Sometime later, your friends make good on their word, and they bring you Petra.
The truck that Farlan's driving hasn't even pulled to a complete stop yet when Petra throws herself out of the passenger seat, falling to the ground, but she pulls herself up immediately. Your security system had alerted you that they were here, so you're right outside the front door, quick to close the distance.
Petra tackles you with a massive hug that takes you straight to the ground. You nearly get the wind knocked out of you when your back hits the ground, but you're too relieved to care.
"You idiot," Petra says into your shoulder, and she pulls herself off of you. You push yourself to your feet, and as soon as you do, Petra grabs your shoulders. "Never again! Never do that again!"
"This wasn't my idea," you tell her, grinning, "but yeah, never again."
"You idiot!" Petra stresses again, but she lunges in to hug you again. You grab onto her again, clinging tightly, just happy to have her in your arms once again. She's crying, you know she is, but you've had a while to mentally prepare yourself for this and you're holding yourself together.
The two of you hold each other and sway for a bit until you murmur, "I have tea and we've got a really cool porch swing."
Petra sniffles. "Yeah. That sounds good."
"Okay, okay," you laugh. "Now ease up, I broke a few ribs."
She gasps, pulling back. "Did you actually?"
"No idea. Tea?"
"Tea," Petra agrees, smacking your arm. "Yes, please, tea."
.
Levi really doesn't get how girls talk so much.
Farlan brought in boxes full of things: food, tools, equipment, all things for the cabin that he and you would need. Levi's spent the last hour or so helping him unpack things, install things, and return empty boxes to the truck they drove up here in- and you and Petra are still out on the porch, giggling and chatting nonstop.
"How do they do it?" Farlan asks, shaking his head. Levi looks up; Farlan too has been looking through the window at you and Petra. "Talking for hours."
So he's been reading his mind. Levi's lips twitch, and his eyes go back to you. "No idea."
"Does she talk your ear off?" His friend grins. "Petra talked the whole way here. She's great, but I think I went deaf in one ear."
"You probably did. It feels like I have to yell to get your attention."
"You're just quiet."
"Or you're just deaf."
Farlan rolls his eyes, leaning back against the counter. Levi takes that as a sign that they're done working for now, and he crosses his arms as he leans back.
Last week's conversation had ended... abruptly. You'd been overwhelmed and confused, and Levi can't blame you for that, but he's got some questions and Farlan seems like the best one to answer them- since neither Petra, Hange, or Moblit (the only three that have visited so far) were there when it happened.
He focuses on the tail end of last week's conversation. "So the president's dead," Levi says.
Farlan nods. "Yep."
"She killed him."
"Yeah. She did."
"How?"
He doesn't answer right away. Levi eventually looks to him, trying to make eye contact, but his friend is avoiding his gaze. So he's betting Rod's death didn't follow the original plan of execution by arrow.
Levi's still looking, and Farlan's still avoiding him. "How?" he asks again.
Farlan's still avoiding eye contact, but he starts to talk. "We captured him, according to plan," he says hesitantly, "and we called for everyone to retreat, and when she came out of the building, she was- she was holding a crowbar."
A crowbar. Nice.
His friend sounds genuinely ill when he forces out, "she, uh- she stuck one end in his mouth to get him to shut up, and Erwin tried to talk her down, but she just..."
Farlan mimes pushing his hand forward. Levi gets the idea: you tore Rod Reiss's head open at the jaw.
Levi looks away. In his peripheral vision, he sees Farlan nodding, more to himself than to Levi. "Yeah. That killed him. But then she- she hit him a few times with the crowbar for good measure, and... fuck, Levi, it was like his head was a pumpkin and his brains were the pumpkin seeds."
A violent, painful death, then. Levi suspects he deserved it. His eyes find you through the window; he wonders if you think about it at all. If it haunts you. Is it better or worse if it doesn't?
"You didn't see her, Levi- she lost it," Farlan murmurs. "She went crazy. Randomly attacking a bunch of statues, destroying property... half of the rebels thought we should just leave her. To get all of her anger out. No one wanted to approach her- Erwin tried and she nearly threw something at him."
