Why was he going to tell Raph? I really didn't need him to, I could just avoid him for a while. Now Raph was going to think I whined to Sensei like a baby to try to make things better for myself and get him in trouble. I didn't even mean to say everything I said! It just slipped out, I wanted to feel better and there were too many thoughts racing in my head for me to properly focus on what I was saying. No wonder everyone thought I was so smart yet so stupid, I had all these thoughts that no one else did, all this technical knowhow, but I let all of my thoughts get in the way of me doing anything even remotely intelligent. I just used big words to make myself feel smart so I could feel more like I was fulfilling my role in the family. I couldn't even run away or hide because I was stuck in my shell, so it was like the one thing that was supposed to protect me was putting me in even more danger. I couldn't help but begin to talk to myself about different things, I didn't even notice what I was saying; it must've been something stupid again, though. As Mikey walked by, he gave me a strange look and continued walking. But, noticing Mikey, I got an idea.
"Hey, Mikey! Wanna play a game? If you win, you get one of Raph's slices of pizza!" I smiled at him through my shell, putting on my best playful demeanor to make it seem more authentic.
"Sure! What's the game?" Good, he fell for it.
"Hide me somewhere and let's see if they can find me! It's like the world's hardest game of hide and seek since I'm smaller and in my shell, right? Plus, it'll show how much smarter you are than them!" I had to use every trick in the book to try to get this to work.
"I mean, yeah, that sounds like fun! But why do you wanna play this game? Didn't you already hide from everyone before?"
"Well, yeah, but this time, you're hiding me, so you'll know exactly where I am in case you get worried! But don't tell them where you hid me or give any hints, that'll make it too easy for them."
"Alright, do you have a spot in mind, Donnie?" He looked excited.
"In fact, I think I do! Just take me to my room and I'll show you where it is." He listened and pretty soon, we were in the safety of my own space again. "Now, you see that little spot by my bed? There's a painting there, move it." He moved it to reveal my hidden, secret exit.
"Woahhhh, how'd you make this?"
"Don't get too surprised, it was already there." I laughed a bit at his amazement, he really did think I was smart. "Now, just put me in there, push me a little farther, cover me with that black blanket." It made it really hard to see me, so it was unlikely that they'd find me at that point.
"I can barely see you, dude, how'd you figure out how to do this?"
"I'm a man of science and a ninja, it was only a matter of time before I found this. Now, close the painting and create little spots that look like I'm hiding there instead, alright? It'll trick them and make you win the game! And don't tell them it's a game, ok? It'll ruin the fun." He left pretty quickly after finishing his task and I was left alone with my thoughts again. I really didn't want to always hide, but I didn't want any more teasing from Raph, especially since I already knew that he was going to get mad at me for telling Sensei. After a while, I heard someone run into my room.
"Hey, Donnie! I found a way to get you out of your-... shell..." It was April! She'd found a way to help me and here I was, just hiding from her. "Donnie, where are you?" She walked around the room for a bit before leaving. I could hear everything from my hiding spot, it was perfectly situated, so I knew when she ran up to the majority of the group. Leo and Raph were still arguing, and I couldn't believe the argument had lasted for that long. I knew they were constantly upset with one another, but I didn't expect them to argue over taking care of me. They really didn't want to be around me apparently.
"Leo, you know I just don't want to be doing this right now! I've got more important things to be doing, I don't have time to babysit the nerd!"
"Raph, Sensei told you it's your responsibility and I'm supposed to enforce this, so you're going to go and handle it! It's your job, your mistake, and-"
"Guys, there's more important issues right now!" April interrupted their argument.
"What is it?!" Raph yelled at her, and I had half a mind to slap him. It wouldn't even be possible for me anyways, though, so I didn't even try.
"Donnie's missing! I looked all over for him but I can't find him!"
"He must've just ran off again, he's such a crybaby-" I was really starting to get sick of Raph.
"No, you don't understand, he couldn't have! He can't walk, he's stuck in his shell, remember?! Someone else moved him!" April was so smart, it made me love her even more. Leo stepped forward.
"Alright, I remember where I left him, I'll go get him." I assumed he went to where he'd set me down before, then I heard him run back. "He's not there."
"What do you mean 'he's not there'?! Did you lose him?!" Raph was upset, I didn't know why though. It's not like he even liked me or anything. "You know how vulnerable he was! I told you to watch him!"
"And I told you it's your responsibility!"
"I was going to USE THE BATHROOM!" Well, that made sense.
"Why didn't you tell me then?! I would've gladly watched him if you'd just communicate with us!"
"I already know I don't communicate enough, Splinter just told me that! I'm not gonna magically fix myself in one day, Leo, get off my shell!"
"Can both of you stop arguing for one second please?! We've gotta put that energy into finding him!" April shouted over both of them, causing them to go silent. After a while, Leo responded.
"Yeah, we should. Let's split up, I'll go tell Sensei, April will check around the sewers in case something somehow moved him, Raph'll check the main area, his lab, and his room, and Mikey will look everywhere else. Once Sensei knows, I'll help Mikey look." Raph sighed and walked off to look for me. He made a mess of my lab while looking by the sound of it, which I really wasn't happy about. I'd have to fix anything he might've broken, and it probably was more than one thing. I didn't have the motivation anyways, so it was a good thing I was stuck in my shell for a while. He walked into my room and shut the door, tearing everything apart to find me, but still didn't find me because he never checked behind my painting. I heard him sit down.
