"You look like you saw a ghost." David stated, with an almost questioning tone. Clearly wondering why you had quickly gone so pale.
You felt a lump form in your scratchy throat, choosing to respond to David before opening whatever Brian had to say. "Well- the ghost of Christmas past- Brian texted me." You mumbled, eyes trained on your screen. Trixie almost instinctively stood from the bed, but made no move to get any closer.
Brian had been avoiding Trixie since his relapse, and though they still often saw each other at work, anyone receiving an at all congruent message or phone call from him was a million to one. He kept to himself, and at least attempted to keep the pain along with it.
"What'd he say?" He asked, crossing his arms and beginning to nervously chew at his thumb nail. Trixie was always assuming the worst as to not be disappointed, but you thought it made him more anxious than anything else. His brown eyes peered up at you nervously- that scared expression being one you had become all too familiar with.
You swiped open your phone to read the message.
(Brian): can I come see you?
Read and re read the text about 3 times and really wished you hadn't jumped on getting sober so quickly, because this was stressful.
"He wants to come over." You stated, swallowing harshly and sending a shooting pain through your sore throat.
Everyone paused. Neither yourself, Trixie or David really knew what to say, but you all knew Katya was most definitely still doing drugs and you had JUST stopped so though very tempting, this was most likely not a great idea.
"Do you want him to?" Trixie asked speaking gently. "Do you feel like you can see him and everything will be ok?" He reiterated deliberately.
To be completely honest you were not sure if everything was going to be ok, but the question onto wether you wanted to see Brian was a stupid one. Of course you did, you always wanted to see him and you hadn't been able to in far too long to resist.
David must have gotten impatient because he quickly spoke up again before you could answer. "Ask him if he's high." David stated, Trixie's gaze immediately darting back to face his boyfriend.
You nodded, deciding you could make a more informed decision if you had this rather important information considering your most recent choices.
Are you high? :(You)
Brian was quick to respond, obviously awaiting your answer.
(Brian): No
(Brian): But I am horny and I wanna see you
Now you were interested.
"Well?" Trixie snipped, eyes wide as both guys waited expectantly.
"He said no. He wants to hook up." You snorted, scoffing gently over the stupidity of your anxiety.
You had completely forgotten about Lea at this point and any comfort she had ever provided you could not compare to the idea of Brian's body even in your proximity, let alone the idea of it against yours.
Trixie and David, however did not look so relived. "This is still a decision your gonna have to make carefully, hun." David, sighed regretfully, standing from his seated position. "Katya may not currently be on drugs, but she could be trying to be. Plus, your not really in the best place to screw with your emotions right now." He explained as his hand slid up his boyfriends forearm to his lower back, resting there.
"Don't throw this away (Y/N) and get some real help, because we can only do so much... anyway, I think we should get going, it's already 1 am and we need to get some sleep...if you want my advice Mary, you'll be doing the same and doing it alone." Trixie sighed. He had a solemn look to his eyes, as well as a air of extreme exhaustion to his entire aura.
You nodded quickly, reaching over to hug the both of your friends before following them closely behind and walking them to the front door.
Their words definitely did not surprise you, as Trixie had just told you about how Brian wished he could hate you, but despite the fact you knew you wouldn't get back together, the fond memories of your first months of friendship were enough to sway your response.
I'll send you my new address :(You)
(Brian): I'll be there in 10.
And so began the wait.
You had more than expected to go home with Brian the day of Trixie's motel party, and though you been incessantly thinking of him since the event, you hadn't seen him for a few days.
Sighing you stepped away from the door and walked through the large foyer to the living room, plopping down onto the L-shaped couch and craning your neck to stare up at the high white ceiling.
You were still only dressed in the t-shirt from earlier, but you couldn't see any point in dressing up for Brian, sure it ahead been awhile, but it was still just him.
Your mind was rather busy with the idea of living the next few days without any sort of narcotic-aid, and you didn't have too much work to do so your substantial amount of free-time wasn't going to be helpful... then you thought about the days after that... the weeks after those and eventually your mind wandered to the months and then years you would have to spend having each day as hard as the next-
Holy shit.
Pulling the damp towel from your hair, your wet locks fell to your shoulders and you shivered over the cold feeling.
You really could have used a cigarette, but having just broken up with Lea, all you had in the house was a blue raspberry vape lost somewhere in your pile of dirty laundry. Going for a cigarette run would have been very therapeutic, but Brian would probably arrive soon, so you would just steal some of his.
You weren't really sure what you expected out of this surprise visit. Maybe you'd have sex, but then again, maybe things wouldn't turn out that way. Both you and Brian had been incredibly emotional the day of the party, so there was definitely a chance you could just end up talking and unable to even look at each other let alone touch-
A knock came at the door.
A silent gasp escaped your throat and your breath was picking up in your chest as you found your feet carrying you to face the large door.
The door was swung open and Brian stood in a black baseball cap and red hoodie, wearing sweatpants and slides. His eyes were blue as ever and he stared at you with a somewhat lost gaze. Though his brilliant eyes were bright, the dark circles around then proved to you that he was not in his best mental or physical state.
