I had suspected Sotomura since the first time.
Among the four of us, Sotomura was the one who liked Shiina the most, to an alarming degree. He would occasionally glance at Shiina whenever here presence caught in his eye, as if watching.
Whether it's a feeling of love or not, his acts are quite creepy for me.
"I heard from Yukimura and Kikuchi, that you are quite a smart kid before."
"Homeroom teacher said that you will be in remedial class next month, but recently you got waivers and were relieved of the task, why?"
There were several reasons that popped into my head.
The teacher gave Sotomura a waiver to correct his name in the exam.
Considering his supposedly high grades, it would be a pity if he simply failed because of a trivial matter.
"I don't understand what you mean?!"
I showed him the two letters I found in Shiina's locker.
"You should have written your name on the letter you sent."
Surprised, he then snatched the two letters quickly. Sweat began to appear on his forehead, trembling hands examined the letter carefully.
"Why do you have it?"
I just kept silent and didn't answer.
"Answer me!"
Frustrated, he grabbed my collar and pushed me against the wall.
Now I saw it, the anxiety in his eyes, the trembling in his hands, the feeling of worry that had been unrequited, then when the answer came, it appeared like a missile that destroyed everything. His worries had
been resolved.
"Shiina was the one who gave it to me."
He wrote a letter and put his deepest feelings in the letter, but unfortunately the letter didn't get a
direct reply from the other party.
I'm the only one standing here, not Shiina who he's been waiting for.
"W-why, Ayanokouji-kun... why did Shiina give it to you?"
"Why, huh?"
"If I have to say, it's probably because the two of us are pretty close to each other."
"You two? Since whe—,
He paused, trying to properly process the problem. I felt the grip on my collar start to loosen, and he looked at me with a look that seemed to have realized everything
"Ah, now it all makes sense," he muttered. "I often notice Shiina's gaze wherever she is, hoping that she sees me. However, that gaze was fixed on someone I didn't know, and that was you, Ayanokouji-kun."
He released his grip from my collar, and slowly slumped down, sitting on the cold floor of the clubroom. During the period of silence between the two of us, I just stand quietly waiting for him to start to speak first.
After waiting for quite a while, he started to speak
"Will you listen to me for a moment?"
"My ears all yours"
-
The next morning, there was a commotion at school
"Why is it so noisy in class?"
"Because there's new rummors again today."
I walked over to a classmate who was standing near my desk. After putting down the bag and tidying up the books, I glanced around the classroom, then asked
"It's about Shiina again?"
"Yeah, but there's someone else this time involved."
I immediately opened my phone and typed on the search. The hot topic on the school's underground website is
[Sotonaka is secretly stalking Shiina all the way to her home!]
It seems that the message received a lot of responses.
I could see dozens of blasphemy being leveled at the person in question. Although it was limited to rummor, it was not clear at first, but there is concrete evidence that supports this.
The back photo of a male student in a jacket from the soccer club of our school walking some distance behind Shiina.
"Many say that Sotonaka also stole Shiina's uniform"
"Is that true?"
The chat from A to B, then from B spreads to other students. I saw the social interaction unfolding before me.
"By the time I came to class, it was spreading so fast you know."
A student approached my desk, it was Yukimura.
"What about yesterday?" I asked about the stalker that the two of them tried to chase yesterday
"What really happened is...
Then, he began to explain what happened from the start of their pursuit of the stalker, to how Yukimura had to restrain Kikuchi who wanted to approach the stalker and beat him to dead.
They managed to take some pictures and showed it to me the night. But the picture on the school forum was definitely not one of the picture they both took.
"From the picture shown, the hairstyle, height, and also the jacket from the soccer club, one can guess that he is Sotonaka from class J," Yukimura explained his analysis.
"You're right, but who took the picture?"
"Definitely not me and Kikuchi, we stopped halfway after losing track of that guy. We managed to take some pictures, but the camera angle aren't that close."
"Hah! Thankfully, now his life really ends in this school."
