Levi and Erwin carried on in this breathless secrecy, kissing and groping against the walls behind their closed office doors, hooking their furtive glances across the mess hall and over briefing meetings. Nearly every night Erwin pretended to go out walking when really he was stealing into his Captain's room, falling, winding himself in with Levi's body, sweating and spilling over the white sheets. They fucked face to face, Erwin's back propped so that he could wrap his legs tight around Levi's waist, and Levi moved over him, inside of him like a god, holding Erwin's breath, his pleasure, his very life in his hands.
Erwin almost wished he felt guilty, that he was nursing even an ounce of remorse for his actions, but the bad feelings never came. Every inch of his being was bursting, constantly longing, aching for Levi, and Petra's clipped words and cold silences simply fell somewhere off to the side. Then one night he and Levi laid down gasping together and fell asleep, coiled around one another like roots, and Erwin never made it back to his bed.
Petra screamed at him the next day in his office, not caring that the door to the hallway was open. "Being out late is one thing but this is fucked, Erwin! I know you're lying to me!"
But he couldn't stop this. Wouldn't stop it. Levi had taken hold of him, stepped inside of his ribs, and every thought Erwin had now was of him. They began passing short notes in the common areas, sealed officially to avoid suspicion, but Erwin's heart thrilled at the danger of moving their secret into plain sight like this. Something wild in him wanted everyone to know just as desperately as he needed them not to.
I can't breathe today. I need you. I need your hand around my throat until I can't think.
E
Your breath and thoughts are mine to withhold. I'll return them when you've given me what I want.
L.
Then one night after the first of May while Erwin lay sleepless in the blue twilight, pacifying Petra with one of his agonizing nights stuck in the apartment, he contrived a plan.
Come away with me this week.
E
May I ask where?
L.
Pixis wants to see me at the capitol. I'll say that he asked for both of us.
E
The idea of securing unencumbered time alone with Levi lit up Erwin's cells ecstatic. No watching the clock. No cross-checking his stories, his words, his tone. His knee jogged under the desk all through the day until dinner, when one of the stable boys came inside looking lost and put Levi's reply into his hand.
What clothes will I need?
L.
"What was that?" frowned Petra.
"Something about my mare," Erwin said.
"Why the note? Why didn't he just tell you?"
With a small shrug Erwin feigned ignorance, slipping the note under the edge of his plate as he redirected their conversation, but he saw her staring at it while she ate.
Bring your official uniform, just in case Pixis does want to see you. And then something nice. Let me take you out.
E
Nothing too swanky. Remember, I grew up a thug.
L.
Erwin could read the smirk in his pen and grinned. Now for the matter of telling Petra without raising her hackles too much higher. He knew she wasn't stupid, but as long as she remained at least half in the dark he decided he could take her slings and arrows.
"But why just Levi??" she demanded that night when Erwin informed her of his imminent departure. "I'm a Captain, too, and Hange! She's still recovering, but shouldn't I be going?"
"Petra, the Commander asked for Levi. Am I meant to question a direct order?" Erwin's stomach was tight as he spun his web, already desperate for the end of the conversation he'd only just begun.
"But I should be there! I'll come with you!"
"No," he said too hard. Then, regaining his control, "Petra, will you just trust me?"
He realized it was a poor sell the moment it left his lips. Her face hardened steely. "Yeah, because you've been so trustworthy lately."
She stalked from the bedroom and Erwin exhaled, already worn out but determined to pack without her witness. Minutes later she barged back in, looking considerably more unraveled.
"Actually – I wasn't going to say anything about this because I thought it was ridiculous, but I am now."
His heart tripped into a silent run. "Oh?"
"The cadets were joking that Sasha saw you and Levi together in your office. Saw you kissing."
"What?" said Erwin, evenly though his mind had split into frenzy.
Petra shook her head as though not entirely convinced, but still she pressed on. "She said she saw you through the window when she was behind the building. I guess she – hides extra food or something back there." She rolled her eyes, flustered.