"Hey." You hummed, cracking a hint of a smile as you moved from the doorway for Brian to step into the huge foyer.
"Hey... you didn't tell me you moved in to Buckingham Palace, I feel underdressed." Brian teased, his voice husky and harsher than you remembered.
You chuckled lightly, shutting the door behind him as he slipped off his shoes. "The dress code is apparently a t-shirt and no panties, so don't feel pressured to follow it." You smiled, signalling for him to follow you with a nod.
Things weren't necessarily tense, but they definitely weren't comfortable... the only feeling you could put your finger on was 'familiar'.
Brian scoffed out a laugh and followed close behind you into the large living room. "Holy shit... your loaded." He gasped, looking over the modern furniture. To be honest, most of your money went one of 3 places, back to the business, to your home, or to your drugs, so it wasn't surprising you had such nice digs.
"I got a really good deal on it- but yeah, my company's finally picking up..." you hummed, once again flopping onto the couch. "How about you? I've seen Trixie is really high riding it- what's new with Katya?" You asked, grabbing Brian's wrist to pull him to the seat next to you, hun plopping down in the corner seat.
Brian shrugged, leaning back into the couch and getting comfortable. "I've been busy with other things." He mumbled.
"Speaking of things, I'm done with coke." You stated quickly, trying to immediately get it out of the way and off of your chest.
Brian was shocked by your urgency, but was fast to recover. "Oh good for you." He nodded, holding a tight lip smile. "How's Lea taking all this," Brian questioned.
"She-" your lips parted for you to explain your breakup, but you were quick to make a realization and correct yourself. "You thought I was going to cheat on her with you?" You gasped, your eyebrows furrowing.
Brian's gaze flicked away. "You didn't have any problem doing it last time." He mumbled.
That struck you where it hurt. You regretted the way yours and Brian's relationship ended everyday and you had no desire to make this experience another mistake.
"You know it wasn't like that, baby." You responded, not wanting to give Brian the disrespect of defending yourself to him.
He sighed, humming in a somewhat defeated agreement, before his eyes flicked away from yours shyly. "How'd you decide to stop?" Brian asked.
It didn't take a genius to understand what he was talking about. You could have told anyone that at least since that night on the bench, Brian had been obviously unhappy and maybe he was finally ready to look for a way out.
"Trix and David came over to help me get rid of everything... I didn't think it would be that difficult to throw some shit down the toilet, but holy fuck was I struggling..." you sighed, running your hand through your now damp hair. "I was with Lea, flipped out and broke up with her right before I called them.- I just couldn't do it any more." You explained, Brian only hummed in response. For some reason he seemed a little hurt that Trixie had helped you, but you brushed it off. The silence had gone enough to change the subject so you took the chance. "Do you want something to drink?" You asked. He thought for a second, but ultimately shook his head.
"I regret starting again all the time, but I'm screwed now..." he scoffed, pushing the palms of his hands up to rub his eyes.
You sighed, inching a little closer to Brian and resting your hand on his thigh. "Your not screwed." You mumbled sweetly. "Besides, we're gonna take our minds off of all this shit for awhile... do you want to turn on some music or something?" You hummed suggestively, reaching for your phone. Brian nodded, wiggling his eyebrows and forcing out a laugh from you.
"Hell yeah, Mary. Can you believe it's been over a year since we've even kissed?" He asked, sounding more like himself than he had in a long time. You smiled to yourself as you scrolled through your playlists, finally landing on one you hadn't listened to in way to long.
You pressed shuffle and only then realized your hand had stayed glued to his thigh the entire time. "I know... Is it just me or is it difficult to get comfortable around people?" You asked, tossing your phone to the side as Redbone began to play softly through the living room speakers.
Brian thought about it for a second, taking a deep breath before beginning to speak softly. "Definitely. I felt like every single person could be the one before I fell for you, and now- fuck the chances of anyone being good enough!" He teased, explaining to you with wide eyes.
You nodded. "You were always the one." You sighed shakily. Brian gave you only a tight lipped smile on return.
Your legs slid up to tuck beneath you on the couch. Brian's gaze flicked down to your lips and then back up to connect with yours. "Are you sure you wanna do this?" He asked, his eyes lids heavy with want and lips left naturally parted as his chest began to heave.
You needed to be with him at least once more, you couldn't resist yourself.
"Hell yeah, baby... I've missed you..." you mumbled breathily, climbing the rest of the way onto the couch in a position with your hands between your knees, more than ready. Your eyes landed on his lips and you sighed, staring wantonly as small puffs of air left his plump pink lips.
You slowly leaned in, one of your hands steadying you by pressing on his sternum and the other remaining between your legs. Your nose brushed against his and finally- your lips pushed into his, Brian immediately delving into yours and reciprocating aggressively.
You moved against Brian heatedly, his hand coming up to draw you in by the back of your neck with a gasp. "I missed you too..." he huffed against you.