"And you?" Levi asks, looking at him. "Did you want to leave her?"
"I'm the one who talked her out of it, actually."
He glances at him.
Farlan meets his gaze. "She wasn't the only one grieving you, Levi," he says. "I lost both you and Isabel that day. I knew what she was going through."
"Not like I wanted that. For either of you."
"I know you didn't, I know, just..." Farlan shrugs. "Don't judge her, I guess. I definitely wanted to kill anyone and everyone who came near me, so I get it."
Levi keeps his face as impassive as possible. "So why didn't you?"
He shrugs again. "I did."
It takes Levi a minute to understand. Isabel. When Farlan lost her. When Levi had heard that she was gone, he'd just felt the life sapped out of him. It still doesn't feel real, honestly, even when talking to Farlan about it.
She can't just be gone. But maybe that's how he's feeling because he never had to bear witness to it, not like Farlan with Isabel and you with him.
And now he's stuck here, for the rest of his life, and he never has to face it. Not if he doesn't want to.
He should. Maybe he can work through it with you.
Erwin too. Again, it doesn't feel real, and every day he keeps expecting to walk out into the kitchen and see Erwin already there with a cup of tea. But every time, the room is empty, and every time, Levi is left without his mentor.
Sometime later, Farlan says that the two of them have to get going. Levi watches as you and Petra have a teary goodbye, with promises of more visits later- he doesn't mind, Petra is kind and she puts you in a good mood- and you even give Farlan a hug before he leaves.
The two of you watch them go from the porch. The sun is setting through the trees, and the golden lighting on your face makes you look ethereal.
"Hey," Levi murmurs, reaching for your hand.
You look to him, smiling. "What?"
He wonders if he'll be able to convey exactly how strongly he feels to you. Telling you that he loves you every single day isn't enough; it doesn't feel like anything is.
So, he asks, "can we make something? For Isabel?" and the soft look on your face tells him that yeah, maybe you get it after all.
And when you agree immediately, asking what he has in mind, Levi decides that he'll tell you he loves you every single day anyways.
.
The following week, Hange and Moblit swing by for a visit.
You and Levi spent some time last week making a small graveyard in the woods, a ways out from your small cabin. Making something for Isabel had sparked it, but after a small cross and stone for her, the two of you added Erwin, then Gunther and Eld and Oluo, and then Marco too. It feels like you could make countless more, and it would never be enough.
When they arrive, Levi takes Hange to the graveyard, and you stay at the house with Moblit. Levi's been spending some time there lately, and you think it has to do with Isabel, so you don't feel right intruding. This time around, he's probably going with Hange to talk about Erwin, but still- you didn't know him long enough to feel like you could be involved in that.
You still haven't read the letter he left you. You haven't even entered the study. At first, it just slipped your mind- but every time you remember it, you get conflicting feelings, and you'd rather read it with a clear head.
So you make tea, you pull out some biscuits that Hange and Moblit brought you, and you bring a small tray out to the porch. "Thank you," Moblit says gratefully as you sit down near him, setting the tray down on a small table.
"Thanks for the delivery," you say with a grin. They brought fresh fruit, vegetables, and snacks today- with the promise of having someone come every week to bring more.
Moblit takes his tea, but he doesn't speak. He seems a bit skittish around you, and you don't really blame him: you haven't had much time to talk to him and all, and the first time you were face to face, he shot you. All for the scheme, of course, but still.
Well, time to ease the tension, you suppose. "So," you say. "You shot me."
Moblit winces. "I did."
"And you knew the snakes were coming, so you told Erwin to send those scented gloves. In the arena."
"I did."
"And you got blueprints of the Capitol building. And retrieved tapes from the games when I needed them," you add, thinking of your recovery period after you'd be rescued from the Capitol.
Moblit nods along. "All of the above, yeah."
You stare at him for a moment, then stick out your hand. "Thank you."