"That's preposterous," Erwin said, his voice rising against his will. "That is an absurd accusation!"
"Why are you yelling?!"
"Because we're officers of the military! Rumours like this are grounds for insubordination!" He felt sweat beading over his forehead, his skin blistering. "It's slander, Petra!"
"How am I slandering Levi??" she stabbed back. "Everyone knows he's gay, no one cares!"
Erwin couldn't think of a way to reply and so just stood there, frozen with fury and fear.
"Forget it," she snapped. "Enjoy your trip. But watch that Levi doesn't catch you with your homophobia out." She slammed the bedroom door behind her, and Erwin fell against the dresser, his hands shaking.
This was getting dangerous, he thought, for a moment covering his face in his hands. Vowing to be more careful in future, he dropped them and returned to packing, grateful it was only Sasha who had seen them. A more reliable cadet could have ruined him.
He and Levi left the following morning just after breakfast. Despite her upset, Petra still came outside to see Erwin off, and he leaned down from his horse to give her an obligated kiss, feeling ill as Levi turned his face away. She watched them ride away up the ridge for some time before turning to go back indoors, but still they waited until we were far out of sight before tying the horses near a groundwater spring and falling to the grass together with their mouths fighting for more. They stroked their desires together, gripped close in in a fevered crush until they both came, spilling sticky and white onto the ground. Erwin wanted him again immediately, but Levi reminded him that the only true part of this trip was his appointment with Pixis and so he ought to keep it. Reluctantly they re-mounted the horses and rode on side-by-side, holding each other by fingers until they came within sight of Wall Sina and Erwin dropped his hand away.
Rather than using his reserved quarters in the Mitras Palace, Erwin had made a booking at a nearby hotel, paying for a second room that they would never use to keep up appearances. Leaving the horses with the attached stable, they went upstairs to the room and quickly changed into their official garb. Over the journey Erwin had settled on bringing Levi with him to the meeting, mainly because he couldn't stand the idea of spending a solitary moment without him while they had the chance. Levi was unbearably handsome in his ceremonial uniform, the belt over his long coat framing his narrow form exquisite.
"You're staring, Commander," he muttered as they waited in the Palace outside Pixis' office.
Erwin flushed, scanning up and down the hall.
"Just keep it together," Levi smirked, chin high as he held his gaze ahead. "Get through your meeting; then I'll take you back to our room and give you everything you need."
Erwin's body jumped at his words. Fuck... Our room. He wondered momentarily if he were dreaming.
The door swung open, and the Commander's secretary greeted them, stepping aside as they went through and strode to Pixis' broad desk. He raised his eyebrows to see them both, though not disapprovingly. "Commander, welcome. And Captain Levi – this is a surprise."
"The Captain has business in the capitol, Commander, so I saw no reason why he shouldn't join our appointment," Erwin fabricated smoothly. "I hope you don't mind."
"Certainly not." He gestured to the set of chairs before him. "Please sit, both of you. I was hoping to discuss our plans for retaking Wall Marley."
Erwin felt a frown slink between his brows. "Did we have a new plan?"
Pixis' assistant re-entered through the door to his side-chamber with a silver coffee tray and set it onto the desk between them.
Commander Pixis sat forward in his chair. "Surely we've recognized – thank you – the power of weaponizing Eren Yeagar's Titan for our resistance. It's time to keep pushing forward. Now, I've briefed Commander Shadis on the idea already, but I want to hear what you think. What you foresee as our principal challenges." As he spoke he poured three cups of coffee and passed them across, adding "There's milk and sugar here too, if you care for it."
Erwin was happy to take his black. Levi accepted his cup with a polite nod, but Erwin knew he wouldn't touch it. He reviled the stuff.
"It's very assertive, Commander," Erwin said frankly. "We haven't led a single expedition since sealing the breach in Wall Rose. With the Beast Titan's appearance, there's more we don't know now than anything else."
