"Stop hogging the damn couch," I fidgeted in my seat to get comfortable. I was thankful we had rehearsals last night because now we have a lot of free time before the show.
"If you'd stop moving around, maybe I would," Johnson grunted as he stretched his legs again.
"Move over, bitch," Sam pulled J's legs off the couch and sat in between Johnson and I. I awkwardly coughed, desperately wanting him to leave. My stomach fluttered, and I was puzzled at how I could ever be attracted to a someone like Sam.
"I'm going outside," I mumbled--mainly to myself, practically leaping off the couch.
I passed Gilinsky and Dani all cuddled up at the front of the bus, and my stomach sunk at how cute they were.
"Get a room, you two," I teased. They laughed, going back to whatever they were doing.
Pushing open the bus door, I was greeted by a gust of smoke. My head turned to see Nate leaning against the bus smoking a joint. His attention averted towards me and I smiled, walking over to him.
"You want?" He extended his hand, a new joint between his fingers.
"Do you carry weed with you everywhere?" I teased.
"You guessed it, sweetheart." He smirked back at me, still holding the joint. I happily took it, borrowing his lighter.
"Why are you out here alone?" I quirked, blowing out a stream of smoke.
"Just thinkin' bout this life, you know? One minute I'm a small town boy from Omaha, Nebraska. And then the next I'm on tour with a bunch of great fucking people. It's crazy to think I could actually go somewhere with music, because if you asked me what I think I'd be doing in the future, I wouldn't imagine saying this." He kept his gaze on the building in front of our bus as he brought the joint up to his lips.
I nodded, "I know how that feels. Beginning junior year of high school, I was the constant party girl who attended every party in the area. Dani and I were unstoppable. But, I couldn't ever imagine giving it up to sing and make thousands of people happy. I told myself once Dan and I started our YouTube channel that I'd give up my old ways because I was so reckless. So, to think we achieved so much in a span of a year, it's absolutely surreal."
"You know at first, I didn't picture you as the girl to party," Nate chuckled. "I thought u were a bookworm, the shy girl who kept to herself in class. The one who hides in the library to do homework, to study."
I chortled, "Yeah, you'd think, huh?" I breathed out another line of smoke, my muscles visibly relaxing. "I was sort of that girl. I wasn't the rebel of the class, but I wouldn't speak unless I'd get called on to answer some stupid question. I used to be conscious about my body, my face--everything. Then, once junior year started, I reinvented myself. Started attending parties, being social, taking risks. It's like my whole personality had a makeover. Fast forwarding to now, I really couldn't give a flying fuck about how I look, even if it's in front of cameras." I finished, looking at Nate, only to see him intently staring at me. He nodded, snapping out of a daze.
"Well that shit was deep," I giggled.
Nate let out a laugh, "I know. Come on, let's go get some coffee or somethin'."
I finished the last bit of the joint, then flicked it to the ground, smashing it to ashes with my shoe. As Nate and I walked side by side down the busy streets of LA, my phone buzzed. I pulled it out, seeing a text from Sophia.
Soph: You haven't posted the photo of you and Sam! Do it now, good for publicity!!!
I groaned, not bothering to reply to the message. I love Soph with all my heart, but she doesn't understand how much I hate doing this. I hate lying to the people who have been supporting me since day one, I hate acting like I 'love' someone when I really want to punch him in the throat. After deciding to put off her task, I proceeded to turn off my phone to block out any distractions on this fine day.
"Fuck, man." Nate cursed from beside me. I craned my neck to see what happened, and was surprised at how many paps were crowded around a coffee shop nearby.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" I whispered to myself. But my sunglasses were coincidentally on top of my head, so I slid it down to my eyes, trying my best to hide my face. I pulled my hood up over my head and gathered all my hair to the front. Nate thought of the same--a beanie now on his head and sunglasses covering his eyes.
"How are you not used to this?" Nate chuckled, slinging his arm over my shoulders.
"I hate being in the limelight," I shrugged. "I love to sing and to please the fans, but I hate the constant stories the media makes up."
"You're really somethin' Stella," He grinned.
"I'll take that as a compliment." I giggled, nudging his side.
