***
It was the day before the engagement ceremony, but Theodore was engaged in government affairs as usual.
Having said goodbye to Ernst alone, I went to see Theodore's face one last time.
"Why are you here?"
He asked with a frown on his forehead as if in doubt.
"Didn't you leave the Imperial Palace to escort Miss Katarina in the morning?"
"I did, but I forgot something, so I came back."
In case he chased me away, I added hurriedly.
"I'll make sure there's no problem with Miss Katarina's escort. But I'll stay here until Your Majesty goes to bed."
A bitter smile spread across my face as I added that.
"You don't smell that bastard today."
Theodore muttered to himself unknown words.
Do I smell?
Even if he didn't remember me and despised me, I wanted to keep his last memory in good shape. But if I smelled bad, it was a big deal.
I tried to sniff my collar, but I couldn't tell what the smell he was talking about.
"Yeah. Stay here until I'm done."
What a change of heart, he said with very generous generosity.
But he never finished his work. Even though the sun was slowly setting and the night was getting deeper.
If it was too late, I would miss the time to escape the Imperial Palace.
"You have an important event tomorrow, wouldn't it be better to go to bed early today?"
When I asked carefully, he stared at me for no reason. Then Tak—! Loudly, he closed the papers.
"I can't even concentrate on the sound of a bell next to me."
"It's not because of me, it's because you're excited about the engagement tomorrow."
Theodore glared at me, then got up and headed for the bedroom.
I escorted him to the bedroom and turned around.
"Wait."
He caught me.
"I'm not sleeping yet."
He insisted on having a drink.
He was mean to dare me to do what I should have done throughout.
Every time he ran out of alcohol, I had to bring out a new one, but the amount was too much.
"Is it okay for a man to drink like this the day before his engagement?"
"Well, he must be in a good mood."
I could hear the knights in the hallway chatting.
"His Majesty always likes to drink."
"His Majesty likes to drink?"
When I asked back what I just heard for the first time, they kindly answered me.
"Oh, Sir Yves didn't know. Well, he stopped drinking since Sir Yves came to the palace."
"It was to the point that if he didn't drink every day, he couldn't even sleep."
I had never seen Theodore, whom I met again, drink alcohol. I've only seen him drink once, but that was after he lost his memory.
It was fascinating.
A bitter smile appeared on my lips when I remembered Theodore before he lost the memory of loving me so much that he hid his drinking habit as well as his trashy personality.
I came back with a new bottle of wine, and Theodore was asleep with his head on the table.
As he was sleeping, he no longer stared at me or got angry. But he also didn't look at me with loving eyes, nor did he whisper with his sweet voice.
Suddenly, my heart ached and I cried.
'The Theodore I loved doesn't exist anymore.'
That fact was very sad.
'Yes, Theo. If, even if, you have your memory back ... .Don't feel sorry for me and I hope you live a happy life.'
I sincerely thought so.
Because, Theodore, who will one day regain his memory, will be the same Theodore I loved so much.
I met my childhood friend again, and the time I loved him was only half a year, but he said that he couldn't forget me for 10 long years and was looking for me. He said that he liked me with an unchanging heart for that long time.
It was so cruel that my death was repeated, so I felt sick.
But on the other hand, I had no choice but to leave him, knowing how confused my existence would be to him once he regained his memories. He already has a new lover, Katarina. No, she wasn't just his lover but his life partner.
She had his child growing in her stomach. A child who will become his legitimate heir.
My existence will eventually become a confusion to him, nothing else.
"Hello, Theo..."
The reason I cried at this moment was not because of Theodore, who despised and hated me, but because of the good, sweet childhood secret friend I once loved.
My Theo, buried in my memory, never to meet again. I will erase all the traces he left on me one by one. So he should forget me too. I'd rather he would forget me forever.
"Why are you crying?"
A voice suddenly rang in my ears.
Wiping my blurry vision, I saw he was up. I think I've been drinking a bit.
"It's nothing."
I answered and continued to cry. The tears didn't stop.
Theodore, who was always angry with me, stopped at the sight of me crying silently.
"Are you not feeling well yet?"
