perform one.
I grabbed my bag as I swung it over my shoulder, hearing my name being called out but I didn't care. I was done with school today because there was absolutely no way I would be able to concentrate in the rest of my classes anyway. I was livid because my freedom of choice had been taken away from me, my one opportunity to show them I was capable stripped away before I even got started on designing the solo.
But that was no more, and now I would have to find someone willing to perform a duet dance with me by next week.
I mean why give me a choice at all? Why give me hope only to snatch it away from me? Why not just tell me I would be doing a duet number if I decided not to do two group numbers? It was that simple. They believed I didn't care, and that it wasn't a 'big deal' to me because I wasn't majoring in Dance and Arts. They thought I was just dancing for a filler or something.
I rolled my eyes as I made my way onto the streets of New York, catching a cab quickly and climbing in. I told the driver where to and leaned back in the seat, attempting to calm down but it was hard.
Choreographing a duet was a lot harder than a solo, and it would take time and a skilled dancer. Not to mention that my partner had to be fairly built considering duets were boring if there were no lifts or acrobatics in the number. I exhaled a deep breath and attempted to count to ten because if I didn't calm down I was convinced I was going to explode at any second.
We made it to my house in twenty, allowing me to charge through my door and realize Jada wasn't here. I didn't know where she was, but I took this as an opportunity to leave New York earlier than Drew and I had planned.
I picked up my phone, calling her. It didn't take long for her to answer either, "Bree? I thought you were in school?"
I countered, "I was, but then I left, and I'm ready to leave when you are."
I could hear confusion in her voice, "Okay, well I'll get my things together. I already have the rental car so give me thirty and I'll be at your place."
"See you in a bit," I ended the conversation then, still finding myself a little upset.
I decided to distract myself by triple checking and making sure I had packed everything I would need this weekend. We weren't going long anyway, so packing had been fairly simple.
I was shoving my phone charger into my purse when I heard a light knock at my door, knowing it was Drew. I had told her which apartment number and when I opened the door I felt all of my anxiousness and anger from school vanish.
I loved that about her.
She smiled, but she was still confused as to why I wasn't at school. I let her in, "So, why'd you skip? You were that eager to leave?"
I rolled my eyes as I thought about why I had left, and decided to deliver the news. I answered her willingly, "They took away my solo."
Her mood seemed so dissipate, which I found oddly flattering. It meant she cared, and that she felt bad for me, which was nice to see on her gorgeous features. She shook her head, "Why?"
I shrugged, lifting my bag and readying myself to bring it to the car. Instead I watched Drew take it from me, smiling in reassurance as she waited for me to answer her question.
I bit my lip, "Because," I started, "All the other personal dances are already performing solos and they need at least one duet. And you don't think they're gonna take away from the Dance and Art majors, do you?"
I had sarcasm in my voice, which led to a tiny smile on Drew's face. Watching her reaction I wanted to see her opinion on this because I needed validation that I wasn't the only one livid about this. I hadn't even had the chance to tell Maria, who had texted me earlier to ask why I wasn't in class. I just hadn't been in my right mind to text her and tell her why.
Drew set my bag next to hers in the backseat before responding, "That's sad you know, because I thought your group blew all the other dancers out the water. I mean, you all had the passion, and I could tell that your group was completely invested. The others just saw it as another day in the office, as they would say."
Hearing Drew's honesty only made me angrier at the fact, but I understood now there was nothing I could do about it besides prepare myself. But for now I wasn't worrying about dancing or any of that because I was with Drew, and this was our weekend together.
I answered, "Thanks, for this."
"For what?"
"Taking me to Boston."
She started the car and pulled out onto the road, "Don't thank me yet, we still have about four hours."
I rested my hand on her thigh then, "And that's a bad thing?"
She glanced at me, a look I loved written on her face. She wasn't playing innocent when it came to wanting me, and I was glad because it made me feel less guilty. I was warming her up to affection, which she had claimed she liked, so that's exactly what I did. I loved touching her, and I loved seeing that wide smile spread on her face. It was so contagious.
She took in a heavy breath, still smiling, "If you keep that up I might wreck."
I laughed, "I think this weekend will be good."
She seemed to contemplate something momentarily, as if a thought or memory had resurfaced. I was curious, but I had vowed not to pry into her head anymore. I would only allow her to tell me things on her own, but I prayed she would let me in on her thoughts.
But all she responded was, "Me too," and flashed me her closed-mouth smirk.