The morning was dreadful just like you could envision. Eren left last night without saying goodbye and I spent my time sobbing in the bathroom. What a 'fabulous' time.
It was our first day back to school and I never considered it'd be like this. I was anxious and I had no clue how to present myself. Is the most promising option to pretend nothing occurred? Or did Eren possibly tell Armin about our argument?
Either way, I had to get myself ready and wander off to school. I discovered myself missing Dave's company as he would certainly have the right answers to my hardships.
But...my parents are no longer required to pay for his salary. They told me to start taking public transport to school and I did not condemn them. They weren't even here.
And trust me, I loved being in my own space without that horrid tension roaming around my mother. On the other side, I did miss having the simplicity of eating dinner together, and going on small trips when my parents were off work. These things could no longer happen.
My phone rang as I was setting on some makeup. My heart leaped, assuming it was Eren, but I was soon surprised to see a familiar name.
"Hello, Oliver!" I expressed cheerfully, "I didn't expect a call from you so sudden." I put the phone on speaker and Oliver shrilled joyfully. I truly had missed his presence.
"Well, I had to wish my best friend a good first day of school considering how unlucky she is!" Oliver replied with a light and teasing tone.
A faint smile washed across my lips. "Luck was definitely never on my side...especially now." I murmured the last part, even though I wanted Oliver to hear. He was always so encouraging and I desperately needed his supportive words.
"Oh, god." Oliver sighed wearily, "What happened now?"
"My boyfriend happened." I put down the mascara, feeling my eyes sting from the pain. I couldn't get his words out of my brain, how cold he sounded, how he almost hated me again. "Eren and I had a fight last night about his scholarship situation. He's moving within a year and thinks I don't support him."
"What?" Oliver grimaced, "He's moving? And you decided to stay for him only for him to leave you when it benefits him the most?" I could hear his voice growing with agitation and I lowered my head. It was almost shameful to admit it but...that was kinda the truth.
Oliver's words rang inside my mind. It was somewhat true...I did stay so we could be together, but I also did it for my friends. I belonged here and nobody was going to change that. Eren can't just toss everything we went through and say I don't support just because I reacted to him leaving so suddenly.
Wasn't I allowed to have feelings? Wasn't I allowed to have an opinion even?
"I know...I'm mostly hurt that he didn't even tell me." I sighed wearily, "And that he almost expected me to not have any feelings toward him moving away. It's like I was meant to accept it and stay silent."
I heard Oliver take a long breathe. He sounded mad. "Oh Y/n...you don't deserve this. Not after all the crap you dealt with." He took a pause before proceeding, "Are you gonna talk to him about it?"
The mere thought of seeing Eren again after that harsh argument, was more than I could bear at the moment. I felt like he despised me...I didn't know what to do.
"Not yet. He's in his emotions right now and I have no clue why he's acting so hostile toward me." I stood up from my chair, seeing that I have no more time before school began. What a dreadful day. "I'll call you later if something happens, okay?"
"Alright, take care of yourself." Oliver comforted, "And call me if you need anything. You don't deserve to be treated like this, remember what you sacrificed."
"Thank you, Oliver. Bye." We ended the call and I headed for my closet to get dressed.
I couldn't believe that it was a year since I moved here and started at A.O.T High. A year since I met Eren in those hallways, bumping into each other because we both weren't watching our space.
And now...I don't even know where we stand.
Either way, I told myself to suck it up and get my ass off to school. If Eren was going to act like a jerk, then so be it. I also had my own future to care for and I knew studying was going to be important to prove my parents I could live by myself.
I had to stay focused.
I got my belongings ready headed for the door. Taking the elevator down to the first floor, I realized I hadn't eaten any breakfast and that was not good. I made a commitment to take care of my health this year and I wasn't going to fail on the first day.
The morning was a bit cooler than the sizzling heat that came around 12 and I was enjoying the light breeze. "Okay, I have some time to get some food before school." I was lucky enough to live close to high school. I could take the bus, but I also could walk for approximately 15 minutes and still make it.
Entering a close by cafe, my phone rang for the second time. Curiously, I fished up my phone to see Jean calling. "Missed me already, Jean?" I snickered as he groaned an insult. The usual.
"Shut up and get your ass to school already." He almost demanded and I rolled my eyes. What was his deal now?
"Why? School doesn't start in 40 minutes." I complained, really dreading to go. "Why are you all there so early?"
"Football practice, remember?" Jean said, but his tone drastically changed.
Right...the whole scholarship came up again. I guess it was inevitable that both Jean, Levi and Eren were leaving us next year. I hadn't even spoken to Jean about it. I was scared to.
"Yeah, I remember." I murmured, losing all my appetite.
"Just get to school so we can talk." Jean said above a whisper and I simply nodded. I was left without any options. This was something even I couldn't fight to avoid.
