"Lea." You hummed, looking out into the road as you sighed out dramatically. Recalling the name of your soon to be ex girlfriend. Katya only nodded in response.
You suddenly felt the urge to do something you hadn't done in over a year, and with the help of the narcotics in your system, you acted on it. Sliding over, you pressed up against Katya and rested your head on her cloth clad shoulder, some of her hair caught between your cheek and her collarbone. Your lungs filled with her familiar scent, your heart released a sigh of relief with the comforting feeling.
Katya tensed slightly before accepting her fate and just continuing on with a third cigarette, only the clicking of her lighter and the crackle of her cigarette filling the silence. She waited a few moments before daring to speak, not wanting to scare you away after Katya, herself became attached to the feeling of your head pressed against her shoulder. "Why aren't you more upset your relationships going to shit?" She asked, glancing down at you, smoke pillowing from between her lips only a few inches from your face.
You thought about it for a minute- thought about maybe lying to make her jealous, or saying something to protect her feelings- but instead you decided to just spit out the truth.
"I don't even know- I just don't feel anything..." you explained defeatedly. "Is she hot as fuck? Yes. Is she as dumb as she looks? %100." You stated with a grin, Katya finally laughing lowly over the stupid joke. "I just can't do relationships! People are too boring to keep me interested- I think that's my problem- with you, I was always interested. Your fucking crazy- like bad shit- to the point that you scare me... but the rest of the world is so mundane and I'd rather be scared with you than bored out of my mind with someone else." Your head stayed planted on Katya's shoulder and your hands found their way to the hem of her dress and busied themselves fiddling with it. You listened carefully as Katya breathed in and out, her heart beat off the chart.
"Your the crazy one Mary, you totally got bored of me." Katya added, raising her drawn on brows as she ashed her cigarette, tapping it with her pointer finger.
You snapped up from your relaxed position against her to look her in the eyes, her pupils the size of saucers and your faces only centimetres apart. "I was never bored of you. I was scared." You stated firmly, staring into Katya's crystal blue eyes before darting your gaze down to her parted lips.
You knew you wouldn't end up kissing her, but you definitely wanted to. You wanted to do so many things to her all the time and due to the year you'd gone without seeing her, facing her straight on made resisting those urges much more difficult. Not to mention the fact that you hadn't broken up with Lea yet and did not intend to make the same mistake twice.
"I don't blame you." Katya stated simply, an expression that emulated the energy of a shoulder shrug- complete understanding mixed with indifference. "I was terrified, but when I was scared I cried to you, not some stranger from a bar." She snipped, one of the only shady things you'd ever heard Katya say.
"I've always been the shoulder to cry on. I don't know how to play the other part." You hummed, pulling you mouth into a tight lipped smile as Katya nodded slowly.
"Are you still friends with Violet?" Katya asked, cautiously changing the subject. You shook your head, feeling a lump form in your throat over the mention of your friend.
Your words caught in your throat as you went to speak, wanting to escape, but not being quite ready to leave. Katya took notice to this and her hand snapped forward to rest comfortably on your knee. "Ah- no... um. She's... well she's not right for me- her priority's are set... plus I'm a little bit of a cunt." You spoke nervously until the last sentence, only throwing it in in an attempt to lighten the mood. Katya broke into a solemnly gentle smile as she nodded, only the sound of your breath present in the air.
Reaching over for her smokes and lighter, the both of you taking advantage of the silence and deciding to take a smoke break.
-
Katya finally decided to break the quiet streak, obviously much more intoxicated than during your first talk. "Staying away from you was hard." She slurred. You pursed your lips slightly as you stared at her, completely dazed. You nodded, humming in agreement before breaking out into a giddy smirk. She reached forward, smiling wildly, and grabbed your arm shaking back and forth as you watched her carefully, grinning in complete admiration. She scrunched her face up as she laughed, looking back down at the road as she recovered. "Your pussy too." She chuckled gravelly glancing over at you. Katya was obviously feeling the effects of the drugs at this point, as were you, the both of you being extremely giggly and the energy only increasing.
You smirked, snorting out a quick laugh. "I missed yours too mom." You giggled.
"Your fucking disgusting." She added with a scoff, shaking her head as you continue to laugh obnoxiously.
Her face relaxed but she continued to stare at you as you smirked, your own expression settling slightly. You held her eye contact intently, completely content just staring at her whilst she felt like looking at you still.
Sighing, Katya turned away with a gentle smile. "Ugh... I need to get out of this drag." The blonde uttered, still grinning contently.
"Last time I heard that we were about to fuck..." you hummed, giddily.
"Fuck baby, I need to get out of all this drag.. my dicks aching." She mumbled. You sighed obnoxiously loud as she crawled off of you rushing to rip her wig off and walking into the bathroom to start undressing.