Kikuchi came from the back entrance with a bag on his back. He had just walked into class, and the expression on his face was no different from happiness and relief. It seemed he was happy that Sotonaka was the culprit.
"I've been disliking that guy for a long time, now he's completely dead."
"Why do you hate him so much?"
"I don't hate him! I just don't like him! The way he walks into our class as if he's part of this class, it's just annoying."
Still it was a childish excuse to hate someone. Kikuchi has an easy dislike and shows hostility towards others. Most are those with good social skills such as group normies or strangers who are pretentious.
Actually, it is very easy to understand. As a teenager, you tend to pay attention to what is reality and what is expectation. Expectations to be familiar with everyone and be the center of attention, while reality speaks differently by showing the image that the position is taken by someone other than you.
He didn't like those people.
But that doesn't mean Kikuchi is a stubborn person. I'm sure if he can get to know and befriend those people he doesn't like, his view of them will change, and he'll be able to admit that there are people who are better than him.
Although the malice will still exist, because it is human nature.
Wait, am I human too?
I looked at Shiina who was surrounded by many people. She seemed overwhelmed by those people who continued to talk non-stop.
Our gazes met, and I immediately turned my attention to the window. Seeing Eren Yeager flying in the sky. It would be better if Rumbling really happened and I could be free from all my obligations.
Then during lunch break
The man in question came.
Instantly the class became noisy. And those who previously wanted to go outside the class canceled that desire and sat back in their chairs. I can see a student at the back of the class with 3D glasses and popcorn in hand.
No, maybe it was just my hallucination.
"Shiina-san, can we talk?"
"E-erm?"
Shiina seemed much more alert than before. The truth about the rumors seemed to worry her to some degree.
"OOOoops! Stop there you little pigy shity stupid man play!"
A friend, no, a hero, comes to save Shiina.
I don't know what the girl's name was, but she made a bold move by pulling Sotonaka's shirt away from Shiina. She then stood between the two of them. Several girls from the same group came close as well, guarding Shiina from all sides.
"Emm, I just wanted to talk to Shiina-san."
"Hah? You seriously want to talk to her even after you know that you are under suspicion now?!"
"About that, I can explain—
"You have nothing to explain!"
Kikuchi came closer.
He had been waiting for this moment, when he took the spot all for himself.
"I saw you yesterday! You followed Shiina out of the school gate all the way to her house! My friends and I saw it."
"Wait! I can explain that too. I didn't mean to—"
"Then explain to us, are you a stalker? Were you the one who stole Shiina's gym uniform?" the other girl speak loud.
"Of course not! I won't do such a despicable thing!"
"Umm, I understand you guys are angry, but why don't we try listening to what Hii-kun want to say?"
"Why should we listen to what comes out of a stalker's mouth?"
"Hah! Why are you shouting at me? Why are you doing this! Acting as if you know everything, you're just a sucker playing in the back of the class with other suckers!"
The girl who spoke was part of the group of normies who talked to Sotonaka often. Of course she would defend Sotonaka, since they were from the same group. I was surprised by hsf ability to demonize a group of students from the same class as her without the slightest sense of guilt. She looked relieved after expelling those things and challenged Kikuchi to argue with her.
Shiina who couldn't stand this situation anymore, stood up and left the classroom.
Everyone saw her walk away, they probably thought she was angry, or trying to avoid Sotonaka.
While I was observing the situation, I decided not to chase after her. It will be more interesting to see how our main villain here clears his name from all accusations.
Sotonaka who saw Shiina leave, just stood there, probably knowing it was pointless. Right now she needed to be alone, away from crowds of people.
After taking a deep breath, he looked around the room and spoke
"I realize that many of you suspect me...
"But I swear on behalf of my family, I have no bad intentions to the point like stalking and disturbing someone I like."
We were surprised by the sudden confession. He could tell his true feelings to Shiina just like that in public.
"What really happened was...
-
After school was over, on an empty bench in the park near the gymnasium building.
A place that students frequented at lunchtime, but since school was over, no one comes there.