This scholarship was their future.
I knew that...I understood it more than anything.
I bought myself a bagel and some coffee to stir me awake and ready for the day to arrive. After 20 minutes I was situated in front of my high school, remembering the first day and the last day of summer.
That day when we all went to the beach, all of us glowing with joy.
A melancholy feeling swept my soul. Knowing that after this school year ends, all of us aren't going to enter our third year together.
Knowing this year might be the last we all could be together. Graduating without Levi, Jean and Eren was never going to feel right.
"Y/n!" A voice spurred behind me and I was soon embraced with a warm feeling on my shoulder.
Dear God
"Please, take that hand away from me right now." A deep frown was settled on my lips as I turned to face the one person I did not have the energy to deal with.
"Oh, come on," Alice giggled as she flipped her hair over her shoulder. "Are you still mad about what happened in February? I thought we could move past this, Y/n." She explained like it was the natural thing to do. Like she didn't almost break Eren and I apart because she was a self centered bitch.
Yeah—I was definitely still livid.
"I'm not going to discuss this with you." I took a stance away from her, "Do not speak to me or my friends. You are not welcome here." I showed her my boundaries and I was done arguing with people who just wanted to tick my nerves. Alice was not worth the havoc.
"Look, you got your boyfriend back from a memory loss." She sighed, eyes narrowed. "There's no need for us to keep having tension. I'm not going to interfere, I just want us to be on better terms." Alice spoke up, not wearing her usual sneaky grin.
"Our bridge has been burned, Alice." I said, "I've forgiven a lot of people and in my life, but I've also learned that people don't own my forgiveness and neither do you." I took a step closer to her, glaring into her eyes. "So do me a favor and back off. I'll never forgive you for what you did."
Alice stayed silent and I just pulled away. I had no fucking time to deal with her insolent crap, especially with Eren on my bad shoulder, Josef coming out of prison, and my mother's situation.
"I said my peace, now do not come near me again." I gave her one last glare before I walked up the staircase and entered the school building.
My first day of school—here I am.
I found my locker after going up to the third flooring. We had a new classroom this year and new lockers for that matter. But to my very surprise...Eren's locker was right next to mine.
Great.
No, it would've been perfect if we were actually speaking to each other.
I could tell by his football stickers and...oh-
He had hung up the small charm I gave him on the last week of last semester. It was a pink feather and you could stick it to any flat surface.
And he actually put it on the locker door.
"...Wow." I sighed, not understanding what even occurred last night. Why was he so hostile? What did I even do to make him act that way? And here he was putting my dumb charm on his locker like nothing had broken down last night.
"Y/n!" Sasha's voice could be heard miles away and I was soon embraced by the girl like we hadn't seen each other for years. I loved Sasha's welcoming hugs. They were the best.
"Morning, Sasha!" I greeted her in return with the same amiable grin. Even though I had a shitty day yesterday, I was always encouraged by my best friends. We've been through hell and back and we're still kicking ass.
"I'm so happy that you arrived finally! What took you so long? You're always the early one." She stated, throwing her arms over my shoulders.
"Well you see..." I hesitated to tell her about the argument I had with Eren. It wasn't a secret that his football scholarship was the hot topic now that they succeeded the tryouts.
Just when I was about to open my mouth, not only did Jean appear out of the classroom door, but he brought Eren with him as well. Damn, those two were inseparable now. I hated this.
"Ey there she is!" Jean sprawled forward to hug and lift me in the air. I began laughing and struggling against him, avoiding to even glimpse in the direction of Eren. "Got lost along the way or something?" He sat me down gently.
"Well, I certainly don't plan on being at school any longer than I have too." I sighed, letting my shoulders slump.
Everyone could see that I wasn't even sending Eren a glance. Truthfully, I didn't wish to cause more drama, but I was hurt by what he expressed yesterday. He made it seem like I had no right for an opinion while being his girlfriend. I assumed my thoughts did matter just a bit...
Apparently not.
"Well, let's get to the classroom before Shadis loses more of his hair." Sasha made an attempt to avert the awkward tension in the air between Eren and me.
"Shadis doesn't even have any hair." Jean grimaced as he waltzed through the hall until his face turned sickly pale and his body halted to a stop.
I lifted my face to see our dear old teacher, eyebrows drawn together as he tapped his foot impatiently. "I see Kirstein wants to run across the field next gym class." He stated with a stern expression.
"S-Shadis—no, I was just-" Jean began.
"Shadis, you must have gotten tanner over the summer. Even your bald head is darker." Out of nowhere, Eren commented something nobody had ever expected. It was like time slowed down and all eyes were laid on him and our teacher.
Oh god...
❖
"Huh, they're still running." Armin was gazing out of our classroom window, searching for the two boys that couldn't keep their mouths shut on the first day of the semester.
