I stared at my computer screen, nibbling at my fingernails.
A huge dysphoria trigger for me was when people called me male and boy or man or whatever.
Of course.
Masculine pronouns as well.
He/him just wasn't me. It felt weird and unwieldy, edgy. Not like me at all.
If I'm making any sense.
So right now, I was searching for new pronouns.
There were tons of neopronouns. Short, seemingly random letter combinations.
I even found a few ones I liked, which felt like me and how I saw myself.
But it was a little too complicated, I thought.
Maybe later.
Once I am out and everyone is used to it.
Now, I wanted to go with the simplest version.
They/them felt good and most people knew them already as pronouns.
I smiled to myself.
It was so exciting and awesome to build my own character the way I wanted it, the way I was.
I knew I wanted to keep my name.
Felix was a boy's name, yes, but I felt like it had strong nonbinary energy.
Which fitted me a lot.
Also, the name meant 'happy' in some language. I think it was Latin?
Which fitted me a lot, too.
I also thought about my voice.
I would have expected to be dysphoric about it, too, seeing how it goes really deep and masculine.
But I'm not.
For one, my voice range was rather wide, so I could go really high as well.
And on the other hand, given my job as an idol, my voice was a crucial feature of me. It made me me.
It was such a huge part of my identity by now that I couldn't imagine wanting to change it.
I also fell in love with the nonbinary flag.
It was almost as beautiful as the bisexual flag (not quite tho).
I wanted to turn the colours into a make up look once I came out.
If I came out, that is.
.
.
.