But you could see from afar a student pacing back and forth. He looked worried and nervous, biting his thumb nails, he sat on the bench waiting for someone to come.
"Sorry make you wait."
"A-ah, Shiina-san! I'm glad you came."
"So what do you want to talk about, Sotonaka-kun?"
"Umm about that, how about you sit down first."
She sat on the bench beside her. Sotonaka then sat down after keeping some distance from her, making room for his guest to be comfortable.
Given how the situation was now, it was an unusual combination of two people.
Neither of them spoke. Awkward atmosphere.
But if you look closely, Shiina seems relaxed and calmly waiting for Sotonaka to speak.
There was something unusual about Sotonaka, he seemed more nervous than before. The figure of a man who could speak in large groups freely and confidently didn't exist with him now. Looks like a different individual.
This is another trait of him
"I-I'm a little bit nervous... um! Uh, what should I say?"
Shiina chuckled, "You seem troubled, where is Sotonaka with his charisma that he often shows me?" She asked as she leaned forward slightly and looked at him
"Hey, actually..."
In reality, this was Sotonaka's weakness.
He is a shy person.
The courage he gets is from the encouragement of his surroundings. The friends who saw him, the people who watched him, all of that pushed Sotonaka to forget who he really was.
An Otaku who had no friends back in his school. Then in this high school, he is determined to change and make his life better
He even started to get a part time jobs in the city, looking for an extra money and new experiences. Study harder, and exercise more often.
His dedication and sincerity is commendable.
Even so, the progress of his efforts is still not optimal. When alone, he's just an Otaku with normal teenage fantasies, it's different when he's around his friends, he becomes a different person.
I call this a momentary impulse, how the environment affects a person's social skills, how the mind is pushed as much as possible to project oneself to be better in public.
"I-I, umm–.. Suki-desu!"
He got up from his seat, then bent 90 degrees and spread his arms towards Shiina
Confession of love, this experience may be the first time for him. Dancing between the sky and the stars, a teenager who is intoxicated with romance.
And how was Shiina's response?
"Um, I'm sorry"
"?!"
"I can't answer your feelings, Sotonaka-kun"
"M-may I know the reason?"
"I... right now maybe not."
Shiina politely refused. Sotonaka had no choice but to retreat at this time. Who knows another opportunity will arise one day.
He sat back down, and took a deep breath, as if the weight on his shoulders had disappeared.
"I just found out that you are a shy person"
"He~ he, I'm always like this you know."
He said that shyly while scratching his cheek.
They then fell silent, an awkward atmosphere. No one left, as if something else had been confirmed by the other party. So they waited for each other.
"Regarding the rumors..."
"I know you're innocent."
"Really? You trust me?"
"I've heard it from my friends in class, although I didn't hear your speech directly."
At lunch time, he explained everything, why he was involved and slandered, his name had been cleared, although not one hundred percent.
He said in front of all the students in the class, that at that time he had indeed followed Shiina back to her house.
However, his actions were out of concern and trying to keep her save, secretly from behind.
He got the idea from the person who accused him of being a stalker in class, it was Kikuchi.
That day, to be exact when the two of us were returning things to the warehouse at the gymnasium.
Sotonaka explained everything.
It gives the impression of someone who can be trusted. So that some of his friends might believe and dispel their doubts about him.
"So you're really stalking me?"
"N-no! Really I didn't mean to, I was just thinking of secretly protecting you!"
"Um I see..."
Shiina nodded, she seemed to believe what Sotonaka said.
"Plus, after seeing your shy side, I'm even more convinced that you're not a bad person."
"Thank you for trusting me, Shiina-san."
The two of them had finished their business. Each has confirmed their doubts and problems.
"Umm, you look different, Shiina-san"
"What do you mean?"
"Ugh, how I put it, huh... it looks like you're smiling a lot more right now."
"About that..., maybe because I've found my gym uniform back."
"Is that true?"
"Um, um," she nodded. "I just forgot where I put it. Someone helped me find it. And I'm so happy."
She smiled, showing an expression that looked ecstatic. A sight that not many people know about, Sotonaka was lucky to see it.