He stares, then smiles with relief. He reaches out and he shakes. "Thank you for everything except shooting you, I guess," he says sheepishly.
"No, especially for shooting me."
"...sorry?"
"How many people can say they've been shot in the chest and survived?" Your grin fades. "Well, technically, no one thinks I did. But you get what I mean." You shrug. "It's a new one for the books."
"New one for the books," Moblit repeats, and he shakes his head. "They weren't kidding when they said you were crazy."
You grin. "They?"
"I was tuned into a few of the meetings while you and Levi were in the games," he admits. "Erwin, Shadis, some of the other higher ups. Erwin insisting that you were necessary for the plan and the rest of them saying you'd lost your marbles. That you were crazy."
"Can't I be both necessary and crazy?" you ask innocently, tipping your head.
Moblit grins. "That's what Erwin said."
Erwin. Your smile wanes slightly, but you catch yourself before the slip is noticeable.
"The gamemakers loved you, though," Moblit continues, and you frown. "Not Zackly, of course. It was fun for us though- he started off all calm and composed, insisting that he knew what he was doing, and- and the president even came in a few times to threaten him to kill you. He always said he would."
"Never did," you say, a bit of pride seeping into your tone.
"No, and it drove him mad." The brunet laughs. "Watching him go from being so composed to deranged was fun. I was- I was one of the gamemakers, that was my way into the Capitol. And yeah, the Capitol scared all of us, but when you would do something to get out of dangerous situation after dangerous situation..." Moblit shrugs. "I think we were all rooting for you and Levi."
Your lips twitch. "Nice. Popular with everyone, then."
He nods, grinning. "A few of them even thought you were a cute couple," Moblit adds, eyes rising to look out into the forest. You follow his gaze: you can see Hange and Levi, returning to the cabin. "One of the women even called you two star-crossed lovers."
"Star-crossed lovers," you echo, your eyes lingering on Levi. "Don't let him hear you say that, he'll throw up."
He laughs. "And you won't?"
"Trust me, holding it back." You look back to Moblit. "Thank you," you say. "Genuinely. For everything you did."
"Thank you for saving the world," he replies. "I think it paid off."
Hange and Levi get back. They have some tea with the two of you, but not for long; Hange and Moblit leave maybe half an hour later. Your conversation with Moblit lingers in your head, and after they leave, Levi volunteers to clean up. You think he can tell something's up with you, and you appreciate him giving you the time to yourself- so you thank him, kiss him, and head up to the study.
The room's not very large. A small desk, two shelves, and a small stack of books. A thin layer of dust on top of everything- everything except a letter, sitting in the center of the desk.
Sitting on top of the corner of the letter is a figurine of sorts- it's a chess piece. When you get closer, you realize it's the queen.
You bite the inside of your cheek as you close the distance between you and the desk. You pick up the chess piece, turning it over in your hand. You're not sure if it's the same one from his office, but it easily could be.
You set it down and pick up the folded paper. You open it, eyes drawn to the slanted scrawl.
If you are reading this, then that means two things. One: my plan worked. Two: I am dead.
I assure you, I did not go into this intending to die. The plan was not to trade my life for yours. But I had to assume that there would be casualties after the stunt I planned on pulling, and that my life would be one of them. If I died saving yours, then I consider it very worthwhile.
You were right; you didn't ask for this. I needed someone to rally the people behind and I chose you to fit the role. No, you didn't ask for this, but you fit the position perfectly. No one could've done it better.
That is why it has come to this. I knew there would be no rest for you, as long as you remained our representative- our face of the rebellion. Perhaps you may find this dramatic, but I found this to be the best way to give you the peace and rest that you deserve. Levi as well. You two have been imperative to the success of this rebellion and it is only fair that you get your rest.
I know you can't be happy. You never were, when things were out of your control. I hope you come to realize why I did what I did.
Like I told you, I would do it again. All of it, if it meant this same ending.
You and Levi both deserve a better ending than what this world has to give you. This is the best I could manage; I hope it will suffice.