We arrived at a different coffee shop, removing our 'disguises' as we walked up to the counter.
"Hey, welcome in! What can I get ya?" A girl with burgundy hair politely smiled at us.
"I'll get a medium iced caramel macchiato," I smiled.
"Can I get an iced mocha? Same size," Nate followed.
"Sure! Anything else?" We shook our heads and as I went to give her my card, Nate pushed my hand away and gave her his.
"Nate," I groaned. "I can pay for myself. This isn't some cliché story," I finished with a laugh.
"Nah babe, I got you. And damn, I hope it's not. I'm not really into cheesy shit."
I let my head fall back in laughter as we sat down. For the next hour or so, we talked about anything and everything. Nate looks at things in a totally different perspective. Like J, he tries to depict the good in a situation and brushes off any negativity. "Bad vibes shouldn't be paid any attention," he said. Although I didn't necessarily picture Nate as a deep person, he surprised me once we had that little smoke session.
"So anyway," He changed the topic from our small debate on food. "What's with you and J? You two have been inseparable since Friday."
"He's become my guy best friend," I shrugged. "It's like he knows me so well, but we haven't even spent a month together."
"Yeah, he's always been good at reading people and what their facial expressions give off. It's some weird shit; it's like he's a damn wizard. But, he always knows what to say--even if it hurts." I definitely agreed with him on that one.
"And you & Sam?" Nate smirked. "What's up with you two?"
I rolled my eyes, upset I could not avoid the Sam topic. "He's an ass. That's all."
"S, he likes you," Nate shook his head with a laugh. "I'd think by now it's pretty fuckin' obvious."
I shook my head, looking down at my fingers that gripped my cup of half-drunken iced coffee. I'm
"Obvious? He's been such a fucking dick and it's like he has no control over turning into one. One minute he's trying to tell me something, but then it's like something inside him switches on and he throws a bitch fit. He's confusing as hell."
"That's how he is around girls. But, I swear he really does like you. The idiot is just not used to expressing his feelings in a," he paused. "Nice way."
I took his words into consideration as I also thought back to what Johnson told me. Two of Sam's best friends told me they know how he is and that he really does feel something for me. But, how can I be remotely attracted to someone who has changes in mood every few seconds and who sleeps with every girl with a pulse?
"Nate," I sighed. "I just- nothing. Let's go."
"Did I say something wrong?" His eyes immediately held regret.
"No you didn't!" I waved a hand. "I just don't think I can like someone like him. Sure, I thought he was hot the first day we met, but I thought all of you were hot."
Nate smirked, obviously taking the compliment. We stood up, thanking the red head at the counter on our way out. Suddenly a few paps popped out of nowhere and started bombarding us with questions.
"Stella, over here! Smile, babe!"
"Stella, have you left Sam for him?"
"Stel, are you cheating on Sam?"
"Nate! Look at the camera, man!"
"You two would look great!"
Nate and I put on our 'disguises' and ignored the paps as we tried to walk through the busy streets. A few girls ran in front of and asked for pictures, which I didn't mind. But, these damn paparazzi would not leave us alone, so I did what I had to to get rid of them.
"I'm sorry, but we're meeting our fans right now and it would be nice if we could have some privacy with them. Can you guys please stop taking pictures?" They completely ignored me, and I was annoyed. Instead, I asked for the girls' twitters over the flashes and loud men. Nate and I then scurried off to a small restaurant to kill some time.
"Fuckin' paps, man," Nate groaned.
"I know," I sighed. I turned on my phone and pulled up Twitter, putting together a group chat for the girls we tried to take photos with.
@stellajane: hey babes! sorry for the rude interruption earlier. :( do y'all have tix for the show later?
Not even a minute later, all four of them replied.
@HOLYMALOLEY: OMGOFMG STELALA IM CRUICNG ITS OK WE LOVE U!!! but no we don't :'((
@johnsonsqueen: NO WE DONT BUT OMG I LOVE U SM BABY
@fuckingilinsky: I WAS ABT TO BUY THEM BUT IT SOLD OUT FUCK :( OMG ILY STEL
@MALOLEYSBITCH: STELLA HOLY SHPT IM SKXNE !! NO WE DONT 😭
I smiled at my phone, typing away while Nate scouted a new way out.