"Of course," Pixis agreed. "But that's why we need to think ahead. I believe that pushing towards the outer Wall will force our enemies to show their hand. Captain Levi, your thoughts?" Then he added, "How is your coffee?"
Stifling the urge to laugh, Erwin watched as Levi politely lifted the cup to his mouth and sipped, lips pinching as he swallowed. "It's very good, thank you, Commander," he lied, going on to answer Pixis' initial question, citing the unknown whereabouts of both the Armoured and Colossal Titan since their escape.
"You don't believe Eren's Titan would be able to withstand them again?"
"Are you willing to risk that it might not? If Eren is killed, will we hold a lottery to decide who to inject as our defensive strategy next?"
His words were pointed and Pixis set his elbow onto the desk, stroking his moustache as he considered, while Erwin snuck an admiring look at Levi. He truly was extraordinary.
They talked for some time longer, discovering more questions than answers until Pixis' assistant informed him that his next appointment was waiting. "Well, let's table the discussion for now," said Pixis. "I have a meeting with the assembly in the morning – perhaps I can run things through them before we proceed with any hard plans. Can you be available again at this time tomorrow?"
"We can," said Erwin.
"Excellent. I'll see you both then." He stood and Levi and Erwin followed suit, setting their cups onto the desk.
"Now I do believe Shadis is around somewhere in the building, Erwin – do you have any interest in seeing him before you go today?"
"None whatsoever."
Pixis laughed aloud, and Erwin felt Levi's grin touch him from behind. Pixis walked them to the door, saluting each in turn.
"Captain Levi. I hope your business in the city goes well."
"I intend to make it so, Commander."
Erwin's heart jumped at his covert meaning, suddenly restless to leave.
"Good man. Enjoy your evening, both of you."
The two of them exited and walked from the building, and Erwin savoured every set of eyes that fell helplessly onto Levi as they went. The Captain was beautiful and brilliant. And Erwin was his.
Back in the hotel they undressed, and Erwin sucked him on the end of the bed, ravenous for him after the meeting. Then Levi fucked him with his legs on his shoulders, praising his improved flexibility.
"Such a good boy, doing your stretching homework," he smirked as he rocked his hips at Erwin's ass.
Erwin arched his head back as Levi filled him deliciously full. "Fuck you," he grinned.
"That's no way to talk to the hand that feeds you."
Erwin pulled him down to kiss, rolling their tongues together, then shoved him back as his hamstrings spasmed. "God— Not that flexible yet." They both laughed.
Levi stroked Erwin's leaking cock until he came wild and languid, not trying for a moment to hold back the volume of his voice, and Levi burst into him soon after.
After cleaning up they ordered dinner to their room, both famished since breakfast, and Levi agreed to hide in the bathroom until after the kitchen girl had come and gone, though with a guilty twinge Erwin could tell that he was bruised. Erwin hurried him through eating so that they could dress for their outing, and Levi went to the sink mirror while Erwin slipped into his suit at the edge of the bed.
"Alright, now we really do need to leave," he called to Levi, draping his long coat across his arm. When Levi emerged, Erwin stopped dead to stare. With his hair neatened and a crisp white ascot at his neck, Levi stood in a slender black suit that made his lean frame even leaner, even longer, even more desirable.
He was breathtaking.
"Tch. Get a hold of yourself," Levi rolled his eyes, reaching for his coat.
Taking Levi's hand in his, Erwin led him through the door and out into the night.
"Do I get to know where we're going?" the Captain asked, walking fast to keep up.
Erwin smiled at him, then turned his eyes down the street towards their destination. The old stone theatre was the only one of its kind in Paradis, and had been standing since the island's settlement. "I'm taking you to a symphony."
"Symphony?" Levi repeated ironically. "Sounds a little grand."
"Relax, it's only a trio concerto."
"Those words mean nothing to me."
Erwin nudged him ahead as they reached the cobbled steps to the hall. "Just get inside. You'll enjoy it, I promise."