"No, I'm fine now."
I was happy with his worries, I smiled softly and whimpered at the same time. Then, his expression seemed to be strangely distorted, and venomous words came out.
"If you're struggling, go out and cry. Because I don't want to hear it."
"Even if you don't say that, I will soon disappear from your sight forever."
So don't be too harsh,Theo. Because today is the last day.
I swallowed the words I couldn't convey to him.
Perhaps because of letting go of everything, even in this situation, only laughter came out.
"Disappear?"
But Theodore didn't laugh. He asked in a harsh voice.
"Are you going to go to Benjamin Ferdinand?"
"No."
For a moment, I wondered if I had been caught, but I immediately answered a casual lie.
Theodore narrowed his eyes and looked at me as if he understood the truth of my words.
"Tell me the truth. If it wasn't because of Benjamin Ferdinand, why would you suddenly want to quit your job? You said you weren't feeling well?"
"Initially, I had no intention of escorting Your Majesty. If Your Majesty had not forcibly brought me here."
"I brought you here?"
He looked at me in disbelief.
"Yes, you visited Ferdinand and brought me here saying that you recognized my talent as a knight..."
"...Yves Llewellyn."
He clenched his teeth and approached me.
"Every time I see you, my head hurts. I feel bad."
"Yes. Yes, I know."
I listened to his words through one ear and turned my head.
"Don't answer heartlessly."
Then what was so bothering him, he grabbed my chin and fixed his gaze on me.
The moment I found the afterimage of me trapped in his golden eyes, I kissed him impulsively.
"What are you doing!"
After that brief kiss, Theodore was furious.
"Your Majesty had kissed me freely before, too."
"Do you think you and I are the same?"
He groaned and shot at me.
I thought that maybe this moment might be the last memory I could give him.
"No. Your Majesty and I are different."
As I answered, I smiled broadly with the prettiest expression I could make.
Then Theodore hardened his expression.
"...."
"...."
Embarrassment came with a brief silence.
"Then I'll go. Please sleep comfortably. "
Now was the moment to turn around thinking that I really had to leave.
Suddenly he grabbed my wrist and kissed me.
"....!"
While I was holding my breath in surprise, His lips fell away for a moment, and then he kissed me again.
It was a deep, intense kiss that I had never had in all the time I had known him. When I came to my senses, I was unknowingly responding to his kiss.
From the hot kiss he poured on me, I realized that the soft thing on my back was the bed linen. Also, the weight that pressed on me was Theodore.
Thick palms brushed my face, slowly sliding down and caressing the nape of my neck.
Then he went further down and unbuttoned my shirt.
Startled, I pushed him away with both hands.
"No."
As he approached me again, I said in a desperate voice.
"Your Majesty...You're getting engaged to Miss Katarina tomorrow."
"So?"
I was taken aback by the blatant answer that seemed to have eaten away his humanity.
"You shouldn't be doing this. You already have a lover."
"You were the one who kissed the man who will be engaged tomorrow first."
"You and I are different, aren't we? Your Majesty should refuse me."
"Why me?"
"No, there is something between lovers that you must protect..."
"I don't know that."
Wow, he really was a bad kid.
I suddenly had a thought. Theodore's loss of memory may be the help of Chernicia's ancestral gods.
I once again pitied Katarina.
"I don't want to be Your Majesty's mistress."
"Who, you?"
He laughed at me.
"I don't want a night girl."
This time his eyebrows soared.
"You've given it to Benjamin Ferdinand so easily."
"Given what?"
"Don't pretend."
Theodor's lips twisted.
"Miss Katarina had your child."
"You've been talking nonsense."
"Don't you love her?"
"I do."
Theodore answered indifferently and focused on me. But my subsequent stream of questions stopped him for the first time.
"So what about me?"
"You are nothing to me."
"Why are you doing this with a woman who is nothing?"
"Whatever."
"What if I have Your Majesty's child?"
"It's not going to happen."
"You don't know that. It's possible."
"..."
It looked like he was thinking for a moment. After a rather brief thought, he answered with a smile.
"If that really happens, I will reap the seed that I sowed with my own hands."
***