@stellajane: well, why don't u guys go to the back of the Nokia Theatre now? Nate and I will meet you there. yall know the address to it?
They replied with 'yes's', sounding excited over message. As soon as I locked my phone, Nate gave me the all clear signal. We rushed out of the restaurant and jogged back to the busses. It took us around ten minutes, fifteen if you count waiting for the pedestrian sign to come on.
"Is that Stella? Stella! Nate!" A few girls yelled through the bars.
"You told us to come here!" A tall, brunette waved.
The corners of my mouth turned up and I jogged over to the four girls. Jerry, the security guard, gave me a questioning look as I told him they were with me. He let them through the gates, and they attacked me with hugs. Nate waved and said he'd be back, quickly entering the bus.
"It's okay," I laughed. "I told them it's alright." Jerry nodded, going back to guarding the gates.
"How are you babes?" I smiled. They replied with various responses, but one question stood out.
A girl with dip-dyed tips asked, "Is it true you and Nate are together now?"
"Oh gosh no," I shook my head. "We're friends. Just friends. Anyway, do y'all want pictures?" They nodded, racing to get their phones ready. I took a bunch with each girl and they looked like they were about to cry. Instinctively, my lips curved up in a huge smile as I watched them gush over their pictures.
"Hey! I forgot," I laughed. "Come with me." I led them to the other bus, knocking a few times. Coincidentally, Zac answered the door with an exhausted look on his face. Guess he didn't get much sleep last night.
"Stel?" He yawned. The girls behind me lightly gasped, giggling with each other after.
"You have extra tickets?" I smiled. He tiredly nodded and went to get them. A few minutes later, he held four lanyards with 'VIP' on the tags.
"Here you are, girls," I gave them the lanyards. They squealed with each other, then came over to give me a hug.
"Now I think y'all should get in line," I winked. "Don't wanna be late to the show!"
"Aren't you sweet, princess." I turned around and saw Sam leaned against the side of the bus, his right leg crossed in front of the other.
"It's what I love doing," I shrugged. "Making them happy."
"Is that it? Come on babe, there's gotta be somethin' else to your sweet act you're putting on. You don't have to act like that around me, Stella." I squinted at him, taken aback at what he just said.
"Excuse me? You don't know me," I snarled. "Don't assume I'm pretending to be something when you're the one who can't make up your fucking mind. One second you're nice and then the next you're acting like a total douche." I guess I didn't realize how loud my voice was, since the guys and Dani had now joined us outside.
"Okay princess, you don't know me either," His smirked faltered as it was replaced with a hard glare.
"I know enough from the media to know how much of an egotistical dick you are. The fans you choose to meet are all fake, while the genuine ones are left in the fucking dust. And if you'd so choose a genuine fan, you look like you have better shit to do." His eyes fumed with each word I spoke. But instead of defending himself, he said something no guy has ever said to me.
"Aw babe, are you jealous you weren't as hot as them? Or maybe it's because you weren't so pretty back in high school, is that it?" His smirk reappeared on his face, as if to show his triumph.
Tears brimmed under my eyes, and before I could even process what I was doing, a loud 'SMACK' noise slightly echoed throughout the small lot. Sam's head was cocked to the right, his left hand caressing his cheek from the forceful contact. Dani gasped, her hands flying up to her mouth as the guys' eyes widened.
"Forget the fucking relationship contract," I hissed. "Good luck finding another girl to help your down-the-toilet rapping career." I stormed off from everyone, finding myself running out of the parking lot and out in the streets of LA.
Tears flowed down my face and onto my hands as I kept replaying the words he had said minutes ago. I don't know why it hurt so much coming from him, but it made my stomach drop to the floor as I weaved through the busy sidewalk. I mentally told myself to not believe a word he said and remind myself that a boy's opinion of me and my appearance is irrelevant. What matters is what I think of myself.
But tonight, Sam had brought back the self-consciousness I thought I lost back in high school.
And I don't know if I'll be able to overcome it this time.