They were late, shifting into the dim gallery as quietly as possible and taking two seats at the back against the wall. Erwin would have preferred to sit somewhere that Levi could appreciate the instruments better but recognized that this was likely beyond his realm of interest. Plus which, with no one behind them they could sit nearer together and not be seen.
The music rose thick into the air as a fine perfume, filling the hall, and Levi pressed his leg next to Erwin's firm and warm, their ankles touching beneath the seat. The musicians rocked back and forth over their seats as they played, bending and trembling their strings. Along the armrest, Erwin let his fingertip graze the skin of Levi's knuckle, watching the pianist's hands lithe the black and white keys soft then firm, languid then fervent. Curling his little finger, Levi locked Erwin's into his, and the Commander's heart tripped. It was difficult to know if Levi was enjoying himself, his expression veiled as ever while the music entered Erwin's body like a spell, pushing and pulling him with every bar. Then, as the third movement climbed passionately towards crescendo Erwin saw Levi's lips fall softly open, his black eyelashes meeting over a long, rising inhale, and for a moment at the peak he held his breath, arresting the movement of his chest.
After the applause they gathered up their coats, filing out with everyone else, and Erwin worked hard to resist the urge to take Levi's hand. He was so proud to be with him, to be at his side.
"What did you think?" he nudged as they descended the stone steps back out into the night.
Levi nodded, lighting a cigarette. "It was a little long," he teased over an exhale, drawing a scornful glare from another departing patron.
Erwin plucked the smoke from his hands and lifted it to his own lips. "I knew you'd like it."
Back in the hotel room Levi let Erwin undress him, and Erwin touched his lips to every inch of Levi's skin as he exposed it, kissing him as though he could draw the Captain inside himself, swallow him down into his chest, hold him forever within the cage of his ribs. Levi pressed him back into a cushioned chair by the window and climbed his legs into a tight straddle over Erwin's lap, their desires hard and wet together between their naked bodies. Levi held Erwin's face as he kissed him, giving him every inch of his tongue, his mouth, his passion.
"Levi..." Erwin whispered, the room dark and close around them. "I want to be inside of you.."
Levi hesitated, then nodded against Erwin's mouth, maneuvering their bodies until Erwin was poised at his entrance. He put his fingers into Erwin's mouth one by one, and Erwin licked them like a dog, coating them in his saliva. Holding Levi by the waist he watched with his mouth watering as the Captain reached behind himself, loosening his hole and breathing harder, his expression turning heavy and dark. Finally Levi withdrew his hand, and holding onto Erwin's shoulders, carefully lowered himself over and down. Erwin buried his mouth into Levi's shoulder, moaning abandon as Levi's body squeezed him, wrapped him up, swallowed him hot and aching. His mind emptied. There was only the feeling of him. Nothing—not in his entire life up to that moment—had ever come close to this.
Levi moved slowly, rocking his hips over Erwin's hypnotic, and Erwin held on to him, held on tighter.
"Erwin..." Levi groaned his name.
His breath stumbling, staggering over the run of his heart, Erwin held on ...
Afterwards they lay in the bed together, their legs knit beneath the quilt as Erwin rested his head over the naked of Levi's chest, brushing his skin with his lashes.
"I want a picture of you," Erwin said into the quiet.
"Are you planning on forgetting how I look?"
"Do you have one I could have?" Erwin lifted his head to face him.
Levi smiled; his eyes lazily shut. "Why – are you going to put it in a glass frame on your desk?"
Erwin set his cheek back over Levi's warmth. "No.. I'd keep it in my desk. Or under my pillow."
"How romantic."
Erwin drifted nearer to sleep, then added, "I wish we could have a picture together."
"Hm," Levi sniffed. "We'd have to go to the underground for that. And pay them handsomely to keep your secret."
A ghost of silence circled the bed. Erwin held onto him tightly, and before long they were both asleep.