Thank you. Thank you for your service, for being our Mockingjay. For being my wild card.
Erwin
You read it once. Then a second time. Then, with a long sigh, you drop the letter on the desk.
You set the queen up on the piece of paper, now unfolded. You put it directly on top of the word Mockingjay on the letter. Then, you turn, and you leave the study, closing the door behind you.
.
More time goes by. You're restless. You hunt for long hours, and you spend a lot of time outside. Levi joins you for some of it; he recognizes that sometimes you need the company, but other times you just want to be on your own. And sometimes he goes off on his own too: sometimes the graveyard, sometimes just to wander the woods.
Fuck, you love him. He just gets you so easily, and he's adapted to all of this so easily- while you're still struggling to accept that this is reality now.
There's a large television in the main living room, and whenever you're cooking with Levi, you normally leave it on, playing either a show or the news. Oftentimes, it's the news. Just to keep tabs on everything that's going on, even if you have no part in it. If Levi minds, he doesn't say. In fact, he actually switched to the news channel once when you were half asleep on his shoulder on the couch after a random movie. So he's curious too, you think.
At first, it's just the usual: the settling of the Capitol and the districts, new alliances formed, Historia 'paving the way for the future' and making peace with literally everyone. She's damn good at her job.
You've just put some pork in the oven- courtesy of the wild boar you killed yesterday- and yes, you have an oven, and it's weird but it's the best thing you've ever owned- when the news changes from the establishment of a trading line between District 2 and District 8 to a picture of you.
"It's been two months since the passing of the Mockingjay, and the celebration in her honor with the unveiling of the statue went off without a hitch today," the announcer is saying, and the picture of you changes to an image of a statue of you in some sort of plaza.
Levi snorts. "You've got a statue now."
You're mortified. "That's awful, holy shit," you mutter, shaking your head. "Please tell me it's not a big statue."
"They're saying it's twenty feet," Levi says, and he sounds amused.
You groan. "For fuck's sakes."
It cuts to a video of a celebrating crowd- a startlingly large number of them are wearing pins with the mockingjay on them. "Although the Mockingjay is no longer with us, her impact will be felt for centuries, and she's certainly made her place in our history textbooks," the lady is saying now.
"I spent ages trying to topple statues," you grumble, rolling your eyes. "Please tell me you see the irony in this."
Levi shrugs. "I don't care. I'm just enjoying your suffering."
You scoff. "Wow. Love you too."
"Mm." He wanders by you, and he squeezes your hip as he goes by. "Sounds like no one's forgetting you anytime soon," Levi says as he collapses on the couch.
You move to the sink, about to wash your hands. "What, peeved that they left your name out of it?"
"Hardly. Last thing I want is a damn statue."
"Oh, sure." You dry your hands off on a small towel and wander towards the couch, grinning. "Besides, your statue would be tiny next to mine," you tease.
His eyes flash, and Levi seizes your hips to pull you in towards him. You grin as you collapse onto the couch with him, the space barely wide enough for the two of you side by side, and Levi pulls you on top of him. He keeps his hands on your hips, stabilizing you, and you reach out for his shoulders to steady yourself.
Levi's hands rise from your hips to your neck. "Say that again," he murmurs.
You grin wildly. "Your statue would be-"
He pulls you in and kisses you to cut you off, and you smile against his lips, happy for the distraction. Within seconds, you've completely forgotten the entire statue-celebration thing, and within minutes, the announcer has moved on, talking about something else entirely.
.
Sometime later, Hange comes, but this time with Pixis in tow.
He's the first of the bunch to hear about your 'not actually dead' thing, and as any normal person who's believed someone to be dead for weeks would do, Pixis asked to see you. Hange could hardly say no, so they both showed up.
You and Levi are waiting on the porch as they arrive, and you enjoy the look on Pixis's face when he sees you. "C'mon," you joke as he gets closer. "You didn't really think I could die, did you?"
"Not many survive a bullet to the chest," Pixis retorts as he gets closer. He looks you up and down, then does the same to Levi. "You two look..."
