CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT
A MOMENT OF HAPPINESS
It's an unfortunate reality that she has to live, one where every time she closes her eyes she sees the faces of those who are no longer with them. In some ways it's nice to see her family again, even if it's only in her sleep, but when their expressions morph into pain and blood begins to coat their clothes, that's when it gets bad. Rosalie often wakes in screams, having Finnick wrap his arms around her to try and give some sort of comfort.
She's had nightmares like this before, the ones that plagued her mind after her Games. Rosalie saw Zachariah and Fallon for years in her sleep, and it had been her family who had pulled her back to reality. Now that safe space, those people who took care of her, they're gone too.
"You ready for lunch?"
Rosalie has, however, begun to venture out of her room again. It took some time, but she couldn't stay staring at those old walls anymore. She'd been a welcome sight for most people at dinner the night before, Finnick's eyes lighting up when she approached the table. At every meal time he will now come and see her before hand, offering her a place at their table which she will accept.
Finnick's hand is currently outstretched in her direction, waiting for the girl to take it. Rosalie gives him the biggest smile she can muster and lays her hand in his, her grip rather tight as she follows him out of her room. It's quite loud around her, people laughing and chatting with their families as she practically shrinks into her partner's side.
The brunette can see her own family in them, the way they all used to sit around and talk about their days. It causes her to close her eyes, to push away those memories so that she can focus on the current situation — one where she start to move on. It'll be a long process but she has to take the first step, otherwise she'll be stuck staring at a wall for the rest of her life.
The two of them sit down one to the tables that is already half occupied, Katniss sitting with her friend Gale and Prim. Most of the other people here Rosalie has never seen before in her life, a lot of them residents from Districts that she isn't a part of. The other victors who had been in the arena with them, the ones that had survived anyway, have been locked away in the Capitol.
That includes Peeta Mellark, who Rosalie had been quite vocal about saving alongside the symbol of rebellion. It's just another failure to add to a rather long list, that thought playing on her mind without remorse.
"It's good to see you, Rose," Katniss' voice is quiet, but genuine as she looks at the brunette girl.
"You too. How are you holding up?" Rosalie replies, knowing that the loss of Peeta must be pretty hard for her. "Any word on Peeta?"
"I'm okay and uh-no not yet. We don't know what's happening with that yet,"
Rosalie bites her lip and nods, now unsure of what else to say, another reason she had enjoyed her bedroom instead of this crowded area. She didn't have to talk to anybody in there, she could simply keep her thoughts to herself.
Finnick slides a bowl of food in her direction, getting a small smile of gratitude in response. The brunette feels his free hand slip into her's as he starts to eat his food, his mere presence the peace she needs right now.
Rosalie takes small mouthfuls of the rather bland soup, making sure not to over do it. It's exceptionally different from what she'd been given when in the Capitol, in fact it's the exact opposite of their lavish food, and yet she finds herself enjoying it more. At least this food doesn't come with the hidden rule of having to fight for her life hours later.
She'd been so happy to return home to District Four and have the basic meals they ate every night, because it's what she's used to. Rosalie definitely enjoyed the more fancy food, she won't argue that, but home cooked meals have always been the better option.
"I went to see Carter this morning,"
Rosalie swallows her food, her hand freezing as she goes to lift the spoon. The young blonde, who seems to have taken up the roll of doctor's assistant, is looking right at Rose as she speaks. She cannot bring herself to meet Prim's gaze, unsure of what she will find.
The brunette knows he hasn't passed on, she would've been told. However, that doesn't mean his condition hasn't worsened.
"They think he should wake up soon," Prim continues, her voice light and encouraging.
Rosalie feels relief flood her body, now able to look at Katniss' younger sister. Prim is smiling, her face painted with joy as she sits there. It's the best news Rosalie has heard in days, and for that reason, her face relaxes a little bit as well.
"I think you should go see him, talk with him. They say that can help," Prim pushes, however there is no force or anger in her tone.
"Y-yeah maybe," Rosalie's hand is shaking lightly now, the spoon dropping into her spoon and the liquid splashing over the edge of the bowl. She can feel her heart rate beginning to accelerate. "I-I need a minute,"
Rosalie pushes away from the table, her hand slipping away from Finnick who reaches out for her. The brunette shakes her head and walks off, the events of the past few days catching up once again. She knows she should be happy that he's doing better, and she is, but the idea that Carter will have to relive the nightmare of what happened that day, it haunts her.
"Calm down Rose," She mumbles to herself.
Unconsciously, the girl is moving towards the hospital ward where her brother is being kept. People pass her in the halls, the doctors and their assistants giving her small glances. She hasn't been here in a while, her appearance is probably more of a surprise than anything.
The girl stops in front of the door, takes a deep breath, and then pushes inside. Carter is laying in the bed, eyes closed and with several needles inserted into his skin. He looks so peaceful, so young. The reality that awaits him when he wakes is a dreary one, one that she doesn't want him to have to experience.
Rosalie takes a seat beside the bed and gently grabs his hand, eyes welling up with tears. The boy's face is still lightly scarred, the skin of his palm incredibly rough and scattered with cuts. She can only imagine the things he saw, what he had to go through.
"Hey C," Rosalie sniffles.
There's no bubbly response like she usually gets, no smile and certainly no hug. His soft breaths are all she can hear, his chest moving up and down slowly.
"So, they think you might wake up soon," She starts, gulping slightly. "I hope it's true. I've missed you so much, I-I don't know what I'll do if you go too. I don't think I could handle losing you too,"
Only a few weeks back, she'd been living a relatively happy life in District Four with her entire family. She would give anything to go back to that.
"You're all I have left, C. Please don't leave me,"
The sob she'd been holding now breaks free, the girl leaning forward to rest her forehead against the hand of his she is holding. Every possible scenario for his future runs through her mind, from death to full recovery. Most of the time, she arrives at the worst result out of habit, and it scares her.
They say he's getting better, but who knows if that's true. They don't have the technology that the Capitol do, there's no fancy machines to fix him. Carter's life is literally in the hands of a few doctors who aren't even fully trained for this.
"Is that my jumper?"
The voice is croaky, underused but understandable all in the same. Rosalie shoots up from where she's sitting and collapses into some of the most terrible sounding sobs. The boy is looking at her, his eyes glazed over with tiredness and something she can't quite decipher.
His fingers grip the edge of the tattered jumper, pulling on one of the lose threads. She slaps his hand away lightly, scolding him for the bad habit he's had since childhood. For a second she forgets where she is, but reality is quick to step back in.
She leans over, hugging him as tightly as she can without causing him pain. He lethargically lifts his arms and wraps them around her, returning the embrace.
"I'm okay," Carter tries to assure, the brunette shaking her head and holding on even tighter. "I'm really okay, Rose. I promise,"
She knows it's not true, but for this moment she's willing to let it go — who knows how much longer the peace will last.