They were obviously punished very harshly by Shadis. The two boys were instructed to run around the school district until lunchtime. Which meant the running lasted for 3,5 hours. And Sasha was enjoying the sight more than ever, as Jean and Eren had teased her last year because of the potato incident...
"Keep running fuckers!" Sasha sprawled the window open, shouting from the top of her lounges. "Jean, that form won't do you any good!! Straighten your back!" She began laughing once Jean hollered a line of curses back.
"Oh my god, Sasha." Connie stared at the girl with a grimace, eyes scolding her behavior. "I didn't know you could be so sadistic."
"They deserve it!" Sasha pointed out, setting her palm over her chest as if she was proving her statement. "When I was punished last year, those two jerks laughed and bullied me! Historia was the only angel that brought me water!" In a swift move, Sasha flicked Connie's forehead, making the boy flinch in pain. "And you—you were just enjoying the show while I suffered!"
"Guys, please calm down now." Marco motioned with his hands, trying to keep the peace.
"They did it to themselves. Who on earth thinks it's a good idea to test Shadis on the first day of the school semester?" Armin ran his hands through his newly cut hair. His bangs were no longer existing, as his golden hair had shortened. He looked very well and mature.
"Well, do you know what's a good idea?" Sasha spurred in a deep tone, gazing into my eyes as I shivered in suspense. It was indeed no good idea when Sasha was the one to engage.
"Let's make posters and embarrass them once they finish!" Without any hesitation, Sasha grabbed my wrist and dragged me out of the classroom. My eyes widened in fear, but neither was I stronger than her so I just threw myself along.
We ran toward the art room, which I spent many hours crafting during my first year of high school. I couldn't believe it's already been a year since everything began. My memories entailed toward Eren, how we started off on such bad terms yet he was the one who made me do art again.
"Here it is!" Sasha flung the door wide open, sending tremors across the room and startling an unfamiliar face. "Oh—sorry." Sasha remained still as she observed the stranger. I stepped next to her, finally placing my gaze on the boy across the room.
He was standing in front of a portrait with a pencil in his hand, barely touching the white paper. The sun rays flared through the windows, providing all the warm colors possible.
"It's fine." He spoke with the softest tone, eyes glued to the frame in front of his body. "I was just getting finished." He added in and I fumbled next to Sasha's body, clenching at her sleeve to hint that we should probably leave.
"What are you painting?" Sasha, instead glimmered with bliss. My emotions ran cold when she vaulted forward, without any hindrance or self-consciousness to the fact that this was a complete stranger and he was painting in peace!
She settled herself next to the boy, staring at his painting as I remained next to the doorway. He didn't give off any expression, just simply removing himself so she could take a better view. "It's a recreation of a city." The boy spoke again, not saying too much.
"Wow, it's so beautiful!" Sasha screeched, eyes sparkling.
"Sasha," I murmured, trying to get her attention. "We should head back. Lunch is starting soon."
"But Y/n! You have to see this—you love to paint, right?" Sasha gestured for me to come to take a look. I decided to scramble forward so we could actually get our asses back before anyone came looking for us. "See, see! This painting is amazing!"
The painting was glowing with perfection, illuminating a well-familiar city. London, and nostalgia crossed my heart like never before. My home city is the place where I grew up in.
"Yeah...it's very beautiful." Instinctively, my hand reached out but I composed myself. Realizing this was some stranger painting, I refrained from doing anything wrong. I stepped back, peering at the boy whose eyes were already locked with mine. "We have to get going now. Excuse us." I held onto Sasha's arm, pulling her away as she groaned in discomfort.
Once we reached the hallway that was occupied by students, I finally took a cold breath. I didn't know I had been suffocated inside that room. I didn't even know why my body reacted in such a manner. Sasha was complaining next to me on why we had to leave, and why we didn't get to know that boy better.
"Why is that important? He's probably a freshman so it doesn't matter." I made the excuse, walking through the crowds of people. Lunch break had started and I had to see if Jean and Eren were finished running.
"Come on, he's probably gonna be in the art club so you'll have to tutor him!" Sasha exclaimed loudly just as we entered the door to our classroom. Our friends were sprawled all over, however, the attention was averted toward Eren and Jean, who expectedly, were dying out of breath.
"Ah, I'm never challenging Shadis ever again." Jean threw his head back, leaning over his chair in demise. Eren was sitting next to him, just as exhausted.
"You already knew this from Sasha's mistake last year." Armin giggled sweetly, peering at the girl whose cheeks reddened in response.
"T-That was in the past!" Sasha claimed with clear embarrassment evident on her features.
"Sure it is, potato girl." Connie joked as he mocked the memory by pretending he was eating a potato. Sasha's cheeks sizzled with heat, eyes arching in vexation as she lunged at Connie.
Both of them ended up running out of the classroom; more like Connie was running for his dear life all over school.
