BGK
Onika called me screaming. I couldn't even say I was surprised.
I waited until she was done to ask, "Is everything okay?"
"Come over, we're celebrating!"
"Celebrating what?" At least she's screaming out of joy and not because I did something.
"Just come over!"
"Oka-" She screamed again and hung up. I don't know why she's always hanging up without letting me finish what I'm saying.
I was in the middle of writing an essay but I guess whatever this was had to be important so I got up and was on my way to her.
I was just in pajama pants and a t-shirt but no matter what, I'll always drop everything and go to her when she calls me. Even when we weren't talking, I picked her up when she was drunk in the middle of the night.
When I got to her house, I parked behind her car in the driveway and knocked on the door.
Onika opened the door and jumped into my arms, "Bey!"
"Why are we celebrating?"
"I got into UCLA!"
"Congratulations, I'm proud of you." But isn't that in California?
She wiggled her way down, "That's it?"
"What do mean is that it?"
"Why aren't you jumping for joy?"
I didn't want to ruin her happy moment by making it about me. "I'm happy for you, really. I'm not sure what you want me to say or do."
"Okay, fine. Do you want to go up to my room? My mom went out with Ming to get me some stuff."
She took my hand and pulled me upstairs. I sat down in her beanbag chair and she sat down in my lap.
She smiled, "We should celebrate this moment and make a baby."
"Or just pretend to make a baby and actually have a condom on?"
"I guess that works too, for now." She leaned in and kissed me. For whatever reason, she pulled back quickly. "What's wrong?"
"What do you mean?"
"Why are you kissing me like that?"
"Like what?" I was kissing her how I always kiss her.
"Like you don't want to kiss me."
"Of course I want to kiss you, I always want to kiss you."
She stood up and crossed her arms. "What the fuck is wrong? Just say it, this passive aggressive shit is so fucking lame."
"How am I being passive aggressive?"
"Say what you're mad about or leave."
"I thought you said you were looking at schools close by." Like TSU or at least someplace I wouldn't have to get on a plane just to see her.
"I applied to good schools everywhere, I'm actually really smart."
"I know you're smart but when you're however miles away, then what?"
"I don't know, but I'm not going to let some relationship I've been in for a couple months stop me from taking a good opportunity."
"Some relationship you've been in for a couple months? That's all it is to you?"
"You know that's not what I was saying. I meant I don't want to be stuck here-"
"Stuck here like me? Why are you acting like this is a bad place to live?" Houston is nice. And it has me.
"Why are you twisting everything I'm saying?"
"I'm not twisting anything, that's what I'm hearing."
"Well it's not what I'm saying."
"Then what are you saying?" Because I'm not understanding.
"All I'm saying is this school is a good one. I got accepted so I'm going to consider it, obviously. Do you expect me to pass up a good opportunity just for you?"
"No, I wasn't asking you to. Im just asking what we're going to do if you go to that school or another one far away."
"I don't know Bey."
"Well I don't want to be in some long distance relationship I've only been in for couple months." That's what she called our relationship.
"Well maybe I don't either."
I stood up, "Okay then."
"So you're just going to leave?"
"If I stay, then what? We break up?"
"Who said anything about breaking up? You want to break up with me?"
"I'm just saying. If you're going to be far away and I'm going to be stuck here like the dumb farmer I am-"
She laughed, "Who called you a dumb farmer? Please."
"I'm just saying, what's the point?"
"What's the point?!" She pushed me and I almost tripped on the beanbag chair. "Just get the fuck out."
"Do you-"
"Get the fuck out. Just leave, I don't even want to talk to you right now."
So I left.
I didn't want to go home so I went to Kelly's. She always makes me feel better.
When I got there, I got out of my truck and knocked on her door.
Instead of Kelly opening the door, Robyn did. "Oh shit, hey Bey."
"What are you doing here?" Why is she so comfortable just opening the door like this? Are there no adults here?
"No, what are you doing here?"
"I came to see my best friend." I walked inside, "Where is she?"
"Uh.. the shower."
Yuck. I turned right back around and got in my truck.