"Alive and prospering?" you say with a grin.
"Once I get this damn boot off, we can call it prospering," Levi grumbles.
You roll your eyes at him. "Two more days, and not a moment sooner- you've got the most fragile ankles I've ever seen. First in the games, now this-"
"You try falling four stories without breaking something."
"Or maybe just don't fall the four stories."
"Already at the stage where you're joking about your trauma?" Pixis asks dryly.
You flash him a thumbs up. "Either we laugh or we cry."
"So we laugh," Levi says.
"Aren't you two just so much fun?" Hange says gleefully, beaming. "Levi, come help me unload some of this stuff and we'll let these two catch up. I brought this entire kitchenware set- Em, you'll love it, it's so aesthetically pleasing!"
Hange scurries off to the truck they drove here, and Levi squeezes your hand before he trails off to follow Hange, leaving you and Pixis on the porch.
Neither of you say anything for a minute.
Then, you say, "so, can I get you a drink? Water, tea? Whiskey?"
"Still as funny as always," Pixis says. "Water."
You lead him inside and Pixis collapses into one of your armchairs. You fill up two glasses and hand him one before you curl in on yourself on the couch, tucking up your legs. "So," you ask. "Surprised?"
He shrugs. "Somehow, not really."
Your lips twitch. "Really?"
"Yeah. When they announced you'd been shot and killed in battle, I don't think anyone really believed it- at least, not until the security footage leaked."
"Security footage?"
"Yeah. Camera installed on that train that was supposed to be taking the Capitol people to safety. Hange was just telling me that Erwin had it installed the day before. Wanted good proof."
You sigh to yourself. "Of course he did."
Pixis hums. "Thought of everything, didn't he?"
He's glancing around your cabin. You sigh again and tip your head back to stare at the ceiling. "He did," you agree, eyes flickering to the kitchen, to the windows, and then back to Pixis. "Tried his best to set this up for us."
Your mentor's staring at you with a knowing look in his eye. "You don't like it."
"It's a nice cabin."
"I mean, you don't like being here."
"I like it," you defend. "I spend all of my time with Levi. It's safe. I do whatever I want. There's no risk here."
"But?..." Pixis adds.
Seeing right through you, huh. "But there's no risk," you say with a shrug. "It's too easy. I was so used to being in the center of the action, the center of attention- and now I'm just not important. Insignificant."
"You don't think you're important?" Pixis asks incredulously, raising an eyebrow.
You roll your eyes. "I know I was. Maybe I am now, but I won't be for much longer. I don't know, I kind of liked being the Mockingjay- not sure how to cope without it now."
Pixis laughs, and he smacks you on the shoulder. You think he meant to pat your shoulder, but it's too hard of a strike to be considered a pat. "Kid," he says, "I don't think you realize that you and Levi have completely changed history. Everything we've ever known- wiped out because of the two of you."
"Not like we'll be around to see it," you say without meaning to, the words slipping out before you can stop them.
His smile wanes slightly, but doesn't completely disappear. "You'll see it," he says. "Not in grandiose forms, sure, but you'll see it."
Hm. Maybe he's right. "I didn't think you could spout so much wisdom while sober," you taunt, grinning.
Pixis scoffs. "So you noticed. Yeah, still sober, but I'm still a mentor."
"You were a shitty mentor."
"I sent you that lighter."
"You sent it down the side of a damn mountain."
"Well, it was a good thing I had an insane tribute with equally insane hearing, then."
Your lips twitch, and suddenly, you think you get it. You don't need to see the results of your work in the huge impacts you've made- you can see it in the small ones. You can see it in Pixis's sobriety, which never would've happened without you. That's a win.
Pixis's smirk fades into a smile. "I'm glad you're not dead, kiddo."
You grin in return. "Yeah. Me too."
.
The last of a young boy's arrows find the edge of the painted cardboard target that his father's hung from a branch on a random tree in the woods.
His father grins. "You hit the target!"