Lunchtime was finally declared and we all headed for the cafeteria. I hadn't spoken to Eren yet, and I don't think I would get the chance either. After school, Eren was going straight to practice and I had my first day of art club again.
After that...I don't think we will talk either. God, why does this have to be so awkward? Eren was my boyfriend, but I still felt us as distant as ever.
I had no clue how to even approach this issue at hand.
We entered the cafeteria and Sasha and Connie threw themselves onto the food as if they hadn't eaten in days. The rest of our group found a nice spot by the large flower pots. Eren claimed the spot furthest away from me and my heart sank inside my chest.
Why is he acting like this?
"Is everything okay?" Mikasa found her chair next to mine, settling down her bag as she surveyed my eyes carefully. I definitely was not used to Mikasa caring for my being, but things have changed since last year. Instead of jumping on anyone's back who desired a spot next to Eren, she instead sat somewhere else and conversed in peace.
"I think so...I mean, I'm still trying to get used to living on my own," I said flatly, knowing very well that Mikasa would not believe a single word. She probably already analyzed that Eren's behavior was off with me. It wasn't exactly hard to figure out. He hadn't even approached me once all day.
"I see," Mikasa said calmly and averted her gaze toward Eren. He was in a deep conversation with Jean and Marco at the edge of the table, wailing his arms around in disagreement. "Did you two have an argument or something?" Mikasa spoke clearly.
"Yeah." I admitted instantly. If it was one person besides Jean who knew what it was like to argue with Eren, it was Mikasa for sure. "He's upset with me because of the scholarship. He believes I don't support him for whatever reason." My face scrunched with discomfort.
Mikasa peered back at me, "Eren always had this need to be free." She stated, her eyes narrowing slowly as if she was worried. Maybe she spent all these years knowing Eren won't settle. "Once he starts running ahead of you, he won't stop until he's reached his destination."
My eyes melted once I looked at Eren's face, seeing him grin and laugh alongside Jean and Marco. I realized Eren had lost so many years in a cage, unable to truly be himself and vision his life freely.
He lost so many years with his friends.
My lips turned into a thin smile, letting all my previous frustrations melt away. I had no right to tell him what to do in his life. Eren was going to follow his heart no matter what.
"I'm not gonna hold him back," I said to Mikasa, staring into her eyes and realizing she had to do the same. She was by Eren's side since they were children, always caring for him, loving him from the sidelines. She had to let go in the end.
"Even so, Eren won't leave you behind." Mikasa said, "I know that much." She put on a calm smile as if she knew about Eren's mind. Most of the time, she was able to predict his actions. That's maybe why Eren survived for so many years. He was always the reckless type.
"Y/n, heard anything about Ymir lately?" Reiner sits in front of Mikasa and me, putting down his tray of lunch. I wasn't even thinking of eating at this point.
"No, I haven't." I looked back at our table, seeing the missing spot. Maybe Ymir was completely done with all our dramas and living her best life somewhere far away. "She's probably tired of us," I claimed, trying to lighten the mood a bit.
"Man, she just disappeared and it's weird why she hasn't contacted any of us. Not even Historia." Reiner kept going, staring into my eyes as he almost observed. "You two ended on bad terms, right?" He proceeded to question and my thoughts spiraled.
Why on earth is Reiner asking me that all of a sudden?
Ymir has been gone for weeks now...
"I mean, she never supported my relationship with Eren and she lied to Jean about it," I stated, still feeling the resentment entangle my soul. I remember everything so clearly that day Jean and Eren fought at school after Ymir spilled everything. "She made Eren suffer on top of everything he was going through." I hadn't noticed that our friends had grown silent, all eyes on Reiner and I.
How inconvenient.
"Reiner, please shut your mouth." Annie was quick to divert the attention. "While they were going through hell, you were focused on flexing in front of the mirror and flirting with every girl you passed in the hallways," Annie claimed so deadly, sending Sasha and Connie to fits of chuckles.
"Damn guys, we've barely started school and you're already arguing." Marco sighed, shaking his tired head. I felt bad for him honestly, he was always chucked in the middle even though he never hurt a soul.
"I'm sorry. It was out of line." Reiner apologized before giving me a forgiving nod. I only nodded back, not intending to drag this conversation further whilst everyone was listening. If Reiner had something to say, he could do it freely after school hours.
But then, just like the universe didn't get enough of sending my brain to ruckus—I received a text message from Historia.
From Historia
To Y/n
[11:34]
| Please meet me after school. I have news about Ymir. |
A/n ❤︎
Hello, everyone '･ᴗ･'
It's so nice to be back with a chapter. I'm aware that's it's been months since I last updated and you all know this is unusual for me. However, I promise that I haven't forgotten about this story and will continue until it's finished!
Looking forward to the next chapter ❤️
~ Hazel