Katya nodded quickly, turning her head back to face you. "You've been fucking and sucking this whole time, but I haven't had sex in 3 months- you realize what that can do to a gal?" Katya scoffed, pursing her lips and furrowing her brows as she questioned you teasingly.
You couldn't help but burst out laughing, reaching forward to grab Katya's thigh. "I'm sorry your pussy's being neglected, baby." You frowned sarcastically, pretending to pout your bottom lip with sympathy. Katya licked her tongue over her pearly white teeth before standing abruptly, causing you to jump slightly.
Your gaze flicked up to meet hers as she stood in front of the bench, attempting to suppress an smile. Hand shooting forward, you held tightly onto her hip, taking on a more serious expression as a way to let her know you didn't want her to leave.
You wanted to tell her how none of the sex you had had compared to her, and all about the distraction it had become from your reality, but you resisted yourself.
The sun had already began to set and an orangey glow overcame the surrounding buildings and ran beautifully over Katya's sharp features.
Katya's lips parted as though she was going to speak, but instead she only sighed. She paused, looking around the area in a way that seemed as if she was searching for something. "I'm gonna try and get myself home, I think you should do the same." She stated, flashing you a tight lipped smile before once again wandering off down the sidewalk, not quite giving you enough time to react.
You had half expected her to invite you back to her apartment and in all honesty she'd expected to end up doing the same, but you both resisted. Katya left you sitting on that bench with a smile on your face, the drug fuelled happiness keeping the both of your tears at bay, though you were sure both you and her knew how fake that bliss was.
-
Brian's POV
Katya roughly stripped away the layers of her makeup to reveal Brian beneath it all, being much less diligent then usual and leaving a significant amount of black makeup all around his eyes as well as red lipstick in the cracks of his lips. He was already out of his gown and dressed in only a pair of boxers.
Usually Brian would stay up and watch TV, read or something to keep busy, but tonight he decided to just lay in bed with really no intent other than that.
Staring at the ceiling, Brian sat a top of the blankets and watched as particles of dust floated above his face, illuminated by the moonlight shining through his window.
He'd been taking significantly worse care of himself since his relapse, having just been so busy with the shit load of nothing he was doing...Well, he felt very busy, but mostly with what was on his mind.
His relapse had been a rather abrupt event in his life, it was eight to nine months after him and (Y/N) ended things and though that factor definitely added to his stress, there were a number of things that pushed him to buy again.
Trixie knew the minute Katya had shown up to film the next day. He was obviously using again, and boy did Trix give Brian an earful about it, but what the Russian queen failed to see was how much it hurt Trixie and just how much she cried once she reached home.
After that day the pair decided to pretend as though nothing was wrong, but Brian's paranoia and tension was only becoming more and more evident.
Recently, he couldn't get (Y/N) off his mind- she was everything and the only thing he thought about- and seeing her at Trixie's party really didn't help him at all.
He didn't want to get back together with her, but for some reason he still wanted her.
He audibly groaned as he turned his head to stare out the window, more so frustrated than upset.
Maybe the drugs were getting to him- fuck. He knew they would, he wasn't an idiot, he just didn't care until the delirium and confusion actually took place, then he would become upset about something he already knew to expect.
Brian's breath was shallow in his chest as he gazed out onto the city, the lack of drugs in his system leaving the world still, but his brain far more obstructed than he liked it to be.
Brian couldn't even hear his thoughts, it was all and only doubt.
He hadn't gotten over what had happened with (Y/N), nor did he think he ever could, but Brian could not deny the leap his heart bound when he saw her face- when he looked into her eyes.
Brian's relapse was muddling everything up, before the drugs, he had had no doubts regarding his decision to end his relationship as he understood it was for the best. Now he felt completely lost and unsure of every decision from his morning coffee to his relationships.
He was really screwed.
Recently his brain had been occupied with memories of that very special someone, and every once and awhile a particular moment would pop into his head.
(Y/N) paused for a moment before deciding to speak, her eyes flicking lovingly over Brian's face. "No. I-..." she sighed, obviously trying to gather her thoughts as she creased her eye brows in frustration. "I love this... us just being together... I guess. It's all perfect. I love you, and I'm so happy with you." She explained, biting at her lip as she stared at his blank expression.
Brian remembered that moment often- it was one of his favourites- he cried seconds after that small interaction and (Y/N) didn't say a thing, she just held him and loved him in every way he needed.
Brian had been very in love and he most definitely still was, but the type of love between them couldn't be healthy nor sustainable. (Y/N) was more immature than Brian had imagined and she didn't even realize it. Now, that's not to say Brian didn't have his fair share of childish mistakes and moments, but immaturity is one of those things that can only be recognized from the outside so perhaps he could not see it in himself either.
Exhaling shakily, Brian's hands slapped over his face, almost as to shield his eyes from the world and perhaps find a moment of peace in this whole mess.