*Debbie sitting on the couch, while Lou talks continuously*
Lou: You want cookies
Lou: You want cookies and chocolates
Lou: you want to fuck
Lou: You want to fuck while eating cookies
Lou: Let's be sad about trivial things, shall we?
*Tammy and Daphne walk in*
Lou: Let's go hysterical
Tammy: What's going on here? Debbie?
Lou: Let's kill Tammy
Tammy: Excuse me, what the-
Lou: Let's kill Daphne too
Daphne: Hey-
Lou: Let's kill Tammy and Daphne and eat their cookies and chocolates
Tammy and Daphne: Wha-
Lou: *hugging Debbie* Shh it's okay, you'll feel better
Lou: *suddenly pushes Debbie away* HAHAHAHA NO YOU WON'T, CUNT! FUCK YOU
Lou: Whoopsie, you dropped a spoon. You better cry now
Tammy: *holding Lou's hand* Okay, what the fuck is going on!
Lou: Oh, nothing much. Debbie said she missed her periods this month. I just am giving her the experience of how it is during periods.
***
Debbie: I told you to get a bottle of scotch. Didn't tell you to drink it on your way back home! WHY DID YOU DRINK, THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BROUGHT HOME?
Lou: *nursing a hangover* Uh... I was riding a bicycle. I thought if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle might break.
Debbie:
Lou: I drank whole bottle to avoid any such accidents. And it turned out to be a very good decision because I fell off the bicycle five times on my way back home afterwards.
***
Debbie: Could you please not Lou this into a worse situation than it already is?
Lou: did you just use my name as a verb?
***
*Young Lou getting trained by Debbie to be a genius con*
Debbie: You have to be nice
Lou: I am being nice
Debbie: You threatened him with a knife
Lou: But I didn't stab him
***
*During dinner*
Amita: What's your opinion on love?
Lou: Love is for weak
Debbie: *pinches Lou's thigh under the table*
Lou: And I'm so weak
***
*Life lessons by Debbie*
Debbie: When somebody responds with “I beg your pardon”, assert your dominance by replying “then beg"
***
*Debbie and Lou fighting and it turns physical*
Debbie: Are we fighting or flirting right now?
Lou: *angry* My hand is literally around your throat, you dipstick!
Debbie: That doesn't answer my question
***
*In the morning, Lou walks downstairs, still sleepy*
Lou: Debbie looks great today. Super hot and super beautiful
Tammy: You haven't seen her today, yet
Lou: But I know she looks incredible
***
Daphne: I'm making a documentary about my life. Tammy, you should play the role of my father
Tammy: Wha- I don't want to be your father, you fucking moron
Daphne: Perfect! you already know your lines
Tammy: 💀
***
Waiter: I'm sorry, ma'am, your card has been declined
Debbie: Run it again
Waiter: I ran it three times
Debbie: *to Lou* Can you take care of it?
Lou: Sure. *grabs the waiter by the collar and pulls him close* she said run it again.
***
Devil: It's time for you to die
Lou: One second, let me ask Debbie
Devil: That's not a choic-
Lou: She said no. Sorry.
Devil: WHAT THE- I am going to take your life
Lou: If I were you, I would think twice before offending Debbie
***
*Debbie and Lou witnessing their drunk teammates on Friday night*
Tammy: *flirty*
Nine: *giggly*
Daphne: *encouraging them*
Rose: *passed out*
Amita: *on the table, dacing like there's no tomorrow*
Constance: *throwing monopoly cash at Amita*
***
*Tammy visiting Debbie and Lou at the hospital*
Tammy: How did you two get in an accident?
Debbie: Lou was driving and there was a deer on the road. So, I yelled "Lou, deer!"
Tammy: And?
Debbie: Tell her what you said
Lou:
Lou: I said "yes, honey?"
***
*Lou's serious question to her American friends*
Lou: Why are your sporting events called world championships and sportsmen as world champions when the championship is only among your states and no other countries involved?
***
Constance: I have a boyfriend.
Rose: *surprised* a boyfriend?
Constance: *showing victory sign* 😗✌️
Rose: TWO BOYFRIENDS??
***
Debbie: My favourite thing to do is tell my friends about the wild things Lou did and see the look of horror and shock on their faces because they mainly know Lou as the humble sweetheart she 100% is, and not as the person who accidentally set the mailman on fire
Tammy: I'm sorry, she did WHAT NOW?