Megan was probably busy and my other friends catfished my girlfriend so I called Dwayne.
I was honestly surprised when he answered. "What's up Bey?"
"Hey, are you busy right now?"
"Why?" I learned that he's always suspicious because he was in jail.
"I wanted to hang out." Obviously.
"Oh, then no I'm not busy."
"Can I come pick you up? We could go to Target or something."
He laughed, "Target?"
I awkwardly laughed, "I was just kidding." No I wasn't. "Do you want to get food and just hang out?"
"Yeah, I'll be ready by the time you get here."
"Okay cool, I'm on my way." I hung up and started driving to his house, he didn't live that far from Kelly.
When I got to his house, I texted him and he came outside in a white shirt and basketball shorts.
He got my truck and did that hand thing he always does when he sees me. "Hey nigga."
"Hi."
"Are you good? You didn't say nigga at least ten times after I said it?"
"I think me and Onika broke up but I don't really know. And I think it's my fault."
"You think? What happened?"
"Well she told me she got into UCLA and obviously I was happy for her but it's so far away. I didn't even want to talk about it because I didn't want to ruin her moment but she basically forced it out of me so I asked her what we were going to do if she went to a school far away. She said she didn't want to let some relationship she's been in for a couple months dictate her decisions and she didn't want to be stuck here."
"She probably didn't mean it like that, she's just harsh."
"But even if she didn't, I still don't want a long distance relationship."
Most people don't. That's the whole reason Kelly and Nelly aren't together right now, even though they love each other. But at least they planned to go to college together.
They care enough about each other to make their future plans include each other.
"It's not the worst thing in the world, if you love each other you'll make it work. I was locked up and Lo still made time for me. It actually made us closer."
"Jail isn't the same thing as being at a college. You were surrounded by men."
He chuckled, "So what you're worried about is her fucking someone else?"
"I trust Onika, but I also know her."
"Lo's the same way and she was loyal."
No she wasn't but I wasn't going to be the one to tell him. They said he would kill the both of them so I'll keep it to myself for the time being.
"I just- I don't want to do it. Maybe we should just stop while we're ahead."
"But do you want to do that?"
"Of course not, I love her. That's the whole reason we're arguing right now, because I don't want her to leave me. Maybe we should just break up now so she can go to college and be free, I don't want to be that girlfriend holding her back from home living vicariously though her stories."
"But-"
"She was right. I shouldn't make her stuck somewhere she doesn't want to be. I'm not going to be anymore than a farmer and I don't want to hold her back."
"Don't talk shit about yourself, think clearly. You love her and she loves you, all this extra shit is just that. Extra. You guys are basically already a married couple, you shouldn't let something like this break you up."
"But we're only like that because we're both here. If she goes away, she'll definitely meet someone better. Or at least someone she thinks is better."
I'm not like Onika. If we break up, my life is just going to go back to how it was before I met her. Expect I'll have about half the friends I had before.
"I know just what you need."
"What?"
"Weed." He pulled what I recently found out was a blunt from the side of his head.
The difference in what it's called is based on what's it's wrapped in. The brown leaf looking things are blunts. I'm learning.
"It hurts too bad, I can't." I was coughing so bad last time I almost threw up.
"You just need to inhale slower. Drive to a gas station or something and get something to drink if your throat starts to hurt."
"Okay." It wouldn't hurt to try it again.
I drove to a gas station less than five minutes away and got out while Dwayne stayed in my truck.
I got us both fruit punch and paid, it was only a couple dollars. I really wanted to get a slushie but I'm supposed to be a real nigga when I hang out with Dwayne.
When I got back in my truck, it was already smokey. "Where should I go?" It wasn't a good idea to be doing this anywhere people could see us.
He shrugged, "Anywhere."
I didn't know where to go at first so I drove until I got an idea. The flower farm.
When we got there he laughed. "This is straight."
"What do you mean?" Onika says straight sometimes instead of good or okay but I don't think that's how he's using it.
"Like if a nigga brought home here, I would say it's gay as shit. But you're a girl so this is straight. Not in a weird way though, we're niggas."