They parted ways, Shiina was the first to leave, but Sotonaka just stood there.
After waving and saying goodbye, he sat down, contemplating and lost in thought. Tears could be seen running down her cheeks before falling down.
Since his confession had been rejected, he must be feeling sad right now. Crying alone, tears of a man.
-
That night, Shiina came to my house as usual. After dinner, the two of us sat on the sofa in the living room. While I was watching Detective Conan on TV, Shiina sat beside me hugging the pillow with her two hands.
However, I could feel a nervous gaze next to me.
She looked from behind the pillow she was hugging. Her moist eyes stared at me unsteadily. Curious, I asked
"What is it?"
"Um! It's nothing"
"Really? But why are you looking at me like that?"
E-eh, um, there's actually something I want to confirm with you..."
"What? I'll listen"
"Umm this is... about your friend, Sotomura-kun."
Shiina then tells how she got her gym uniform back.
Hakase seemed to have returned the thing he stole to Shiina, only that he was saying unnecessary things.
"Look, I know that you helped me again this time...
But, you don't have to... really, I'm at a loss as to how to repay your kindness."
In essence, Shiina thought I was the one who had solved the problem with her gym uniform. I'm sure she asked Hakase, and he said my name to her.
"I just did what I had to do. After all, it's about my friend Hakase. So if I can help my two friends without causing a fuss later on, I'll–
I stopped in the middle
There are more valuable things to say than that logical reasoning.
"I just wanted to help you, Shiina."
"W-why? Is it because that our relationship is close?"
"Did Sotomura tell you that?"
"W-well he said a lot of things"
As I had thought. Considering Hakase's nature, he probably added a lot more salt to the surface.
Something like "no need to worry, I support your relationship." And, "Ayanokouji-dono said you two are close!" Or, "I won't reveal your secret relationship" something like that.
"In that case, Shiina, do you think the two of us are close?"
I asked, and she seemed to be serious in thought.
"Umm, you might say so. Eh I don't know, that's how I feel, I don't know how it is with you."
"Same with you."
"Really?"
We always eat, and enjoy our time together like this, or just chatting through each other's verandas.
"The time I spent with you was quite enjoyable."
"Unn" she nodded
I've always been alone. Usually that man would come for a visit, he just look at me and then leave. The kind old buttler always looked at me with a pity.
Having friends who don't know anything about me, and can talk to them like normal kids nowdays, the experience wasn't bad either.
Even though I had an opportunity , nothing had changed since I came here.
Because I still don't care about anything as usual.
"How did you know... that Sotomura-kun took my uniform?"
"Ahh, I happened to see him putting a letter in your shoe locker. Then a rumor started and you lost your uniform.
Then when I went to the manga club room, I saw a mannequin in a gym uniform, that's when I got the idea that he took your uniform."
Shiina seemed to accept that explanation. She repeatedly nodded and smiled, chuckling as he looked at me.
"What is it?"
"It's nothing~
"Really?"
"Unn," she nodded. "I'm so confused, what should I repay you. You've helped me many times."
"You don't have to think about it."
"I can't! Someone once told me that you have to sincerely repay someone's kindness towards you. Let me grant you one wish, anything!"
"Really?"
I looked up and down, and up again stopping at her chest.
Shiina seemed to know what I meant, she reflexively hugged her body with both hands.
"P-perverted things are not included!
W-we're not lovers after all! It's too early to ask such a thing, you know."
"I didn't say I wanted to do anything perverted. It's just, Shiina, the way you put it is as if it's fine if we're lovers."
"I didn't say that"
"Yes you said that."
"No, I didn't say that!"
"Yes you did."
"No! Please, stop it, I can't. This is embarrassing"
"Ok, ok, then how about you make me some pudding."
Hearing my request, her previously reddened face began to shine brightly, and her eyes stared intently at me.
"Pudding with lots of eggs?"
"Yes."
"With grated cheese?"
"Yes."
"Ok, I'll make it tomorrow."