***
*Tammy playing drums*
Lou: Do you take requests?
Tammy: I sure do. Tell me
Lou: I request you to stop playing
***
*Young Loubbie*
Lou: *bursts into the apartment and locks the door securely*
Debbie: What did you do now?
Lou: NOBODY DIED!
Debbie: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT!
***
*Young Loubbie*
Operator: 911, what's your emergency?
Lou: A monster broke into my apartment! My roommate is out. I am alone. There is no power and it's dark! I am scared! A monster is here!
Operator: Wha-
Debbie: *to Lou* It's me, you asshole!
Lou: *screaming* IT FOUND ME! IT FOUND ME!
***
Daphne: Did you know that if a song gets stuck in your mind it is because your soulmate is singing it.
Debbie: *turning to Lou* Stop singing 'All the single ladies'! It's been ten fucking months since you've started singing it! Either stop singing or change the fucking song!
***
Constance: Do you ever feel like ddkdhdksjslsjsjk?
Nine: How the fuck did you even pronounce tha-
Rose: I always feel like that!
Nine: Wha-
***
*Text conversation between Lou and her mum*
Mum: Why are you not at church?
Lou: *sleepily typing* who is this?
Mum: God
Lou: Why are you texting me in church? Pay attention to the prayers of people
***
Lou: I saw a twisted dark movie yesterday
Tammy: What's the plot?
Lou: A girl lives with her non-biological mum and is anti-social. One day a man breaks into her house and takes advantage of her naive nature and she falls in love with him! That is how twisted her life is. Also, she has a bloodthirsty pet. And she finds her long lost parents later on.
Tammy: That's intense. I gotta watch it. What's the name of the movie?
Lou: Tangled
***
*Young Lou in school*
Teacher: Your essay is extraordinary. It is well written and you've done no grammatical or spelling error. You have articulated very well. What inspired you to write this essay?
Lou: Due date
***
Stevie: *on phone* Hey babe, you ready for tonight?
Lou: Hey Steve, this is Claire's aunt. Do you love my niece?
Steve: I do, ma'am
Lou: Would you take a bullet for her?
Steve: ... Yes
Lou: Lovely. Meet me at your school playground in 10 minutes
***
Lou: WAKE UP! WAKE UP! DEBBIE WAKE UP!
Debbie: WHAT THE FUCK! IT'S 3 IN THE MORNING! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Lou: I made cheese sandwich. Want some?
Debbie: Add extra cheese in mine
***
*Lou babysitting Tammy's kids*
Lou: *texting Derek* Where are you? Come home now
Derek: I am home
Lou: When did you return?
Derek: I never left. I was in the room whole time
Lou: Oops! I didn't pay attention. Don't tell your mom I didn't look after you guys
Derek: I will tell her
Lou: I'll give you $5
***
*Little Debbie in school*
Teacher: George Washington not only chopped the apple tree, he also admitted it to his father. Deborah, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
Debbie: Because George still had the axe in his hand?
***
*Little Lou is school*
Teacher: What is 1 litre water plus 1 litre water?
Lou: 2 litres
Teacher: 6 litres + 9 litres of water?
Lou: 15 litres
Teacher: 12638283 litres + 263632893 litres?
Lou: Ocean
***
Daphne: I love Eminem
Rose: I prefer Skittles
Daphne: I meant the rapper, not candy
Rose: Why would you want to eat the wrapper? It's made of plastic
***
Tammy: That's it! I need a pair of glasses. A powerful pair of glasses that will help me see everything.
Lou: Okay, what made you realise your need for glasses, which I have been advising you for ages?
Tammy: Yesterday, I stopped the car in the middle of the road and waited for 45 minutes to let a hedgehog cross the road.
Lou: And?
Tammy: It was a pinecone
***
Julia: I have a song for you. 'Want you back' by Cher Lloyd
Lou: What a coincidence! I too have a song for you.
Julia: *excited* what song?
Lou: 'We are never ever getting back together' by Taylor Swift
***
*Random guy texting Debbie*
Guy: Who is this?
Debbie: Why?
Guy: Are you a boy or a grill?
Debbie: I am a grill
Guy: What's your name?
Debbie: George Foreman
Guy: I thought you were a girl
Debbie: No, I am a grill
***