"I did!" the boy agrees, but his excitement wanes quickly. "But it's not the bullseye."
"Well, you can't expect to be an expert already. But you hit it," his father urges, gesturing to the target. "That's a great start."
"Not good enough! I gotta hit 'em in the eye." He puffs out his chest. "Like the Mockingjay!"
His father chuckles, shaking his head. "They've got them reruns on again, do they? The rebellion clips? Haven't you seen them enough?"
He shakes his head vigorously. "I'm going to be just like her. Never miss a shot!"
"Let's start with getting in the rough area of the target consistently, kiddo, before we start with the impossible. Go get your arrows."
Smiling to himself, the young boy crosses the hill, nearly stumbling over some of the larger roots. He finds one of his arrows embedded in the mossy ground, and another on the edge of the target. Where's the third?
Frowning, he looks around. There it is- stuck in another tree, higher than he can reach. He'd missed badly with that one.
Abandoning his collected arrows on the ground, the young boy starts to climb. He's seen the tapes from the last ever Hunger Games. He's watched the Mockingjay over and over- and climbing trees was one of her specialties. She always made it look so easy. He'll be like the Mockingjay one day.
Determined, he climbs, and even when he's high enough to grab his arrow, he climbs just a bit further. He can see so much from here! Imagine how much he could see if he kept going.
"Don't climb too high, kiddo," his father calls. "If you break something, your mother won't be happy."
"I won't!" he calls back confidently. "I won't go much higher!"
He means it. The small boy only goes up a few more branches so that he's got a better view over the hill that he and his father have been practicing on.
He sees why the Mockingjay liked it up in the trees. He remembers the games, when she'd climbed trees to sleep in for the night or to escape the snakes. She was so good at it. Being up here, this high- he feels like he's on top of the world.
Something crosses his vision. There, across the hill and a ways away, is a deer.
The boy has to bite his tongue to keep from yelling out for his father and scaring the deer off right away. God, they haven't seen a deer in ages! That could feed him, his mother, and his father for over a week! One day, he'll get really good with the bow and arrow, just like the Mockingjay, and he'll be able to shoot it from here! He'll-
"Hey, kiddo, come on down," his father calls.
The deer looks up in his direction, and the boy freezes up.
Suddenly, an arrow strikes the deer from out of nowhere. The deer yips, then collapses. He gasps, nearly falling from his tree branch. Then, he starts to scamper down.
His father hears his alarm and calls out, "are you okay?" but he's already down the tree and racing across the forest, jumping over rocks and trying not to trip over roots. He's still not sure whether or not he made it up in his head, but he could've sworn...
Yes, it's here! Here's the deer! "Dad, come here!" he yells, crouching by the dead animal. "It's a deer! I saw someone shoot it!"
He looks up; his father is nearly here. "You can't just run off like that!" his father scolds. "It's not safe out here alone! You could..."
He sees the deer. He trails off.
Mouth agape, the father leans in, examining the kill. The deer isn't slim- there's a decent amount of meat on the bones. A kill like this could feed their family for a week, at least. What sort of god looked down upon them today, to bless them with this gift? What...
His eyes finally land on the arrow, and the arrow placement. His eyebrows rise.
"Look, Dad," the boy says excitedly. "Look! It was shot in the eye!"
.
"Only two squirrels?"
"Yeah," you confirm. "Not a lot out today, I guess."
Levi frowns. "You're a horrible liar."
You stare at him, then sigh. You toss your bag to Levi. "They'll have to be skinned and cut up," you instruct, avoiding eye contact. You know he can see right through you and there's no point in denying it, but you'll stall for a bit, if you can. "Do you want me to do it?"
"I've got it," Levi says as you collapse onto the stool by the door, pulling your boots off. He moves to join you and he grabs the shoulders of your jacket to help you take it off. "You go shower, I'll cook," he murmurs, hanging up your jacket once you've shaken it off. "Then we'll talk. Okay?"
"Okay," you agree, because you'd be stupid not to. "Thank you."
"Mm." He kisses the top of your head, then goes back towards the kitchen.