"Thank you, you seem to know my taste very well."
"We've eaten together many times, I've managed to conquer your stomach."
"My stomach?"
"Fufu, someone once said to me that if you want to take down a man, then conquer his stomach first."
The person she meant must be the maid who took care of her.
We were silent again after arguing earlier. No one spoke, maybe we were waiting for one of us to speak first.
Unfortunately I have no topic to talk about.
Looking back the atmosphere had completely changed.
The only noise from the TV echoed in the living room, neither of us talking. But neither one seemed to want to speak, as if we were enjoying the silence.
I heard a melodious voice from the side, Shiina mumbled a foreign tone of music to my ears. Her tone was relaxed, and gave off a cool foreign feeling. The smell of citrus perfume tickled the nose, a really strange atmosphere.
"I've never heard of it"
"Hmm?"
"The song you mumbled."
"Ah, it's from an old game from the PlayStation series–
Shiina began to talk about her childhood when she was in kindergarten. In the past, her father had bought a game console with several games in it. Because she was always alone and her parents rarely came home, after school she would usually play with a maid who took care of her.
The games they play are plantation themed. It looks like a game with a role playing/simulation single player type that was quite famous in the past.
"That sounds like fun."
"Right? I almost got addicted back then so my grades dropped."
"A Shiina getting bad grades in school? I can't believe it."
"Look, I've been naughty too, you know."
She chuckled, her eyes focused on me, those sometimes wobbly pupils staring at me intently, as if they only saw me in this world. I accepted this scene and carved it carefully in my memory.
There's a strange feeling coming out of nowhere, I want to touch her...
"Um?!"
My hand reached out and stroked her head. The bright blonde hair felt soft, the sensation was really real in my hands. I fingered, squeezed, and stroked her hair slowly.
Shiina looked a little surprised, but she accepted it without much protest.
"Umm
She muttered that
"Sorry, is this bothering you?"
"No... not really, this feels... comfortable"
"Should I stop?"
"No!"
She gasped, and swiftly held my hand.
"You're acting weird, don't tell me you like having your head stroked by a boy?
"N-not like that!
It's just... it's my first time... and it feels really good."
I stroked her head again, went down and touched her bangs, my finger passed between her eyebrows and forehead, the longer my instincts led me to squeeze her cheeks.
"U-un, nyu?"
That adorable voice was like a hypnotic bell, I immediately pulled my hand away after that.
It's still too soon for this.
While I was looking at Shiina's blushing face, she hit me repeatedly using the pillow she was hugging.
"Sorry, it seems you don't like that."
"N-ne, eto... no, it's not that I don't like it, it's just... it surprised me."
"Sorry"
But from how she reacted, I didn't seem to get any resistance.
We fell back into silence, the atmosphere became awkward.
I decided to ask about the thing I wanted to confirm.
"About your gym uniform... in the first place, did you know it was stolen?"
"Eh, about that... I was suspicious, but I always tell myself that maybe I forgot to put it somewhere."
"Didn't Sotomura ever tell you before?"
"She had sent a letter to me"
In this modern era, such communication is rarely found.
Most people will use electronic media which is easier and simpler.
Unless it's a mysterious love confession letter.
"No, it's an anonymous letter, it's about how beautiful I am and how lucky he would be if I could be his model.
I was confused about how to reply to the letter, because there was no sender's name and the contents of the letter gave me a rather disturbing impression."
I understand what she means. I would definitely also find it creepy to send anonymous letters complimenting how beautiful someone is.
"Then during lunchtime, Sotomura asked to meet me and return my uniform. Everything became clear after he said the reason he did that. I forgive him and pretend this matter never happened."
"I may not have received much impact, but I scolded him because his actions might have a bad effect on him if he get caught."
Rather than Shiina losing her gym uniform, what would have happened to Sotomura if someone found out that he took the uniform, it is public execution.
He takes more damage if he considers the risk of being caught and being bullied.
"I don't understand. Why didn't he just talk to me directly instead of stealing my uniform and making a fuss. People are spreading strange rumors that bother me."