"Dang it, Don, where are you? I didn't- I didn't mean for this to happen... every time I try to be a good brother, I always ruin it somehow. Ugh, why am I so stupid?!" He slammed his fist against the floor, creating a loud thud. "Now you're God knows where, you might be hurt, you're probably scared, too... what if you're dead? It's all my fault, I should've taken better care of you." I didn't know he felt that way. I had to make things right.
"Hey, Raph, I'm in here..." I tried to speak loud enough for him to hear me, but I guess he didn't hear me. "Raph!" I got louder and he finally noticed.
"Donnie, what the heck?! Where are you?! I'm so gonna beat you into a pulp!" Well, there went the wholesome moment with my brother.
"Behind the painting!" He moved the painting.
"Where?!"
"There's a blanket on top of me." He picked me up using the blanket.
"Don't scare me like that!!! Never do that again!" He sounded so mad, but I could hear that he was scared too. "How'd you even get there?!"
"I tricked Mikey into hiding me..." I kept my voice quiet now that I didn't have to be loud. "I'm sorry, I was just- I don't know."
"Don't apologize! Let's just get to Splinter and let him know you're ok." I didn't argue with him about it, I just appreciated that he wasn't doing anything worse to bother me. He set me in front of Sensei, more carefully than usual. "He got Mikey to hide him, then scared the heck outta me. He was behind a painting."
"I'm just glad that he's alright. Donatello, there will be consequences for your actions, but I believe I should 'cut you some slack', at least for now." Sensei held me. "Raphael, call your brothers and April, let them know that he's been found." Raph agreed and handled everything; it wasn't long before everyone was there. Sensei put me down and April picked me up, holding me close and petting my shell.
"We were so worried about you! Don't do that again, Donnie!" I nodded softly and tried not to cry. I was successful, but I still felt like I looked incredibly dumb. "Anyways, the way to get a turtle out of their shell when it's stuck is to soak them in warm water and gently pull apart the parts that're stuck. If that doesn't work, we'll have to find some kind of vet that'll take care of you."
"Which'll be kinda hard since we're, y'know, mutants." Mikey piped up, wiggling his fingers as if he were referring to monsters instead of his own kind.
"Then let's hope this works." April took me to the bath and set me in. "Alright, Raph, you've got this. Remember, you need to be really gentle or you could really hurt him."
"I know, I know! I've been a turtle my whole life, geez! You don't think I know that I should be careful with his shell?!" Raph soaked me in the water. "Hold your breath." I listened, and the water quickly covered my entire shell. He scrubbed me for a bit, then pulled every opening of my shell.
"Alright, Donnie, try it now!" She leaned closer to me and whispered, "You've got this, don't worry." I almost stopped holding my breath from that, which probably made me a loser or something. I slowly slipped my limbs out, one by one, until I finally poked my head out and sat up. Mikey and April cheered, and Leo smiled.
"Finally, that nightmare's over!" Mikey high fived me and I smiled for his sake. I was handed a towel as I stepped out of the tub and everyone left me by myself. It didn't take long for me to retreat back to my lab to avoid any possible interaction with the others, I wasn't going to take any chances with Raph and Leo. They were probably the most upset with me and I didn't want to have to think about responsibility or how much I worried them. I got to work fixing the organization and fixing anything Raph broke, then put my head on my desk. I thought being out of my shell after being stuck in it for a while would make me want to be more active than usual, but apparently all it did was exhaust me more. I already had a basic understanding of what was wrong with me, but I refused to accept it. I had to have some sort of good ideas, right? It was my job to be the smart one and that was all I was ever going to be. I might as well have embraced it. But what was going to happen once I interacted with them again? They knew I was sick, they knew I ate bad pizza, and Sensei already knew I was struggling in some way, so what was going to happen when I eventually had to approach them? I sipped water as I thought, letting the cool liquid pour through my tooth gap. At times, that oddity of mine was strangely helpful, and not having to unclench my jaw was, although not the healthiest decision, was one less thing to worry about.
I pulled out my journal and started reading through it. I always wrote in the journal when there was something I didn't understand, then would tear out pages once I understood it. So far, only a few pages were torn out, and there were quite a few unanswered questions that wouldn't stop bugging me. I wrote down more questions and was only able to tear out a single page, then crumpled it up as tightly as possible. It was so frustrating to be expected to know everything and then have so many questions that just have no answers, to not know something that's deemed by others as simple. Why did everyone always make me nervous, no matter who it was? What made me become so different from my brothers? Why did April make me act stupid and why did it make me worry even more about what she might think of me? Those kinds of questions were the kind where the answers were right in front of me, but I couldn't decipher them. Being so close to a conclusion and just not being smart enough to figure it out was so frustrating. I'd just have to find answers later, I decided. I pulled out a video game console and started playing, maybe doing something recreational would help me get back in the game. Who said I wasn't funny?