There's a particular aura, one that glows so bright it might as well burn out the sunlight as it shines, so hot it can burn at ones intestines. Addictive, as it ingrains upon ones thoughts and leaves a scorching mark where the embers smolder everytime its presence returns. The heat though so encompassing is warm against the skin and it draws one to reach for it, again, everytime it is near, it lures one to go closer, and feel it devour thyself completely. Bright in brilliance, light in meaning, it encourages one to fester the scarce or the large morality one possess and bring it forth in display just so that it might be drawn to thyself in tandem. It is radiant, and it shows itself to all, though they may not reach for it, may not be effected by the full burn of its intensity; the allure of it charing ones insides and warming ones thoughts, it tries. It urges one to hide it away in grim possession so that you might be the only one to feel its fire. I have seen it shining, far away, nearby, obvious to anyone who cares to see who a person truly is inside. He resonates this addictive aura, this warming, pulling desire just to have him beside always, merely to brighten who I am as a person, to warm the cold I possess.
I would never admit that however, its such a hidden, private, yarning that I cannot bare to be shown to anyone even him. It would sound inane I'm well aware, and truthfully he would not comprehend what I see or what I mean. It does linger however, what I've said; I want for it to continually burn, never to extinguish, yet selfishly- I want it to glow and enlighten only me; for no one else to feel, as I do, the painful need to have its radiance beside me, scorching my thoughts, and searing my heart.
Natsu is luminant, and his aura shines so bright beside me my chest finds each breath easier to take in. He's happy that much is plain as he grins so large his eyes crinkle and his nose scrunches up, I squirm slightly, not uncomfortable but because of the fuzzing feel at my chest at the sight, a flutter in my stomach makes my lips turn up as I look down at him. My cheeks are flushed too as we walk; because of the heat of the day I can rationalize, it is night. We are walking to the park, a calming place where I doubt Natsu visits frequently- because it, is calm and away from the bustle of the crowded streets, which opposes his extensively extroverted mentality. Yet he bares no protest in his expression nor words, perhaps his words are still clogged in his throat just as mine are- out of nothing to say, certainly not nerves, nor the clench in my chest.
I wonder at his agreement, what I had seen. For it had been a beautiful sight: Well, impressive at the least -beautiful- he had been standing firm in front of me obsidian eyes wide, his pale hands had been twitching- shaking? His legs too, lesser, but it had an abnormality easy to ignore, under the simple fact I had been so focused on my swirling thoughts and drowning emotions which I'd spent so long attempting to comprehend the meaning of. We'd been stuck in silence because I couldn't seem to pull my damn panties up and speak past the invisible hand choking my adams apple. I had my legs cross tight so that they wouldn't bounce on the ground, and I'd forced my expression to remain firm set and not show a thing, I had been forcing it so that it would show my lack of care if he'd answered in a burning rejection. I'd been so aware of the glow on green leafs, the orange reflecting off as they swayed in the wind which had howled in my ears. Honestly, I had choked through asking, and it had come out as some type of utterance not to be heard by anyone with normal hearing. Just as him, I'd heard the most faint gasp so miniscule that my advanced hearing could hardly make out the sound. I'd tensed then, and felt my lips turn into a line and I made sure I hardened my express as much as possible for the impending rejection. When the shout had shocked my ears and I'd twitched hard for its sudden intensity in the former quiet. At first I hadn't heard the brightened 'yes,' too busy shaking away the shock of the sound ringing in my ears. Then it had registered, and I felt that warmth spread over my cheeks, over my whole body in the most comfortable sensation I've ever had. He'd grinned so wide it was an incredible sight, with pink hair shining, changed; a bright orange and red in places, darker pink in others, I'd just sat there for a moment at the sight. Still, his agreement confuses me, after all I had done, nye a year -seven- ago.
"So what did you do when you were away anyway?" My gaze snaps down to see his familiar black irises shining against the moonlight in the same manner as sparkling stars. I can't say I expected such a question from him of all people, but it does churn my thoughts slightly, because I'm not sure how I should answer.
My mind had largely been inraptured by the self-discovery, that I had been reluctant to fight Natsu, and I always had been. So I'd traveled mostly, but ended up ignoring my surroundings for the most part as I attempted to rationalize my odd behaviour, thoughts and emotions. In the discovery that I might harbour romantic feelings for the man, I'd screamed mentally and downplayed them in my head as much as I could- stuck in bars and downing whiskey to clear the revelation from my head. The denial had strayed quickly however, and I simply became more adapt to the thought, because although it was grappling- even somewhat disgusting onto my mind to be in love with another man, I could understand that the feeling had been building for many years. So it slowly became more acceptable with every footstep I took. I don't think I will tell him that though, it's too profound, too private.