The answer is only one
It was a feeling of unrequited love.
How he thinks about someone he likes all the time, the fear and shame that comes with talking to the person you like.
I recalled the incident in the clubroom, Hakase told me everything
-
It started in April, when the cherry blossoms started to bloom, Sotomura saw a figure more beautiful than the Mona Lisa walking along the road beside a small river.
He couldn't take his attention away from her. Her beauty and graceful charm is like an anomaly that is hard to explain.
Dazai once said that angels sometimes appear among people.
Now in the manga club room, there is a tablet that is used to draw high school girl characters who are very similar to Shiina. The scene on the panel shown is when the girl is playing tennis. She wiped the sweat off her forehead with her hand. The proportions and fit of the image angles are quite good, but there are still parts that are not tidied up in some of the image panels.
The culprit is Sotomura
He sent a letter to Shiina, but it wasn't a love letter
"So you want to observe her?" I asked, and Sotomura nodded
"I can't draw her properly yet."
"I see," I said while looking at the results on the tablet. "Out of urgency, you sent a letter and borrowed her uniform?"
"And stupidly I'm waiting for a reply from her."
Apparently, the deadline for the manga contest is near. In a situation that forced him to do this.
"I'm selfish, right, Ayanokouji-kun? And also a coward who doesn't dare go up to the girl I admire and look her in the eye."
But unfortunately, he forgot to write his name, so there was no reply from Shiina.
Instead, a strange rumor spread that someone had stolen Shiina's gym uniform, which inevitably led to Sotomura. Luckily he didn't get caught, otherwise his school life would end right now.
"You should be a little more daring, Sotomura. If you come to her and ask her to be your model, this won't be a big problem. Plus Shiina is confused about what to do with the trouble you created."
Sotomura was silent, he didn't reply to my words or look at me directly.
"You like Shiina?"
"Otherwise, I won't make her the main character in my manga."
"You are right."
"But not anymore. It's not the feeling of love wanting someone's existence just for you. That satisfaction and desire is gone."
"What do you mean?"
I don't understand what he said.
"Have you ever seen a pretty girl on your way home? Girls who amaze you with their beauty? But the feeling that arises is not love or anything, just a sense of awe that makes your heart tremble. Something like that. It's hard to explain, but I hope you understand."
He got up from his seat and looked at me. His hand reached out to me.
"My apologies for my rude actions just now, Ayanokouji-kun. That's not what I should do to a friends."
Now he doesn't use his strange dialect anymore. This meant that Sotomura was really sad, or that he was serious about all of this.
I nodded and shook his hand. He took my hand and hugged me. But it wasn't an affectionate hug as you might think, more like a male greeting.
"After all, Shiina-san already has you, Ayanokouji-kun."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm not so sure. No need to worry, I'm not going to pry into your relationship with her to much."
Sotomura sat on a chair and began to tidy up his things. "I always observe people and my surroundings," he explains. "It's purely for reference when drawing," the more obvious the expressions people show and how they act, "I want to draw like that."
"I always pay attention to Shiina-san. But recently, before I sent a letter to her, her attention seemed to be directed at someone else. I didn't know who at the time, but someone she noticed during our lunch break and in class was you."
He told me that, while taking another look at the image on his tablet, the feelings of sadness were probably building up, and soon the dam was about to collapse.
I patted his shoulder once, "I'll be waiting outside. There's no need to rush. Kikuchi and Yukimura don't seem like they'll be back soon enough."
Realizing that I understood his feelings, he nodded and started to cry.
Even though he was adamant that his feelings to Shiina had changed, the disappointment at the bottom of his heart remained. Wish it was him.
Love is a deadly thing.
While I was out of the club room, I started to think about what Hakase said earlier.
Is it true that Shiina has been watching me from afar?
Its that true?
Did I not notice her?
Or maybe the other way around.
Or I just don't care?
Maybe that's the best answer.
There's still no change in me even since feeling the fresh air outside
I am aware of all the things around me, and the things that don't interest me, don't deserve my attention.