"So I'm a girl but a nigga?" I'm getting the hang of this now.
"Yeah, nigga and bitch are like pronouns. A girl can be a nigga and a guy can be a bitch. Except you don't get to choose what other people call you, if you're a bitch you're a bitch."
Now I'm confused. I nodded anyway, "Cool."
He handed the blunt thing that was now lit and I took it. "You already know how to do it, just do it slower and don't suck in as much. You still have baby lungs."
"You should see me swim." I can hold my breath for a really long time.
He laughed, "You're funny as shit."
I wasn't trying to be funny. Instead of asking him to explain, I put the blunt to my lips and basically just took a breath.
Something went wrong because I started coughing and smoke came out of my nose. I grabbed my drink but I could only take a tiny sip because of how much I was coughing.
Dwayne patted my back and laughed, "Try it again. Do it slow, be cool."
Be cool?
After I stopped coughing and drank enough fruit punch that my throat wasn't hurting, I tried again. This time I coughed a little bit it wasn't nearly as bad as before.
We kept doing that back and forth until I decided it was enough. I couldn't stop laughing, "This is what it feels like to be high? Now I get why Onika was laying on the carpet like that."
"I have no idea what you're talking about." I forgot he wasn't out at that time.
"Don't you have an ankle bracelet? How are you even here right now?"
"It's sitting at home on my bed. Do you think I'm going to stay at home after being locked up all that time?"
"So being in jail didn't make you reflect at all and make you want to stop being a criminal?"
"Nope." We made eye contact and both started laughing. It was so funny for no reason, I laughed so hard I started wheezing.
I was out of breath, "Can you drive? I don't think these hands are mine."
"Huh?"
I looked at both my hands in front of me and showed him. "They don't feel like mine. I'm scared to drive, what if it crashes on purpose?"
"I guess I can."
I got out of the car to switch seats but when I saw all the flowers, I had to run through the field.
When I was done running, I got in the passenger seat and I couldn't stop smiling. "I felt like one of those white girls with the long loose skirts running through a field, it was so much fun."
I laughed, "We need to get high together more often."
"Do you want to meet my mom? She'll bake you a pound cake. I'm so hungry, let's ask her to cook for us."
"I don't think your mom wants to meet your new fresh out of jail friend without face tattoos. Plus, you're high and smell like weed."
I still don't like the smell. "But- but I'm hungry." I don't know why I always cry when I'm under the influence but I wasn't going to do it in front of him.
"Then let's get food, I'll pay. I know a place that's just as good as home cooking."
"Just don't crash my truck."
He scoffed and started driving. We went to this hole in the wall place but the food was really good. I didn't even know food could taste that good.
After we left, he had to call Lauren to pick him up from my house since I couldn't drive him home.
He smiled when she answered. "Hey sexy."
I miss Onika.
"Could you pick me up- I didn't drive- it's just Bey."
I could hear her yelling, I didn't know why but even that reminded me of Onika. She's always loud too.
He put the phone on speaker, "Say something. She doesn't believe I'm with you."
"Hi Lauren." I didn't want to call her a whore in front of him, he might hit me or something.
"Bitch, fuck you."
Me? I should be saying that to her.
Dwayne was just as confused. "Huh?"
"She knows what she did. I just got off the phone with Onika."
"What they have going on isn't any of your business. That's your problem, you're always worried about someone else."
"Sorry Bey. Even though I meant every word."
"It's okay." Whore.
"So will you come pick me up? I'm at Beys house."
"Yeah, I'll be there soon."
"Cool. Love you."
"I love you more."
He hung up and we stayed in my truck until she picked him up. I had to sneak into my house from the back because I was scared of my mama smelling me.
I took a shower to scrub the smell off of me, being high even made showers enjoyable.
Before I could take a nap, I had to text Onika. I didn't want us to ignore each other.
: Can we talk? I'm sorry
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Bey?
Onika?
Dwayne?
Onika getting into UCLA?
Bey and Onikas argument?
Robyn and Kelly
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