Once you've showered, you wander back towards the living room. Levi's already got two plates piled with food sitting on the coffee table in front of the couch. He's sitting there too, food untouched, waiting for you.
With a soft sigh, you plunk yourself down next to him. "Thank you," you murmur appreciatively, kissing his cheek before you settle in. "For dinner."
"You don't have to thank me," Levi replies, handing you your plate.
"I do, obviously."
The two of you eat in silence, thighs touching each other as you eat your dinner. When you're both done, you stack the plates and slide them further on the table, a sign that you'll do dishes later. For now...
Levi pats his lap, and you twist so that you can lay down. His fingers run through your hair and you sigh contently, letting your eyes flutter shut.
"So," Levi remarks. "What happened?"
"I killed a deer," you say honestly.
"Haven't seen deer in a while."
"Mm."
"You didn't bring it back."
"...I didn't."
"Who saw you?"
"No one saw me," you murmur. "Just- there was just a kid that saw the deer go down, so it wasn't safe to retrieve it."
He doesn't reply. You know he knows you're not telling him everything.
You sigh to yourself. No need to play this stupid little charade with him. "I was tracking the deer, and then I heard voices," you say as you sit up. "Heard the kid say Mockingjay. I froze up, listened for a while, and saw the kid climbing a tree. He saw the deer, so I shot it. He and his dad found it."
"That's it?" Levi asks.
"That's it," you confirm. "No one saw me. Just saw the kill."
"The kill, with an arrow, and let me guess- right in the eye."
You wince. "...Maybe."
Levi's lips twitch, and he beckons you back towards him. The two of you position yourselves so that you're both laying down, curled up with each other, Levi's hand resting on your hip.
"Mad at me?" you ask, because you want to get it over with now if he is.
"No," he replies. "I get it."
"You get it?"
"You feel useless. You have skills, and you want to help. Maybe we can talk to Hange about you hunting for District 13," Levi suggests quietly. "You put together a haul, give it to them when they come up on Sundays."
"You think they'd go for that?"
"You could convince them."
Your lips twitch. "I definitely could."
You feel a bit better. You snuggle closer into Levi's chest, and you feel him pull you a bit tighter.
"It's not just that, is it?" he asks eventually.
You don't reply, which is his answer.
"You miss the world. Your friends. The people. And I can't give you that."
"You give me everything," you say immediately, unwilling to hear Levi badmouth himself. "Levi, I love this. I love our life here. I just wish it didn't have to be- it didn't have to be separate from everything else, I guess. I'm getting used to it," you add quickly. "I am. I'm adjusting. It's just...""
You fall quiet. You don't know how else to explain it. Some days, you love everything about your life here, and other days, you just want to sit down in the cafeteria with Levi, Hange, Petra, and everyone else, and you just want to...
"I know it's not easy," Levi murmurs.
"It'll get easier," you say in return, squeezing his arm. "It will. Just, some days..."
He hums. "Yeah."
He gets it. You know he does. "Do you ever miss..." you trail off.
Levi's eyes meet yours. "Miss what? The Hunger Games?"
"No, not the games, but... being a gladiator. Not, obviously, everything that happened to you because of being a gladiator," you clarify. "But the fighting. The winning. Being good at something and the whole world knowing it." Immediately, you clarify. "I'm sorry, that's insensitive. I shouldn't have asked. That's- that's definitely something you don't want to think about-"
"Enough," Levi interrupts, and you pinch your lips together. "Enough with your rambling. I told you, you can ask about it. I don't care."
"Still, I shouldn't have asked," you murmur, but you fall quiet, because he looks like he wants to talk.
He sighs. "I don't mind you asking," Levi says firmly, hand gently squeezing your thigh. "Because yes. I get it. And yes, sometimes I miss it."
"You do?"
"Mm." Levi leans into you a bit, and you return the favor, happy to cuddle up with him. "I liked winning. I liked analyzing an opponent and figuring out how to beat them. Because I was good at it. I liked doing what I was good at. I didn't care for the recognition."
