Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will
-Leona Lewis
°Camila°
I looked down at my watch while bouncing my leg. I don't know what made me come here, clearly I wasn't in my right mind when I dialed this lady's number.
"Camila are you going to answer the question?"
I looked up at her, "No, I don't believe I have anger issues." I said annoyed.
"The first step is to admit, we've been through this before."
I didn't think I was an angry person, but Mrs.Rogers swore up and down I was.
"Mrs.Rogers when I first came here I was a kid and yes I was angry then, but I'm grown now......I just need someone to talk to." I admitted.
"Ahh now we're getting somewhere. What is going on that's making you feel that way?"
I opened my mouth to speak but closed it just as quickly as I had opened it.
She adjusted her glasses and sat up so she could put her hand on my knee, "Camila in order for things to get better you have to be able to talk...communication is key. My mother always said, a closed mouth doesn't get fed. In your case you don't receive the help you need if you hold it back."
I looked away so I wouldn't get emotional. Turning my attention back to her I spoke. "Life is kicking my, excuse my French, but it's kicking my ass. I'm so tired of crying. Every time I finally get up I only get knocked right back down."
She wrote something down and looked up at me, "When you say you're tired of crying, what's making you feel such strong emotion?"
I took a deep breath, "This guy I had been dealing with for months did something really foul. Long story short he "cheated." I caught him in the act and went totally ballistic, I put my hands on him and her......I'm beyond embarrassed by my actions. I had no clue it would hurt me to see him laying with her, but worse going day to day without him.
"Anger is your first emotion when feeling disrespected and then sadness comes and then after all that is said and done you're able to think."
"I'm thinking, a lot."
"When you said you caught him cheating, you threw up air quotes. Why is that?"
"Because we weren't even together. I went over there to tell him how I felt finally, so we could be together. I found it odd that he hadn't texted or called me back that day. I go over and the door is unlocked. Go upstairs and see him screwing her. Funny thing is he told me, we better stop playing before someone gets hurt. I guess that's how the cookie crumbles.
"Oh I see. It seems that you led yourself to believe you didn't care for him as much as you really do deep down inside. You set high expectations for him and to see him fail hurts you the most."
I sat there quietly. She was speaking volumes at the moment.
"He made me so happy. I looked at life so differently and at a snap of the finger that all changed.
"Just because you're hurting doesn't mean he's not somewhere hurting. Our session is over but I do want to say this before you go, You must always been opened minded and not just think about you, but also take time to work on you."
I got up and hugged her before existing the building. Only if she knew I had way more problems than just with August.
-
"Hey Camila. Come in."
I stepped in and headed up the stairs.
"Hey pops." I said entering the room. I sat my purse and cell phone down going over to his bedside to hug him.
"I thought you weren't coming for a second." He said
"Now why would I skip out on our quality time? I love you to much to do that." I laughed.
Lately this has been my escape from reality. I loved being with Odell's dad. He was definitely the life of the party and had no remorse for keeping it all the way real.
"So you ready to get your butt kicked again?" I looked down at my watch, it was almost time for our favorite TV show to come on, Wheel of Fortune.
"Me getting my butt kicked? I been watching this for years. Sit back while I school you yougin'." He laughed
-
"You so cheated! How was I suppose to know that?" I asked
"See if you was from the ole' skool you would." He drank the milkshake that I had secretly given him.
"Just imagine winning that spa day, ooooh man, having all those fine young tenderoni's rubbing all over me. Taking care of these foots." He said wiggling his toes.
"You have a wife and I won't hesitate to call her."
"Yeah yeah yeah. You talked to Odell lately? Know Chanel finally had her baby."
"Oh that's good."
He looked over at me like I had two heads, "Good my ass. That's not my grandchild. I don't see a ounce of Beckham blood in that boy. Can't tell O that."
I wanted to tell him about what I had seen weeks ago with Chanel and the baby maybe ordeal but I had enough on my plate and I didn't want to add to it.
"Mr. Beckham your son and his fiancé are pulling up." His caregiver came in.
"Speaking of the devil." He said
I grabbed my things, "Well I gotta go. You be good now and I'll see you in two weeks."
"Two weeks?"
"Yes, I'm going on a little vacation, but in the mean time you brush up on them skills cause I'm kicking ass when I get back."
We shared a laugh and hug before I left.
Making my way to the car I saw Odell helping Chanel with the baby. She took the diaper bag while he took the car seat. Her face turned cold when she saw me. I simply smiled and waved at the two, "Congrats." I yelled out.
-
"Lani somebody is going to rob your stupid ass. You never lock your door." I walked into her kitchen.
"Bitch please these white folks ain't crazy. I'm certified to bust caps in anybody's ass." She said stirring up something in big bowl.
I took a seat on the bar stool, "Whatcha' doooooin?" I dragged out.
"Whipping up something light so when that fool gets here I won't have to hear his mouth about how hungry he is."
"Awwe look at you. Getting your wifely duty practice on."
"Fuck you hoe, why you smiling so big? Let me guess you was over at pops?"
"As he would say, "ya damn skippy."
I gotta go over there with you one day. I'm glad you're finally smiling..... you deserve to." She looked up at me from the bowl.
"Thanks."
"Sooo have you talked to him? He's been M.I.A."
"I sure did and it didn't go well." I looked at my chipping finger nail polish.
"I can't believe he would be so stupid after all the things we talked about, but that's between you guys. Just know you my sister and I'm rocking with you right or wrong, buuuut whatever your decision is just make sure you can live with it." She smiled
"See that's why I love you." I gave her air kisses
"I was about ready to beat her ass myself until the long head fucker said I gotta wait till she have the baby."
"The baby?" I asked confused.
She immediately stopped what she was doing, "Oh shit..."
"What baby Lani?" I asked again
"Uhhh, I thought you knew since you said you had talked to him and well...ya know."
I swallowed hard, "Is she pregnant by him?"
She nodded her head nervously.
"Hmp, I told him. I fuckin' told him."
"Millz please don't be mad. I didn't know."
"Lani it's not your fault babe." I said getting up so I could leave.
"You promise? I didn't mean to mess up your day....my big mouth." She face palmed herself.
"Calm down girly. I have a early morning so I'm going to get going. Love you." I hugged her.
She followed behind me, "Call me."
"Girl stop worrying, you just worry about locking this door and making sure my homie belly full." We both laughed.
I got into the car and made my way home. Every time I tired to find that little bit of happiness something always seemed to take it away from me.
I could of killed Aug when she told me Deja's seed was from growing from his semen.
*The baby news is out!*
Odell pops know something we don't?
Poor Camilla. Life just can't seem to get right
*You guys know what to do, comment, vote, follow and add to your library/reading lists. Thanks.