"Not much, I travelled, saw some scenery, visited some obscure bars." Slapping myself sounded great in that moment, for the look I received from my words was a type of melancholy disappointment, certainly not meant to be seen but there nonetheless: I know I can talk a girl out of her tight fit mini skirt and low cut shirt in seconds when I want an evening fuck, I can bring a chick to orgasm in five minutes with the right words. Yet, apparently here I am talking to a man of whom I've denied my attraction to for many years, and romantic or even easy conversation was not flowing into my brain let alone out my mouth. I can feel the sweat start to form on the skin of my brow, hoping it wouldn't be obvious to my date. I cross my arms.
"I like the moon." He simply states beside me, a peaceful tilt of a smile cresting his face and eyes looking up. "I don't feel safe a lot." His subject swiftly changes, still I think he sees a connection where I simply can't. Even so, his words were peculiar to me, they linger on my memories and I question the words; as obvious, Natsu is a powerful wizard, skilled if brash, he could negate most threats easily, without a fear of harm or death. "I'm always scared that someone might leave." He admits quietly, still staring at the sky but walking slower. At least I can understand his fear.
"Well no one in the guild is going to leave you." My sigh comes out as I say it, unintentionally, sounding irate at his words when I'm not, not entirely. I'm bias in that factor I know, because I truly cannot see a reason for anyone to go. He's too bright.
"You did." It happens before I can react, I can feel the strain as all in me tenses and my feet stop so sudden that my body almost tips forward at the action. My arms are so stiff I can feel them pressing harsh into my pecs while my neck is so tense I can feel my shoulders shaking. I can see him from my peripheral, turned to face me with his star-sparkling eyes seemingly more intense with the light frown he wears. Made worse by the intensity I feel from his stare, even if he stands seven inches shorter then me and has the least muscle mass compared to all the men in the guild, it intimidates, and shakes at my nerves. I can feel a pressure in my chest so similar to drowning that it near shocks me out of my paralysed state. "I could tell you know, when you weren't around, like I could feel someone gone, someone missing. I was scared, and angry, because nevermind the guild; I felt like I had been left again." His eyes had narrowed ever so slightly, yet he was no longer baring down his fierce gaze on me, he was looking away to the ground at his left, arms hanging limp at his sides and appearing simply drawn down by the very subject. "I am happy you're back. But you left everyone, and I still don't really know why." I hear it, and the way it confirms already what I had in my head the confirmation pierces at my brain, stinging as I breath in as deeply as I can.
I don't have a great answer, not a profound one I can toss out and expect full forgiveness. "I know." It comes out with my sigh as the feeling of my entire body untenses, I cannot meet his eyes for the guilt arisen. I can't be sure how he stands.
"I'm still here though." My head turns to stare at him, maybe my thoughts are too torn for proper logic but hope does linger in me for the words. I see him smiling at me, a wide grin that is so familiar it almost entirely relaxes me. "You're an asshole, but I still like you, and I know you have a reason for everything, because you're a really good person, even if you hide it." I can feel my expression stick for a moment, only before something burns at my eyes- the light of the aura surrounding me once again. My smile creeps up on me, without permission, in attempt to pull away the few tears clinging onto my eyelashes I close them.
"You're too good a person Natsu." I hear the sound of crunching gravel as walks up to me, the gentle pressure of his hand on my still crossed arms.
"Maybe, but so are you." Opening my eyes to see him standing right next to me, head craned to look up at me with a soft smile and still glimmering starlight eyes. The pressure in, and on my chest leaviates swiftly flowing away, perhaps I'm shocked enough for him to see it written on my face, because the gentle caress of one of his fingers touch at my cheeks, he's high on his toes reaching up, and unconsciously I lean down ever so slightly- so he won't notice as he wipes away the water from my lashes. His lips are pursed in concentration as he's eyes seem to alight with innocence as he does so. Then, there, I can feel that same burn in my intestines, the warmth on my skin, the smolder in my mind, the want to pull him close and not let him away for others to feel that same bright luminance. Its the same brillant, sun scorching aura he's always had of course, but as always I want to keep it for myself, protect it from any who might corrupt it or throw water down on its light.
Man or not, I am in love with Natsu. That's pretty fucking obvious, denial is out the window.
I stand myself tall once more, hopefully without him taking notice, as he's so short he can't properly reach my face without me bending down slightly, I bet he's annoyed at that. I feel my own smirk crawling back.
"Come on short stack, I've got a good place we can go." The warmth stays in my body as he shouts.
"I'm not short! You're just freaky tall!" If I'm smiling wide, well, he's facing my back so he can't see, and it's night so no one else can either.