A/N: Dear readers, this is going to be a shorter chapter than normal. This is because sometimes even the smallest things can make a really big difference in someone life. A lot of people are struggling with depression or forms like it, it can be you or one of your closes friends.
Depression comes in many forms and the truth is sometime you don't even see it till it is to late. Mental health is something really important, so please take care of other people, friends, family, strangers but also don't forget yourself.
If you do need someone to talk to and you really don't know where to turn, please send me a private massage, I am not saying I can make it better, but I can listen (read).
Please enjoy this reading and vote and let me know if you have requeasts!
It's only 4 am as Yoongi is starting at his ceiling, the last couple month has been hard. But now it is getting easier, because the more he feels, the more he can't feel anything. It like he is slowly going numb for everything, he needs to get it all out.
He doesn't want to eat, sleep, dance, sing or even produce. Life is just to hard to hold on, he can't even remember the last time it was alright.
He walks up to the window, as he looks outside at the full moon and the night sky filled with many stars, breathing in the fresh air. Happily that he doesn't share a room with any of the other members he can let go, but even if he was, most of the members where visiting their family because they got 2 days off, but Yoongi didn't feel like going, Namjoon was also still here and somewhere today Hoseok got back but was so tired that he didn't see him the whole day.
He walks away from the window as he walks up to his door, hestitating a moment, he really want his body to hit the soft air outside. Breathing in he opens the door and walk to the backyard, taking a few steps on the grass, his bear feet feeling the cold wet grass.
"I am so sorry." He whispers as he falls to his knees as he looks up to the sky.
Slowly letting go of all the tears, his head is slowly lowering to the ground as he bends down, his forehead is touching the soft wet ground as he cries.
He wants to scream so loud, he wants to let it all go, he want to live not just survive, but as much as he tries to, the tears stop falling down his face, the feeling of wanting to let go disappears, leaving him again feeling numb.
Looking up, feeling the breeze is his beautiful hair, starting again at the moon.
"I should be happy." He whispers. "I have everything."
He stays outside for hours, watching the moon make place for the upcoming sun. His leg feel cold, his nose is slightly red and his body shivering. But even all the symthoses that he really needs to go inside, he doesn't feel anything.
He falls back on his back, seeing the sky as he keeps breathing. He know that he has everything, he knows that he has nothing to complain, but even despite that, why does he feel the way he is feeling?
Why can't he just feel normal? Why can't he be happy? WHY?
His whole body is now wet from the grass, but he still doesn't care. He stands up and walks to the bathroom as he turns on the shower.
Taking off his wet clothes and leaving them on the ground he steps on the hot shower, feeling the warm water dripping over his cold body. He mind is just blank, not thinking about anything, just staring at the wall.
After 5 minutes in the shower he turns it off, he doesn't like long showers, not now, he doesn't like anything on the moment.
Getting out of the shower, drying himself and putting on some new clothes he looks up at the clock. It has only been 3 hours, it is now 7.04 am.
He walks up to the dark kitchen, where normally something is already cooking breakfast as they need to train the whole day. But today there is nobody, he sits on one of the bar chairs. Not in the mood to eat anything.
Sitting there starting in the dark he doesn't notice that someone is entering the kitchen.
Hoseok is entering the kitchen and sees his friend staring in the darkness. Looking at his friend, he knows. Yoongi isn't someone that is going to talk about his feelings. Even though Hoseok sees it, he has seen it for month now, Yoongi lost weight, is even paler than normal and isn't himself.
He really wanted to say something a while ago, but Yoongi isn't someone you just say something to, he doesn't even talk about it.
And all Hoseok can do it hug him, so that is what is does.
He wraps his arms around his friend, making him jump at his touch. Yoongi isn't someone who like to be touch but it does feel good.
"I am here and I never let you fall."