Your lips twitch. "I think that's where we differ."
"You like the attention."
"Duh. I'm good at it, I know I am. And having a team of people who knew I wouldn't miss, being put in new situations to test myself out. I liked that."
"You liked people telling you that you were good?"
"Not really. I know I'm good."
Now it's time for Levi's lips to quirk. "Tell that to the blush you get whenever I compliment you."
You scowl. "I don't blush. You blush."
"Your eyes crinkle and you grin. You get these dimples, right here." Levi touches your cheek. "And your body language. You-"
"Enough, asshole," you say with a laugh, swatting his hand away. "Says you. Anytime I say something even remotely flirtatious, you lock down completely and you-"
"Stop deflecting," he scolds. "This is about you."
"We can make it about you, I'm fine with that."
"No." Levi takes your hand, and he kisses the backs of your knuckles. "If it's attention you want, it's attention I'll give you. Every day."
You grin. "Every day? We've got a lot of days left together."
"I'm counting on it," Levi agrees, and he leans.
He kisses you, and you realize how stupid you are. How stupid you are to crave more when you've got all you could ever want right in front of you. It's hard sometimes, yes, but with Levi by your side, you can figure it out.
.
You were right. It does get easier.
You start hunting less and less. It had been a way for you to escape, to ignore the situation you were put in- much like when your parents were killed. But hiding away from it doesn't help: it only bottles up anger, anger that has no place here. Your friends wanted what was best for you. And maybe you don't agree with them, but they don't deserve your anger.
So you hunt a bit less. You cook with Levi a bit more. You teach him how to shoot ("I already know how." "Yeah, but you're not that good."), and he teaches you how to use a sword ("You're absolute shit at this." "I'll slice your fingers off, just you wait!"). You get Hange to bring you books, and you read a bit, curled up in the swing on the front porch.
"Maybe one day, just for shits and giggles, I'll learn how to knit," you say into the silence, with your head on Levi's lap and a book in your hands.
Levi turns a page in his own book. "I feel like you'd be more likely to stab someone with knitting needles."
You grin. "Can we start training with those too? Using them as weapons?"
"Somehow, I'd end up stabbed."
"Oh, come on."
Time goes by. You and Hange finally get your drinks date: they bring a massive canteen filled with orange juice and vodka ("Mimosas, obviously!" Hange had said in delight), and the two of you had gone through so much of it that you were giggling nonstop for the entire evening and Levi had to drag you to bed.
Apart from the visits, which happen once a week, you've settled into a much better routine in the cabin. You're setting more and more traps and hunting less and less to find food. You spend almost all of your time with Levi, sometimes in silence, sometimes talking for hours on end.
And you're okay with it. There's no surprises, no changes- nothing for you to worry about. You used to think that meant your life was boring, but it's quite the opposite. The consistency gives you comfort and it keeps you content.
Because just like the sun always rises in the east, just like the moon always appears in the night sky, Levi is always there. The answer is Levi, and it always has been. And you're as sure of that as you are that the sun will rise tomorrow.
The thought does more than comfort you. It drives you, gets you up every morning and makes you smile every single day. His consistency has melted your heart, has burned its place into your brain.
He told you once that he wasn't going anywhere. He's told you again, countless times. And he means it.
So when you ask him, you already know his answer. "You love me," you say on one quiet evening, curled up on the porch with Levi's arm cradling your shoulders, fingers dancing over your sleeves. "Real or not real?"
You don't have to ask. You already know the answer.
He kisses your hair and tells you anyways.
"Real."
.
And that's it, loves. Thank you SO SO much. The endless support is always so appreciated.
Next up is a fake dating AU! My mind's wandering to possible baseball AUs, criminal minds AUs, and game of thrones AUs... so safe to say, I'll be busy for a bit. My twitter is the same username as here (ohdontiwish) if you want to keep up- when I finally know the date I'm going to post my next fic, I'll post it on there.
Happy holidays. I love you all. See you in the new year!! xxx